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In the Name of God بسم الله

Is Virginity a matter?

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AhmedT

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:salam

I was wondering if before marrige it is necessary for the partners to tell each other if they are not virigins. Does this become a significant factor to decisions made by female's parents after the proposal. Is it an islamic concern for marrige or is it more of a social issue taken into account by the parents.

Your brother,

Ahmed

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(bismillah)

To some people it is an issue, for me personally it used to be, but now it isn't. But I would never marry a young girl who had lost her virginity in a haraam manner, Im not saying she is bad, Im only saying I wouldnt marry her.

Wassalaam

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(bismillah)

To some people it is an issue, for me personally it used to be, but now it isn't. But I would never marry a young girl who had lost her virginity in a haraam manner, Im not saying she is bad, Im only saying I wouldnt marry her.

Wassalaam

(bismillah)

(salam)

How about if they were - God Forbid - raped?

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Salam,

If someone proposes a family for marrige with their daughter and if the person thinks its right to tell the truth. But later the family turns angry cuz of the truth. Now in Islam we are not supposed to keep secrets..so what does that give a person who doesn't want to talk about his past because he or she thinks it will affect the decisions made by the parents!

Your brother,

Ahmed

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(salam)

I agree that chastity should hold more importance than virginity. The idea is not to confuse the two as the same in all cases. Obviously those who lose their virginity by halaal means should not be considered unchaste, neither should those who lose their virginty by force. Then there are those who lose their virginty by haraam means.

At the end of the day it depends on the individual as to how important it is to be or to marry a virgin....all i can say is think twice before you become judgemental BUT still attatch value to remaining chaste outside of marriage....we don't want to trivialise the issue of virginity as it has been in non-muslim western societies.

your sister

Syeda

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(salam)

Does not the Qur'aan say that it is forbidden for the believing men and women to marry fornicators?

If the girl is not a virgin by haram means i would never marry her. The whole idea that some other man might have been with her(my future wife?) in that way disgusts me...... bah...

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(salam)

I would really be grateful to get an answer to this question, as I am a girl who has commited sins in the past, but el7amdulela, Allah (swt) directed me on the right path, and I have repented and asked for forgivness for what I have done, and swore never to do this again... :cry:

However, I am getting married soon to a good muslim boy, and I dont want to tell him about my past because I am a different person now and it will only damage an amazing future muslim family we could build... :cry:

So what should I do? I'm not virgin, I didnt tell him, am I allowed to keep not telling him? what if after marriage he asks me why I'm not virgin, am I allowed to lie then? please try to help your sister in islam, who is really sorry for what she has done, and considers herself another person now, because I really want to start a new life, and I dont want my husband to have any bad idea about me... :cry:

thank you my sisters and brothers...

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(salam)

I would really be grateful to get an answer to this question, as I am a girl who has commited sins in the past, but el7amdulela, Allah (swt) directed me on the right path, and I have repented and asked for forgivness for what I have done, and swore never to do this again... :cry:

However, I am getting married soon to a good muslim boy, and I dont want to tell him about my past because I am a different person now and it will only damage an amazing future muslim family we could build... :cry:

So what should I do? I'm not virgin, I didnt tell him, am I allowed to keep not telling him? what if after marriage he asks me why I'm not virgin, am I allowed to lie then? please try to help your sister in islam, who is really sorry for what she has done, and considers herself another person now, because I really want to start a new life, and I dont want my husband to have any bad idea about me... :cry:

thank you my sisters and brothers...

(salam)

Ask your question here:

http://www.wilayah.com/Eng/Questions/Index.htm

You will get your answer from someone who is qualified to answer... (Ayatollah Khamenei (ha)).

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(bismillah)

(salam)

As others have mentioned in this thread, Islam emphasizes chastity. For me, at least, it doesn't matter if a girl lost her virginity as long as she is chaste. Still, virginity is a good quality to look for in a potential spouse because it is a sign of chastity. But people will sometimes demand a virgin wife (regardless of their own virginity) for personal reasons, mainly because most can't stand the thought of their wife having been with another man. That's not necessarily wrong but it's not really Islamic either.

