Im failing

[PureExistence1]

Salaam everyone, 

So I have been part of Shia chat since 2010 but I lost my first account a long time ago, but anyway, I've been here that long. 

Im an American tom boy farm girl convert of almost 15 years, and someone who did a deep dive into islam, especially the spiritual aspects of it during my whole time bejng muslim.. I probably have more knowledge than the average Muslim does and I don't say this out of arrogance. I say this out of desperation and feeling like a huge failure. 

It took me a while to decide to even make this post because I'm ashamed to admit that I'm at this point, but anybody who knows anything about recovery knows that admitting there is a problem is the first step in getting that problems resolved.

So basically, I am at a point in life where I am at my absolute lowest and I'm just barely doing the bare minimum and it's been this way for a while and I'm kind of scared at this point. When I say this what I mean is, I don't have presence of mind or thought when I do wudhu anymore, and other than making sure my clothes aren't najis, I really don't care whether I'm praying in the best of clothes or not. If I'm dusty and dirty from work, that's just too bad, I am too dead inside to go through the effort of cleaning up and changing my clothes to pray. That's just where I'm at now because I'm so beaten down. In the past I never would have thought of doing such things..

There is no doubt that Islam is correct and the Ahle Bayt(عليه السلام) is the right path, as far as I've been led. Other Muslims may come to other conclusions or even other religions and that's their right and that's their path. Not my issue-no time or life force left in me to try to convince others of something different than what they already believe. I've come to conclusion that most people don't want to change their mind, and so trying to convince them of something is a waste of time.

The problem is, my trials have become so hard that my conscious contact with God has severely slipped. My life has become one of just survival and in this survival  its like a drowning person, all i can think about is just not drowning although sometimes I think that drowning might be better! 

My trials are huge and there are too many of them happening at one time and for a sustained amount of time. They are really breaking me down and weathering me. Like the Grand canyon once was flat stable land but over a period of time has been eaten away by the trials of life like the Grand canyon was created by water constantly running over it.

For years, this religion was the core of what I operated from. Everything was weighed against whether it was halal, haram, even at times whether it was makrooh or mubah. I was at almost every function at the masjid, Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)  granted me a very practicing and at his very core great husband, and many other blessings, but these other trials that I have, including health trials and now the severity of the decline of both of my parents and I mean decline like really badly, I am completely overwhelmed. 

The reason why this is concerning to me is because of the effect it's having all my spirituality and my soul. I'm at the point where salaat it's just another thing that I have to check off the box of things to do for the day and my mind is not present at all, rather all it's doing is ruminating on the problems that I have and what I need to do as soon as I'm finished with the prayer along with all the other chaos I have to deal with, I don't do any voluntary fasting anymore where I used to jump at the chance for any event to fast, i used to offer salawaat often, anytime I went for a walk or drove anywhere I would be streaming a lecture from speakers like Khalil Jaffer or Dr Sekaleshfar etc...I have Call On Me, I Answer You with all the amaal for the entire year and all kinds of mustahab actions and I can't tell you the last time I cracked that book open except for it was during the month of Ramadan and that was just to get my basic affairs in order as far as what I would do for that month. It doesn't help that I missed two months of Ramadan because of the illness I have been stricken with which to be very honest with you frustrates me that I even have to make any of those up because life is already hard enough and this is a very severe weighing on my soul that I have to pay for missing those fasts monetarily as well as making them up because I wasn't the one who struck myself with these illnesses and I have done everything possible to heal myself from them. (And yes I know, all healing comes from God and we aren't supposedly tasked with more than we can handle, and it's just a trial and yada yada yada, I get it..)

Life is stressful enough without having these extra burdens on top of my neck. I give charity whenever I can so it's not a matter of being stingy, I just feel that this is kind of unjust or unfair at this point and I'm not here looking for people to tell me that other people have it worse than me because I already know that! But just because someone else has it worse, it doesn't mean that our own struggles are not important or that they don't mean anything. So let's just get that straight right off the bat. I'm not here for somebody to put me in my place, I'm here seeking some kind of guidance as to how to get out of this downward spiral that I am in and I'm sorry this is taking long, I've been thinking about this post for a long time and I don't really know how to make it any shorter than this. 

I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of being in pain, I am tired of having solutions that would make my life easier and the life of my family easier but then having a father who won't put those things into action and so it creates a huge trial for my brother and I to try to take care of him and my mother who has dementia and can't do anything for herself at this point except wander around and create more potential problems because she is a fall risk because we live in the country and we just don't have a way to have eyes on her and him 24 hours a day. 

I was up till 3:00 a.m. last night with both of them primarily because he gets panicky and weird and doesn't want to be left alone even though my mom's right there with him. So let me explain my mom's situation so you can see why his neediness is frustrating to me. She knows who he is, she can be talked to but in 5 minutes she won't remember what was said, but it's not like she's just lying there on her deathbed and unable to participate with him in any way at all. So when he says that he's all alone or lonely, and then wants my brother or I to come there and sit with him around the clock 24 hours a day, this is extremely stressful because we have things we have to do and we do not have the capacity to provide somebody to sit there 24 hours a day with him but he will not take our guidance or our suggestions. He's doing everything wrong that creates extra stress for my brother and I to take care of him. He's paying a caretaking company to come 5 days out of the week for 5 hours a day to just drive him around because he doesn't want to sit in the house because he didn't do his exercises from physical therapy a year ago and so he ended up stuck in a wheelchair which I told him a year ago if you don't do your exercises you're going to be stuck in that wheelchair but AS USUAL he didn't listen to me, he didn't do his exercises and he got stuck in a wheelchair and now he makes it all of our problems because he can't get out of the house, can't drive, and can't go anywhere so instead, he wants to make the rest of us prisoners and have us sit in the house with him round the clock but we have a  huge property to maintain and manage, cars to keep running especially since he has the caretakers driving him 5 hours a day non-stop, and there's other things that need to be done and for me, I can't constantly push myself to the maximum because it makes all my illnesses worse and he does not understand that! And he sits there and wonders why I'm popping three pain pills at one time when it's 2:00 in the morning!

