Sunni married a shia

[Guest Miriam]

Salam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

I have a question...I (sunni) married a shia man in a mutah marriage. Reason being that I thought I would convert to shia.  This is not what I need advice on but this....he never gave me any mahr and we had an argument and now we just didnt speak for a year. Is there a way that this marriage has ended? He is and has not done anything for me either. The time we set was 20 years but to me it feels like we are not married anymore. This really is complicated....

Please be kind as this is very sensitive to me 

[Abu Hassanain]

On 11/6/2025 at 6:35 AM, Guest Miriam said:

Salam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

I have a question...I (sunni) married a shia man in a mutah marriage. Reason being that I thought I would convert to shia.  This is not what I need advice on but this....he never gave me any mahr and we had an argument and now we just didnt speak for a year. Is there a way that this marriage has ended? He is and has not done anything for me either. The time we set was 20 years but to me it feels like we are not married anymore. This really is complicated....

Please be kind as this is very sensitive to me 

Salam

20 years is a strangely long amount of time for the first contract. I mean it’s technically legal and theoretically we see these happen usually to be honest I’ve only seen contracts that long when someone does temporary marriage gets a Christian or Jewish girl pregnant and they do a move so long enough for the kids to turn 18 2025 whenever kids usually finish college and are on their own then split, but I’ve only seen that happen a couple times.
 

Technically, the contract has to run its course or the man has to return the time

https://imam-us.org/get-answers/can-the-woman-end-a-temporary-marriage-sooner
 

I could not find a direct link from the Q&A to the scholars main rollings, but this is from his office
 

Now, if you’re temporary husband refuses to give back the time you’ll have to go to office of a religious scholar

Your temporary husband owes you no financial support or gifts during the 20 years of the temporary marriage. You don’t have that right on him.

However, if you became pregnant or have a child, the child is legitimate and he must give the child the rights of support

I’m very confused as to why you chose 20 years

May Allah give you the best

[Mountain]

1 hour ago, Abu Hassanain said:

Salam

20 years is a strangely long amount of time for the first contract. I mean it’s technically legal and theoretically we see these happen usually to be honest I’ve only seen contracts that long when someone does temporary marriage gets a Christian or Jewish girl pregnant and they do a move so long enough for the kids to turn 18 2025 whenever kids usually finish college and are on their own then split, but I’ve only seen that happen a couple times.
 

Technically, the contract has to run its course or the man has to return the time

https://imam-us.org/get-answers/can-the-woman-end-a-temporary-marriage-sooner
 

I could not find a direct link from the Q&A to the scholars main rollings, but this is from his office
 

Now, if you’re temporary husband refuses to give back the time you’ll have to go to office of a religious scholar

Your temporary husband owes you no financial support or gifts during the 20 years of the temporary marriage. You don’t have that right on him.

However, if you became pregnant or have a child, the child is legitimate and he must give the child the rights of support

I’m very confused as to why you chose 20 years

May Allah give you the best

True you only really hear of Mutah now when a man wants to marry a Ahlul kitab that’s not Muslim.

[Abu Hassanain]

12 hours ago, Mountain said:

True you only really hear of Mutah now when a man wants to marry a Ahlul kitab that’s not Muslim.

Salam

no, I was indicating long-term contracts like that.

We have Shia youth doing mutah with each other in the youth group’s youth organizations and colleges all the time. 
 

They are using it in a strange way almost like dating. 
 

That is different from the situation above and a lot of the situations where brothers get people from the book women. 
 

And generally, there are reasons for those type of choices that shouldn’t be discussed necessarily in a public forum, but many of them are well known
 

wallahu Alam 

[Mountain]

2 minutes ago, Abu Hassanain said:

Salam

no, I was indicating long-term contracts like that.

We have Shia youth doing mutah with each other in the youth group’s youth organizations and colleges all the time. 
 

They are using it in a strange way almost like dating. 
 

That is different from the situation above and a lot of the situations where brothers get people from the book women. 
 

And generally, there are reasons for those type of choices that shouldn’t be discussed necessarily in a public forum, but many of them are well known
 

wallahu Alam 

Walaykum Asalam yeah alot of people use it as halal dating and all since some of them have desires and all, which is not what should be done. I just mean that the majority of people who want to get a Mutah for the right reasons are men wanting to marry kitabi non muslim woman. Salaams

[Mountain]

5 minutes ago, Abu Hassanain said:

Salam

no, I was indicating long-term contracts like that.

