Marriage Proposal Rejected Without Clear Islamic Ground

[Guest القطة البيضاء]

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Raheem

Assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I am seeking Islamic guidance regarding a potential marriage situation and would sincerely appreciate advice from a Shia fiqh perspective.

I am a 23-year-old Shia Muslim woman. I follow the marja‘ Ayatollah Sistani (may Allah protect him). For context, I am currently pursuing higher education and intend to complete a master’s degree. A young man (21 years old) has expressed serious and respectful interest in marriage. He is a Shia revert of approximately two years, is consistent in fulfilling his religious obligations, and is known for good character and manners. He is employed full-time, financially responsible, owns a vehicle, and lives stably with family. He was informed of my medical condition (multiple sclerosis) prior to expressing interest and remained supportive and consistent thereafter.

Approximately one year ago, he attempted to approach my family in a respectful manner by contacting my mother to express his intention. My father is largely absent from my life and not actively involved in my upbringing. My mother declined the proposal, not due to concerns regarding his religious commitment or character, but due to the following reasons:

A two-year age difference

His ethnicity

His level of formal education (entering the workforce after high school rather than pursuing university)

Physical attributes (such as height)

Her belief that he is “not my type,” despite my own assessment and comfort

Her assertion that he is “immature,” despite having not spoken to him or interacted with him directly

She has advised me to delay marriage and keep potential options open, despite this being the only individual I have personally found suitable to mention for marriage. Additionally, she has made her approval conditional upon my physical appearance and has threatened to involve my father, which has caused me emotional distress.

I would also like to mention that my father, due to his absence, is not well-informed about my life and circumstances. He has a history of misrepresenting me publicly, including an instance where he embarrassed me in front of another family by claiming that I demanded an expensive car, despite the fact that I already owned my own vehicle at the time through my own savings. I have been financially independent since the age of 17. Due to this pattern, I am concerned that his involvement may cause reputational harm rather than benefit.

I have tried to remain patient, respectful, and prayerful, and I continue to ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to guide all involved. However, I am uncertain how to proceed Islamically when a parent opposes a proposal for reasons that do not appear to be grounded in deen or character, and when another parent’s involvement may result in harm.

I respectfully seek guidance on the following:

1. Can a parent prevent a marriage for reasons not related to religion, character, or harm?

2. How can I balance respect for my parents with my right to marry a suitable person?

3. If parental involvement causes harm or misrepresentation, what is permitted for a woman to protect herself?

4. If a suitable proposal is delayed without valid Islamic reason, what steps may I take according to Shia fiqh??

I ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to reward you for your time and guidance, and I sincerely appreciate any advice you are able to offer.

 

Wa assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

[Guest Sid]

Walikum Assalam sister, I came here reading about another topic when I came across your post. I’m no scholar to guide you on this matter but being married since 2014 and living together with my husband since 2018 and having a child together, I can just suggest you somethings. 
please don’t hurry in this regard. Marriage should be the last option at this age.
If God forbid things don’t go as you wished going back is extremely difficult.
Things that seem normal to you at the moment can be a huge issue later in married life (speaking from experience). 
Have patience,concentrate on your studies at the moment and pray to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) if he really was your destiny you would be rewarded for your patience. 
I’m not validating your mom’s point of view but she seems correct to some extent. 
I would never in 100 years and in worst case scenario let you go to the extent to go against your mother and marry a man. 99.9% of the time this will be rubbed on women’s face by the husband what she did to marry him. That humiliation is unbearable and destroys families. 
I will pray for you may Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) bless you with happiness. 

[Abu Hassanain]

3 hours ago, Guest القطة البيضاء said:

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Raheem

Assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I am seeking Islamic guidance regarding a potential marriage situation and would sincerely appreciate advice from a Shia fiqh perspective.