We don't have the ability to just sit there with him. Last night I was in the house till 3:00 a.m. because of his neediness and when I finally went to bed, he's calling me and waking me up this morning asking me questions that I've already given him the answer to 10 times last night. I realized my mistake is I should have written them down on the dry erase board so that he would know. I admit my mistake and I will correct that, however thinking to do that last night was something that was not going to happen after everything I went through yesterday-it was at least 30 different things I had to do and had to do them within a very tight time frame and this involved dealing with doctors for both parents, getting my mom showered who refuses to shower with the caretaker, going shopping, taking the car for a wash, answering all kinds of random calls from social workers, patient care coordinators, doctors, and then having to make additional calls to find out what's going on with this vacuum pump on my dad's arm because he was not discharged from the hospital with good instructions, and he's a very dirty person so we're trying to make sure he doesn't get infected again especially since he has a temporary dialysis catheter in his chest. Then there was cleaning the house and they have a dog in the house so it's extra filthy and dirty, dishes hadn't been done in over a week, the sink smelled and I had to wash the complete counter, go through all the medication bottles on the counter and you have no idea what that looks like, find places to hide both of my parents medications because my mom is doing weird stuff like sticking it in the freezer and taking it out and putting it in the vehicle and it's just so tiring and exasperating.. 

When it comes right down to it, I think what irritates me the most about the situation is my dad not caring how his actions affect other people..its  a huge problem with him. He literally expects the world to stop what it's doing and come to his aid when he never did that for anybody else so as a family, he's really not provided the scaffolding or the programming in any of us to give him what he needs in this old age because he never did that for us. I don't know if this makes any sense but I think there's a couple people on here that are psychotherapists that probably understand what I'm talking about. I think @Azadeh307 may be one...

Anyway the other problem is he has a very distasteful personality. He's loud, he yells, whenever you try to correct him or help him to do something better that's beneficial for him so he gets upset and yells at you. I don't have the personality to put up or tolerate this because it's been going on too many years now. I am 49 years old going through that midlife change which to be very honest is a very cruel thing for God to have decided to put women through, and have some kind of a chronic pain problem that has not been correctly diagnosed yet despite seeing several specialists and trying many different things. Besides that, I just don't have the personality to deal with somebody with his character. I'm doing my best because I'm the oldest, I am the only girl, and Islam puts the extra pressure of parents on top of my head.

Because of all these stressors and because of the fact that I don't see how I can get out from any of these on my own, while also trying to maintain a marriage to my husband and split my time between being on the farm 3 days out of the week and then going back to my husband which might I add are two completely different environments, one is in the noisy City and all the chaos there and the other is out on the farm where at least the environment is peaceful, I'm constantly going back and forth between these two different lives.

I am extremely angry of the situation I am in, and I am scared because I see these stressors and these trials are constantly taking me further and further away from my religious path. The thing is, Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) knew the trials I would be given, knew the way I was going to respond to them, knows my entire history and everything about me including my hard wiring and certain behaviors and things that are almost impossible for me to get over, especially not when I am being tried with so many different problems at once. I just don't know what to do anymore. 

I used to be religious and spiritual and always had my mind on Islam and I just don't anymore. I am literally in survival mode and people will probably tell me that well maybe if I got back to doing all those things I used to do that things would get better..well, the reality is, things are not going to get better because these stressors are not going anywhere. Not until my parents eventual passing and that could be many many many years and I'm not wishing that on them, I'm just simply saying that their care is becoming too much and I don't know what to do about it. When I spend till 3:00 in the morning in the house with them and then I finally get to bed and I literally pass out and then he wakes me up calling me and when I tell him listen, I don't operate on a 24-hour schedule and I need my sleep, he starts getting all dramatic and acting like he's going to cry because I said no I need my sleep and I can't come in the house right now and then he acts like he's just going to fall to pieces because I can't stop my sleeping and go in the house to be with him. And just so it's clear, he's not alone in there. He has my mom with him. And he's constantly saying he's lonely he's lonely he's lonely, okay I get it but the entire world cannot stop and come to your rescue for loneliness. He has the money to live in an assisted living facility but instead he's paying the same amount of money he would pay for rent in an assisted living facility that would provide him with food, around the clock nursing care whenever he needs it, a social life because of all the other people there, people that go on outings and would take him on trips, he would get all that plus a clean living space and everything that I can't provide for him for the same price he's paying these people to come for 25 hours a week, but he will not sit back and look at the way his behaviors and his care is affecting my brother and I so he will not make the decision to go into care because he has put it in the will and the trust that he will stay at home until he dies. I don't have a problem with him staying at home until he dies if he exercises the correct options of decreasing the amount of stress and difficulty he puts on the rest of the family which basically means hiring somebody to be in their 24 hours a day. 

I just don't know what to do about this situation. I am the oldest child so a tremendous amount of responsibility is placed on me and I am crumbling underneath the weight of it. I am the only Muslim in my family and trying to maintain all the Islamic criteria I need to maintain while taking care of my parents who have a dog in the house and my mom refuses to shower and wets yourself everyday and won't wear diapers and has to be showered by a professional in each shower cost $200 a pop because she won't cooperate with me or anybody else and just pees wherever she wants, and my father himself won't take showers and stinks and he has all his health issues like he is a hemodialysis patient so has to go in for 4-Hour dialysis treatments 3 days a week which really sucks, but on top of that he has a whole bunch of other health issues including uncontrolled anxiety which they just keep adding more and more medication to take care of the anxiety which it's not working and just creating more problems, and he just came back from the hospital because the fistula in his dialysis arm burst and blood squirted all over the house and the paramedics said he lost between a liter to a liter and a half of blood and it looked like the worst crime scene ever and it's amazing that he survived it, but they sent him home after they did a surgery and now he has this weird pump thing he has to carry around with him that siphon's off the pus and the extra blood inside his arm until his fistula heals and hes somehow supposed to be doing physical therapy but he can't even barely get out of bed to get in his wheelchair now because he didn't do the physical therapy he was supposed to do a year ago and plus every time he goes into the hospital he has less and less mobility and all this stuff could be addressed if he would go into some kind of a facility but he refuses to do that and wants to put the bulk of the responsibility on my brother and I and at the same rime not cooperate with us. 

I keep reverting back to this because the problems with my parents are the main reason why I'm slipping further and further away from the religion. I won't leave the religion because I am so convinced and know in my core that everything I know about it is true, the problem is I'm not practicing at the level I'm supposed to be practicing at or believe I should be practicing at and it's because the rest of these problems including my own health are sucking the life energy out of my physical body and my soul and there's no room for anything other than just saying my regular prayers and then being done with it. But it scares me because I don't have the presence of mind that I used to have and part of me just feels like it doesn't care anymore... I don't know if that makes sense.. and that's what's really scary is I've become apathetic towards the religion which I never ever thought I would be in this position and I don't know what to do. 

I'm supposed to be thinking about the Prophet(SAWS) and his family (عليه السلام) and all the different deaths and birth commemorations that we have as well as the holy holidays and eids and all this stuff as well as focusing on growing spiritually which at this point I think it's a huge joke because all these trials have got me so dug into this physical realm of the dunya that I feel like my soul is fading like the paint on an old car. 

