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In the Name of God بسم الله

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  • Advanced Member

hi

I am an English white man

I have no religeus beliefs (please dont be insulted)

I have met and fallen in love with a wonderful women who is a Muslem

We both feel the same about each other.

now the problem

when we first met and talked it was clear our beliefs on religeon where worlds apart.

I dont condem anyone beliefs I just struggle to understand at times

We have spoken of married I see two probelms

one I am a white guy

two not a muslem

please dont flame me but some guidence advice would be apreciated.

most importantly to me is respect love and understanding can this work?

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  • Advanced Member

Asalaamu Alaikum

You say you have no religious beliefs whatsoever. Why don't you try learning about Islam?

When it comes to marriage in Islam, ethnicity should not be a barrier. But it is a problem if you are not Muslim.

So I would suggest you sincerely learn about Islam... Islam has many new converts everyday... So there is obviously something about Islam that other people see and like... and perhaps after studying about Islam, you will see and like it, too! :)

Is your lady friend a devout Muslim? Perhaps you can ask her to teach you about Islam. Or ask any of us over here any questions that you might have.

Check out this website....

Al-Islam

Good luck! :)

Take care, ma'Salaama

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Hi.

Being white is deffinetly not the problem unless her parents have a problem with it. If they're religious they should'nt because as what the sister said above, origin isnt an issue. The only problem they'd face with you if they're religious is the fact that you're an athiest. Do take the time to learn Islam, you'd be surprised about the misconceptions you'll help refute yourself when reading.

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  • Veteran Member

(bismillah)

(salam)

We have spoken of married I see two probelms

one I am a white guy

two not a muslem

....

most importantly to me is respect love and understanding can this work?

What does your being a white guy have to do with it? If you both feel the same way about each other then why should she care about race? Unless if it's her parents who object to this.

When it comes to marriage, simply put, Muslims are not allowed to marry non-Muslims unless they first convert. To Muslims, religion is the single most important critera in selecting a potential suitor. Money, looks, etc are all irrelevant if you don't have the right faith. Understand that Islam not just a faith, but a way of life. It is a set of laws governing every aspect of life. Naturally then a Muslim will want to live their marital life as well as raise children according to Islamic principles so marrying someone who doesn't share these beliefs will cause difficulty in the marriage.

I would suggest starting out by learning about Islam and Muslims. I'm sure if you make a sincere and rational inquiry into Islam, you will find it appealing. So if you decide to convert you do it out of your own free will not in order to get married. Some good online books for learning about Islam:

Inquiries about Islam

Invitation to Islam

Man and Universe

Rationality of Islam

God and His Attributes

The Revealer, the Messenger, the Message

Seal of the Prophets and His Message

Allah: the concept of God in Islam

Reflections of a New Muslim

All of these and many others can be found online at the Ahlul-Bayt Digital Islamic Library. And of course feel free to ask any questions about Islam here.

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  • Advanced Member

(bismillah)

(salam)

Color is insignificent in Islam, it has no meaning, black, white, brown it does not matter.

I have no religeus beliefs (please dont be insulted)

The problem is your no religious beliefs. The marriage (Nikkah) cannot be valid with someone who does not believe in Allahswt or God. A mulsim cannot marry a godless person, for this will be a great sin.

If you really love this girl and wants to spend the life together then Islam is the answer. Just my opinion. What is the harm in believing in God? You have nothing to loose and only to gain.

Wa salam

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  • Advanced Member

Now here's a twist to the story .... what if ..the woman that strangerhere wants to marry is already married to a muslim who restricts her, beats her and forces himself on her .. he mentally torments her and has beaten her down so much she is nothing but a slave to whatever her husband desires.. :cry: her once strong faith is suffering .. but that is the one thing she still holds dear and will hold dear forever .... the panjatan pak and ahlulbait.. . She knows that what her husband is doing is against Islam, but of course the men never admit that beccause the women are slaves born to serve them right? :angry:

but this stranger has shown her something she never got before respect, kindness,compassion and above all understanding, just so happens that he doesn't believe in Allah. However he has shown willingness to learn, but this woman is fighting within herself .. fighting the love she feels towards this man and the fact that he doesn't believe in god.... truth is he has given her a new hope to live for .. the hope of a happy life free from fear. She wants to get out of the nightmare that is her life at the moment and live a life that would maybe strengthen her faith further through the support that this stranger is willng to give, :D her muslim husband has done nothing that would say he is a muslim other than by name.