I am a 23-year-old Shia Muslim woman. I follow the marja‘ Ayatollah Sistani (may Allah protect him). For context, I am currently pursuing higher education and intend to complete a master’s degree. A young man (21 years old) has expressed serious and respectful interest in marriage. He is a Shia revert of approximately two years, is consistent in fulfilling his religious obligations, and is known for good character and manners. He is employed full-time, financially responsible, owns a vehicle, and lives stably with family. He was informed of my medical condition (multiple sclerosis) prior to expressing interest and remained supportive and consistent thereafter.

Approximately one year ago, he attempted to approach my family in a respectful manner by contacting my mother to express his intention. My father is largely absent from my life and not actively involved in my upbringing. My mother declined the proposal, not due to concerns regarding his religious commitment or character, but due to the following reasons:

A two-year age difference

His ethnicity

His level of formal education (entering the workforce after high school rather than pursuing university)

Physical attributes (such as height)

Her belief that he is “not my type,” despite my own assessment and comfort

Her assertion that he is “immature,” despite having not spoken to him or interacted with him directly

She has advised me to delay marriage and keep potential options open, despite this being the only individual I have personally found suitable to mention for marriage. Additionally, she has made her approval conditional upon my physical appearance and has threatened to involve my father, which has caused me emotional distress.

I would also like to mention that my father, due to his absence, is not well-informed about my life and circumstances. He has a history of misrepresenting me publicly, including an instance where he embarrassed me in front of another family by claiming that I demanded an expensive car, despite the fact that I already owned my own vehicle at the time through my own savings. I have been financially independent since the age of 17. Due to this pattern, I am concerned that his involvement may cause reputational harm rather than benefit.

I have tried to remain patient, respectful, and prayerful, and I continue to ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to guide all involved. However, I am uncertain how to proceed Islamically when a parent opposes a proposal for reasons that do not appear to be grounded in deen or character, and when another parent’s involvement may result in harm.

I respectfully seek guidance on the following:

1. Can a parent prevent a marriage for reasons not related to religion, character, or harm?

2. How can I balance respect for my parents with my right to marry a suitable person?

3. If parental involvement causes harm or misrepresentation, what is permitted for a woman to protect herself?

4. If a suitable proposal is delayed without valid Islamic reason, what steps may I take according to Shia fiqh??

I ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to reward you for your time and guidance, and I sincerely appreciate any advice you are able to offer.

 

Wa assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

4397 - وَ رَوَى اَلْفُضَيْلُ بْنُ يَسَارٍ وَ مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ مُسْلِمٍ وَ زُرَارَةُ وَ بُرَيْدُ بْنُ مُعَاوِيَةَ عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ عَلَيْهِ اَلسَّلاَمُ قَالَ: "اَلْمَرْأَةُ اَلَّتِي قَدْ مَلَكَتْ نَفْسَهَا غَيْرَ اَلسَّفِيهَةِ وَ لاَ اَلْمُوَلَّى عَلَيْهَا تَزْوِيجُهَا بِغَيْرِ وَلِيٍّ جَائِزٌ ".

Hadith.4397 - It is narrated by Al-Fudhayl ibn Yasar, Muhammad ibn Muslim, Zurara, and Burayd ibn Muawiyah from Abu Ja'far Imam Muhammad ibn Ali Al-Baqir (عليه السلام) who said:
"A woman who has control over herself, is neither foolish nor under guardianship, her marriage without a guardian is permissible."

[Abu Hassanain]

