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In the Name of God بسم الله

Gender Roles

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  • Advanced Member

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I have talked to many brothers who say that a "good wife" in their eyes is a woman that cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, whether she is working or not and tends to their sexual "needs". but these same brothers go to work but do not help with the housework or children but feel they are good husbands because they work. but according to Ayatullah Sistani it is not wajib for a woman to perform any housework but wajib on a man to work. so my question is why is a woman labeled a "bad wife" if she doesn't feel she should always do all the housework/raise kids by herself, when a woman's main obligatory duty is to provide sex to her husband which she obeys, but a man is labeled "good" automatically just because he is working which is wajib and it's okay for him not to help out at home?? is it fair for a man to expect his wife to perform both non wajib and wajib duties, but does'nt acknowledge her request for him to do the same thing for her? also what about in the case of both of them working/attending school? please both sisters and brothers submit your opinion so we can understand both sides insha'llah. thank you

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  • Advanced Member

Allah made it waaaaaaaay easy for women. No housechores, no child rearing, no outside work either, will still get us a ticket to Jannat as long as you fulfill what your husband's rights are.

But even most women don't feel accomplished if they dont do anything. What of life's hardships is left to be endured if you don't do all of that. More to do with culture and expectations of society than with wajibaat and non wajibaat. And the idea of women sitting idle at home doing nothing a conventional wife would do, doesnt make men all that happy either.

Wsalamss

Arjumand

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I definitely see where your coming from, but i'm not saying a wife should not do those things. I'm saying why do some men believe she should do it all by herself without help. if some woman can help their husband by working a job so there will be extra income, then why can't a man do the same in the household. this goes for the homemakers out there too, the fact that she spends all day in the house doing chores and tending to their kids which is a job in itself, why does he deserve a break when his job ends but being a mother is a 24/7 duty. doesnt she deserve a break and help? also Allah gave us two parents not one, being a parent is more than just financial responsibility. money can't take the place of a father's love and attention.

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omg............i cantr believe we're havin this discussion here again...........

the woman needs to get the balance right and so does the man, if the balance is lost then its gonna end up in mayhem.............

and why the hell is it, that its always the women that need a break??? men need it as well, damn, men are HUMAN beings as well if you didnt notice..............

look sister,please your husband and believe me, he will do his utmost to please you, a little compromise goes a long way............

forgive me if i ranted a little

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Guest blessedflower
I definitely see where your coming from, but i'm not saying a wife should not do those things. I'm saying why do some men believe she should do it all by herself without help. if some woman can help their husband by working a job so there will be extra income, then why can't a man do the same in the household. this goes for the homemakers out there too, the fact that she spends all day in the house doing chores and tending to their kids which is a job in itself,  why does he deserve a break when his job ends but  being a mother is a 24/7 duty. doesnt she deserve a break and help? also Allah gave us two parents not one, being a parent is more than just financial responsibility. money can't take the place of a father's love and attention.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

(bismillah) (salam) Should have been more like that so the EYES could SEE it.

Ahh, what can I say. If I can't do something in the house that is actually causing me health problems I don't give any explanations. I just mutter ''it's not wajib on me anyway''.

Who cares what cultures think - it's my body and my health and no one has the right to ruin it. Having the children of a specific man is an ehsan from me, I believe, and if he can't appreciate all the work that MY BODY did, in it's own unique way, then he can bang his head against da wall if he likes (I'm not talking about my husband here, just generalizing the idea).

Edited by blessedflower
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Guest blessedflower
omg............i cantr believe we're havin this discussion here again...........

the woman needs to get the balance right and so does the man, if the balance is lost then its gonna end up in mayhem.............

and why the hell is it, that its always the women that need a break??? men need it as well, damn, men are HUMAN beings as well if you didnt notice..............

look sister,please your husband and believe me, he will do his utmost to please you, a little compromise goes a long way............

forgive me if i ranted a little

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

(bismillah) (salam)

YES brother but some shia books say that it's INCUMBENT upon the HUSBAND to PROVIDE SERVANTS OR OTHER FORM OF ASSISTANCE, AS PER HIS FINANCIAL ABILITIES and there are MANY wealthy Pakistani people here in the states whose wives work da house like a SLAVE. They keep up to 3 LUXURY cars but won't consider providing a house maid for the wife.

Please brother don't put words on my mouth this mentality boils my blood. Men I guess think with only half the brain which is why Islam spells out the duties so loudly.

Even then they are ignored.

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  • Advanced Member
Asalaamu Alaikum,

  I have talked to many brothers who say  that a "good wife" in their eyes is a woman that cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, whether she is working or not and tends to their sexual "needs". but these same brothers go to work but do not help with the housework or children but feel they are good husbands because they work. but according to Ayatullah Sistani it is not wajib for a woman to perform any housework but wajib on a man to work. so my question is why is a woman labeled a "bad wife" if she doesn't feel she should always do all the housework/raise kids by herself, when a woman's main obligatory duty is to provide sex to her husband which she obeys, but a man is labeled "good" automatically just because he is working which is wajib and it's okay for him not to help out at home??  is it fair for a man to expect his wife to perform both non wajib and wajib duties, but does'nt acknowledge her request for him to do the same thing for her? also what about in the case of both of them working/attending school? please both sisters and brothers submit your opinion so we can understand both sides insha'llah. thank you

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

assalamalaikuml

Because most men don't' support their families. most cases the woman works she does all the housekeeping and pays all the bills . So a man who contributes any small amount sees himself wonderful.