So what do you think now guys? B)

Edited by LostSoul
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  • Advanced Member
Now here's a twist to the story .... what if ..the woman that strangerhere wants to marry is already married to a muslim who restricts her, beats her and forces himself on her .. he mentally torments her and has beaten her down so much she is nothing but a slave to whatever her husband desires.. :cry: her once strong faith is suffering .. but that is the one thing she still holds dear and will hold dear forever .... the panjatan pak and ahlulbait.. . She knows that what her husband is doing is against Islam, but of course the men never admit that beccause the women are slaves born to serve them right? :angry:

but this stranger has shown her something she never got before respect, kindness,compassion and above all understanding, just so happens that he doesn't believe in Allah. However he has shown willingness to learn, but this woman is fighting within herself .. fighting the love she feels towards this man and the fact that he doesn't believe in god.... truth is he has given her a new hope to live for .. the hope of a happy life free from fear. She wants to get out of the nightmare that is her life at the moment and live a life that would maybe strengthen her faith further through the support that this stranger is willng to give, :D her muslim husband has done nothing that would say he is a muslim other than by name.

So what do you think now guys? B)

Salaam alaikum,

Honestly? I think you need to get a grip. :D Have you been reading those dimestore romance novels? [Knight in shining armour rides up on white horse, rescues damsel in distress etc.] Your post is very inappropriate, and unIslamic to say the least.

WaSalaam, Hajar

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  • Advanced Member

salaam alaikum

Ummmm first of all this woman needs to get a divorce. Secondly wether he has given her a new "found hope and a reason to live" is beside the point. He as NO FAITH!!!! What this woman is going to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire? She gonna pitch that arugument to Allah(swt) when she is questioned on the day of judgement?

If the man decides to convert to Islam on his own, not just because he wants to get with the girl. Then GREAT mashallah!!!!Then they have a green light to get married, however if what is said about her being "very religious" is correct then she knows the answer to the question about marry a non muslim and an atheist at that. And no matter how many opinions you get it's not going to change the facts. May Allah(swt) guide both of these individuals.

wa salaam

aliya

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There you go stranger I posted my piece and you have your answers.... I would never Islamically be able to marry you and we could never be together no matter how much I loved you or you me unless you accepted Islam and I cannot ask you to become a muslim just to marry me because that would be unfair .. Thanks guys ... I think I will just give up .. seems I will never win and the only way is to end this stupid life because I am going to hell anyways

Edited by LostSoul
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  • Advanced Member

salaam alaikum

Nobody said you would become an infidel. However you would be commiting a sin. That is between you and Allah(swt). Is there hope for you? Of course there is, turn to Allah and he will provide.

wa salaam

aliya

Edited by lilacfatima
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Guest Arabian Princess

wow..what just happend here. :unsure:

umm..okay sis lostsoul...the way i see it is like this. divorce yoru husband, thats a given, no one is gonna say stick to this life he's putting you through. But then again..why would you go and marry a non-muslim?!

Sorry Strangerhere, i don't mean to put u down or anything, i'm sure you're a great guy. but anyway my point is to sis lostsoul, from what I can see you're at low point in your life, and anything that sounds better than the life you're living seems like a ray of hope to u. strangerhere could be that light for u right now, but under any other circumstances you woudlnt' even consider him. Now on the other hand, if he is willing to leran about Islam, and inshallah he decides to accept it as his faith, then yeah why not..go for him!

All i'm saying is keep this in mind, you're weak and vulnerable at this time...and this really nice guy comes along, a stranger, I'm assuming you haven't met him fromteh way your husband seems to be with u. but anyway...yeah so this strangers whom you knwo nothing about..seems wonderful. Give it time sis, don't jump into this...but teh divorce thign..DO IT NOW!! :angel:

and strangerhere, just like sis lostsoul said, she woudlnt' want u to become muslim for her..so just for the sake of knowledge, why dont' you look into islam, not for her. See what happens from there...good luck!

w'salam

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  • Advanced Member
Ummm sister .... its all true so am i condemned? i am gonna become an infidel and be forsaken by Allah and everyone else just because I fell in love ...... I might as well give up because there is no hope for me? The fire of jahannum is my destiny ?

Salaam alaikum,

Only Allah knows who is going to hell. But we do know that you are a married woman, you are not in a position to say you are in love with another man. You must either work out your maritial problems, or get divorced. After your iddah, then you can remarry, but only to a Muslim.

I have to tell you, that when a woman is in an abusive relationship, she can become attached to any man - any man at all - who shows her kindness. This is in the nature of women. But we have to be careful not to fall into this trap. I know that at this time, you are not thinking clearly. You see this man as an escape from your problems. But the excape lies within yourself, not in another man. As Sis ArabianPrincess said, you are vunerable now. The last thing you need is another man in your life. First deal with the situation you have, then go on with your life.

