Hate Dating After Divorce: Advice Needed

[Guest Window]

Three years ago, I got divorced. I've been happier and healthier than I was when I was married. I was married for four years. My divorce finalized when I was twenty-seven. Since then, I am decidedly single: working on betting myself, my body, and my mental health. I've been putting myself first again and building myself up through a lot of therapy, working-out, reflecting, going back to school to earn my teaching credential. I'm currently pouring all my energy into student-teaching and trying to power through my classes since I work and go to school full-time. I've been also working on a couple of novels and I have been editing them. My goal is to eventually publish both novels and officially become an accredited teacher. 

However, well-intentioned people have been gently reminding me of my age and are encouraging me to get to know and date potentials in a halal way. (I am 29. I will be 30 this year. The big 3-0.) On the advice of a (Muslim) therapist, (who also encouraged me to put myself out there if I ever want to start a family) I joined both regular dating apps and Muslim-dating apps. I found the apps silly and very inauthentic, and I was speaking to men where the conversations were boring and didn't go anywhere. I felt like I was wasting my time swiping this way or that way, so I eventually deleted them after drifting apart from a few potentials. There was no progression to a real online date to gage compatibility or any sense of building connection or emotional-bonding; for the most part, the conversations remained incredibly boring and surface-level. I felt like there was a lack of quality men on these apps. They were all obsessed with either the gym or their bros or traveling around the world. Cliche. And more importantly, I was not really attracted to any of the men I spoke to: physically or emotionally.

I do realize that in the modern age we all live in, most people, Muslim or Non-Muslim, tend to prefer dating through apps now rather than getting to know someone in an in-person setting. I am dreading signing-up on apps because I know I'll be disappointed. I'm also torn between dating because of age/societal pressure to be married by a certain age and dating because I genuinely want a connection that hopefully would lead to marriage. 

Any advice you have for me?

 

[Hameedeh]

On 6/15/2025 at 8:07 PM, Guest Window said:

My goal is to eventually publish both novels

Salam. Don't use your real name on the books. Beware of stalkers. 

[notme]

If you don't enjoy using dating apps, don't. If you want to get married again, you're going to have to meet potential suitors, but you don't have to hurry. Just do work and be among people that make you strive to be your best self. If you meet someone or are put in contact with someone through a mutual acquaintance, you can decide then whether you want to consider the possibility of remarriage.  

Never let anyone pressure you into marriage. Your age doesn't matter - what Allah wills will happen.  

[Abu Hadi]

Salam Sister,

There is really only one thing u need to do. Ask Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to send u a momin and that u are satisfied with his Deen and Aklaq and there is some physical attraction there, enough so that I can fulfill your duties as a wife. Leave the rest to Allah. 

If u are sincere in your dua it will happen. It might not happen overnight and he might not be your ideal match in every way but if u are flexible on the optional things Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will help u in the other ways 

Don't focus on the means, focus on the goal

[Guest Real Slim Shady]

Wow that is an amazing coincidence. I too got crushed and now I'm trying to succeed in student teaching. May Allah grant us both success.

 

Some advice I learned is to put yourself out there. Don't necessarily need to make friends, but acquaintances yes. Go to events, Islamic and not. People will see you and you will see people.

And be yourself is important. Don't act more or less religious to get someone. This will cause a lot of pain in the future.

Lots of istikhfar (look this up it's incredible)

Allah Kareem.