Salam

عن أبي حمزة الثمالي ـ في حديث ـ قال: كنت عند أبي جعفر (عليه السلام) فقال له رجل: إنّي خطبت إلى مولاك فلان بن أبي رافع ابنته فلانة فردني ورغب عني وازدرأني لدمامتي وحاجتي وغربتي، فقال أبوجعفر (عليه السلام): اذهب فأنت رسولي إليه، فقل له: يقول لك محمد بن علي بن الحسين بن علي بن أبي طالب: زوج منجح بن رياح مولاي بنتك فلانة، ولا ترده ـ إلى أن قال: From Abu Hamza Al-Thumali in a hadith, he said: I was with Abu Ja'far (peace be upon him) when a man said to him: I proposed to your client, the son of Abu Rafi', for his daughter, but he rejected me and looked down upon me due to my unattractiveness, poverty, and being a stranger. Abu Ja'far (peace be upon him) said: Go, you are my messenger to him. Tell him: Muhammad bin Ali bin Al-Hussain bin Ali bin Abi Talib says to you: Marry your daughter to Munjih bin Riyah, my client, and do not reject him. ثم قال أبوجعفر (عليه السلام): ان رجلا كان من أهل اليمامة يقال له: جويبر، أتى رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وآله) منتجعا للاسلام فأسلم وحسن اسلامه، وكان رجلا قصيرا دميما محتاجا عاريا، وكان من قباح السودان ـ إلى أن قال: ـ وإن رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وآله) نظر إلى جويبر ذات يوم برحمة له ورقة عليه فقال له: يا جويبر لو تزوجت امرأة فعففت بها فرجك وأعانتك على دنياك وآخرتك، Then Abu Ja'far (peace be upon him) said: A man from the people of Yamamah called Juwaybir came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) seeking Islam, and he embraced Islam and his Islam became good. He was a short, unattractive, needy, and destitute man, and he was among the ugliest of black people. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) looked at Juwaybir one day with mercy and compassion for him and said to him: O Juwaybir, if you were to marry a woman, you would protect your private parts with her, and she would help you in your worldly affairs and your hereafter. فقال له جويبر: يا رسول الله بأبي أنت وامي، من يرغب في فو الله ما من حسب ولا نسب ولا مال ولا جمال، فأية امرأة ترغب في؟ Juwaybir said to him: O Messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you, who would desire me? For by Allah, I have no status, no lineage, no wealth, and no beauty, so which woman would desire me? فقال له رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وآله): يا جويبر ان الله قد وضع بالاسلام من كان في الجاهلية شريفا، وشرف بالاسلام من كان في الجاهلية وضيعا، وأعز بالاسلام من كان في الجاهلية ذليلا، وأذهب بالاسلام ما كان من نخوه الجاهلية وتفاخرها بعشايرها وباسق أنسابها، فالناس اليوم كلهم أبيضهم وأسودهم وقريشهم وعربيهم وعجميهم من آدم، وان آدم خلقه الله من طين، وان أحب الناس إلى الله أطوعهم له وأتقاهم، The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) said to him: O Juwaybir, indeed Allah has lowered through Islam those who were noble in jahiliyyah, and ennobled through Islam those who were lowly in jahiliyyah, and honored through Islam those who were humiliated in jahiliyyah, and removed through Islam what existed of jahiliyyah's pride and its boasting of tribes and lofty lineages. So people today, all of them - their white and their black, their Qurayshi and their Arab and their non-Arab - are from Adam, and Adam was created by Allah from clay, and the most beloved of people to Allah are those most obedient to Him and most God-fearing. وما أعلم يا جويبر لاحد من المسلمين عليك اليوم فضلا إلا لمن كان أتقى لله منك وأطوع، ثم قال، انطلق يا جويبر إلى زياد بن لبيد فإنّه من أشرف بني بياضة حسبا فيهم، فقل له: اني رسول رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وآله) إليك، وهو يقول لك: زوج جويبرا بنتك الدلفاء الحديث، From what I know O Juwaybir, no Muslim today has superiority over you except one who is more God-fearing and more obedient than you. Then he said: Go O Juwaybir to Ziyad bin Labid, for he is among the most noble of Bani Bayadah in lineage, and tell him: I am a messenger from the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) to you, and he says to you: Marry your daughter Al-Dalfa to Juwaybir. وفيه انه زوجه اياها بعدما راجع النّبي (صلى الله عليه وآله) فقال له: يا زياد، جويبر مؤمن والمؤمن كفو المؤمنة، والمسلم كفو المسلمة، فزوّجه يا زياد ولا ترغب عنه. And in it that he married her to him after consulting with the Prophet (peace be upon him and his family), who said to him: O Ziyad, Juwaybir is a believer, and a believing man is equal (kuf') to a believing woman, and a Muslim man is equal (kuf') to a Muslim woman, so marry her to him O Ziyad and do not turn away from him. Wasa'il al-Shia Vol. 20, Section 1, Chapter 25, Hadith 25055 https://wasail-al-shia.net/h/25055

