Marriage thoughts

[Abu Hassanain]

Salam

Quran narrations encourage virgins to marry virgins

Realistically for those under 25 or perhaps we’d have to say under 21 not sure this should be a worthwhile goal

If we can get two virgin youth married, that would be good

In many communities, there’s an odd expectation for the female to be a virgin, but not the male we should reverse that and expect both to be virgins

Not obviously with new Muslims, so-called converts as I dislike that word, older widows, or divorces people who started actually practicing later in 2530 this is gonna be less likely but for the youth this can be a good thing

also, I think the ideal age for two youth to marry is 10th 11th grade with support from both families. The idea that people have to be completely financially independent in this day and age in this economy is unrealistic and it delays people getting married makes temporary marriage unnecessarily more common and leads people in the same the prophet, peace, and blessings by a temporary marriage is lawful, but marriage is my lifestyle and tradition whoever can follow my lifestyle tradition should it would be better for people to permanently marry young temporary marriage is there for when it’s needed however it is not the ideal as none of the 14 engaged in this practice, though it is lawful the ideal is permanent 

At this time, two people being permanently married going between their parents household as virgins and getting support till they finish their masters degree obtain a trade or open a business would be ideal

Thoughts, please

 

[Essentials123]

1 hour ago, Abu Hassanain said:

At this time, two people being permanently married going between their parents household as virgins and getting support till they finish their masters degree obtain a trade or open a business would be ideal

I agree with you mostly. I was saying to some people what a waste of money it is to have a boy studying at the university and providing money for room and board every month. Then the girl's parents are doing the same thing. While she is in college they are spending money on her room and board each month. Instead why don't the two families pull their resources and the young couple can have an apartment and groceries plus other expenses to live on. As it is both the boy and girl's family can only provide such that the boy shares his apartment with another male and the girl with another woman. Instead they could be each other's roommate and spouse. While it makes sense to me perhaps the woman's family doesn't think it is traditional to pay half the cost of the household in a marriage, even though they are already paying half the cost of the household for their daughter to live at the university and have a female roommate. 

[Abu Hassanain]

20 minutes ago, Azadeh307 said:

I agree with you mostly. I was saying to some people what a waste of money it is to have a boy studying at the university and providing money for room and board every month. Then the girl's parents are doing the same thing. While she is in college they are spending money on her room and board each month. Instead why don't the two families pull their resources and the young couple can have an apartment and groceries plus other expenses to live on. As it is both the boy and girl's family can only provide such that the boy shares his apartment with another male and the girl with another woman. Instead they could be each other's roommate and spouse. While it makes sense to me perhaps the woman's family doesn't think it is traditional to pay half the cost of the household in a marriage, even though they are already paying half the cost of the household for their daughter to live at the university and have a female roommate. 

Salam

people are not realizing the general rules can change under specific circumstances

We are dealing with a very different society, economy and times

Previously someone could wait to marry to 2530 years old and have little to no temptation

The society we live in it’s vastly different. I’m in just the way the people dress at the grocery store at the gym the malls the schools is completely insane.

Better for people to marry young, preserve their religion and our elders will have to understand that they are going to have to contribute

I would say the cost of an apartment is probably unrealistic for most families most probably the girl and boy would have to go back-and-forth between each other’s parents house

I live in a cheap area and the cheapest one bedroom apartments in a safe area are $1500-$2000 a month

In New York LA Chicago, Houston Atlanta they are much more

also, people say well they remote areas. They’re smaller areas where it’s cheaper. Yes, we have an area four hours south of me. It’s very cheap $400 a month for a two bedroom but your hours from anything then you’d have to hope these young people know how to drive that the parents can provide gas cards, etc. 

It would be awkward for grown married adults to share a family house, but that is probably the cheapest and most ideal

Especially with college, you’re talking at least 8 to 10 years of school before they can finish their masters which is bare minimum and most fields now

A union trade apprenticeship with it’s really not worth acquiring a trade if you’re not going to be union the pay is just not worth it takes five years. That’s once you finish the waiting list personal interview and get on.

wallahu Alam 

[Essentials123]

Salaam, I agree many young couples could go back and forth between their parents houses. I am all for people getting married young. I do not advocate for divorce at all however working in the counseling field time and time again I come in to situations where people spend 5-8 years in relationships without getting married then the woman may panic when she is in her mid thirties and it is time pressed for her to have babies. I would advocate for rushing the marriage and praying for the best. Even if the marriage ends in divorce it is better than these 5-8 year relationships and at least people end up experiencing having children. 

Union trade is what some people I know are planning on doing. It seems like an ok career path because instead of not getting paid in college they are getting paid a low wage the first 2 years. It gets better in years 3-5 and then at year 9 - 4 years past journey man the person can get a  contractor's license and bid on union jobs I believe. 

One thing I have heard is frustrating is once making $80 an hour at year 5, a person has to pay $20 an hour into a 401k plan and they only get it back if they work many years. Some people would rather invest their own money or enjoy it when they are younger. 

 

[Abu Hassanain]

41 minutes ago, Azadeh307 said:

Salaam, I agree many young couples could go back and forth between their parents houses. I am all for people getting married young. I do not advocate for divorce at all however working in the counseling field time and time again I come in to situations where people spend 5-8 years in relationships without getting married then the woman may panic when she is in her mid thirties and it is time pressed for her to have babies. I would advocate for rushing the marriage and praying for the best. Even if the marriage ends in divorce it is better than these 5-8 year relationships and at least people end up experiencing having children. 