We have Shia youth doing mutah with each other in the youth group’s youth organizations and colleges all the time. 
 

They are using it in a strange way almost like dating. 
 

That is different from the situation above and a lot of the situations where brothers get people from the book women. 
 

And generally, there are reasons for those type of choices that shouldn’t be discussed necessarily in a public forum, but many of them are well known
 

wallahu Alam 

Yeah I agree 

[Quran313]

20 years long. It's udially 2 or 3 months. What to do now? There must be a set dowry and duration of Mutah. Contact him to end the temporary marriage contract on his side and forgive your set dowry. By doing this, you are good to go, keep the Iddah and then go marry anyone you want. Remember Mutah is usually few weeks to 2 or 3 months.

There are other factors that question authenticity of the Mutah you done like father permission if you're virgin, unknown dowry, etc. But don't worry about these. Just contact him to end the temporary marriage, and you're good. If he just says yeah it's over, or things like it is done, etc., it means it's over. You don't need to tell him that you forgive your dowry. Just forget about it and go with your life.

[Abu Hassanain]

7 hours ago, Quran313 said:

20 years long. It's udially 2 or 3 months. What to do now? There must be a set dowry and duration of Mutah. Contact him to end the temporary marriage contract on his side and forgive your set dowry. By doing this, you are good to go, keep the Iddah and then go marry anyone you want. Remember Mutah is usually few weeks to 2 or 3 months.

There are other factors that question authenticity of the Mutah you done like father permission if you're virgin, unknown dowry, etc. But don't worry about these. Just contact him to end the temporary marriage, and you're good. If he just says yeah it's over, or things like it is done, etc., it means it's over. You don't need to tell him that you forgive your dowry. Just forget about it and go with your life.

Salam

A big problem we dealt with in the offices of the grand scholars was that many times men get vindictive and won’t give back the time or end the contract because he can go on with his life in that situation, but she can’t

So I would add it if you won’t give back the time again she should go to the office of a grand scholar who can end the contract on her behalf after hearing her case and getting in contact with her limbo husband

wallahu Alam 

[Abu Hassanain]

On 11/10/2025 at 7:45 AM, Mountain said:

Walaykum Asalam yeah alot of people use it as halal dating and all since some of them have desires and all, which is not what should be done. I just mean that the majority of people who want to get a Mutah for the right reasons are men wanting to marry kitabi non muslim woman. Salaams

Salam

most of the time if they’re doing Mutah with non-Muslim woman and it’s not very very short term. It’s not for good reasons either it’s to get around having to go to the parents. It’s to pick up women who will do certain things. Our women won’t do without going in the details and before someone mentions well, the legal rules applied to them the same way there are certain situations where they really don’t. There’s a few situations. I’ve heard people specifically looking into it because of this. 

It’s much much better to avoid I mean, why would somebody unless you have absolutely no other option you wanna kiss someone who  eats  pork or drinks  alcohol

our communities need strive to make permanent marriage easy the ideal age is 10th or 11th grade the end of high school for them to marry someone of similar rage in both sets of parents to help that way they can marry versions and avoid any sin or acquiring of deviant habits

 

wallahu Alam 

[Mountain]

45 minutes ago, Abu Hassanain said:

Salam

most of the time if they’re doing Mutah with non-Muslim woman and it’s not very very short term. It’s not for good reasons either it’s to get around having to go to the parents. It’s to pick up women who will do certain things. Our women won’t do without going in the details and before someone mentions well, the legal rules applied to them the same way there are certain situations where they really don’t. There’s a few situations. I’ve heard people specifically looking into it because of this. 