[Abu Hassanain]

Salam

https://wasail-al-shia.net/c/4755
 

عن علي بن بلال قال: لقي هشام بن الحكم بعض الخوارج فقال: يا هشام، ما تقول في العجم، يجوز أن يتزوّجوا في العرب؟ قال: نعم، قال: فالعرب يتزوجوا من قريش؟ قال: نعم، قال: فقريش تزوج في بني هاشم؟ قال: نعم، قال: عمن أخذت هذا؟ قال: عن جعفر بن محمد (عليه السلام)، سمعته يقول: أتتكافأ دماؤكم ولا تتكافأ فروجكم. From Ali bin Bilal who said: Hisham bin Al-Hakam met some Kharijites, and one said: O Hisham, what do you say about non-Arabs, can they marry Arabs? He said: Yes. He said: And can Arabs marry from Quraysh? He said: Yes. He said: And can Quraysh marry from Bani Hashim? He said: Yes. He said: From whom did you take this? He said: From Ja'far bin Muhammad (peace be upon him), I heard him say: Your blood is equal but your marriages (*) are not equal?!. Translator: * The word "furuj" is the plural of "farj", which literally means "private parts" but in this context refers to marriage and marital relations. The verb "tatakafa'u" means "to be equal" or "to be equivalent." Translator: Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (peace be upon him) is using a rhetorical question to point out an inconsistency: if all Muslims' blood is considered equal in value (meaning their lives have equal worth), then logically their marriages should also be of equal standing, regardless of tribal or ethnic background. A more interpretive translation that captures the rhetorical force might be: "Do you consider your blood equal in worth, yet not consider your marriages equal in worth?" This hadith is being used by Hisham ibn al-Hakam to argue against tribal prejudice in marriage, asserting that marriage compatibility should not be restricted by ethnic or tribal hierarchies since all believers are equal before God. Hisham is correctly representing the Imam's teaching that these marriages are permissible because true equality demands it. Wasa'il al-Shia Vol. 20, Section 1, Chapter 26, Hadith 25059 https://wasail-al-shia.net/h/25059

[Abu Hassanain]

عن أبي مريم، عن أبي عبدالله (عليه السلام) قال: الجارية البكر التي لها اب لا تتزوج إلا باذن أبيها، وقال: إذا كانت مالكة لامرها تزوجت متى شاءت. From Abu Maryam, from Abu Abdullah (peace be upon him) who said: A virgin girl who has a father cannot marry except with her father's permission, and he said: When she is in control of her affairs, she can marry whenever she wishes. Wasa'il al-Shia Vol. 20, Section 2, Chapter 3, Hadith 25600 https://wasail-al-shia.net/h/25600

https://wasail-al-shia.net/c/4892

The above link is the whole chapter which you have different narrations and the above narration explains specific circumstances

[Abu Hassanain]

Salam 

The vast majority of the living scholars rule, it is an obligatory precaution or a recommendation to seek the father’s permission for permanent marriage

Sayyid Sistani website last I glanced says necessary. It’s not really worded in the traditional way some of his rulings have changed because of the situation in the west people are doing things they shouldn’t so they didn’t need their parents permission so he now has the rule if you lost your virginity in a knot correct way, you have to ask your father‘s permission as a non-virgin for the marriage  he is saying if the woman is financially in intellectually independent it is obligatory precaution, but the general virgin uses the word necessary

One of the more traditional view instance of view of the leader when I worked in his office, was it if a woman is financially independent and she wants to marry a man and she tried to get her father’s permission and he declined and nobody better or more equal to her comes and asks, then she can marry him many of the scholars had this view

The fact that your father does not live with you and does not financially support you generally, his permission is not needed. It would go to his father, but if he’s not supporting you, that’s the same issue the father‘s permission is based on the fact he supporting taking care of involved in the life. The mother’s permission is of no legal consequence. You shouldn’t do something that will make your mother miserable however that is within the limits of Islam. 