I really apologize for the length of this and honestly don't expect anybody to read it as it's just a bunch of complaints but it felt good to get it off my chest even though that doesn't change anything. 

Ugh i am so sick of this life and to be very honest, when I read these duas where people are asking to be granted a long life I am seriously like, what the heck is the point of THAT!?! My soul and my brain are so just done with this place..

[Haji 2003]

I am so sorry to hear this. The challenges to Islamic practice you refer to at the start of your post are more than understandable given what follows later. I'm happy to be corrected, but the notion of extenuating circumstances does exist in Islam.

All I can say about this:

Quote

Ugh i am so sick of this life and to be very honest, when I read these duas where people are asking to be granted a long life I am seriously like, what the heck is the point of THAT!?! My soul and my brain are so just done with this place..

is that it will pass. And inshallah there'll be brighter times ahead.

[PureExistence1]

2 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

that it will pass. And inshallah there'll be brighter times ahead.

In sha Allah brother, in sha Allah...its just REALLY  too much right now:(

[Guest Strong]

Salamu Alaikum.

 

I am so glad to have read this. I don't think it was your intention but you have given me so much encouragement and motivation to keep going. 

 

It felt like I wrote that post myself. I thought I was the only one like that. I'm so drowned in the dunya, not by choice, and it is taking me away from my religion. And the problems are so severe it's astounding. To keep it brief, I have a few disabilities that are serious hurdles in living a normal life. Physical and mental. But like you the light of this religion is too bright for me to ignore. But after reading this I see that I'm not alone.

 

I remember when Allah told ibless l.a "Worship me how I want to be worshipped, not how you want to worship me." I can't help but think that this is worth more than nawafil or mustahab fasting. I think us just dealing with our problems is more thawab than reading the Quran for an hour. I can't explain it but I think this is what we've been working for. 

 

Before Allah made Nabi Ibrahim (عليه السلام) an Imam, HE PUT HIM THROUGH IT. Then once he passed the tests, Allah elevated him.

“And when his Lord tried Ibrahim with commands, he fulfilled them. He said: Surely I will make you an Imam for mankind. (Ibrahim) said: And of my offspring (will there be leaders)? He said, my covenant does not include the unjust”. (2:124)

 

So we've been praying for all these years, minding our sins, going to the mosque, etc. And we asked Allah to bring us closer to Him with sincerity in our hearts. I think we're being put through a special program that has a special reward if we succeed. Will we be like Sheikh Bahjat when all is said and done LOL

 

If we were worse people these problems would hardly be problems. You don't have to help your parents. And I could take haram options that would make life easier. But we refuse to.

 

Sorry if that didn't make any sense. But thank you again for sharing this. You don't know how much you have encouraged me. You probable made this post seeking help but you ended up helping me. I thought I was the only person like that. Now I feel like this test is more passable for me. And I will sincerely pray for you.

 

[ireallywannaknow]

Is it possible that you are actually closer to God now than you were when you were doing all of the more typical amaal? I understand what you mean by not feeling that spiritual connection, I struggle with that too with my chaotic situation at the moment. But from what I understand, the status of someone like you who is in the trenches caring for others is very possibly way higher than someone who is able to worship all day and night in the more typical sense. 

[PureExistence1]

3 hours ago, ireallywannaknow said:

Is it possible that you are actually closer to God now than you were when you were doing all of the more typical amaal? I understand what you mean by not feeling that spiritual connection, I struggle with that too with my chaotic situation at the moment. But from what I understand, the status of someone like you who is in the trenches caring for others is very possibly way higher than someone who is able to worship all day and night in the more typical sense. 

Salaam sis, you know, if I was doing it the Islamic way and I was calm and caring and patient and all those attributes that I'm supposed to be manifesting, I would totally agree with what you were saying. And I do agree with what you're saying, what I'm doing is confessing that I'm not handling things like I should because I'm so overwhelmed so even though I'm doing probably the best work I could be doing, I am impatient, I am angry, and there's just some things that go on over here with my family that just compound the problems like the fact that my dad can't hear and that he himself is a loud person that gets angry and frustrated easily so him and I just feed off of each other so I tell him something, he can't hear me and he yells what!? And then I have to say what I said even louder and he still can't hear me so I'm literally screaming what I'm trying to say at him and then he gets upset with me and he says okay okay okay! You don't have to yell at me! And I'm like for real?! Yes, I DO have to hear yell at you because you can't hear me! and by then my nervous system is so agitated from yelling and screaming because even though there isn't a dangerous situation occurring at the moment, just the action of having to scream so he can hear me gets my fight or flight going and it gets me into an angry mood and I just don't know how to be that calm nice caretaker that women seem to have inside of them and I think it's because I have a very masculine nature being a tomboy and growing up on a farm and working in construction and demolition and all that stuff that I did before I became a muslim. I'm just not cut out to be a caretaker and I've known that for probably my whole life when I decided I didn't want kids because I can't deal with the clingy and the neediness. Well, that decision is now coming around and hitting me from my parents because now they are both essentially like 3-year-olds and can't do anything for themselves and I don't know what I'm saying.. I'm just so overwhelmed with everything over here. I wish I could be doing it in a way that would achieve closer proximity to God but that's not at all how it's playing out. I'm short-tempered and I'm tired and all these things are playing into each other. I'm short-tempered because I don't have enough sleep because I'm going through this change in life and I wake up with like an adrenaline rush around 5:00 or 6:00 in the morning and I can't fall back to sleep for like 2 hours but by then all the calls are rolling in from the doctors and the social workers and all those people and like I'm posting this question right now and it says 2:19 where I'm at.. in the morning.. because I just got into bed. So it's like I'm driving myself into the ground trying to get this whole situation dealt with and I'm just not doing it in the best manner possible and in the moment, which is where our trials are at or the very moment that we react, I'm not reacting well. I mean I'm not abusive or anything but I'm not very nice, put it that way 

