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In the Name of God بسم الله

Forcing your wife to do sex...

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Salaamz,

A few questions regarding martial and sexual relationship between a husband and wife. I apologize for explicit language. Would appreciate your answers and proper references.

a) Can a husband force his wife to sex?

B) If the wife has been negligent of her sex role/obligation and her husband forces (rapes) her? i) What happens to the marriage? ii) Is there any sin on husband? iii) Will it come under 'Zulm', and can the wife leave her house for that reason (go back to her parents; or, even divorce (ask for 'khula') her husband)?

c) If the wife has put a condition in her marriage contract that the husband won't do muta or second marriage ever. Now she doesn't fulfill her sex role, is the husband required to abide by that provision in the agreement?

d) If the wife doesn't wanna have a baby ever but the husband does, what options does he have, given that he doesn't want to do a second marriage or do adoption? I am trying to find, in the context of above questions, can he use coercion on his wife (like, threat her of divorce; or, stop providing for her expenses, etc. but not physical coercion) to have a baby? (No provision was made at the time of contract in this case; the marriage took place with regular agreement).

e) If the husband has lost his appetite or is negligent to his sexual role/responsibilities, what options does the wife have?

[Moderator's Note: Topic Moved.]

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Salaam, Blush... Brother, do you have family or perhaps you could go to your Malauna?(spelling?)...Either way, it does not sound like a happy situation for either one of you. Force is such a stron

Oh no no no...how can you say that...women cant refuse and if they do,well the men have option of getting married 3 more times <_< ... :angry: ......its their RIGHT u know!

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Salaam,

Blush...

Brother, do you have family or perhaps you could go to your Malauna?(spelling?)...Either way, it does not sound like a happy situation for either one of you.

Force is such a strong word. Have you perhaps considered that something medical could be going on as well? Sometimes women are having physical issues that men do not understand or women feel that they cannot discuss. Talk to her and see if she needs to get a well-woman check up or have a close female family member talk with her. If she is unwell, then this can affect so many intimate things related to marriage as well.

I wish the lady and yourself well.

Mary

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good god, this is not such a complicated question!

a husband cannot RAPE his wife!

yes it is the wife's responsibility to have sex, but if she does not the husband has no right to FORCE her, at the MOST he can divorce her, but he cant MAKE her do anything.

LA ICRAHA FIDEEN - there is no compulsion in religion.

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good god, this is not such a complicated question!

a husband cannot RAPE his wife!

yes it is the wife's responsibility to have sex, but if she does not the husband has no right to FORCE her, at the MOST he can divorce her, but he cant MAKE her do anything.

LA ICRAHA FIDEEN - there is no compulsion in religion.

(bismillah)

Many people actually think they can, but it is definitely a sin to do so.

Wassalaam

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(bismillah)

(salam)

Sayyid Sistani

2421. For a woman with whom permanent marriage is contracted, it is haraam to go out of the house without the permission of her husband, though her leaving may not violate the rights of the husband. Also she should submit herself to his sexual desires, and should not prevent him from having sexual intercourse with her, without justifiable excuse.

And as long as she does not fail in her duties, it is obligatory on the husband to provide for her food, clothes and housing. And if he does not provide the same, regardless of whether he is able to provide them or not, he remains indebted to the wife.

2422. If the wife does not fulfil her matrimonial duties towards her husband, she will not be entitled for the food, clothes or housing, even if she continues to live with him. But if she refuses to obey occasionally, the common verdict is that even then she cannot claim any entitlement from her husband. But this verdict is a matter of Ishkal. In any case, there is no doubt that she does not forfeit her Mahr.

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Salaamz,

I wish the moderator had this topic remain in the "Islamic Laws & Jurisprudence" section. It is very intuitive to pass a judgment that rape is haraam. And, I believe in the same. But, I wanted to find the legal (sharai) opinion on this issue. What can a husband or wife do in the situations mentioned in my questions.

No, I am not going through any such marital complications, simply bcz I am not married yet :) But, I do appreciate the sympathizing comments one bro/sis passed. With the same token, I don't mind having legal opinion of any marja (or more than one marja).

Last, just for the sake of passing info, forced sex in marriage does happen in our communities. It's another thing that we don't hear about it, because our communities don't provide condusive environment and legal rights to wives (and husbands) to gather courage and bring up their issues - PS

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(salam)

I don't believe a husband forcing his wife to have sex is called rape in Islam. I don't believe a husband can be punished for this. Do men force their wives, I'm sure some do. My point is not on whether or not it happens, but what the jurisprudence view of this is. I don't believe it is considered the same as the crime of rape. Tell me what mujtahid you would like to see the answer from, and I will write and ask this question for you.

WaSalaam, Hajar

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My point is not on whether or not it happens, but what the jurisprudence view of this is.