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I agree that chastity should hold more importance than virginity.
virginity is a good quality to look for in a potential spouse because it is a sign of chastity.

you guys are right :cry: :cry: but sometimes those who repent, despite having lost their virginity, try to be chaste :cry: Maybe they become chaste?

Or no? :cry:

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(salam)

Does not the Qur'aan say that it is forbidden for the believing men and women to marry fornicators?

A woman who has had pre-marital relations in the past, and has later repented is not a "fornicator." A fornicator is someone who actively continues to fornicate. Your spirit of mercy and understanding is underwhelming, to say the least.

If the girl is not a virgin by haram means i would never marry her. The whole idea that some other man might have been with her(my future wife?) in that way disgusts me...... bah...

Get over it. This obsession with virginity in the more traditional Muslim world mystifies me, especially given the Prophet's (saw) and ahlul bayt's (as) sunnah of marrying widows and divorcees. It is madness. I know of about half a dozen revert sisters here in Montreal, friends of my wife, some of whom chose Islam over their marriages because their husbands would not convert. They are working and raising children by themselves because no man in the community will step up to the plate and marry them, fulfilling the responsibility of the men of the community to protect the women. These women are more devoted to their religion than most who were born into it, and yet they can get noone to marry them. Strangely enough, many of the men are willing to offer to have muta with "damaged goods," but insist on a virgin for a permanent marriage. Ya Allah...

Islam is the greatest thing in the world, but some of it's practitioners, men particularly, are clueless.

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Now in Islam we are not supposed to keep secrets..

Salaam alaikum,

I disagree. I believe we are suposed to keep those things hidden, that Allah has hidden. We aren't suposed to reveal our sins to others.

WaSalaam, Hajar

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Salam o elikum,

A man came to one of the Imams and confessed before him that he had fornicated. The imam(as) told him that it would have been better for him if he had kept it a secret and prayed forgiveness from Allah directly.

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(bismillah)

To some people it is an issue, for me personally it used to be, but now it isn't. But I would never marry a young girl who had lost her virginity in a haraam manner, Im not saying she is bad, Im only saying I wouldnt marry her.

Wassalaam

(bismillah)

(salam)

How about if they were - God Forbid - raped?

They are still a virgin/chaste.

Wa Salaam,

Dhulfiqar

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(salam)

Does not the Qur'aan say that it is forbidden for the believing men and women to marry fornicators?

A woman who has had pre-marital relations in the past, and has later repented is not a "fornicator." A fornicator is someone who actively continues to fornicate. Your spirit of mercy and understanding is underwhelming, to say the least.

If the girl is not a virgin by haram means i would never marry her. The whole idea that some other man might have been with her(my future wife?) in that way disgusts me...... bah...

Get over it. This obsession with virginity in the more traditional Muslim world mystifies me, especially given the Prophet's (saw) and ahlul bayt's (as) sunnah of marrying widows and divorcees. It is madness. I know of about half a dozen revert sisters here in Montreal, friends of my wife, some of whom chose Islam over their marriages because their husbands would not convert. They are working and raising children by themselves because no man in the community will step up to the plate and marry them, fulfilling the responsibility of the men of the community to protect the women. These women are more devoted to their religion than most who were born into it, and yet they can get noone to marry them. Strangely enough, many of the men are willing to offer to have muta with "damaged goods," but insist on a virgin for a permanent marriage. Ya Allah...

Islam is the greatest thing in the world, but some of it's practitioners, men particularly, are clueless.

(salam)

You seem to have a problem with reading.

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Now in Islam we are not supposed to keep secrets..

Salaam alaikum,

I disagree. I believe we are suposed to keep those things hidden, that Allah has hidden. We aren't suposed to reveal our sins to others.