As far as the other man. I didn't see that he said he didn't believe in God. He just said he didn't have any religious beliefs. If he is interested in learning about Islam, introduce him to some Brothers who can teach him about Islam. But you shouldn't have any further contact with him, until you take care of your problem. Even after that, unless he accepts Islam, you shouldn't have any further contact with him. The relationship has crossed the lines already. You have to be careful not to let it go any further.

I know this will be very difficult for you. In fact, it probably seems like the hardest thing you have ever had to do. You probably think you can't do it, but you can. Ask Allah to give you strength to do what you know you must do. If you want to do what is really right and best for you, Allah will help you. Allah doesn't desert us in our times of need.

I will pray for you, that your situation inproves, and that Allah gives you the strength that you need during this very trying time.

WaSalaam, Hajar

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  • Advanced Member

thanks for your posts and honesty that I respect.

I have actually started to look at some of the sites given to look into Muslim faith we both know and realise this will take sometime.

We both also realise I cant promise to follow any faith.

oh and noone has offended me you confirmed basically what we already knew more or less so we need to work out the future no matters how it pans out.

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  • Advanced Member

Salam

My dear sister Lost Soul, surely your soul is found among the people of heart !

You are not doomed to hell ! Don't think such, never despair in Allah's Mercy !

Let me ask you something, if you come knocking at the door of someone in the middle of night asking for something, and they opened. They would give you what you needed just to get rid of you, am I correct or not ?

The how about Allah ? You ask Him at the dawn, the afternoon, the night all the time for one thing, His Love and Mercy....so how if a human being would give what you need in the middle of night once, Allah wont give you something you ask for, your entire life ?

Let me share with you a cup of wisdom from the Testament Prophet Luqman (A) gave to his son, he said: "My son ! Fear Allah to such extent that if you came forth to Him tomorrow (on the day of Judgement) with the hassana (good deeds) of thaqalain (the men and jinn) it would still not be enough, and you would be punnished. And Hope for His mercy to such extent, that if you came forth with all the sins of both men and jinn, He would still forgive you !"

In the presence of Allah's Mercy, there is no difference between a sinnner and a pious, a scholar and a dumb...we are all wrapped inside His Mercy !

Every breath you take is His mercy, if He left one breath out of you, you would surely die !

If all the sins between the heavens and the earth were collected and one drop of Allah's infinite Mercy touched them, they would turn into light stronger then the sun, and good deeds better then the pious !

What I advice you to do my dear sister, is to Love Allah and Love through Allah. "Allah is the light of the heavens and the earth" in Usul Kafi a hadith is narrated that this means that Allah guides everything in the heavens and the earth. Inshallah my brother in creation, strangerhere, will start lit up a candle of faith with a stearin of eternal Love for Allah.

But as my wise exalted sisters said, you need to deal with your current situation first to the best of extents, "Allah don't change the situation of men unless they try themselves" Quran, and then think upon this love. If Allah wills, and surely He is the cause, you will be brought togheter like 2 belivers melting to one. If He Wills otherwise, even if you tryed you would fail !

Allah does only the best for His servants, even though you might not think so in the beginning...so trust and love Him and that He will give you the best !

Allah has promised in the Quran that He answeres to prayers, so I give this dua to you: "Rabana atina fi dunya Hassanate wa fil akhira hassanate, vaghina adhabel nar" - "Oh Allah give me the best in this world and hereafter, and save me from the chastiment of the Fire/Hell - Quran

And if we come to core, even the Hell is some sort of "mercy", as this cleanse your sins...even though you will be there for a very long time, yet when you are cleaned you will made to enter His Glory and Mercy...in the greenest gardens of Jenna. Only the hypocrites, unbelivers and some other groups will be there forever.

But know this, Imam Sadiq (A) said, the one who fears something runs away from it, and one who hopes for something pursues it...meaning you should not hope for Allah's mercy and do as you pls...then surely you lie against yourself !

Prophet Jesus (A) says in the bible, "A heart contains of Faith, Love and Hope, among them Love being the best"

So Oh Allah, lit up a light of Faith within the Losts souls, and surely Your word is true when it says, "How much shaytan makes a moslim sin, he can never remove My light from his heart", plant a seed, and nurture it into a beautiful rose of La Illahe Ill Allah and water it with the Hope of You Mercy, and capsel in this beautiful heart in Your everlasting Love, surely You are the responder of the distressed, for the sake of Ta Ha, ameen

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Guest Peace

Salaams

I think br Ehsan has given great advice- just wanted to add love for Allah is muhaddat - extreme love

Whatever you feel for this man is simply muhabbat.

If you have to chose btwn the 2 u should choose Allah because HE has given you more respect , kindness compassion and understanding than the other man.