And it's like things keep constantly coming up that I just can't believe it sometimes. Like tonight I came home and I could hear this beeping thing going on and I was in the kitchen and I'm like oh no! So I go into the living room and I realize this vacuum machine that my dad has hooked up to his arm to clean all the yucky stuff out, it's sitting there beeping and I'm like dad! How long has this box been beeping for?! And he's like huh? What? So I said dad!! How long has this machine been beeping for! And he says it's beeping?? I didn't know it was beeping! And I'm like oh my god! This machine cannot be allowed to stop working or he becomes at risk for the fluids in his arm turning into an infection. It's very serious in the instructions on this machine and with what the nurse was saying that if this thing stops working and you can't get it to work, you'll have to remove all this bandages and pull out the gauze and pack the gauze yourself and call a nurse and it's a huge emergency if that thing stops working and here he is with the thing just beeping away and he's falling asleep in the chair next to it and has no idea how long it's been beeping for because he can't freaking hear it! And my mom has dementia and she's absolutely no help for the situation. And they got in a big old fight when I asked Dad do you think maybe you could every once in awhile ask Mom if the machines making noise and she can just tell you yes or no? Well then that started a big huge fight and fiasco and that was actually my exit point to my barn on the other side of the property because I was like yeah I'm not hanging out for this.. but so now there's this whole thing going on with this machine that he literally depends upon for his life and the fact that if he accidentally touches it wrong and he turns it off and it starts beeping he's not going to know that it's off and beeping cuz he can't hear it. And there's nobody in the house with him because there's no more comfortable to sleep in there with both of them so they're just basically on their own overnight and if that machine goes off and starts beeping, I don't know what's going to happen so I'm just like there's just more stressing things that keep popping up left and right and originally I was supposed to go back to my husband tomorrow but I am not secure enough with the way things are going over here for me to feel comfortable going back tomorrow... For me one of the worst things is, there's some heck of dramatic situation going on over here and in the middle of it I go back to my husband and the whole time I'm supposed to be being present with him and somehow trying to have a good life despite the pain I'm in, my mind is constantly on what's going on over here and how I feel like a big piece of..... for leaving my poor brother here by himself to deal with the fiasco... It's bad enough that he had to clean up all the blood that was all over the house. The pictures he sent me or horrific! And then he was telling me I didn't know people's blood gelled up like that.. (he's not a real academic or medical person at all) so I said you mean it concealed?? And I was shocked because I just never thought of Blood congealing on the floor. Whenever you see shows on TV of like crime reenactments or whatever they never show blood congealing not even on the shows that show actual crime scene photos and he says yeah, it was it would just glob up on him and he had to clean it with a mop and a bucket and it was everywhere and I guess because it was spraying with every heartbeat.. our hearts must pretty heavy for blood to do what it did in the house over here! But yeah it was my brother on his own having to mop that fiasco up because I was in another city on a phone call with the medical specialist for myself when he was trying to reach me so it's just... oh my gosh.

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 6/5/2025 at 6:19 PM, PureExistence1 said:

In sha Allah brother, in sha Allah...its just REALLY  too much right now:(

Salam maybe it be stereotypical anyway your status is in similar fashion of Uwais al-Qarani who have dedicated whole of his life to nursing his mother in defree that he has missed opportunity of visiting prophet Muhammad (pbu) face to face due to nursing his ill mother which in your case you just need to to do obligatory prayings also if you have financial ability so then it's better to hire an assistance in order to reduce your burden however your nursing of your parents has greatest reward for you inshaAllah.

Quote

The Immortals is a series of lectures on the lives of the companions of the Ahlulbayt. Uwais al-Qarani was a disciple and an incredibly influential companion of Imam Ali. He was also a member of the elite forces known as The Khamees Covenant. Learn about his life in this lecture

https://al-islam.org/media/immortals-3-uwais-al-qarani

[Abu Hadi]

On 6/5/2025 at 4:03 PM, PureExistence1 said:

Salaam everyone, 

So I have been part of Shia chat since 2010 but I lost my first account a long time ago, but anyway, I've been here that long. 

Im an American tom boy farm girl convert of almost 15 years, and someone who did a deep dive into islam, especially the spiritual aspects of it during my whole time bejng muslim.. I probably have more knowledge than the average Muslim does and I don't say this out of arrogance. I say this out of desperation and feeling like a huge failure. 

It took me a while to decide to even make this post because I'm ashamed to admit that I'm at this point, but anybody who knows anything about recovery knows that admitting there is a problem is the first step in getting that problems resolved.

So basically, I am at a point in life where I am at my absolute lowest and I'm just barely doing the bare minimum and it's been this way for a while and I'm kind of scared at this point. When I say this what I mean is, I don't have presence of mind or thought when I do wudhu anymore, and other than making sure my clothes aren't najis, I really don't care whether I'm praying in the best of clothes or not. If I'm dusty and dirty from work, that's just too bad, I am too dead inside to go through the effort of cleaning up and changing my clothes to pray. That's just where I'm at now because I'm so beaten down. In the past I never would have thought of doing such things..

There is no doubt that Islam is correct and the Ahle Bayt(عليه السلام) is the right path, as far as I've been led. Other Muslims may come to other conclusions or even other religions and that's their right and that's their path. Not my issue-no time or life force left in me to try to convince others of something different than what they already believe. I've come to conclusion that most people don't want to change their mind, and so trying to convince them of something is a waste of time.

The problem is, my trials have become so hard that my conscious contact with God has severely slipped. My life has become one of just survival and in this survival  its like a drowning person, all i can think about is just not drowning although sometimes I think that drowning might be better! 

My trials are huge and there are too many of them happening at one time and for a sustained amount of time. They are really breaking me down and weathering me. Like the Grand canyon once was flat stable land but over a period of time has been eaten away by the trials of life like the Grand canyon was created by water constantly running over it.

For years, this religion was the core of what I operated from. Everything was weighed against whether it was halal, haram, even at times whether it was makrooh or mubah. I was at almost every function at the masjid, Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)  granted me a very practicing and at his very core great husband, and many other blessings, but these other trials that I have, including health trials and now the severity of the decline of both of my parents and I mean decline like really badly, I am completely overwhelmed. 

The reason why this is concerning to me is because of the effect it's having all my spirituality and my soul. I'm at the point where salaat it's just another thing that I have to check off the box of things to do for the day and my mind is not present at all, rather all it's doing is ruminating on the problems that I have and what I need to do as soon as I'm finished with the prayer along with all the other chaos I have to deal with, I don't do any voluntary fasting anymore where I used to jump at the chance for any event to fast, i used to offer salawaat often, anytime I went for a walk or drove anywhere I would be streaming a lecture from speakers like Khalil Jaffer or Dr Sekaleshfar etc...I have Call On Me, I Answer You with all the amaal for the entire year and all kinds of mustahab actions and I can't tell you the last time I cracked that book open except for it was during the month of Ramadan and that was just to get my basic affairs in order as far as what I would do for that month. It doesn't help that I missed two months of Ramadan because of the illness I have been stricken with which to be very honest with you frustrates me that I even have to make any of those up because life is already hard enough and this is a very severe weighing on my soul that I have to pay for missing those fasts monetarily as well as making them up because I wasn't the one who struck myself with these illnesses and I have done everything possible to heal myself from them. (And yes I know, all healing comes from God and we aren't supposedly tasked with more than we can handle, and it's just a trial and yada yada yada, I get it..)

