Father passed away

[PureExistence1]

As salaamun aleikum everyone,

My dad passed away last Wednesday. He was a Christian. He had shortcomings and character defects just like anyone else. In his later years he was very ill which caused him to be very neglectful of my mom who's suffered with dementia for 15 years now.

Anyway, all this to say a sister i know has left a very negative effect on me that is seriously messing with my grieving process and overall spiritual and mental health during this trying time.

Throughout the 10 years weve been friends, she developed a deep dislike for my dad due to the things he has done that i shared with her while seeking her support and guidance. She never met him. Very often she would say things like, "sister, his barzakh will be very bad", and "his recompense in the afterlife is something to be terrified of", and other such comments that now are freaking me out. I WANT to believe he is in a better place after the horrible struggle hes had everyday for the last 15 years. Extreme anxiety, hemodialysis 3x a week, always sick after his treatments, heart disease, heart attacks, broken hip, broken arm, his dialysis fistula busted and blood sprayed all over the house, multiple serious infections, couldnt toilet himself or shower and wouldn't accept help so was almost always filthy and smelly, multiple extended hospital stays due to extremely high potassium requiring multiple dialysis treatments, high blood pressure often 200/80 and higher, as high as 238 once...i could go on and on. With all these issues and suffering, i would think it would be somewhat of an expiation.

Also, over the years he donated to charities and gave 14 different people a place to stay rent free, some for a year, others for much longer, like my best friends parents who lived here for 13 years. I even had a friend and daughter with 2 twin 2 year olds lived here til they moved on...

Hes done much other good things and if you knew the horrible childhood he had due to an awful stepmother, youd wonder how he didnt turn out to be a serial ki**er...

He died alone, found naked on the floor of the bathroom with his head on the seat of his wheel chair. Seeing him like that will forever haunt me..he was terrified of dying alone and thats exactly what happened. No idea if he suffered or was terrified. These questions will also haunt me as i cant put the pieces together of what caused him to be in that position and shape.

What do you guys think his experience is in barzakh? Do you think its as horrible as my friend has said it would be?

He believed in God and the afterlife. He wasnt an atheist and he was a good person. Honest, hardworking, supported his family for 58 years...

Im so tore up:(

Jzk

[notme]

Nobody really knows what barzakh is like. People who have repented of their sins and done good deeds will have an easier time. 

You can pray for him - that will help.  

My condolences for you loss. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un. 

[GEU_40]

انا لله وانا اليه راجعون.

Don't overthink about his soul in Barzakh. What you can do, practically, is read the Quran regularly. I remember reading that at the very least, it reduces the punishment of the parents even if they actively adhered to disbelief.

[Hameedeh]

3 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

My dad passed away last Wednesday. He was a Christian. He had shortcomings and character defects just like anyone else.

Salam, Sister. Your prayers reach back seven generations to help your ancestors. Every dua you say when you think about your father, every good deed that you did, every thing in your life that you will do reflects back on him. Please be kind to yourself. You need your strength to take care of your mother.

Recite for the deceased: Innaa lillahi Wa Innaa Ilayhi Raaji'oon. "Indeed to Allah we belong, and to Him we return." [Holy Qur'an 2:156] Recite Fatiha. Allah Humma Salle Ala Muhammadin Wa Aal-e-Muhammad, Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim, "Laa ilaaha illallaahul Malikul haqqul Mubeen" (There is no god but Allah, the King, the True, the Manifest). Allah Humma Salle Ala Muhammadin Wa Aal-e-Muhammad.

[Muhammed Ali]

Condolences on the passing of your father.

 

Your friend isn't very smart. Allah is merciful and judges people according to their circumstances, including non-Muslims. 

Edited October 13 by Muhammed Ali

[Abu Hassanain]

Salam

we will read Majalis for him this Layl Jummah. As Abu Pureexistance 
 

What people go through in purgatory no one can say all of us will go through it there if you read the accounts of some of the most pious and senior scholars ever to walk this or what they described what the experience was not pleasant. 
 

But eventually, people get their reward and their punishment there.

I will pray that he is obviously among the people of doubt two people improve did not complete upon and that when he rises during the first kingdom of the last luminary that he accepts the faith during those three days

According to narrations and common sense, you can start performing good deeds specifically on his behalf Salah Siyam Sadaqa etc which all help in that world

It doesn’t matter if a person was Muslim or not in this world in that world the DG send have an effect

My mother did not live a righteous life in many aspects. She performed many good deeds and other aspects. She died in the state of disbelief, even though she had me as the son that she did not accept the faith. I didn’t have much hope for her situation, a friend of mine went to Do Ziyarah Imam Ridha as so he did Ziyarah on her behalf I saw my mother in a dream after that her youth was restored, and she had mentioned that she was moving to a better neighborhood.

Wallahu Alam 

[Azadeh307]

I am sorry for your loss. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.

I will make a dua for your father. Also, may you find some comfort during this difficult time for your family. 

[Muhammed Ali]

On 10/13/2025 at 4:11 PM, Muhammed Ali said:

Allah is merciful and judges people according to their circumstances, including non-Muslims. 

If you want verses of the Quran and ahadith on this, let us know. We can post them.

[Gaius I. Caesar]

On 10/13/2025 at 4:24 AM, PureExistence1 said:

What do you guys think his experience is in barzakh? Do you think its as horrible as my friend has said it would be?

He believed in God and the afterlife. He wasnt an atheist and he was a good person. Honest, hardworking, supported his family for 58 years...

