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In the Name of God بسم الله

Hilarious Iranian Jokes!

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  • Advanced Member

Persian Mum (Sounds like mine)

A young Persian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm Going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says, "Okay, Mom, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Mom. You're right. How did you know?"

The Persian mother replies "Because I don't like her."

Haircut

One day a Florist goes to the Barber for a haircut. After the cut, he grabs for his wallet and the Barber says "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing Community Service." The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Cop goes for a haircut and as he reaches for his wallet to pay the Barber, the Barber replies "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing Community Service." The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank You card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

An Iranian goes for a haircut and as he grabs for his wallet, the Barber says "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing Community Service. The Iranian is, of course, very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop he finds.....

.....A dozen Iranians waiting for a free haircut!

Iranians are Smarter than Americans

Three Americans and three Iranian engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three American each buy tickets and watch as the three Iranians buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?", asked one of the three Americans.

"Watch and you will see", answers one of the Iranians .

They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats, but all three Iranians cram into the toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please". The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The American saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the American decide to copy the Iranians on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Iranians don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?", asks one perplexed Americans.

"Watch and you will see", says one of the Iranians.

When they board the train the three Americans cram into a toilet and the three Iranians cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Iranians leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Ameican are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,"Ticket, please."

Job in the Zoo

An unemployed Iranian living in London was looking through the job section of the newspaper, and saw that there was a vacancy in the London Zoo. He decides to give it a try. The next day he takes the tube (subway) to the Zoo, and presents himself to the Zoo keeper for an interview.

The Zoo keeper informs of the vacancy - You see we had a Gorilla here, who was very popular with the crowds. Sadly the Gorilla died last week. The crowds have gone away. We made a costume out of the Gorilla's skin. We want some one to wear the costume, and pretend to be a Gorilla. Hopefully that way we can get the crowd back. Can you do the job?

The Iranian thinks for a while and, says to himself what the hell. So he accepts.

Next day he dutifully turns up for work. He wears the Gorilla skin, and gets into a cage. He starts to behave like a Gorilla, and boy is he good. He excells in the job. The crowds return to see the Gorilla in their hordes. The man is a genious. He swings from the ropes. He bangs his chest, just like a Gorilla. The crowds love him. Every day he improves his acts.

One day he swings so hard, that he is thrown out of his own cage into the adjacent one. He looks up and finds a Lion in the cage. He is actually in the Lion's cage. He cries out ' Ya hazrat eh Abbas'. To which lion says, ' Agha Shoma ham Irani hasteed?'

CITIZENSHIP EXAM - You kinda need to know Farsi to get this one

A Persian grandma just came from Iran and wanted to become a citizen in the United States. So she took her grandson with her to take her citizenship exam. The immigration officer told the Persian woman that he had to ask her 4 simple questions about America and if she answers them correctly, she would become a citizen. She Said, "Ok, but I no speak English, I bringing my grandson".

The man Said, "Ok, so he will translate". Now for your first question...what is the capital of America?

The Iranian woman's grandson told her, "Man kojaa raftam college?"

"Vashangton!!", said the grandma.

"That was correct, now for question number 2...when is Independence Day for America?

The Grandson Said, "Neyman Marcoos kay haraaj daare?"

"July Fourt!!", the grandma said.

"Correct, now for question number 3...who ran for President this year but lost?

The grandson told his grandmother, "Oon Martike ke baa dokhtare shomaa aroosi kard, ke doosesh nadaarin, kojaa bere?"

She Said, "Too goooor!!!"

"Wow, wonderful job, now for your final question...who is the President of the United States now?

The grandson so translated, "Har vaght pesaret gooz Mide, as chish narahat mishi?" "Boooosh!!", grandma answered.

She is a US citizen now....

Edited by Kizilbash
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  • Advanced Member

LOL.nice

dome paykan jokes. btw for those who don't know, paykan is a really old car which u find loads of in Iran.

050515_paykan_hmed_5p.hmedium.jpg

^ PAYKAN

Paykan Questions ....

Q. How do you make a Paykan accelerate 0 - 60 mph in less than 15 seconds?

A. Push it off a cliff.

Q. What is found on the last 2 pages of every Paykan owner's manual?

A. The bus schedule.

Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Paykan"?

A. Sounds like a fair trade to me.

Q. Why do Paykans come with heated rear windows?

A. To keep your hands warm while you're pushing them.

Q. What do you call a Paykan at the top of a hill?

A. A mirage.

Q. What do you call two Paykans at the top of a hill?

A. A miracle.

Q. How do you double the value of a Paykan?

A. Fill up the gas tank.

Q. What do you call a Paykan with brakes?

A. Customized.

Q. How do you make a Paykan go faster downhill?

A. Turn off the engine.

Q. Why don't Paykans sustain much damage in a front end collision?

A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.

Q. What do you call Paykan passengers?

A. Shock absorbers.

Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Paykan?

A. Park it between two Porsches.

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  • 6 months later...
  • 1 month later...
  • Advanced Member

salaams

lol

heres a another one..laff on!!!

A man was seen brushing his teeth in his backyard and he was singing to himself"che gham daram du zan daram!!!"

his neighbour would hear this song each day and he used to envy his good fortune,he used to wonder that he had 1 zan and a variety of problems..after a lot of thinking he went ahead and got a new wife for himself thinking that her entry would ease his problems...next day he heard his neighbour singing the same song.. so he shoputed at him "Liar,Liar" so neighbour no 1 asked him as to why he was calling him names?

the second guy said "u are lying... che gham daram du zan daram!!" i did the same and now my problems have increased" the 1st neighbour said "but u dindt listen to the last part of the song!! it is

"che gham daram du zan daram ,

ek dar Tehran,ek dar Isphahan daram!!" :P

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