What does Islam say about abusive parents? I want to cut off my abusive dad

[Guest Internally Raging]

I know this is incredibly wrong to say but I'm really starting to hate my dad. He is so verbally abusive. His hatred for my mom has no bounds. He uses the worst language and degrading insults at her on a daily basis, multiple times a day - donkey, dog, b****, daughter of a prostitute, old hag, etc etc. The insults he throws at my mom is such bad language that I didn't even know what these words meant until I looked up the English translation. He can't even taunt my mom in a normal voice - he has to shout at her so loudly that his voice literally echoes through the whole house to the point that all our neighbours are very familiar with my dad's explosive yelling and think we're the crazy family. He's literally spat on her in front of me, makes fun of her weight and appearance, taunts her dead father to rise from his grave to come and save her.

The worst part is he considers himself an innocent victim whose life has been ruined at the hands of his "narcissistic" wife, and genuinely thinks my mom has brainwashed me against my dad. Just a few minutes ago he called me a donkey (when I tried to calmly ask him to stop insulting my mom). And I'm sure after a few months, there will be no difference in the vocabulary he throws at me or my mom.

I hate him. I hate him so much for what he's done to my mom. How he's destroyed her and turned her into a shell of a person. I hate his loud voice and dirty mouth. I hate how he shouts all these insults at my mom in one minute, mocking her crocodile tears, and then in the next, is gently laughing with a college buddy on Whatsapp as if my dad is the sweetest, most soft-spoken man in the world. The irony is that nobody would think my dad has a mean bone in his body. 

My blood boils every time I see his face. There is a deep rage that is festering inside me and getting worse day by day. On the other extreme spectrum of my emotions is a deep sadness. It hurts my heart every time I hear his fake sweet laugh on the phone, knowing he has the capability to be nice, but chooses not to.

My mom will not leave him, and keeps telling me to have sabr. But sabr for what? This man will not change except in that his language towards us gets worse every day. I'm not Imam Ali (عليه السلام) where I can be so patient that even patience tires of my patience. I want to kick him out of MY house so bad. As a boomer, he had life SO easy and still chose not to plan for his future. Without asking, he just always expected me to be his retirement plan. He is literally nothing without my money. The festering rage and hurt I feel deep inside makes me want to hurt him by financially abusing him the way he financially abused my mom throughout their entire marriage. How is it fair that Islam says we can't even say "uff" to our parents - despite how despicably they're treating their own children? How it right that I accidentally slipped up and said shut up to my dad once (after he called me a donkey for the nth time), yet I'm the one feeling immediate remorse for not controlling my emotions and using bad language towards him this one time? Where is the justice when Islam says cutting ties with your family is one of the greatest sins, but keeping that person in your life is destroying you mentally and emotionally, and slowly destroying any semblance of patience and turning you into a bitter, cynical, resentful person? Is there anything from the Ahlul Bayt that talks about abusive parents? I really can't live with this man any more. I know this makes me a bad person, but I just can't anymore. I'm so done. 

[notme]

You can distance yourself from him without cutting ties entirely. You are allowed to protect yourself and to try to protect your mother. Nothing in Islam requires us to be subject to a tyrant. 

After you've separated yourself from him, you should try to forgive him and pray that he changes his hateful and hypocritical ways. But you are never obligated to stay patient while you're being abused or while your family is being abused.  

[Guest Internally Raging]

Thanks for your advice. The only way I can physically distance myself from him is to kick him out of my house.  But that would mean literally putting him on the street (he has no savings or retirement)…. My mom keeps telling me to fight the urge to do this. Because as bad as he is, the reality is this action would mean I have abandoned my 60+ year old penniless dad at his old age. 

[notme]

You can find another arrangement for his housing. Rent him a room. Find a relative or friend that he can stay with. Put him in an inpatient mental health program. Leave the house yourself if necessary. Your mom is kind and compassionate, but probably speaking from a place of fear. Do what is right for her and for yourself and for any other family members now or in the future, and do what you need to do to keep everyone safe and sane. 

[Zaid.AN]

I think speaking to him seriously, without being disrespectful, and working with the local scholars will put an end to this.

[Hameedeh]

On 8/15/2026 at 10:59 AM, Guest Internally Raging said:

Is there anything from the Ahlul Bayt that talks about abusive parents?

Salam. From what you wrote above, we understand your situation is horrible. Kicking your father out of the family home would not be Islamic, since you know that he cannot live on the street and has no retirement plan. @notme and @Zaid.AN gave you advice. I have questions that might make you think about your father in a different way. You already know that the Holy Qur'an says be kind to parents. You have been incredibly patient with your dad, and I admire that about you.  

Does your father sense that you hate him? Do you avoid him or try to speak to him as little as possible? When was the last time you hugged him? Do you put your hand on his shoulder and say something like: Baba/Dada how are you feeling?

Have you read the Rights of Womb Relatives from Imam Zayn al-'Abidin's Treatise on Rights (Risalat al-Huquq)? If you have, maybe go back and read it again. Of course you could read all of the Rights, but the Rights of Womb Relatives is most important for your situation right now. Read it several times, on different days, and think about the words. Imam Sajjad AS repeated these Rights to many people at different times during his life. It was from the words of the Holy Prophet SA. There is much wisdom in it. Especially look at the difference in what the words are for the Right of the Mother as compared to the Right of the Father.  

22) The Right of the Mother

The right of your mother is that you know that she carried you where no one carries anyone, she gave to you of the fruit of her heart that which no one gives to anyone, and she protected you with all her organs. She did not care if she went hungry as long as you ate, if she was thirsty as long as you drank, if she was naked as long as you were clothed, if she was in the sun as long as you were in the shade. She gave up sleep for your sake, she protected you from heat and cold, all in order that you might belong to her. You will not be able to show her gratitude, unless through God's help and giving success.

23) The Right of the Father

The right of your father is that you know that he is your root. Without him, you would not be. Whenever you see anything in yourself which pleases you, know that your father is the root of its blessing upon you. So praise God and thank Him in that measure. And there is no strength save in God.

Arabic at the site: 

https://al-islam.org/treatise-rights-risalat-al-huquq-imam-ali-zayn-al-abidin/rights-womb-relatives

[Essentials123]

On 8/16/2026 at 4:22 PM, Hameedeh said:

Imam Zayn al-'Abidin's Treatise on Rights (Risalat al-Huquq)?

It is a good question. I have read the Treatise of Rights on rights for parents. Hypothetically, what does one do if a parent is on drugs and engaged in a deviant life of crime and demoralized their children so that they grew up with some lifelong impairments?