Life is stressful enough without having these extra burdens on top of my neck. I give charity whenever I can so it's not a matter of being stingy, I just feel that this is kind of unjust or unfair at this point and I'm not here looking for people to tell me that other people have it worse than me because I already know that! But just because someone else has it worse, it doesn't mean that our own struggles are not important or that they don't mean anything. So let's just get that straight right off the bat. I'm not here for somebody to put me in my place, I'm here seeking some kind of guidance as to how to get out of this downward spiral that I am in and I'm sorry this is taking long, I've been thinking about this post for a long time and I don't really know how to make it any shorter than this. 

I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of being in pain, I am tired of having solutions that would make my life easier and the life of my family easier but then having a father who won't put those things into action and so it creates a huge trial for my brother and I to try to take care of him and my mother who has dementia and can't do anything for herself at this point except wander around and create more potential problems because she is a fall risk because we live in the country and we just don't have a way to have eyes on her and him 24 hours a day. 

I was up till 3:00 a.m. last night with both of them primarily because he gets panicky and weird and doesn't want to be left alone even though my mom's right there with him. So let me explain my mom's situation so you can see why his neediness is frustrating to me. She knows who he is, she can be talked to but in 5 minutes she won't remember what was said, but it's not like she's just lying there on her deathbed and unable to participate with him in any way at all. So when he says that he's all alone or lonely, and then wants my brother or I to come there and sit with him around the clock 24 hours a day, this is extremely stressful because we have things we have to do and we do not have the capacity to provide somebody to sit there 24 hours a day with him but he will not take our guidance or our suggestions. He's doing everything wrong that creates extra stress for my brother and I to take care of him. He's paying a caretaking company to come 5 days out of the week for 5 hours a day to just drive him around because he doesn't want to sit in the house because he didn't do his exercises from physical therapy a year ago and so he ended up stuck in a wheelchair which I told him a year ago if you don't do your exercises you're going to be stuck in that wheelchair but AS USUAL he didn't listen to me, he didn't do his exercises and he got stuck in a wheelchair and now he makes it all of our problems because he can't get out of the house, can't drive, and can't go anywhere so instead, he wants to make the rest of us prisoners and have us sit in the house with him round the clock but we have a  huge property to maintain and manage, cars to keep running especially since he has the caretakers driving him 5 hours a day non-stop, and there's other things that need to be done and for me, I can't constantly push myself to the maximum because it makes all my illnesses worse and he does not understand that! And he sits there and wonders why I'm popping three pain pills at one time when it's 2:00 in the morning!

We don't have the ability to just sit there with him. Last night I was in the house till 3:00 a.m. because of his neediness and when I finally went to bed, he's calling me and waking me up this morning asking me questions that I've already given him the answer to 10 times last night. I realized my mistake is I should have written them down on the dry erase board so that he would know. I admit my mistake and I will correct that, however thinking to do that last night was something that was not going to happen after everything I went through yesterday-it was at least 30 different things I had to do and had to do them within a very tight time frame and this involved dealing with doctors for both parents, getting my mom showered who refuses to shower with the caretaker, going shopping, taking the car for a wash, answering all kinds of random calls from social workers, patient care coordinators, doctors, and then having to make additional calls to find out what's going on with this vacuum pump on my dad's arm because he was not discharged from the hospital with good instructions, and he's a very dirty person so we're trying to make sure he doesn't get infected again especially since he has a temporary dialysis catheter in his chest. Then there was cleaning the house and they have a dog in the house so it's extra filthy and dirty, dishes hadn't been done in over a week, the sink smelled and I had to wash the complete counter, go through all the medication bottles on the counter and you have no idea what that looks like, find places to hide both of my parents medications because my mom is doing weird stuff like sticking it in the freezer and taking it out and putting it in the vehicle and it's just so tiring and exasperating.. 

When it comes right down to it, I think what irritates me the most about the situation is my dad not caring how his actions affect other people..its  a huge problem with him. He literally expects the world to stop what it's doing and come to his aid when he never did that for anybody else so as a family, he's really not provided the scaffolding or the programming in any of us to give him what he needs in this old age because he never did that for us. I don't know if this makes any sense but I think there's a couple people on here that are psychotherapists that probably understand what I'm talking about. I think @Azadeh307 may be one...

Anyway the other problem is he has a very distasteful personality. He's loud, he yells, whenever you try to correct him or help him to do something better that's beneficial for him so he gets upset and yells at you. I don't have the personality to put up or tolerate this because it's been going on too many years now. I am 49 years old going through that midlife change which to be very honest is a very cruel thing for God to have decided to put women through, and have some kind of a chronic pain problem that has not been correctly diagnosed yet despite seeing several specialists and trying many different things. Besides that, I just don't have the personality to deal with somebody with his character. I'm doing my best because I'm the oldest, I am the only girl, and Islam puts the extra pressure of parents on top of my head.

Because of all these stressors and because of the fact that I don't see how I can get out from any of these on my own, while also trying to maintain a marriage to my husband and split my time between being on the farm 3 days out of the week and then going back to my husband which might I add are two completely different environments, one is in the noisy City and all the chaos there and the other is out on the farm where at least the environment is peaceful, I'm constantly going back and forth between these two different lives.

I am extremely angry of the situation I am in, and I am scared because I see these stressors and these trials are constantly taking me further and further away from my religious path. The thing is, Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) knew the trials I would be given, knew the way I was going to respond to them, knows my entire history and everything about me including my hard wiring and certain behaviors and things that are almost impossible for me to get over, especially not when I am being tried with so many different problems at once. I just don't know what to do anymore. 

I used to be religious and spiritual and always had my mind on Islam and I just don't anymore. I am literally in survival mode and people will probably tell me that well maybe if I got back to doing all those things I used to do that things would get better..well, the reality is, things are not going to get better because these stressors are not going anywhere. Not until my parents eventual passing and that could be many many many years and I'm not wishing that on them, I'm just simply saying that their care is becoming too much and I don't know what to do about it. When I spend till 3:00 in the morning in the house with them and then I finally get to bed and I literally pass out and then he wakes me up calling me and when I tell him listen, I don't operate on a 24-hour schedule and I need my sleep, he starts getting all dramatic and acting like he's going to cry because I said no I need my sleep and I can't come in the house right now and then he acts like he's just going to fall to pieces because I can't stop my sleeping and go in the house to be with him. And just so it's clear, he's not alone in there. He has my mom with him. And he's constantly saying he's lonely he's lonely he's lonely, okay I get it but the entire world cannot stop and come to your rescue for loneliness. He has the money to live in an assisted living facility but instead he's paying the same amount of money he would pay for rent in an assisted living facility that would provide him with food, around the clock nursing care whenever he needs it, a social life because of all the other people there, people that go on outings and would take him on trips, he would get all that plus a clean living space and everything that I can't provide for him for the same price he's paying these people to come for 25 hours a week, but he will not sit back and look at the way his behaviors and his care is affecting my brother and I so he will not make the decision to go into care because he has put it in the will and the trust that he will stay at home until he dies. I don't have a problem with him staying at home until he dies if he exercises the correct options of decreasing the amount of stress and difficulty he puts on the rest of the family which basically means hiring somebody to be in their 24 hours a day. 