It’s much much better to avoid I mean, why would somebody unless you have absolutely no other option you wanna kiss someone who  eats  pork or drinks  alcohol

our communities need strive to make permanent marriage easy the ideal age is 10th or 11th grade the end of high school for them to marry someone of similar rage in both sets of parents to help that way they can marry versions and avoid any sin or acquiring of deviant habits

 

wallahu Alam 

Salaam yes I do agree, I don’t think marriage with non shi’i is good at all. But I mean if a woman and a Muslim man are afraid of falling into zina then mutah is maybe the only option for them. Although it’s very difficult but if they know that they are pretty much going to end up on the path on zina then yeah mutah contract for a long time is normally what they go for. I also agree that our communities are stuck in the past especially if they come from certain backgrounds. People are also overall too picky for their kids instead of excepting that they want to get married. It’s kinda sad since a lot of the younger generation just end up going into haram relationships thinking that they’ll get nikkah in a few years and then tell their parents ect, In’sha’Allah khair 

Edited November 12 by Mountain

[Abu Hassanain]

5 hours ago, Mountain said:

Salaam yes I do agree, I don’t think marriage with non shi’i is good at all. But I mean if a woman and a Muslim man are afraid of falling into zina then mutah is maybe the only option for them. Although it’s very difficult but if they know that they are pretty much going to end up on the path on zina then yeah mutah contract for a long time is normally what they go for. I also agree that our communities are stuck in the past especially if they come from certain backgrounds. People are also overall too picky for their kids instead of excepting that they want to get married. It’s kinda sad since a lot of the younger generation just end up going into haram relationships thinking that they’ll get nikkah in a few years and then tell their parents ect, In’sha’Allah khair 

Salam

again, and these people are falling in love with non-Muslims if they’re making that kind of long contract, I’ve never seen that. 
 

Very sad and interesting

[Mountain]

2 hours ago, Abu Hassanain said:

Salam

again, and these people are falling in love with non-Muslims if they’re making that kind of long contract, I’ve never seen that. 
 

Very sad and interesting

Walaikum Asalam, Yes I saw a few stories on this and how the man has a separate room that he prays in and keeps tahir ect. Have a good night/day

[Mountain]

2 hours ago, Abu Hassanain said:

Salam 

you don’t have to go into too many details but I am 36. I spent 13 years studying in the seminary system here in the west my marriage is arranged at 20. I mostly grew up in New York. I’ve been a lot of places but some of the things you’re describing I really haven’t seen that. I’m wondering where that’s going on.

Is that areas where there’s just not hardly any Muslim let alone 12 or population? 
 

my idiot, brother-in-law did a temporary marriage with a Christian woman is a hook up thing then did a longer tech temporary marriage cause he got her pregnant then I think he did a really long temporary marriage because she wouldn’t convert and he wanted to be there to raise the kids but his lifestyle is different 

Most people go one to six months and renew some of the Afro Caribbean’s. I met do three years, but I’ve never seen anyone do much more than that.

A lot of younger brothers would approach me when I lived in downtown Cleveland at that time had a place where I did English services then I would go for Arabic language services and sometimes do speeches for them. They asked me to help get them women that time as well, you know, religious, arranged marriage. I have no idea I said don’t you guys go to college so that said I find it hard to believe that some of the people from overseas can even easily obtain a woman.

I know a lot of people who are born here we’re going along the lines of loose women with the logic wall technically strippers and dominatrix, technically aren’t prostitutes, etc. going for very loose and poor women using the dowry is a lawful hookup type thing but again this is like some high school and early college kids Milwaukee Chicago places like that and it wasn’t that common

New York has changed the last 10 years or so gone are the extreme hardline traditional overseas communities but when I live there, someone got a woman pregnant in temporary marriage. Usually you had to permanently marry her and most of the time in those situation the girl was heavily pressured to convert.

So I’m just curious you don’t have to say obviously pinned up by what region state you’re in in the country where this is common because I’m just curious

I’m 36 so I’m wondering if your significantly younger than me or just came from an area of it’s significantly different

But my world is different. I left the streets young enough to have not ruined my life at 14 and enjoying the seminary so and then New York was a world of its own.

 

Walaikum Asalam wa Rahmatullahi, ok so the first thing I want to say is that I am a female I just realised now that maybe you thought I was a man, sorry if I gave that impression I just have my profile picture as a mountain goat since umar ibn Al Khattab if you get the reference. Also when I say I see cases I mean I’ve heard of them before like from people online that I’m pretty sure live close or not that far from here for context I live in England. I’ve heard mainly stories about people in college who are desperate and trying hard not to fall into zina or they just fall in love with Christian’s mainly. Since people think Jew=zio. In England it’s becoming a really south Asian area to be honest. There’s more niqabi’s here than woman who wear hijab. Normally I do hear of these stories online from the uk but not really with my own eyes like a brother was saying he has a 20 year contract with a woman and she doesn’t have pork or alcohol. And another said like an eight year contract. Temporary marriage christains is looked down upon here, so I doubt anyone will talk about it openly since normally the kaff convert but majority of the time don’t believe. Also there’s this Shia subreddit and I think they have a lot of posts about Mutah and all so maybe there’s different perspectives on there. I think this generation is falling apart to be honest no one knows what they want and majority of them are suicidal. I’m not shaming anyone who’s actually depressed but it seems it’s trending to be depressed. 

