In a Mutah, advice please

[Guest Mohra]

Salaam aleykoum, 

i am a single mother, 37 years, of one child. I have been married and divorced several times in my life. The reasons were abuse or overall not the right person for me or my son. 6 months ago a married man approached me and to my suprise he is also a shia. I am a convert so i dont have shia’s in my direct circle. I entered a mutah but he wants me to stay a total secret to not hurt his wife and tear up his family. I agreed and I wish his wife all the happiness but i feel this secrecy is taking a toll on my mental health. He is a very good man and very kind to me. I on the other hand provide for myself. It seems that I want more attention and I feel as a temporary wife i always come last. He will call everyday but because its a secret he just comes by when my son is not at home or when he does not need to be with his family. I argue a lot with him because I feel of no importance to his life. I dont know if I should be grateful after all my divorces to finally have a good man or should i ask him to end this mutah and just let life be again? Maybe someone better comes by or not? I am also afraid to permanent marry again with the wrong person. I am not jealous of his wife but I would like more equality. Also if I would get pregnant I need to abort it because I am a secret. I already told him that I would not want to abort. I would like your advice please

[Hameedeh]

8 hours ago, Guest Mohra said:

i am a single mother, 37 years, of one child. ... It seems that I want more attention and I feel as a temporary wife i always come last. He will call everyday but because its a secret he just comes by when my son is not at home

Salam. How old is your son? Does he spend time with his father?

[Guest Mohra]

Salaam, my son is 10. No his father abandoned him when he was a baby. I dont let this man near my son as I am a secret. I have my family living closeby and they also dont know I am in a mutah 

[PureExistence1]

 Salaam sister,

I have a lot of experience with this situation, both personally and as a friend of others. My advice is to end it and either only have mutah with someone who intends to make it permanent only if you both find yourselves to be a proper fit. When the time comes to renew the contract, you will be better able to tell of its a "going nowhere" relationship between you two compatibility wise or if it should end. Try to keep from getting attached emotionally while you go through this.

The brother you're temporarily married to so far has shown you he values his first wife and that marriage more as shes the one hes trying to protect. If youre not ok with this, I'd end it. There ARE good Shia men out there that are not currently married. Ask the imam at your local masjid and explain your situation. There are plenty of divorced men available, just be rigorous with investigating hos prior history.

Heres a copy/paste I did regarding your situation:

In Twelver Shia law, the parts of your scenario that are most likely problematic are not the secrecy by itself, but whether the contract and conduct meet the religious conditions for mutʿah. Mutʿah has required elements: a defined term, a specified mahr, and a valid contract with a Muslim or Ahl al-Kitab woman; it is also not valid if the man is still in a situation where a ruling forbids that marriage. 

What is prohibited:

If the woman is a Muslim convert, the main issue is that a married man’s mutʿah can be religiously restricted depending on the marjaʿ and the exact circumstances, especially if the first wife is a Muslim wife and the ruling followed requires her consent or even bars the act altogether. 

If the man is hiding it because he fears it will harm the marriage, the secrecy itself is not usually the core fiqh problem, but deception, betrayal of marital trust, and violating any conditions in the first marriage contract can be sinful or legally wrongful even when the mutʿah contract is otherwise valid. 

If he is treating the temporary wife like a purely sexual outlet and not giving her the rights attached to the contract, that can also be wrong, because mutʿah is still a marriage with obligations, not a loophole for casual s3x. The contract must genuinely be for marriage, with the agreed term and mahr, and the wife’s rights cannot be ignored. 

Likely religious problems:

If the man’s current marjaʿ forbids mutʿah in his case, then the whole arrangement is prohibited. 
If he lies, deceives, or breaches an explicit condition of his first marriage, that is prohibited or sinful even if the mutʿah contract itself exists. 
If the temporary marriage is only a cover for s3x and the required marital terms are not genuinely observed, the relationship becomes invalid or impermissible. 
If the first wife’s rights are harmed in a way that the law or contract forbids, that is also prohibited. 

Plain answer:

What is most likely prohibited is the unlawful mutʿah itself if his ruling disallows it, plus the secrecy-by-deception, plus any breach of marital rights or contract conditions. 

A precise ruling depends on the marjaʿ being followed, because Shia scholars differ on details of mutʿah and on when a married man may do it.

Hope this helps, on sha Allah.