At the end of the day its your choice sis and pls dont despair!!! but my advice is that its not worth going against the Ahlul Bayt for neone even a man you love very much. If my mum said she would never see me again unless i became a kafir- i would not give up my faith. Hopefully strangerhere wil embrace the faith for his own good and you would have done the greatest thing you could for the man you love- shown him to Allah's mercy and guidance. But if not- then sis look at Hussain - two choices b4 him put his hand in Yazid's or sacrifice EVERYTHING- he chose the last one out of his muhaddat. May Allah swt allow us to become true followers of Hussain.

Edited by FIZA
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  • Advanced Member

Thanks guys .. I love Allah and I hope the day never comes when he forsakes me for that day I will surely be alone ... my faith is something I have fought for all my life and I m not about to let it go so easily .. stranger is aware of that ..I will NEVER force him to convert just to marry me ... that would just sux!!! I will say this though .. I am taking the steps I need to get away from my husband first .. I think that is my priority at the moment .. he says he wasted 8 years of his life with me anyways .. so why waste any more eh? thanks and I LOVE YOU ALL :)

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Guest Peace

We love you too ( bring out the kleenex)

no seriously tho id like nothing better than strangerhere to embrace faith and for you to be happy together but your rite u cannot force him or even persuade him to change for you. I t has to be sincerely felt on his part and remeber Allah should always come first because no one loves you more than HE does . Alhumdullillah!!

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  • Advanced Member

Sister LostSoul,

An advice to you which was given to me by a very wise man, Never fall in love with a person when you are in a difficult situation or complicated circumstances. It is not love that you get but pity and charity. And you can NOT make a home out of this.

Get a divorce, be independent, get back your life, do great thing, make yourself successful and then see if you still fell the same way as you feel now

Edited by Zareen
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  • 9 years later...
  • Advanced Member

Lost soul the majority of non-religious men are not interested in sincere, muslim women because they can not use them and then take off.

I am a revert to Islam who lives in an area were there are few muslims So I once tried to convert any man who would accept it and then may be accept that person for marriage lator . And most non-religious men will not truelly fall in-love with a hijabi woman who follows alot off laws they themselves do not follow.

Some men will experiment with Islam but never comitt to it. Most non muslim men who are attracted to good-hijabi muslim women are only attracted to them because they have false ideas about how they could have some little,timid , subsiervent woman cleaning their home and cooking their food.

And most men who claim to believe in equality or women's rights think they are something different from other men by saying that, they are mostly liars.

The men who truely believe in equality and women's rights they will not usually announce it to women because they feel that is the norm.

Only the shaitan will tell muslim women a non-religious men will sweep them off their feet. I know because the shaitan tried that on me before. I waited to test this theory and I found the shaitan to be a big fat liar as usually. Just watch the way non-believers change up.

I rather take my chances with a shia-man any day even if he has some flaws. And Apparently there are many non-muslim women who would too because I have seen many convert that way and stay loyal to Islam and their husbands.

many young women convert that way

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Am I the only one who went like "awww" when I read the original post?! Lol

Okay so I dont have much to say but I hope to God you guys make it work out. I'm glad you're looking into Islam but (as you probably already know) you can't convert just for the sake of marrying her and I would imagine neither of you would be very happy.

So best of luck to you, please do let us know what happens :)

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Lost soul the majority of non-religious men are not interested in sincere, muslim women because they can not use them and then take off.

I am a revert to Islam who lives in an area were there are few muslims So I once tried to convert any man who would accept it and then may be accept that person for marriage lator . And most non-religious men will not truelly fall in-love with a hijabi woman who follows alot off laws they themselves do not follow.

Some men will experiment with Islam but never comitt to it. Most non muslim men who are attracted to good-hijabi muslim women are only attracted to them because they have false ideas about how they could have some little,timid , subsiervent woman cleaning their home and cooking their food.

And most men who claim to believe in equality or women's rights think they are something different from other men by saying that, they are mostly liars.

The men who truely believe in equality and women's rights they will not usually announce it to women because they feel that is the norm.

Only the shaitan will tell muslim women a non-religious men will sweep them off their feet. I know because the shaitan tried that on me before. I waited to test this theory and I found the shaitan to be a big fat liar as usually. Just watch the way non-believers change up.

Am I the only one who went like "awww" when I read the original post?! Lol

Okay so I dont have much to say but I hope to God you guys make it work out. I'm glad you're looking into Islam but (as you probably already know) you can't convert just for the sake of marrying her and I would imagine neither of you would be very happy.

So best of luck to you, please do let us know what happens :)

tellme.png

Edited by ImAli's Shadow
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