Salaam, Hajar,

This is exactly what I wanted to find out--the legal opinion on this issue. M questions are in the first post. Feel free to rephrase them. Just want to add one more thing. That is, what if husband's use of force takes a violent form. The violence obviously would be haraam, but its forced sex part, would it be considered a rape? I didn't send the questions to Mujtahideen before bcz they are not urgent.

I follow Aya. Sistani, but would be interested in knowing Aya. Fadlullah's opinion as well, if you could.

Jazakallah khairan. - PS

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salaam

i think that "forced sex" is rape, no matter who does it, and it CAN happen between husband and wife. it seems to me that if the wife denies her husband his legitimate sexual right (without reason), that the man has the right to deny her food, clothing, etc... even in the translation of the QUran where it says a man can "beat" his wife if she disobeys him, it is made clear in hadith that when he does, he can't cause her physical harm or else he owes her blood money.

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(bismillah)

While waiting for the official rulings (inshallah they will be posted soon), I believe the answer to be apparent. The fuqaha all say that a woman cannot deny the husband's right for intercourse without justifiable excuse, which implies that without this excuse, the husband's right remains and he is allowed to take it. Now, jurisprudence aside, it is surely wrong to force your wife into sex if she is not wanting to at that particular time. I would think most caring and loving husbands would not do so (even if it is legally permissible to do so), for there is no hardship in religion.

Sayyid Fadhlallah says:

Q: Is it permissible for a wife to excuse herself from participation in sexual intercourse when she is exhausted, or when she undergoes a discouraging psychological state?

A: If sexual intercourse causes her too much uneasiness, she has the right to abstain from it in accordance with Allah’s (the most exalted) say, {He has not laid upon you any hardship in religion}. (78:22)

But if only she doesn’t feel like it, then she doesn’t have the right to abstain.

Now, why would any decent husband want to force their wife into sex? You cannot satiate your own lust and desire without that of your wife, since that is immoral. Sayyid Fadhlallah says:

Q: What can we say about a man who satiates his lust with his wife without satiating hers?

A: Such a sexual behavior is immoral and inhumane even though it is not considered a sin on the part of the husband, but it is legally repulsive. Imam Sadiq (a.s.) is reported to have said in one of his traditions, “The Messenger of God (p.) said: “When you have sexual intercourse with your wives, don’t be like a bird, instead, stay long.”

In another narration, Imam Sadiq (a.s.) said: “The Messenger of God(p.) once said: If a man’s wife feels unsatisfied after sexual intercourse, she may resign her will to any man no matter how ugly or repulsive he may be. So, upon having sex with your wives, excite them through dalliance, for it is more pleasurable”.

Also, Imam Ali(a.s) was quoted, “If one of you wants to have sexual intercourse with his wife, he must not be in hurry, for women have their own needs”.

Thus, in these religious instructions about sex, we can find out that Islam considers woman’s lust and the need to satiate it among the vital moral issues in her relation with man, so men must not be selfish through fulfilling their desires and leaving their wives sexually unsatisfied.

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I follow Aya. Sistani, but would be interested in knowing Aya. Fadlullah's opinion as well, if you could.

Salaam alaikum,

Ok, I sent the questions to both Sayyid Seestani's and Sayyid Fadlullah's offices. I reworded them just a bit. Below is what I sent to both offices. I also included a request in Sayyid Fadlullah's, that the answer be in English. They usually answer in Arabic.

Salaam alaikum,

I have some questions on matters between husbands and wives. 

a) Is it allowed for a huband to force his wife to have sexual relations?  If a husband does force his wife, is this considered rape?

B) If the wife has been negligent of her sexual obligations and her husband forces her:

i) What happens to the marriage?

ii) Is there any sin on husband?

iii) Will it come under 'Zulm', and can the wife leave her house for that reason (go back to her parents; or, even divorce (ask for 'khula') her husband)?

c) If the wife has put a condition in her marriage contract that the husband won't get muta or a second marriage, but then doesn't fulfill her sexual duties to her husband, is the husband required to abide by that provision in the agreement?

d) If the wife doesn't want have children but the husband does, what options does he have, given that he doesn't want to have a second marriage or adopt a child? I am trying to find, in the context of above questions, can he use coercion on his wife (like, threaten her with divorce; or stop providing for her expenses, etc., but not physical coercion) to have a baby? (No provision was made at the time of contract in this case; the marriage took place with the regular agreements).

e) If the husband has lost his appetite or is negligent to his sexual role/responsibilities, what options does the wife have?

Thank you, WaSalaam, Hajar

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(salam)

I'm awaiting the rulings and so far have not found anything in the rulings posted by bro AH that suggest it's ok for a man to force himself on his wife. The rulings posted concerned a womens sexual needs not her refusal to have sex. These rulings are already strongly indicating that a womens needs are to be considered, so perhaps we can conclude somewhat the these 'needs' possible extend to her enjoying rather than feeling violated by the experience.