Their narration is that dis recommended for marrying from certain races. Ironically, the people who are most obsessed with races, belong to groups that they are in narrations about.

She can’t use race height that he works. I’m assuming a trade or retail instead of a more educated or prestigious job

What I’m a little more concerned about is he was Muslim two years when you met him a year ago so he’s been Muslim four years at the most how integrated into his faith is he will he really be able to handle all the duties?

That would be a concern more than anything. The rest of the reason she has given or not Islamic reasons if he was of a race or a culture they didn’t like, and he didn’t have a job. You can use the not having a job, but if he has his religion in order his finances in order, he can support you your father doesn’t support you. You support yourself then you can marry without permission of your father, according to most of the jurist and that is in line with the majority of the narrations. 

However, your juris Sayyid Sistani if if they’re showing his ruling right has some director stricter rules 

If you are North America, I would get in touch with his oldest and most senior representative Shaikh Fadl Sahlaini of the Khoei Foundation and have him go through all the issues he can give you a clear ruling according to your scholar you can present the narrations you can discuss and ask what is your scholars interpretation he can override your parents permission on behalf of your juris and give permission for the marriage that would be a better way than just finding a verdict and some narration and acting up upon it

wallahu Alam 

[AbdusSibtayn]

Wa alaikis salam, 

The Shaykh above (our forum's resident 'alim) has provided narrations and clarification about rulings, but.... 

All of the 'reasons' your mother has listed for her refusal are bogus non-excuses. She is being swayed by classist and racist prejudices, in all honesty. This is going by whatever you've written here. 

Fiqh-wise, you are not even required to get your mother's permission. Also, since you are financially independent and can take the rest of your life's decisions (education, job) on your own, and the rest of the elders within the family also agree that the man you want to marry is a suitable match, your father's consent is also no longer binding- this is Shaykh Makarim Shirazi (ha)'s ruling (another marja widely regarded as one of the a'lams or most learneds of our time). So you can see what other members of your family say. 

Honestly, there's no other advice that I have got to offer other than saying that if you are serious about him and he's serious about you, both of you have to put your foot down about this marriage. I don't see any other way out. 

Call or mail your marja's representative. See if he can help. 

Edited December 15, 2025 by AbdusSibtayn

[Essentials123]

4 hours ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

The Shaykh above (our forum's resident 'alim) has provided narrations and clarification about rulings, but.... 

that’s awesome this site has a resident ‘alim. 

[Abu Hassanain]

5 hours ago, Essentials123 said:

that’s awesome this site has a resident ‘alim. 

Salam

it’s not an official title. I’m just a brother who wears the turban and runs a small Islamic center in seminary in the wilderness helping out where I can.

Inshallah, the day of judgment may be raised as an Alim from the nation of Muhammad and the family of Muhammad and may my deeds be accepted, and they’ll be able to intercede for those from my family who are doomed to hell as some narrations mentioned

[Abu Hassanain]

10 hours ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

Wa alaikis salam, 

The Shaykh above (our forum's resident 'alim) has provided narrations and clarification about rulings, but.... 

All of the 'reasons' your mother has listed for her refusal are bogus non-excuses. She is being swayed by classist and racist prejudices, in all honesty. This is going by whatever you've written here. 

Fiqh-wise, you are not even required to get your mother's permission. Also, since you are financially independent and can take the rest of your life's decisions (education, job) on your own, and the rest of the elders within the family also agree that the man you want to marry is a suitable match, your father's consent is also no longer binding- this is Shaykh Makarim Shirazi (ha)'s ruling (another marja widely regarded as one of the a'lams or most learneds of our time). So you can see what other members of your family say. 