 

[Abu Hassanain]

On 5/14/2026 at 1:52 PM, Guest Mohra said:

Salaam aleykoum, 

i am a single mother, 37 years, of one child. I have been married and divorced several times in my life. The reasons were abuse or overall not the right person for me or my son. 6 months ago a married man approached me and to my suprise he is also a shia. I am a convert so i dont have shia’s in my direct circle. I entered a mutah but he wants me to stay a total secret to not hurt his wife and tear up his family. I agreed and I wish his wife all the happiness but i feel this secrecy is taking a toll on my mental health. He is a very good man and very kind to me. I on the other hand provide for myself. It seems that I want more attention and I feel as a temporary wife i always come last. He will call everyday but because its a secret he just comes by when my son is not at home or when he does not need to be with his family. I argue a lot with him because I feel of no importance to his life. I dont know if I should be grateful after all my divorces to finally have a good man or should i ask him to end this mutah and just let life be again? Maybe someone better comes by or not? I am also afraid to permanent marry again with the wrong person. I am not jealous of his wife but I would like more equality. Also if I would get pregnant I need to abort it because I am a secret. I already told him that I would not want to abort. I would like your advice please

Salam

Sister, I advise you first and foremost as a Muslim a human being, a clergymen and not an emphasis on being a man

No man who does temporary marriage on the condition it has to be a secret and he can’t tell his family ever takes you serious no matter what he says

Ask yourself this if his wife found out about you tomorrow what would her reaction be?

This is a man who wants bonus fun on the side. He’s gonna promise that eventually he’ll tell you eventually you’ll make it permanent. Eventually everybody’s gonna be one big happy family. It’s never gonna happen.

As a man who had a permanent wife who doesn’t care, he does temporary marriage most of the time. It doesn’t look like that my wife is Middle Eastern Arabs care less about polygamy it’s common culturally. My wife told me hey if one of the 20 something at the library at the Gym expressed interest in they’re clean and you wanted to do temporary marriage go for it. She just told me when you go to Dearborn if after lecturing or visit somewhere at 20 something-year-old express interest go for It.

Go for it means go have temporary benefit and temporary fun of second permanent wife even with my culturally accepting life would have to be someone very similar to her that she could get along with

95% of the time married men who wants to do temporary marriage whether they’re telling their wife or not they’re looking for temporary fun

I don’t wanna hurt your feelings and I might get some pushback from brothers and sisters, but I’ve been married 16 years. I did 13 years of seminary six of those before I got married. I have a 14-year-old I’ve been around a lot of places I’ve done marriage counseling I’m just being a little blunt, but honest blunt.

I would have a serious talk with this man, and I would consider asking him to give back the time or just letting the contract run out

And when you do temporary marriage, don’t do more than six months at a time

Wallahu Alam

[Hameedeh]

Salam. My husband and I had a four year mutah, but after six months we made it permanent.

On 5/15/2026 at 4:25 PM, Abu Hassanain said:

And when you do temporary marriage, don’t do more than six months at a time

Why do you say don't do more than six months at a time? 

[Abu Hassanain]

11 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

Salam. My husband and I had a four year mutah, but after six months we made it permanent.

Why do you say don't do more than six months at a time? 

Salam

this is because the common we held misconception in the west is a little woman can end the contract. She cannot only the man can have in the contract unless the contract.

So what happens is like in some cases some ladies had five year contract in your contract shower after 34 months he refuses to say I give you back the time and she’s stuck for the rest of the contract
 

Initially, when you have an old matchmaking websites contemporary marriage, they all recommended only month-to-month. Most of the scholars were running centers back 20 years ago was saying a month three months or six months.

wallahu Alam 

[Guest Mohra]

On 5/15/2026 at 10:58 AM, PureExistence1 said:

 Salaam sister,

I have a lot of experience with this situation, both personally and as a friend of others. My advice is to end it and either only have mutah with someone who intends to make it permanent only if you both find yourselves to be a proper fit. When the time comes to renew the contract, you will be better able to tell of its a "going nowhere" relationship between you two compatibility wise or if it should end. Try to keep from getting attached emotionally while you go through this.

The brother you're temporarily married to so far has shown you he values his first wife and that marriage more as shes the one hes trying to protect. If youre not ok with this, I'd end it. There ARE good Shia men out there that are not currently married. Ask the imam at your local masjid and explain your situation. There are plenty of divorced men available, just be rigorous with investigating hos prior history.

Heres a copy/paste I did regarding your situation:

In Twelver Shia law, the parts of your scenario that are most likely problematic are not the secrecy by itself, but whether the contract and conduct meet the religious conditions for mutʿah. Mutʿah has required elements: a defined term, a specified mahr, and a valid contract with a Muslim or Ahl al-Kitab woman; it is also not valid if the man is still in a situation where a ruling forbids that marriage. 

What is prohibited:

If the woman is a Muslim convert, the main issue is that a married man’s mutʿah can be religiously restricted depending on the marjaʿ and the exact circumstances, especially if the first wife is a Muslim wife and the ruling followed requires her consent or even bars the act altogether. 

