fell in love but cant find a way to make it halal

[someonelost12345]

salam everyone, i fell in love with a girl and weve been talking for a year behind our parents backs and we rlly love each other but hiding is causing us many difficulties and like literally zero barakah or wtv u wanna call it 
i rlly love this girl and i rlly dont wanna lose her or look for someone else 
ever since i fell in love with her i rlly made an oath to my self and to Allah that im not "dating" her for fun and i rlly have the intention to marry her
however were kinda different when it comes to money, her family is wealthy while mine were barely making it alhamdullilah 
but this isnt my problem im rlly working hard and in sha Allah i will be financially able to marry her 
our problem is that weve always wanted to talk in a halal way and keep everything halal and ive always researched abt this topic specifically and always get different confusing answers 
we dont wanna leave each other bc were scared to lose each other but we rlly want to make it halal and its impossible for me to talk to her parents bc she says theyre strict and personally i havent found a stable job yet (im only 18) 
so i ask you guys of knowledge to please help me, maybe theres an exception or something there has to be... maybe a dua or a prayer that will solve all the problems between us 
and thank you for everyone who helps, rlly means a lot.
(note: were both shia) 

[notme]

1. Make dua.

2. Find stable employment.  I also recommend training for a better job.  You can do these two at the same time.  

3. Continue to make dua. 

4. Talk to her guardian. 

Duas for your success. 

[Essentials123]

8 hours ago, someonelost12345 said:

i havent found a stable job yet (im only 18)

I suggest talking to her guardian and being honest with your intentions. If they are wealthy maybe they have a job for you if they like you. 

[notme]

1 hour ago, Essentials123 said:

I suggest talking to her guardian and being honest with your intentions. If they are wealthy maybe they have a job for you if they like you. 

Honestly, that's even better than what I suggested.  

[someonelost12345]

16 hours ago, Essentials123 said:

I suggest talking to her guardian and being honest with your intentions. If they are wealthy maybe they have a job for you if they like you. 

thing is i rlly tried convincing her i told her im ready to speak to them even like this without me having anything but she rejected this idea 
and ive also thought of this i rlly believe her parents would love me and would even offer to help me to be able to marry her 
but she doesnt think so her parents always are strict on this topic and its rlly complicated 
so i think i will stick to the dua and finding a stable job now until i can marry her in sha Allah once she feels confident abt this ig  thank you guys!

[someonelost12345]

16 hours ago, Essentials123 said:

I suggest talking to her guardian and being honest with your intentions. If they are wealthy maybe they have a job for you if they like you. 

also i have concern abt if us talking would be considered halal? 

[someonelost12345]

On 8/14/2026 at 8:49 PM, notme said:

Honestly, that's even better than what I suggested.  

thank you! i posted other replies if u have a reply to them..

[Essentials123]

10 hours ago, someonelost12345 said:

thing is i rlly tried convincing her i told her im ready to speak to them even like this without me having anything but she rejected this idea 
and ive also thought o

You are welcome. Do you know why she rejected this idea? I don’t know the answer to your question on if it is halal or not- maybe someone else knows 

[Arabic Abu Ali]

Salam Alaykum Brother.
Whatever you are doing currently is almost impossible to be halal. You have to be realistic about your situation, it is really inappropriate to talk to her behind her parents' back. It ruins your fitrah and hers. It's best for both of you so that your time doesn't get wasted and religious borders don't get trespassed that you open the topic up with your parents so that they talk to hers.

Imagine how her Father would feel if he knew about the current arrangment which he should have complete right in knowing. Marriage is a religious bond which benefits you immensly if your wife is good and her parents are good. If her parents reject you for trivial reasons then it's good that it happens now rather than later. If her parents are muttaqeen and religious they wouldn't reject you for trivial reasons. It would later be very inconvenient for you that her parents are unsupportive of you two or demand financially sabotaging things from you.

It is very important in a multitude of aspects most of which I haven't mentioned that whoever you marry has good parents. It is in our narrations too. It is better that you conclude this now rather than later. In sha Allah you will lose nothing regardless of what happens. No wound time won't heal in sha Allah. Don't look at marriage in an emotional sense, if the girl is good and meets your criteria and her parents are good. It is impossible to not love her after marriage even if you've never spoken with her prior to it.

[notme]

On 8/15/2026 at 1:25 PM, someonelost12345 said:

also i have concern abt if us talking would be considered halal? 

Talking with her privately, while not in itself a sin, is strongly discouraged as it is likely to lead to sin.