Now in my own humble opinion, forceful non-consentual sex is considered 'rape' even when between man and wife. I just think that lots of things are wajib in our religion but it doesn't give anyone the right to force us to carry out these wajib acts. InshaAllah the man whose wife refuses sex gets the licence to refuse some of her rights to her, hopefully nothing more than that. Rape is an act of violence at the end of the day, where in islam do we support violence between man and wife...please don't quote the ruling that permits a man to physically discipline his wife under certain circumstances and with just a little force, that is not relevant here.

Syeda

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I don't believe a husband forcing his wife to have sex is called rape in Islam. I don't believe a husband can be punished for this. Do men force their wives, I'm sure some do. My point is not on whether or not it happens, but what the jurisprudence view of this is. I don't believe it is considered the same as the crime of rape.

Bro you read my mind. It is absolutely absurd to say that a husband is 'RAPING' his wife because he is forcing her when she doesn't want to. I am preety sure that a muslim wife is obliged to her husband's demand. I don't want to bring all the discussions into the last sentence but I am preety sure you as a muslim know that. But thats not the point, the point is that if the muslim wife doesn't love her husband enough to commit to him ( such a compassionate sacrifice) then she should ask for divorce politely and may be the husband will find that idea reasonable.

Your brother,

Ahmed

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(salam)

^bro, i don't think it's absurd at all, infact i think it's absurd to take the view that although a women is obligated to have sex with ther husband that you would think it's ok for him to force himself on her. The obligation to have sex with husbands is imposed surely to prevent men from ever having to resort to becoming forceful. Lets not worry about whether it's called rape or not, but just recognise that when in Islam men are expected to consider their wives sexual needs and keep them content, how does this allow them to carry out the act against her will??

As i have suggested before, i'm hoping that the consequence of a wife not willingly consenting to having sex with her husband should only result in her rights equally not being fulfilled, not result in him forcefull having sex with her. She has failed in her obligation, so he may neglect his obligations. i'm waiting for the response to sis Hajars questions to sayyids Sistaani and Fahdlullah

Syeda

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salam

not to be rude but i think this is a very sick idea that a husband rapes her wife . i simply dont undersatand why would he do that . well ui think a wife is obliged opf fulfilling husbands pleasure , if not they should get divorce

khuda hafiz

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Bro you read my mind. It is absolutely absurd to say that a husband is 'RAPING' his wife because he is forcing her when she doesn't want to.

Lets define rape

Rape: sex by force, regardless of who its by..so it could be by the husband....

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Salaam,

the way I see it, a wife is obliged to have sex with her husband. It is his right.

If she refuses, then quite simply she is sinning and a guy can force her.

If this force goes to the extent you have to harm her in the process ,then clearly you cannot do that, but the woman will have sinned. If he does harm her in the process, then obviously he'll have sinned too. But I don't like this whole "rape" nonsense. You cannot rape your wife as she has to sleep with you whether she likes it or not.

It's like force feeding your kids and calling that assault :D

Salaam

Edited by Shi3abro_uk
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Salaam,

the way I see it, a wife is obliged to have sex with her husband. It is his right.

If she refuses, then quite simply she is sinning and a guy can force her.

If this force goes to the extent you have to harm her in the process ,then clearly you cannot do that, but the woman will have sinned. If he does harm her in the process, then obviously he'll have sinned too. But I don't like this whole "rape" nonsense. You cannot rape your wife as she has to sleep with you whether she likes it or not.

It's like force feeding your kids and calling that assault :D

Salaam

Its not the same as force feeding ones kids.

How can you say that??

Feeding the child is for his benefit,but forcing your wife is for your own selfish needs,even if she is refusing a man cannot force her just coz he has this RIGHT upon her.........she IS sinning but then the man should not force her just becoz of that......its inhuman.

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Salaam,

I am not condoning guys treating their wives bad, don't get me wrong. But sex is a privilage of marriage, and it is the man's right.

If a woman leaves her husband sexually unsatisfied, then a) their relationship can't be that good, and B) there's nothing stopping him finding someone else who will satisfy him.

By the same logic, it's like saying women should be allowed to do haram things. Why would you want to encourage women to do something haram? on the contrary, you should encourage them to accept the request of their husband, and they will be rewarded for it. It's an islamic act. I'm not kidding btw :)

Salaam

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Salaam,

I am not condoning guys treating their wives bad, don't get me wrong. But sex is a privilage of marriage, and it is the man's right.

If a woman leaves her husband sexually unsatisfied, then a) their relationship can't be that good, and B) there's nothing stopping him finding someone else who will satisfy him.

By the same logic, it's like saying women should be allowed to do haram things. Why would you want to encourage women to do something haram? on the contrary, you should encourage them to accept the request of their husband, and they will be rewarded for it. It's an islamic act. I'm not kidding btw :)

Salaam

Yes brother it is very much the right of a man but there is something called compassion and understanding in a marriage.