I just don't know what to do about this situation. I am the oldest child so a tremendous amount of responsibility is placed on me and I am crumbling underneath the weight of it. I am the only Muslim in my family and trying to maintain all the Islamic criteria I need to maintain while taking care of my parents who have a dog in the house and my mom refuses to shower and wets yourself everyday and won't wear diapers and has to be showered by a professional in each shower cost $200 a pop because she won't cooperate with me or anybody else and just pees wherever she wants, and my father himself won't take showers and stinks and he has all his health issues like he is a hemodialysis patient so has to go in for 4-Hour dialysis treatments 3 days a week which really sucks, but on top of that he has a whole bunch of other health issues including uncontrolled anxiety which they just keep adding more and more medication to take care of the anxiety which it's not working and just creating more problems, and he just came back from the hospital because the fistula in his dialysis arm burst and blood squirted all over the house and the paramedics said he lost between a liter to a liter and a half of blood and it looked like the worst crime scene ever and it's amazing that he survived it, but they sent him home after they did a surgery and now he has this weird pump thing he has to carry around with him that siphon's off the pus and the extra blood inside his arm until his fistula heals and hes somehow supposed to be doing physical therapy but he can't even barely get out of bed to get in his wheelchair now because he didn't do the physical therapy he was supposed to do a year ago and plus every time he goes into the hospital he has less and less mobility and all this stuff could be addressed if he would go into some kind of a facility but he refuses to do that and wants to put the bulk of the responsibility on my brother and I and at the same rime not cooperate with us. 

I keep reverting back to this because the problems with my parents are the main reason why I'm slipping further and further away from the religion. I won't leave the religion because I am so convinced and know in my core that everything I know about it is true, the problem is I'm not practicing at the level I'm supposed to be practicing at or believe I should be practicing at and it's because the rest of these problems including my own health are sucking the life energy out of my physical body and my soul and there's no room for anything other than just saying my regular prayers and then being done with it. But it scares me because I don't have the presence of mind that I used to have and part of me just feels like it doesn't care anymore... I don't know if that makes sense.. and that's what's really scary is I've become apathetic towards the religion which I never ever thought I would be in this position and I don't know what to do. 

I'm supposed to be thinking about the Prophet(SAWS) and his family (عليه السلام) and all the different deaths and birth commemorations that we have as well as the holy holidays and eids and all this stuff as well as focusing on growing spiritually which at this point I think it's a huge joke because all these trials have got me so dug into this physical realm of the dunya that I feel like my soul is fading like the paint on an old car. 

I really apologize for the length of this and honestly don't expect anybody to read it as it's just a bunch of complaints but it felt good to get it off my chest even though that doesn't change anything. 

Ugh i am so sick of this life and to be very honest, when I read these duas where people are asking to be granted a long life I am seriously like, what the heck is the point of THAT!?! My soul and my brain are so just done with this place..

Salam. 

Just a few things. I know you already know this but everyone goes thru these times in their life where they are overwhelmed by life and their spirituality takes a hit. This is part of being in this dunya. People, even your parents, have way more needs than you could possibly take care of. You can only do what you can do, and Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is Al Ghafoor, Al Rahim, i.e. overwhelming in forgiveness and mercy and especially to the mumineen and muminat. 

In Islam, we are told to be kind to our parents. Kindness to parents doesn't include stressing yourself out to the point where you feel that life isn't worth it. That is neither being kind to them or kind to yourself, which is also important since you are also a human being and a mumina (InShahAllah). You need to be like a broken record to those around you including your siblings, other family members, the government (if you can get any help from them as far as in home care for your parents). You need to be very loud and explicit with them that you are in a great deal of suffering and have your own issues and you cannot deal with this. 

You have to understand human nature. People almost always take the path of least resistance. They will glum onto whoever around them is willing to help them with all or most of their needs. They will believe (despite observations to the contrary) that you can 'handle all this because you are a strong person'. They will keep up this illusion because it is comfortable for them to do that and easy (least resistance). The only thing that is going to shatter that illusion is you. You might think this is unkind but it isn't and it will actually help them in the long run because they will be more resourceful and less lazy on whatever level they are on at the time. 

Here is my advice, and I am not just saying this but I actually did it and my life is not that much different than yours, i.e. my parents are older now, very needy and clingy to me because I am nice with them, and I also have my in laws, who are also older and also very needy. So here is the advice

You make a schedule for a week. The schedule includes all the things you need to do for yourself and your immediate family for that week. If you have to work, have chores on the farm, going shopping, etc, etc, block all that time off first. Then block off time for yourself, i.e. your time for salat, dua, exercise, cooking, reading and studying, enjoyment like hobbies, games you like to play, etc. In fact, the advice of Rasoulallah is that 25% of your time should be set aside for these personal growth and enjoyment activities. Next block off time you spend with your immediate family, husband, children, etc. These should be the people you spend the most time with. Also, obviously block off time for sleep (at least 6 hours per night at minimum). Then in the time that is left over, you can divide this time between activities to help your parents or others that you are helping. 

You need to write it down on a calendar (you don't need to show anyone else the calendar unless you want to) and stick to it. 

Yes, there are emergencies but these happen only occasionally. They will try to make everything into an emergency but most of those incidents are not, if you really think and consider. 

You need to explicitly tell them that this is all the time you have and you would be glad to help them in that time. If you stick to this you will gradually see your life improve and your spirituality will strengthen. Remember and always keep in mind that it is Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) who is Al Rub, i.e. the one who takes care of all people and everything else. You are only a vessel or an instrument to help with that purpose when needed and when you have the ability to do it. In that way, you are simply an agent of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and not the Rub. Whether your parents get worse or get better is dependent on the will of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and not your actions. You alone cannot save them or help them. You can only do what Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has given you the ability to do and you cannot do anything if you 'run yourself into the ground' by overworking and overstressing. You're not failing, your going thru a test / trial. InShahAllah, with Dua and I wish you and your family the best in the dunya and akhira. 

