Female non-shia from shia syed family, want to marry non shia too but...

[Predicaments]

Salam o Alaikum,

I hope you are all in good health. I am writing here sincerely seeking advice and clarity, and I ask in advance for patience and understanding, as this is a sensitive matter for me.

I am a woman in my mid-twenties, and i am not Shia. By this, I do not mean that I am Sunni either. While many of my beliefs align with Ahl-us-Sunnah, I do not accept everything from any one school uncritically. I felt it was important to clarify this honestly, as my question relates to marriage and a woman’s preferences.

I understand that my views may be uncomfortable for some. My intention is not to provoke or debate beliefs, but to seek guidance regarding my situation.

I wish to marry outside sectarianism, and I hope to raise my children without enforcing a sectarian identity upon them. If my children were to hold different views from mine in the future, I would try to guide them through love, respect, and dialogue, not coercion - also I recognize that I am not infallible, nor am I a prophet, and I accept that I can be wrong.

I wish to marry a non-Shia man whom I met after I had already arrived at my current beliefs. Our relationship did not begin in the most ideal way, which would have involved low contact and early family involvement, though over time we have worked toward correcting this. He has spoken to and convinced his family. I have not yet spoken to my father. My mother is aware and strongly disapproves, largely due to fear of my father.

My father is educated, but he comes from a very traditional and sectarian background. While he intellectually understands certain theological concerns, he still practices things that I personally do not agree are part of Islam. I mention this only to explain how my preferences in faith and marriage differ from his, not to argue theology.

Unfortunately, my father has been physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. I grew up witnessing severe domestic violence against my mother, and I myself experienced physical abuse as a child. Communication with him often becomes unsafe, intimidating, and irrational, making respectful discussion very difficult.

At present, I am financially independent and have been supporting the household for some time, while also managing my own finances for years. Alhamdulillah, I acknowledge that if I ever needed financial help and asked for it, my father would provide it. I am grateful for that.

I came across rulings attributed to Allama Sistani suggesting that financial independence may allow a woman more choice in marriage, though I later found contradictory statement in the same ruling that no actually even then consent of guardian is mandatory, which left me confused. I would appreciate clarity on this matter.

My preference in a spouse is someone who is upright in his deen, hardworking, kind, and principled, even if standing alone for the truth. My father states that I should choose my own spouse, yet insists that he must be a Syed Shia, which contradicts my beliefs and preferences.

I am emotionally attached to the person i wish to marry, and I do not wish to marry anyone else. Even aside from this attachment, my father’s preferred choice would still go against my own criteria. I wish to approach my father respectfully and lovingly, and I want him to be part of my life and, if possible, to be happy for me. I do not wish for conflict or estrangement.

My questions are:

1. What guidance does Shariah give when a father’s preferences are not in accordance with the daughter’s?

2. Given that I have already delayed marriage significantly according to my personal needs, what is the appropriate course of action Islamically?

3. Does a woman have the right to make such a decision for herself in a case like this?

4. Is it wrongful to use rulings that may say i can make my own decisions in this case to convince him to approve and behave nicely?

I live in Pakistan, so I hope you can keep in mind the context (such as that no, social services can't be called). Police can be called if he gets abusive, but so can a few family members from my moms side. I stopped tolerating physical abuse a good 3 years ago. Took a stand and ever since then its been minimal. It was My fault included in those times too due to me raising my voice back and becoming part of escalation (in my justified emotions but still wrong to do) I dont speak so anymore. My mom still takes it but also gets loud and disrespectful now just as he initiates it. She says she is waiting for my brothers to get into universities for her to separate. Which is still a good more than a year from now. But other times she says she will not separate as shes getting old and no point in it (shes still in her fifties). 

I understand that some may view me as immature or believe marriage will be a “wake-up call.” If such trials are written, they will come regardless of whom I marry. I only wish for the choice to be mine.

I respectfully ask that advice be given according to the questions raised, without attempts to convince me regarding my beliefs. I am grateful for any sincere guidance.

Jazakum Allahu khairan.

[Abu Hassanain]

Salam

they are narrations are a little woman who is finally financially and mentally independent, but those narrations when you read the Arabic grammar indicate that she lives alone, not in the family house

Also, if you follow Sayyid Sistani he has closed all those loopholes with a financially and mentally independent woman living alone, as well as a non-virgin who lost her virginity through an incorrect way or without permission of the father in a number of other I don’t like this word, but loopholes people were using many of the jurors have copied these ideas as this happens with many jurors when someone proposes something good they all look it up and often come to a conclusion

So no in your case, according to your scholar, you must have the permission of your father and most of a living scholars right now hold this view so if you go to the next more knowledgeable, it has to be one with a clear rolling and verdict not a precautionary verdict

There were many scholars who didn’t consider the permission necessary only recommended, but the vast majority of them I know hold that rolling are dead so according to your scholar, you have to go to the next most knowledgeable living scholar with a clear verdict

So are you helpless? Are you powerless if they just made it so difficult life is unbearable no

What you have to do in your situation is go to the Office office of your scholar and ask the scholars to hear your case. They can qualify your father’s permission, but then you would have to go through their offices permission.

Which keep in mind they still might not give you permission to do what you want to do

And no, Office can escape cultural bias so bearing in mind that you’re in Pakistan keep that in mind

You are best to return to the truth and the thoroughly research, the true school of thought to marry someone from the truth school of thought

wether they are sayyid or not it’s not a reason, but school of thought is a very valid reason

wallahu Alam