Honestly, there's no other advice that I have got to offer other than saying that if you are serious about him and he's serious about you, both of you have to put your foot down about this marriage. I don't see any other way out. 

Call or mail your marja's representative. See if he can help. 

Salam

yes, I agree. It’s very easy to override the father’s permission in this case and Islamic centers would do it quickly. It’s the best way, but if he’s not involved, it’s not necessarily necessary either, but her scholar does have stretch protocol on this but most of the time his office will do it in the situation. They’ll tell the parents you have a ridiculous reason for rejecting the marriage come on let’s accept it and if they don’t, his office, just does it.

Also, I reread her post she has muscular sclerosis and it’s a very debilitating disease in time and the fact that he’s willing to stop up and take care of her is a good thing unfortunately most men would not be willing to bear that burden

The older she gets since her flareups become more common symptoms become more severe. The harder marriage or having children would be in her family should take that into consideration as well.

Often times with muscular sclerosis it’s better to have your kids early if you’re gonna have them to go on hajj umrah ziyarah early before the symptoms get bad if you wanted to do something like climb Kilimanjaro hike the Inca Trail do national parks. Oh, that’s best to do while the symptoms are. My old flareups are less frequent.

There’s actually a beautiful Iranian movie about a clergy man who was in the seminary. He has two kids. His wife developed muscular sclerosis so he has to sneak the baby into the seminary. You know to take care of the baby while he’s going to his third level classes and he’s taking his extra food and book money to buy her medicine. It’s a beautiful tale and God willing every disabled person can have a marriage like this.

Prayers for all our disabled brothers and sisters in the struggles they’re going through in prayer prayers that parents understand although it may not be fair. They may not get the match. They want in their minds for their disabled kids. If they get a good match, they sit, accept it, their child’s happiness as long as the person is religious and ethical should come first and foremost. 

My wife was from the family of the prophet, peace and blessings upon him as she was a virgin and older, but she was financially independent we tried to do the recommended thing in Sir please the father he gave the permission and tried to take it back. it was a nightmare. I wish that no one and he was mostly decent religious guy. Some of these cultural scenarios are 100 times worse. 

wallahu alam

[AbdusSibtayn]

On 12/16/2025 at 2:56 AM, Abu Hassanain said:

Salam

yes, I agree. It’s very easy to override the father’s permission in this case and Islamic centers would do it quickly. It’s the best way, but if he’s not involved, it’s not necessarily necessary either, but her scholar does have stretch protocol on this but most of the time his office will do it in the situation. They’ll tell the parents you have a ridiculous reason for rejecting the marriage come on let’s accept it and if they don’t, his office, just does it.

Also, I reread her post she has muscular sclerosis and it’s a very debilitating disease in time and the fact that he’s willing to stop up and take care of her is a good thing unfortunately most men would not be willing to bear that burden

The older she gets since her flareups become more common symptoms become more severe. The harder marriage or having children would be in her family should take that into consideration as well.

Often times with muscular sclerosis it’s better to have your kids early if you’re gonna have them to go on hajj umrah ziyarah early before the symptoms get bad if you wanted to do something like climb Kilimanjaro hike the Inca Trail do national parks. Oh, that’s best to do while the symptoms are. My old flareups are less frequent.

There’s actually a beautiful Iranian movie about a clergy man who was in the seminary. He has two kids. His wife developed muscular sclerosis so he has to sneak the baby into the seminary. You know to take care of the baby while he’s going to his third level classes and he’s taking his extra food and book money to buy her medicine. It’s a beautiful tale and God willing every disabled person can have a marriage like this.

Prayers for all our disabled brothers and sisters in the struggles they’re going through in prayer prayers that parents understand although it may not be fair. They may not get the match. They want in their minds for their disabled kids. If they get a good match, they sit, accept it, their child’s happiness as long as the person is religious and ethical should come first and foremost. 