 

Edited June 8 by Abu Hadi

[Haji 2003]

On 6/6/2025 at 12:19 AM, PureExistence1 said:

In sha Allah brother, in sha Allah...its just REALLY  too much right now:(

Me and @Hameedeh both have the word 'hope' in our profiles next to 'mood'.

 

[PureExistence1]

On 6/8/2025 at 12:31 AM, Ashvazdanghe said:

Salam maybe it be stereotypical anyway your status is in similar fashion of Uwais al-Qarani who have dedicated whole of his life to nursing his mother in defree that he has missed opportunity of visiting prophet Muhammad (pbu) face to face due to nursing his ill mother which in your case you just need to to do obligatory prayings also if you have financial ability so then it's better to hire an assistance in order to reduce your burden however your nursing of your parents has greatest reward for you inshaAllah.

https://al-islam.org/media/immortals-3-uwais-al-qarani

Thanks so much for sharing this with me, i really appreciate it!

[PureExistence1]

On 6/8/2025 at 7:13 AM, Abu Hadi said:

Salam. 

Just a few things. I know you already know this but everyone goes thru these times in their life where they are overwhelmed by life and their spirituality takes a hit. This is part of being in this dunya. People, even your parents, have way more needs than you could possibly take care of. You can only do what you can do, and Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is Al Ghafoor, Al Rahim, i.e. overwhelming in forgiveness and mercy and especially to the mumineen and muminat. 

In Islam, we are told to be kind to our parents. Kindness to parents doesn't include stressing yourself out to the point where you feel that life isn't worth it. That is neither being kind to them or kind to yourself, which is also important since you are also a human being and a mumina (InShahAllah). You need to be like a broken record to those around you including your siblings, other family members, the government (if you can get any help from them as far as in home care for your parents). You need to be very loud and explicit with them that you are in a great deal of suffering and have your own issues and you cannot deal with this. 

You have to understand human nature. People almost always take the path of least resistance. They will glum onto whoever around them is willing to help them with all or most of their needs. They will believe (despite observations to the contrary) that you can 'handle all this because you are a strong person'. They will keep up this illusion because it is comfortable for them to do that and easy (least resistance). The only thing that is going to shatter that illusion is you. You might think this is unkind but it isn't and it will actually help them in the long run because they will be more resourceful and less lazy on whatever level they are on at the time. 

Here is my advice, and I am not just saying this but I actually did it and my life is not that much different than yours, i.e. my parents are older now, very needy and clingy to me because I am nice with them, and I also have my in laws, who are also older and also very needy. So here is the advice

You make a schedule for a week. The schedule includes all the things you need to do for yourself and your immediate family for that week. If you have to work, have chores on the farm, going shopping, etc, etc, block all that time off first. Then block off time for yourself, i.e. your time for salat, dua, exercise, cooking, reading and studying, enjoyment like hobbies, games you like to play, etc. In fact, the advice of Rasoulallah is that 25% of your time should be set aside for these personal growth and enjoyment activities. Next block off time you spend with your immediate family, husband, children, etc. These should be the people you spend the most time with. Also, obviously block off time for sleep (at least 6 hours per night at minimum). Then in the time that is left over, you can divide this time between activities to help your parents or others that you are helping. 

You need to write it down on a calendar (you don't need to show anyone else the calendar unless you want to) and stick to it. 

Yes, there are emergencies but these happen only occasionally. They will try to make everything into an emergency but most of those incidents are not, if you really think and consider. 

You need to explicitly tell them that this is all the time you have and you would be glad to help them in that time. If you stick to this you will gradually see your life improve and your spirituality will strengthen. Remember and always keep in mind that it is Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) who is Al Rub, i.e. the one who takes care of all people and everything else. You are only a vessel or an instrument to help with that purpose when needed and when you have the ability to do it. In that way, you are simply an agent of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and not the Rub. Whether your parents get worse or get better is dependent on the will of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and not your actions. You alone cannot save them or help them. You can only do what Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has given you the ability to do and you cannot do anything if you 'run yourself into the ground' by overworking and overstressing. You're not failing, your going thru a test / trial. InShahAllah, with Dua and I wish you and your family the best in the dunya and akhira. 

 

Salaam brother thanks so much for giving a very detailed and thoughtful response to the situation. I agree with what you're saying... getting through it is very difficult. I'm always running on edge so it makes things more difficult than someone who has a pretty mellow baseline or at least an average baseline. But you're right.. as far as them getting better being in Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) hands is concerned, this is very true and while we know miracles can occur, in this particular circumstance there is no cure for dementia or kidney failure / end stage renal disease so my brother and I will just have to try to hold down the fort until the inevitable occurs which only Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) knows the further trials we will face up til that time.

Im just so beaten down already. And we do have caretakers that come for 25 hours total a week but the sole reason why they were hired was so they could drive my dad around and around and around in circles because he can't tolerate being in the house so while they are essentially 5-hour a day babysitters for 5 days a week, we have to manage the rest of everything...and my dad doesnt make it easy AT ALL- real fast example.. he's been stuck in this wheelchair for a year, and I told him a year ago if you don't do your physical therapy you're going to be stuck in this chair for the rest of your life and most likely develop pressure sores. He didn't listen and he's stuck in the chair. Now he's too weak to stand. He developed a sore on his real end. As of a week ago it wasn't opened but the other day he was complaining saying he thinks it's open now. I told him last night, dad, instead of falling asleep in that wheelchair, why don't you get into bed and give your rear end a rest so you're not putting pressure on it anymore than is necessary? He argued with me about it and proceeded to stay seated in the wheelchair and fell asleep in it for 2 hours.. just blatant disrespect for his self as well as the complete inconsideration of the problems it's going to create for my brother and I if his rear end pressure sore gets infected..its completely unacceptable. He is literally making a decision to stay there and make the situation worse and doesn't care how it affects other people. If he don't have the respect for himself, at least have respect for all the people around him that are doing everything we can to take care of him and instead hes just making our lives and our jobs harder...

It just never ends. One preventable problem after another. From not tying his shoe strings after being told repeatedly and eventually falling and breaking a hip which is ultimately what ended up getting him stuck in this wheelchair, to fighting with me when I tell him listen, your rear end is going to get infected if that sore breaks open from you sitting on it unnecessarily, it's like every single thing is nothing but a fight and a problem with him. 

Why can't we just have a father that works with us instead of against us:(

[PureExistence1]

Salaam to Guest Strong..