Like a wife has the full right to not look after the children and keep the house of her husband,she has the right to ask for money to look after her own children(apart from the maintainence the husband has to pay),but does she do so??

NO!

WHY???Coz she loves her husband and dont not want to burden him or trouble him.

In the same way even a husband should be understanding of his wife's needs.

Im not saying that its right for the wife to refuse but its not right even for the husband to force her.

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Guest abaleada
While waiting for the official rulings (inshallah they will be posted soon), I believe the answer to be apparent. The fuqaha all say that a woman cannot deny the husband's right for intercourse without justifiable excuse, which implies that without this excuse, the husband's right remains and he is allowed to take it.

(bismillah)

(salam)

For the purposes of comparative fiqh (that is, contrasting the Islamic rulings of one school or scholar against those of another), in the Hanafi madhhab a man is not allowed to take his right in a forceful manner. The Hanafi jurisprudence have ruled thus based on the phrase of the Sunni hadith "when the wife refuses...and the man goes to bed angry, the angels curse her through the night...", reasoning that had the man been given permission to force himself on his wife, Prophet Muhammad would have mentioned the right. Inshallah when the Shi`ah ruling is posted, this can be contrasted against it (this is a hobby of mine - keeps me on my toes).

it is legally repulsive

What is the consequence of such an action of the husband in terms of hudud?

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Salaam,

To get to the main point, if the wife doesn't wish to satisfy the husband the husband should divorce(talaak) her straight away unless there are really good reasons. Such as wife is pregnant, she is having physical problems, problems that are temporary and will create more physical harm to the wife if sexual intercourse is performed. But emotional reasons should not be considered for second chance. Because the only emotional reason possible would be the wife doesn't find the husband attractive or she is in love with some one else. In that case the husband should divorce her wife straight away rather than trying to force her into sex. Forcing someone to have sex is not the right thing. But a husband forcing his wife to have sex is not called rape. Divorce is the best idea to solve these problems.

Your brother,

Ahmed

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Salaam,

woah if kids are there then definitely the wife doesn't find the husband attractive anymore or likes someone else(astagfirullah to that). Cuz you can't have kids without past sex. Divorce has to be done!

Your brother,

Ahmed

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(bismillah)

(salam)

Salaam,

To get to the main point, if the wife doesn't wish to satisfy the husband the husband should divorce(talaak) her straight away unless there are really good reasons. Such as wife is pregnant, she is having physical problems, problems that are temporary and will create more physical harm to the wife if sexual intercourse is performed. But emotional reasons should not be considered for second chance. Because the only emotional reason possible would be the wife doesn't find the husband attractive or she is in love with some one else. In that case the husband should divorce her wife straight away rather than trying to force her into sex. Forcing someone to have sex is not the right thing. But a husband forcing his wife to have sex is not called rape. Divorce is the best idea to solve these problems.

Your brother,

Ahmed

(bismillah)

(salam)

This is false and baseless chauvenism, and the attitude derives from anti-Islamic ignorance (but not necessarily a well-intentioned Muslim - I am a well-intentioned Mslim who often acts in jahiliyah). The truth is that we women suffer much on account of the disease of western "civilisation", and this impacts us emotionally. Our emotions are indeed tied up in our sex life. Usually we show less interest in intercourse if we are seriously worried for the integrity of our persons, loved ones, or emotional well-being; and this is true not only of women in immediately bad situations, but also survivors of trauma. Long-term trauma leaves a deep fingerprint that is difficult to erase, and our brains become habituated to a constant mode of self-defence. Intercourse is the last thing on our minds when we are in that state of mind.

Boys who insist on "their right" when their wives are obviously suffering obviously forgot what Islam teaches about marriage.

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(bismillah)

(salam)

(bismillah)

(salam)

This is false and baseless chauvenism, and the attitude derives from anti-Islamic ignorance (but not necessarily a well-intentioned Muslim - I am a well-intentioned Mslim who often acts in jahiliyah). The truth is that we women suffer much on account of the disease of western "civilisation", and this impacts us emotionally. Our emotions are indeed tied up in our sex life. Usually we show less interest in intercourse if we are seriously worried for the integrity of our persons, loved ones, or emotional well-being; and this is true not only of women in immediately bad situations, but also survivors of trauma. Long-term trauma leaves a deep fingerprint that is difficult to erase, and our brains become habituated to a constant mode of self-defence. Intercourse is the last thing on our minds when we are in that state of mind.

Boys who insist on "their right" when their wives are obviously suffering obviously forgot what Islam teaches about marriage.

Oh no no no...how can you say that...women cant refuse and if they do,well the men have option of getting married 3 more times <_< ... :angry: ......its their RIGHT u know!

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