My wife was from the family of the prophet, peace and blessings upon him as she was a virgin and older, but she was financially independent we tried to do the recommended thing in Sir please the father he gave the permission and tried to take it back. it was a nightmare. I wish that no one and he was mostly decent religious guy. Some of these cultural scenarios are 100 times worse. 

wallahu alam

Wassalam sheikhna, 

Thanks for your valuable input. I don't get these types of emotionally unavailable/absent parents either. If they were never there for their children the least they can do is to not stand in the path of their happiness. 

Prayers for you and your family. May Allah improve your health and preserve your near and dear ones. 

Thanks for the movie recommendation. I'll try to look for it. 

[Abu Hassanain]

7 minutes ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

Wassalam sheikhna, 

Thanks for your valuable input. I don't get these types of emotionally unavailable/absent parents either. If they were never there for their children the least they can do is to not stand in the path of their happiness. 

Prayers for you and your family. May Allah improve your health and preserve your near and dear ones. 

Thanks for the movie recommendation. I'll try to look for it. 

Salam

A lot of these parents who act like this aren’t narcissists narcissist tend to make everything about themselves and wanna control everything even if they don’t want or care about the person they care with other people in the community thing more than the happiness of their own children

If it was so simple, miss guidance of Islamic rulings we wouldn’t see the scenarios we see it’s more than that

Prayers for you as well as the young lady and her family

[Guest Seeker]

On 12/14/2025 at 2:20 PM, Guest القطة البيضاء said:

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Raheem

Assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I am seeking Islamic guidance regarding a potential marriage situation and would sincerely appreciate advice from a Shia fiqh perspective.

I am a 23-year-old Shia Muslim woman. I follow the marja‘ Ayatollah Sistani (may Allah protect him). For context, I am currently pursuing higher education and intend to complete a master’s degree. A young man (21 years old) has expressed serious and respectful interest in marriage. He is a Shia revert of approximately two years, is consistent in fulfilling his religious obligations, and is known for good character and manners. He is employed full-time, financially responsible, owns a vehicle, and lives stably with family. He was informed of my medical condition (multiple sclerosis) prior to expressing interest and remained supportive and consistent thereafter.

Approximately one year ago, he attempted to approach my family in a respectful manner by contacting my mother to express his intention. My father is largely absent from my life and not actively involved in my upbringing. My mother declined the proposal, not due to concerns regarding his religious commitment or character, but due to the following reasons:

A two-year age difference

His ethnicity

His level of formal education (entering the workforce after high school rather than pursuing university)

Physical attributes (such as height)

Her belief that he is “not my type,” despite my own assessment and comfort

Her assertion that he is “immature,” despite having not spoken to him or interacted with him directly

She has advised me to delay marriage and keep potential options open, despite this being the only individual I have personally found suitable to mention for marriage. Additionally, she has made her approval conditional upon my physical appearance and has threatened to involve my father, which has caused me emotional distress.

I would also like to mention that my father, due to his absence, is not well-informed about my life and circumstances. He has a history of misrepresenting me publicly, including an instance where he embarrassed me in front of another family by claiming that I demanded an expensive car, despite the fact that I already owned my own vehicle at the time through my own savings. I have been financially independent since the age of 17. Due to this pattern, I am concerned that his involvement may cause reputational harm rather than benefit.

I have tried to remain patient, respectful, and prayerful, and I continue to ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to guide all involved. However, I am uncertain how to proceed Islamically when a parent opposes a proposal for reasons that do not appear to be grounded in deen or character, and when another parent’s involvement may result in harm.

I respectfully seek guidance on the following:

1. Can a parent prevent a marriage for reasons not related to religion, character, or harm?

2. How can I balance respect for my parents with my right to marry a suitable person?

3. If parental involvement causes harm or misrepresentation, what is permitted for a woman to protect herself?

4. If a suitable proposal is delayed without valid Islamic reason, what steps may I take according to Shia fiqh??

I ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to reward you for your time and guidance, and I sincerely appreciate any advice you are able to offer.