WaSalaam, Hajar

Salam,

What I meant to say is that in Islam we are not supposed to lie. Now lets say that someone non virgin but a now good muslim now wishes to marry a female or male from a islamic strict family. Now he or she thinks its for the best to tell her or his parents of his or her past. Won't that be an islamic duty for the person? But the problem is in reality the parents will really become suspicious of the person. Thats what I was asking at first. Is virginity being a must condition a social or an islamic matter for marrige?

Your brother,

Ahmed

Edited by AhmedT
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(salam)

I would really be grateful to get an answer to this question, as I am a girl who has commited sins in the past, but el7amdulela, Allah (swt) directed me on the right path, and I have repented and asked for forgivness for what I have done, and swore never to do this again... :cry:

However, I am getting married soon to a good muslim boy, and I dont want to tell him about my past because I am a different person now and it will only damage an amazing future muslim family we could build... :cry:

So what should I do? I'm not virgin, I didnt tell him, am I allowed to keep not telling him? what if after marriage he asks me why I'm not virgin, am I allowed to lie then? please try to help your sister in islam, who is really sorry for what she has done, and considers herself another person now, because I really want to start a new life, and I dont want my husband to have any bad idea about me... :cry:

thank you my sisters and brothers...

Lying is not good. Avoid answering him.

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Salam,

What I meant to say is that in Islam we are not supposed to lie. Now lets say that someone non virgin but a now good muslim now wishes to marry a female or male from a islamic strict family. Now he or she thinks its for the best to tell her or his parents of his or her past. Won't that be an islamic duty for the person? But the problem is in reality the parents will really become suspicious of the person. Thats what I was asking at first. Is virginity being a must condition a social or an islamic matter for marrige?

Your brother,

Ahmed

(salam)

Well we know that virginity is not a condition for marriage normally. The fact that Prophet Muhammad pbuh , married mostly divorced and widowed women attests to that. But if someone specifically states in the marriage contract, that the other party be a virgin, then the person either has to be a virgin or shouldn't accept the contract.

But I don't think it's necessary to tell the prospective spouse if someone isn't a virgin, or his/her family. In fact I would think it would perhaps be wrong to tell them, if doing so could harm the reputation of the person.

There are some people, both men and women, who can't accept that their spouse has been with someone else previously. If people feel that way, then they have the right to put this clause in the marriage contract. But that doesn't mean that you must tell them, if you aren't a virgin, in particular if the virginity was lost other than in a halal marriage. You could just refuse to marry them.

Is virginity being a must condition a social or an islamic matter for marrige?

I would say it can be both, in the case of the person who has never been lawfully married before.

WaSalaam, Hajar

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I think for me it would be an issue. I would not like to think that someone else has been as close to my wife as I had and I don't just mean physically. I know a lot of blokes who don't feel this way though.

I think the husband and wife both have a duty to tell each other their status (not an Islamic duty). If it does come out later on and even if they aren't the kind of person to get angry or use it against you they will be deeply hurt and the trust will definately be affected.

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I don't know why this is so confusing, a girl should not do anything what so ever till she gets married, and if shes changed then thats a different story but if shes the same then why marry her? same with guys, if i know that the guy, from the bottom of his heart, has changed then its all good but if he hasn't then no way, true muslims deserve true muslims.

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if i know that the guy, from the bottom of his heart, has changed then its all good but if he hasn't then no way, true muslims deserve true muslims.

(bismillah)

(salam)

[24:3] The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatress or idolatress, and (as for) the fornicatress, none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolater; and it is forbidden to the believers.

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Islamically and traditionaly, I noticed that Virginity is stressed for both man and woman. My mother really stressed on this aspect for everyone in my family -brothers and Sisters-all same. And naturally, it is very hard to go against your parents when you are brought up to believe that the fundamental of marriage is to be pure for your partner.

But nowadays, I see that the environment have changed so much that teenagers who cant get married resort to muta with their male/female friends. Because of this, we are going to have a lot of youngster who will be Unvirgin for their first marriage.

I am not saying I agree or disagree with this issue of Virginity or non virginity.