Union trade is what some people I know are planning on doing. It seems like an ok career path because instead of not getting paid in college they are getting paid a low wage the first 2 years. It gets better in years 3-5 and then at year 9 - 4 years past journey man the person can get a  contractor's license and bid on union jobs I believe. 

One thing I have heard is frustrating is once making $80 an hour at year 5, a person has to pay $20 an hour into a 401k plan and they only get it back if they work many years. Some people would rather invest their own money or enjoy it when they are younger. 

 

Salam

well, the advantage of investing into a pension plan as my father joined the union at 17 you have 30 years of the time wasn’t coupled with when he got out at 47. He got a full pension.

I have a brother who doesn’t even have a high school diploma. He got his GED like two years after and he now makes $70 an hour in elevator operator.

I would say the youth should either be in college until a minimum of masters in a union trade in the seminary or even I’m fine with house wives or house husbands as long as there’s some kind of savings account set up for the dependents

I think we have to be a little bit flexible in this day and age. I know a number of women with a very lucrative careers of husband work 10 to 20 hours a week or they just clean the house cook the meals and spend the rest of the time praying or in the Gym.

Whatever gets people to have functional families, practice the dean and live healthy and good. I’ll take at this point.

wallahu Alam 

[Essentials123]

9 minutes ago, Abu Hassanain said:

I would say the youth should either be in college until a minimum of masters in a union trade in the seminary or even I’m fine with house wives or house husbands as long as there’s some kind of savings account set up for the dependents

I think we have to be a little bit flexible in this day and age. I know a number of women

That’s a good deal to get full pension at 47. My brother is in the HVAC union, but he is suggesting his sons maybe go into electrician union, plumbing union, or elevator operator union. He told me elevator operator union is very good because it is a higher paid trade and while it does require alot of travel the working days are less. 
 

in counseling the youth we need to think which jobs won’t be taken by AI. Trade jobs definitely won’t. My job in counseling definitely won’t, probably most medical doctors are safe. I keep trying to add to the list. Definitely would not recommend software engineer anymore. 
 

Studying in the seminary is good. Nice to have one students in every family. Shia are blessed because we have to reason and can’t depend on AI to think for us. 
 

it’s important to talk to kids young about getting married. Even before they are old enough to be married there should be years of discussion so the idea takes root. 

 

[AbdusSibtayn]

University is a scam. Even professional courses graduates realize that they learn more on the job than they do in college. It's a huge waste of time and resources. People become overqualified and jobless. 

Wassalam. 

[Essentials123]

17 hours ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

University is a scam. Even professional courses graduates realize that they learn more on the job than they do in college. It's a huge waste of time and resources. People become overqualified and jobless. 

 

It's true people learn more on the job. From an intellectual level, I think university is useless especially with the World Wide Web etc, however some people have to go through the motions to meet the state licensing requirements for what they do. A couple things that frustrate me about the college application process in United States are: 

1) There are 6 categories that fold into a successful college app, one of which is AP/IB test scores. Foreign Language is one course students can AP test in however there are no AP tests in United States for Arabic or Farsi. This gives preference in college admissions to students who study French, Latin, Mandarin, Spanish, Italian, German, and one other language (I think Portuguese but I could be wrong) because there are AP tests in these languages.

2) A second of the 6 categories is community service. In theory I understand not wanting to give preference to educating people who only care about themselves. However, for the purposes of college applications, students who have volunteer service hours that get documented by an official organization have preference. This means if I go to an organization and volunteer 3 hours a week to teach children to read then I bolster my college app, however if I spend 3 hours a week for a year tutoring my younger brother or sister who is 10 years younger than me it does nothing for my college app. The same goes with the elderly... if I volunteer my Sunday afternoons to play board games with the elderly at a nursing home and do crafts with them to keep them company I bolster my college application but if I do the same for my own grandparents it does not bolster my college apps.

[AbdusSibtayn]

12 hours ago, Azadeh307 said:

It's true people learn more on the job. From an intellectual level, I think university is useless especially with the World Wide Web etc, however some people have to go through the motions to meet the state licensing requirements for what they do. A couple things that frustrate me about the college application process in United States are: 

1) There are 6 categories that fold into a successful college app, one of which is AP/IB test scores. Foreign Language is one course students can AP test in however there are no AP tests in United States for Arabic or Farsi. This gives preference in college admissions to students who study French, Latin, Mandarin, Spanish, Italian, German, and one other language (I think Portuguese but I could be wrong) because there are AP tests in these languages.

2) A second of the 6 categories is community service. In theory I understand not wanting to give preference to educating people who only care about themselves. However, for the purposes of college applications, students who have volunteer service hours that get documented by an official organization have preference. This means if I go to an organization and volunteer 3 hours a week to teach children to read then I bolster my college app, however if I spend 3 hours a week for a year tutoring my younger brother or sister who is 10 years younger than me it does nothing for my college app. The same goes with the elderly... if I volunteer my Sunday afternoons to play board games with the elderly at a nursing home and do crafts with them to keep them company I bolster my college application but if I do the same for my own grandparents it does not bolster my college apps.

Attending university is a privilege.