 

Wa assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

If you feel so strongly about this person and the feelings are mutual then you should get married. Anyone discouraging you from getting married is misguiding you. Unless there are actual existing reasons why you shouldn't like being in danger or him being a bad person, etc. then there's no reason why you should not get married. Sometimes to do the right thing you have to go against everyone around you. If you listen to some of these silly people you would be well into your thirties, far past your prime and have a much harder time getting married if at all. Your parents will come around eventually so don't worry too much about them and the guilt trips they may put you through.

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 12/16/2025 at 12:56 AM, Abu Hassanain said:

There’s actually a beautiful Iranian movie about a clergy man who was in the seminary. He has two kids. His wife developed muscular sclerosis so he has to sneak the baby into the seminary. You know to take care of the baby while he’s going to his third level classes and he’s taking his extra food and book money to buy her medicine. It’s a beautiful tale and God willing every disabled person can have a marriage like this.

Salam for more information it's "طلا و مس" movie (tala-va-mes) Gold and Copper movie.

"Gold an Copper" movie 

فیلم ایرانی طلا و مس

https://www.aparat.com/v/d928z4w

https://filmcase.ir/watch/gold-and-copper.html

 

Gold and Copper | with English Subtitle - YouTube

 

https://www.imvbox.com/fa/movies/gold-and-copper-tala-va-mes-2011

Quote

Summaries

• A Tehran mullah-in-training struggles to take care of his ailing wife and their children in this profoundly moving melodrama. A film of near-universal appeal, it puts a human face on Iran's Muslim clergy with its unusual tale of a man forced by hardship to become a better husband and father. Seyed Reza has just moved with his family to Tehran so he can study the Koran, and he relies on his lovely wife Zahra to look after their two young children and weave the intricate rugs that earn them a living. But one evening Zahra collapses and is taken to the hospital, where she's diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Scarcely able to process the tragedy, Seyed is left to cook, change diapers, walk his daughter to school and take his toddler son with him to his classes, where peers and elders treat him with scorn. But Seyed eventually learns to cope, his prayers and devotional studies taking on deeper meaning as he attends to the hard nightly work of rug weaving, getting through with a heavy assist from friends, neighbors and kind strangers.—Palm Springs Internation Film Festival

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1804642/plotsummary/?ref_=tt_ov_pl

جواد عزتی، نگار جواهریان و سحر دولت شاهی در فیلم طلا و مس با ...

YouTube · TPM - Top Persian Movies

with English Subtitle

 

Edited December 21, 2025 by Ashvazdanghe

[Abu Hassanain]

On 12/21/2025 at 1:47 AM, Ashvazdanghe said:

Salam for more information it's "طلا و مس" movie (tala-va-mes) Gold and Copper movie.

"Gold an Copper" movie 

فیلم ایرانی طلا و مس

https://www.aparat.com/v/d928z4w

https://filmcase.ir/watch/gold-and-copper.html

 

Gold and Copper | with English Subtitle - YouTube

 

https://www.imvbox.com/fa/movies/gold-and-copper-tala-va-mes-2011

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1804642/plotsummary/?ref_=tt_ov_pl

جواد عزتی، نگار جواهریان و سحر دولت شاهی در فیلم طلا و مس با ...

YouTube · TPM - Top Persian Movies

with English Subtitle

 

Salam

this was such an awesome movie

[Abbas.]

Assalam Alaykum

A potential partner ought to be compatible with the other in various regards. For example, religion, views, ways of life, practices, even culture or way of upbringing etc 

You are legally mature to make this decision. However, maturity is also reflected by our ability to take an advice and make the best of it. Maturity is also reflected in our ability to give advice and resolve issues amicably.

I wish you good luck.

Fi-Amanillah