I'm glad my situation has been able to benefit you some. And no, I had no idea that someone else might be benefited by it because yes, I was coming here for myself, but if anybody is benefited at all by it, then that is better than if I was benefited from it personally. But I have, benefited from everybody's comments on here so thanks to everyone as well! 

In sha Allah you're right about what you said about special trials and maybe that's what we were looking for. I mean, I was granted plenty of years of being a Muslim before these heavy heavy burdens and trials came down upon me so I can only hope that if I'm able to correct my behavior and handle this more graciously that inshallah what you were saying will manifest itself in reality and be true. 

I hope the same for you and whatever your personal trials and problems are and that you stay strong in avoiding the haram possibilities. I'm not going to lie, it's not like certain things haven't passed through my mind just being at a point of desperacy but knowing the consequences those things carry, I just don't need any more problems in life because not only would they be sins, but I fully agree that by choosing those things, it immediately puts the gears of creation, if you want to look at it that way, into a position where they will naturally and through takveen ways work against me so not only would it be a sin, but I would be suffering the consequences and repercussions that that sin brings into the algorithm for myself and those around me and I absolutely do not need that! 

So thanks for sharing with me your struggles and letting me know that you have benefited by that post, I don't generally post things like that on here, only when I'm at my Wit's end and I'm definitely there right now.

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) grant us both and everyone else here and elsewhere in the world success and ease through our trials, in sha Allah.

[Azadeh307]

Salaam Sister, I am sorry to hear about your hardships. The fact that you can write about them and reach out is a demonstration of self-agency, which is a good sign. I understand you're being frustrated and imagine you may feel you are not a good daughter because you can't be with your father 24 hours a day, as he would like. However, I don't think this is warranted. In the past families would have multiple children (5,6, 7 children) and the work of caring for elderly parents was divided among them. It seems to me it is just you and your brother to care for 2 elderly parents, which is hard. On the positive your parents are married so you and your brother don't have to go back and forth between two homes. Well I would say it is ok to be angry and we don't want to get rid of our anger because if we did we would be cowards. At the same time please don't let your anger get excessive; we can make mistakes in rash that can put us into spiritual debt. I hope you can find the middle path. A practical suggestion is to look into adult daycares if there are any. Where I used to live there were adult day cares that would send a bus to pick up the elderly person and then drop them back off at the end of the day. If this option is available you can cut back on individual caretakers. I would recommend visiting or calling your father once a day if possible for a little bit - it may not even have to be more than an hour and it can be over the phone too. The way I see if being able to shift back and forth to farm and city life is ideal; you can have the best of both worlds... the ammenities of the city but the serenity of the country. Prophet Job (Ayyub) had may trials and tribulations. Perhaps his story may bring you peace. I have heard that Allah rewards us for our struggles and knows about them. May Allah guide you and make it easy sister. 

Edited June 9 by Azadeh307

[ShiaChat Mod]

@PureExistence1 Salam, Sister. Making dua for you. The following verse might give you hope. Holy Qur'an 16:96

What is with you will come to an end (vanish, be spent), but what is with God will endure (shall last); and We will most certainly give (pay, bestow) those who are patient their reward for the best of what they used to do (the best of their actions).

[AbdusSibtayn]

Wassalam dear sister, 

I don't want to add to your strain by writing something long and preachy, but as long as you are pulling through and fighting the fight, you haven't failed. 

Faith is not linear. It has its peaks and troughs. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) knows that we don't have the patience of the Prophets and Imams (علیہم السلام) . And He doesn't make unrealistic demands of us. Stick to the wajibaat. Everything else can wait. 

Others have said a lot more and better and repeating it would be redundant, but still, consider your trials and suffering a sign of your nearness to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). 

'When Allah loves someone, He drowns him in an ocean of suffering'. 

-Imam al-Sadiq (عليه السلام). 

If He didn't value you, He wouldn't bother to put you through these trials. 

There will be light at the end of the tunnel. Allah has promised us - إنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا , with every difficulty, there's ease. 

Take this from a fellow sufferer who has fallen into hardships. You will persevere and there is some blessing from Allah in store for you. 

این نیز بگزرد 

Eid al-Ghadeer mubarak. 

[Ashvazdanghe]

19 hours ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

این نیز بگزرد 

Salam respectfully a bit of correction  این نیز بگذرد  (it will pass [anyway]) 

[AbdusSibtayn]

1 hour ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

Salam respectfully a bit of correction  این نیز بگذرد  (it will pass [anyway]) 

Yeah sorry I made a mistake, thanks for the correction dadash! 

[Borntowitnesstruth]

On 6/6/2025 at 1:03 AM, PureExistence1 said:

I'm here seeking some kind of guidance as to how to get out of this downward spiral that I am in and I'm sorry this is taking long, I've been thinking about this post for a long time and I don't really know how to make it any shorter than this. 

Dear sister, I know that No one can feel the agony of the trials except the person who is overwhelmed by it but I tell you that no trial is greater than dying in unbelief which is irrevocable and perpetual. If we compare all our trials with that trial, these will still seem inferior. This world is a constant struggle both physically and spiritually and every bit of patience that you exhibit will have reward eventually. The trials which we face if they are permanent, they will only last until death after which we will be free of it. So, why should we accept defeat, we are spiritual warriors, we are gonna disappoint Ibless even if all of us die and there remain only one of us, even in that circumstance the one remained behind has to fight till he achieves victory or faces death inviting to meet his Creator. 

In the meantime, I advice you to be relaxed and do not over indulge you in worship until your mind is at ease. Allah (عزّ وجلّ) cares for you and he has opened doors for you to take advantage of options that minimize effort in worship till you feel alright. If you think that you cannot fast, you should pay a poor person 750 grams of wheat, barley, bread or other staple food for each missed fast. The time for that to pay is up to a lifetime. If you feel tiredness in prayer, make it shorter, there are various videos on youtube suggesting it. But, even if you cannot do that, you need to relax your mind through some medication to make you feel better and help you make your mood better because everything is associated with mood. 

I pray that Allah (عزّ وجلّ) help you in your life for the sake of Ahlebait (عليه السلام). May Allah (عزّ وجلّ) bless you.

[Laayla]

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Dear Sister Pure, Assalam Alikum.

Sister, why are you putting yourself down?  The fact that you are concerned, caring, and compassionate shows you are following Islam and God knows your struggles and sees you are doing your best.  

I'm sorry you are going through health problems.  This is from all the stress, anger that is bottled inside, and feeling overwhelmed.

Stop blaming yourself and think you are the problem.  I wish more people were involved in your life, within the community, relatives, or neighbors to help out.

I need to cut this short, because the door is knocking.  Let me get back to you later, Insh'Allah.