With mutah I think it’s a bad idea in majority cases unless fear of zina, there’s also alot of Sunnis here there’s a language college which they go to learn English and it’s packed with Arabs I’m assuming sunni since they pray separately although we can do that too if we want. I also think the media has a big impact on this because some younger and maybe even more mature adults feel pressed to get married. Also you don’t have to reply to this since I’m a female you can react to the chat. Sorry again if I made it out that I’m a male maybe I will change the profile picture to something more feminine, In sha Allah khair.

[Abu Hassanain]

1 hour ago, Mountain said:

Walaikum Asalam wa Rahmatullahi, ok so the first thing I want to say is that I am a female I just realised now that maybe you thought I was a man, sorry if I gave that impression I just have my profile picture as a mountain goat since umar ibn Al Khattab if you get the reference. Also when I say I see cases I mean I’ve heard of them before like from people online that I’m pretty sure live close or not that far from here for context I live in England. I’ve heard mainly stories about people in college who are desperate and trying hard not to fall into zina or they just fall in love with Christian’s mainly. Since people think Jew=zio. In England it’s becoming a really south Asian area to be honest. There’s more niqabi’s here than woman who wear hijab. Normally I do hear of these stories online from the uk but not really with my own eyes like a brother was saying he has a 20 year contract with a woman and she doesn’t have pork or alcohol. And another said like an eight year contract. Temporary marriage christains is looked down upon here, so I doubt anyone will talk about it openly since normally the kaff convert but majority of the time don’t believe. Also there’s this Shia subreddit and I think they have a lot of posts about Mutah and all so maybe there’s different perspectives on there. I think this generation is falling apart to be honest no one knows what they want and majority of them are suicidal. I’m not shaming anyone who’s actually depressed but it seems it’s trending to be depressed. 

With mutah I think it’s a bad idea in majority cases unless fear of zina, there’s also alot of Sunnis here there’s a language college which they go to learn English and it’s packed with Arabs I’m assuming sunni since they pray separately although we can do that too if we want. I also think the media has a big impact on this because some younger and maybe even more mature adults feel pressed to get married. Also you don’t have to reply to this since I’m a female you can react to the chat. Sorry again if I made it out that I’m a male maybe I will change the profile picture to something more feminine, In sha Allah khair.

Salaam

so sorry no I thought because of the name Malden that seemed more like a masculine name. I do get the reference.

No, I’m aware of the situation in England. We have Muslim colleagues from their Muslim friends, we know and we know some non-Muslims move to the states from England.

Thank you for your insight and pointing out the stories you heard or saw

With the exception of evangelicals most of the Christians day tear and some of them consider going too far not right but most of them don’t take it that serious 

My marriage was rain so I really don’t know that’s why I was curious when people were mentioning 20 year contract

I’m so sorry I didn’t realize you were a woman

 

[Mountain]

3 hours ago, Abu Hassanain said:

Salaam

so sorry no I thought because of the name Malden that seemed more like a masculine name. I do get the reference.

No, I’m aware of the situation in England. We have Muslim colleagues from their Muslim friends, we know and we know some non-Muslims move to the states from England.

Thank you for your insight and pointing out the stories you heard or saw

With the exception of evangelicals most of the Christians day tear and some of them consider going too far not right but most of them don’t take it that serious 

My marriage was rain so I really don’t know that’s why I was curious when people were mentioning 20 year contract

I’m so sorry I didn’t realize you were a woman

 

Walaikum Asalam it’s ok, for I just put mountain since I couldn’t think of anything else to put. Your welcome for the insight and have a good day/night, may Allah Subhana hu’wa’ta’ala bless your marriage. Have a good day/night In’sha’Allah 

[Abu Hassanain]

Salam

16 years in Feb inshallah