If the man is hiding it because he fears it will harm the marriage, the secrecy itself is not usually the core fiqh problem, but deception, betrayal of marital trust, and violating any conditions in the first marriage contract can be sinful or legally wrongful even when the mutʿah contract is otherwise valid. 

If he is treating the temporary wife like a purely sexual outlet and not giving her the rights attached to the contract, that can also be wrong, because mutʿah is still a marriage with obligations, not a loophole for casual s3x. The contract must genuinely be for marriage, with the agreed term and mahr, and the wife’s rights cannot be ignored. 

Likely religious problems:

If the man’s current marjaʿ forbids mutʿah in his case, then the whole arrangement is prohibited. 
If he lies, deceives, or breaches an explicit condition of his first marriage, that is prohibited or sinful even if the mutʿah contract itself exists. 
If the temporary marriage is only a cover for s3x and the required marital terms are not genuinely observed, the relationship becomes invalid or impermissible. 
If the first wife’s rights are harmed in a way that the law or contract forbids, that is also prohibited. 

Plain answer:

What is most likely prohibited is the unlawful mutʿah itself if his ruling disallows it, plus the secrecy-by-deception, plus any breach of marital rights or contract conditions. 

A precise ruling depends on the marjaʿ being followed, because Shia scholars differ on details of mutʿah and on when a married man may do it.

Hope this helps, on sha Allah.

 

Thank you sister for your reply and your time to reply. 

I have given it a good thought and i ended the mutah. It was very difficult to end it because he would not accept it. Hamdoelilah the mutah will end 30 may but he did not want to give the remaining time back. I also blocked him on the phone. 

I see his wife often and she is living her life. I would always feel neglected. He would contact me only on his terms. If i would ask for more time he would blame me for making problems. It stinged a lot and I just felt used actually. He lives closeby so i still see him often so I find it  difficult to act neutral. I actually really love him and I regret actually being in a mutah with a married man. He was not nice during this break up period last week. Hé just did not want to understand I want to end it because I feel so unhappy. He would say that I dont really love him. I was a sunni and he would say things as go back and be a sunni again. He would say go online and look for a loser like your ex husbands. I feel a bit humiliated actually. 

[Guest Mohra]

On 5/15/2026 at 11:25 PM, Abu Hassanain said:

Salam

Sister, I advise you first and foremost as a Muslim a human being, a clergymen and not an emphasis on being a man

No man who does temporary marriage on the condition it has to be a secret and he can’t tell his family ever takes you serious no matter what he says

Ask yourself this if his wife found out about you tomorrow what would her reaction be?

This is a man who wants bonus fun on the side. He’s gonna promise that eventually he’ll tell you eventually you’ll make it permanent. Eventually everybody’s gonna be one big happy family. It’s never gonna happen.

As a man who had a permanent wife who doesn’t care, he does temporary marriage most of the time. It doesn’t look like that my wife is Middle Eastern Arabs care less about polygamy it’s common culturally. My wife told me hey if one of the 20 something at the library at the Gym expressed interest in they’re clean and you wanted to do temporary marriage go for it. She just told me when you go to Dearborn if after lecturing or visit somewhere at 20 something-year-old express interest go for It.

Go for it means go have temporary benefit and temporary fun of second permanent wife even with my culturally accepting life would have to be someone very similar to her that she could get along with

95% of the time married men who wants to do temporary marriage whether they’re telling their wife or not they’re looking for temporary fun

I don’t wanna hurt your feelings and I might get some pushback from brothers and sisters, but I’ve been married 16 years. I did 13 years of seminary six of those before I got married. I have a 14-year-old I’ve been around a lot of places I’ve done marriage counseling I’m just being a little blunt, but honest blunt.

I would have a serious talk with this man, and I would consider asking him to give back the time or just letting the contract run out

And when you do temporary marriage, don’t do more than six months at a time

Wallahu Alam

Thank you brother for your reply and time. 

This man is very good to his wife and daughters and so i trusted him with myself. Now i feel he was the one who i helped. I did everything on his terms to not break up his marriage or family. He never took , like you said, me serious. He would call with an anonymous number. Hé would ignore me when he saw me outside. Sometimes I would not hear from him all day. If I would get pregnant I need to abort.  

I have been divorced several times so i accepted this mutah just to have a good man in my life and honestly I can not live with a man in house anymore. My exes gave me a lot of trauma and my Son is now bigger. I am afraid to get married and having problems again. So i thought this mutah is a great solution. I am just not the type to find this minimal relationship enough even if I tried. 
 

I now ended this with him and he does not want to give the time back. But i am lucky that the mutah will automatically end on 30 may.