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omg............i cantr believe we're havin this discussion here again...........

the woman needs to get the balance right and so does the man, if the balance is lost then its gonna end up in mayhem.............

and why the hell is it, that its always the women that need a break??? men need it as well, damn, men are HUMAN beings as well if you didnt notice..............

look sister,please your husband and believe me, he will do his utmost to please you, a little compromise goes a long way............

forgive me if i ranted a little

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

the last time I checked most of the time it's the man that always feel they need a break/rest after work but feel that we are "super woman" and want us to tend to them like a mother does her child. believe me many wives have said this. again there is nothing wrong with catering to your man but he should cater to your needs to. and "just working" is not a form of that because it's their duty before Allah. catering to a need of a spouse is doing something you know you don't have to do, but you do it out of love and respect for them!!! that's the difference!!

Edited by Crescent Moon
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Guest blessedflower

(bismillah) (salam)

I use to work for EIGHTEEN HOURS (yes, 18 hours, from 9 am till midnight) at my father's gas station. At times my father would go out of the store and I'd be the only one handling it all during rush hour so and yes those days I didn't even use to get a half hour break. Also, at home my mom use to be taking care of two little girls (one was two and the other was 1 year old) and if you can't believe this then I don't know what you'll believe: I FOUND IT MUCH EASIER TO WORK MYSELF OFF IN THE STORE THEN WATCH TWO KIDS ALL DAY LONG.

And to this day my opnion holds the same now that I've physically given birth and am raising my own kids.

When men come home from work they need silence and peace, and can't stand the noise of cranky kids or else they become angry.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK WOMEN ARE MADE OF? PLASTIC BRAINS?

sorry.

Let me add this here: women who have family or friends around might be in a diff. situation but those who have no family around and their friends also live far away definitely can use a babysitter every now and then.

Yet most husbands aren't willing to even listen to their wives.

How selfish!

Edited by blessedflower
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  • Advanced Member

blessed flower you and i think alike! you go girl!!

men have to realize that not only do we have to endure the criticism of the unbelievers for being who we are, but we have to endure childbirth,menstruation, crying kids, a load of housework and some husbands expect us to shut up and do as we are told. when this is not even something we have to do and yet we are labeled "bad" for asking for their assistance!!! do they realize how tyrant that really is!!! that's why some wives secretly resent those type of husbands and the divorce rate is up. APPRECIATE YOUR WOMAN AS YOU WANT HER TO APPRECIATE YOU!!!!!!!!!

Edited by Crescent Moon
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  • Advanced Member
(bismillah)  (salam)

I use to work for EIGHTEEN HOURS (yes, 18 hours, from 9 am till midnight) at my father's gas station.  At times my father would go out of the store and I'd be the only one handling it all during rush hour so and yes those days I didn't even use to get a half hour break.  Also, at home my mom use to be taking care of two little girls (one was two and the other was 1 year old)  and if you can't believe this then I don't know what you'll believe:  I FOUND IT MUCH EASIER TO WORK MYSELF OFF IN THE STORE THEN WATCH TWO KIDS ALL DAY LONG.

And to this day my opnion holds the same now that I've physically given birth and am raising my own kids.

When men come home from work they need silence and peace, and can't stand the noise of cranky kids or else they become angry.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK WOMEN ARE MADE OF?  PLASTIC BRAINS?

sorry.

Let me add this here:  women who have family or friends around might be in a diff. situation but those who have no family around and their friends also live far away definitely can use a babysitter every now and then.

Yet most husbands aren't willing to even listen to their wives.

How selfish!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Assalamalaikum,

Woman who have family and friends around have it worse. You need to check your math a little sis because that's a meager:) 15 hours a day not 18 of work

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Guest blessedflower
Assalamalaikum,

Woman who have family and friends around have it worse. You need to check your math a little sis because that's a meager:) 15 hours a day not 18 of work

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

(bismillah) (salam)

Sorry I've been feeling a little :wacko: today.

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Guest blessedflower
both of you'se are barkin mad!!! lol

but yeah, got the point.........but i'm still gonna stick to the balance thing.....

We ask Allah to bless the muslims and the muslimaas

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

(bismillah) (salam)

Better reply, brother. :P

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  • Advanced Member
omg............i cantr believe we're havin this discussion here again...........

Why cant you believe? Don't you know that it is almost impossible to start a new topic on shiachat that has never been discussed before. Anything at all that could possibaly come in your mind would have a topic on shiachat. Most topics are actually discussed in tens of different threads but people still open new topics thinking and believing they are the first ones to start a topic like that. Very irritating!

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