Your friend knows nothing about him or barzakh, you should keep your distance from her and allow yourself to grieve. I do not think it is correct to continue associating with her. It has nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with arrogance. Don't bother explaining how her comments made you feel because she is going to judge you for it.

On 10/13/2025 at 4:24 AM, PureExistence1 said:

Very often she would say things like, "sister, his barzakh will be very bad", and "his recompense in the afterlife is something to be terrified of", and other such comments that now are freaking me out.

Anyone with an iota of common sense would not say such things to a grieving person, she knows nothing of his afterlife or hers.  How can she be so sure of this? 

[AbdusSibtayn]

Wassalam, 

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) grant you and your near and dear ones the patience to deal with this loss. 

Don't pay heed to negativity. 

[PureExistence1]

6 hours ago, Muhammed Ali said:

If you want verses of the Quran and ahadith on this, let us know. We can post them.

Salaam and yes, I'll accept any help right now that comes to me.. may Allah bless you and everyone else commenting and helping me through this..

[y0hance]

On 10/13/2025 at 12:59 PM, Abu Hassanain said:

Salam

we will read Majalis for him this Layl Jummah. As Abu.....

Bismillah

Salawm!

I was wondering...could you really dedicate a majlis without knowing the name of the person its going to?

Kind Regards,

Y.T

 

[Abu Hassanain]

On 10/16/2025 at 3:19 AM, y0hance said:

Bismillah

Salawm!

I was wondering...could you really dedicate a majlis without knowing the name of the person its going to?

Kind Regards,

Y.T

 

Salam

yes, father of insert usernames screen name suffices

A traditional to read it as father or mother of such and such son or daughter of such and such

ie Abu Ahamad Falan Ibn Mustafa 

However, it’s not necessary for the reward to reach it that it should be in such a particular formula

 

[PureExistence1]

Salaam everyone,

I just wanted to thank everyone here for contributing and adding helpful information to this. It really is amazing and wonderful alhamdulillah that we come together like this to support each other, people who don't technically even know each other, and are only really bound together by the fact that we exist and our connection to Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى),  so thanks again for your thoughtful comments, helpful information, and just participating in this thread comment means a lot to me and has been very helpful. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)  bless you and reward you as well as all of your deceased loved ones, in sha Allah.

[Muhammed Ali]

On 10/15/2025 at 3:53 AM, PureExistence1 said:

Salaam and yes, I'll accept any help right now that comes to me.. may Allah bless you and everyone else commenting and helping me through this..

 

{2:286} Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability ...

{17:15} Whoever goes aright, for his own soul does he go aright; and whoever goes astray, to its detriment only does he go astray: nor can the bearer of a burden bear the burden of another, nor do We chastise until We raise a messenger. [Note: This shows the justice of Allah. A people are not punished if they lack the right knowledge].

Imam al-Baqir {a}:

Quote

When the Day of Judgement comes, Allah, the Mighty and High, will hold objection against seven: the child, the one who died during the period between two prophets, the elderly senile man who lived during the period of prophecy, the simple-minded person, the mentally ill, the deaf and the dumb. Each of these defendants will plead their case to Allah ...

Source:

https://thaqalayn.net/hadith/14/2/61/4

You can read the chapter "Good Deeds of Non-Muslims": https://al-islam.org/divine-justice-murtadha-mutahhari/good-deeds-non-muslims

Every Muslim should read that book. Therein are other verses and ahadith which I didn't post and an excellent discussion on the subject by the great scholar.

Also in al-Mizan there are ahadith here from page 67: https://almizan.org/vol/9/64-82

Example:

Quote

Zurārah says: “I asked Abū Jaʿfar about the mustaḍʿaf (weak, weakened). He said: ‘He is the one who does not have a means to disbelief (that he may disbelieve), nor does he find a way to belief; he is unable to believe and unable to reject (the belief); among them are the children as well as those men and women whose understanding is like that of the children; they are freed from responsibility.” (al-Kāfī)

 

 

[Muhammed Ali]

On 10/15/2025 at 3:53 AM, PureExistence1 said:

Salaam and yes, I'll accept any help right now that comes to me.. may Allah bless you and everyone else commenting and helping me through this..

Imagine if someone made an outrageous accusation against you and a close family member of yours (who knew you well) believed it. How would you feel? You would object because they believed it without any evidence, and they should have suspected falsehood knowing what your character was like. We shouldn't believe in things about Allah which go against what we should know about his nature, especially if the texts reject those views.

Allah is merciful and needless. It is against his nature to punish innocent people.

Edited October 20 by Muhammed Ali

[ShiaOfMahdi]

Here are my condolences from among the youth of ShiaChat (I'm almost 25 years old so I am still among the youth). May he rest in peace and may Allah bless him. I will keep you and your father in my prayers as well. 

[Abu Nur]

On 10/13/2025 at 11:24 AM, PureExistence1 said:

He died alone, found naked on the floor of the bathroom with his head on the seat of his wheel chair. Seeing him like that will forever haunt me..he was terrified of dying alone and thats exactly what happened. No idea if he suffered or was terrified. These questions will also haunt me as i cant put the pieces together of what caused him to be in that position and shape.

Salaam Aleikum, 

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) have mercy on him. Christians who hold on doing good which you said he is doing charity and offered his home and also suffered so much that his sins could be forgiven will by God mercy and grace have good place in paradise. 

We should be compassionate and loving and only think good about God creations and respect our parents. If someone speak ill about our parents we should never listen them and even entertain the thoughts. 

Edited October 23 by Abu Nur