If I have the capacity , I will teach my children to value virginity and be commited when the times come for them to make decision. But at the same, we should never be judgemental towards others.

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if i know that the guy, from the bottom of his heart, has changed then its all good but if he hasn't then no way, true muslims deserve true muslims.

(bismillah)

(salam)

[24:3] The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatress or idolatress, and (as for) the fornicatress, none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolater; and it is forbidden to the believers.

Uh huh...So do I understand by this post that you think "once a fornicator, always a fornicator?" I hope I'm just misunderstanding you, because if I am understanding you, you're not understanding the verse. A fornicator is one who actively continues to fornicate. Not someone who once did and has reformed him/herself.

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If the girl is not a virgin by haram means i would never marry her. The whole idea that some other man might have been with her(my future wife?) in that way disgusts me...... bah...

Get over it. This obsession with virginity in the more traditional Muslim world mystifies me, especially given the Prophet's (saw) and ahlul bayt's (as) sunnah of marrying widows and divorcees. It is madness. I know of about half a dozen revert sisters here in Montreal, friends of my wife, some of whom chose Islam over their marriages because their husbands would not convert. They are working and raising children by themselves because no man in the community will step up to the plate and marry them, fulfilling the responsibility of the men of the community to protect the women. These women are more devoted to their religion than most who were born into it, and yet they can get noone to marry them. Strangely enough, many of the men are willing to offer to have muta with "damaged goods," but insist on a virgin for a permanent marriage. Ya Allah...

Islam is the greatest thing in the world, but some of it's practitioners, men particularly, are clueless.

(salam)

You seem to have a problem with reading.

Yes, I see quite well that you referred to those who lost their virginity through fornication, but it's still a bad attitude, if the woman has sincerely reformed herself. If everyone held the same attitude as you do, then no one who had ever made the mistake of fornication in their life would ever be allowed to marry. Is this just? Is this proper Islamic mercy? Conversions are proceeding at a wonderful rate, alhamdulillah, in the west, particularly among women. But statistically, the truth is that many of these women, because of the influence of the perverse culture here, have had premarital sex. This is reality. Are they to be denied the ability to marry, even if they have changed themselves in embracing their new religion? I know you are expressing a personal preference, and not trying to push it on others, but I am telling you it is a bad attitude nonetheless. We are supposed to be forgiving as Muslims, and encourage those who have changed for the better. What incentive is there for a woman who has made mistakes in the past to change if she knows she will be haunted by these mistakes for the rest of her life by hymen-obsessed brothers? I don't see what the difference is between a woman who lost her virginity through pre-marital sex and one who lost it within a marriage, if the one who lost it through pre-marital sex has put that behavior behind her, and sincerely repents of it. If this is satisfactory for Allah, I think it should be satisfactory for you. This is what I mean by "get over it."

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if i know that the guy, from the bottom of his heart, has changed then its all good but if he hasn't then no way, true muslims deserve true muslims.

(bismillah)

(salam)

[24:3] The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatress or idolatress, and (as for) the fornicatress, none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolater; and it is forbidden to the believers.

Uh huh...So do I understand by this post that you think "once a fornicator, always a fornicator?" I hope I'm just misunderstanding you, because if I am understanding you, you're not understanding the verse. A fornicator is one who actively continues to fornicate. Not someone who once did and has reformed him/herself.

(bismillah)

(salam)

That's right.

[Pooya/Ali Commentary 24:3]

Islam prescribes a healthy and orderly sex life, for men and for women, at all times-before marriage, during marriage and after the dissolution of marriage-in order to maintain a respectable society. Those guilty of adultery or fornication are shut out of the marriage circle of chaste men and women so that the gross immoral contamination should not spread among the healthy and normal members of the society.

Aqa Mahdi Puya says:

This verse refers to the general trend and tendency of those men and women who can be described as habitual offenders.

Hurrima implies that the believers dislike and detest such people.

Nikah means wedlock as well as cohabitation.

It is not a legislative ordinance, therefore there is no abrogation.

*****

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