Marriage

[Hassan512]

Salam,

Agha I need help and guidance on a serious matter 

I am a Shia Muslim living in Pakistan. A few months ago, I proposed marriage (Nikah) to my cousin (my father's sister's daughter), and she agreed. We informed our respective parents. My father spoke to her mother to request her hand for marriage, presenting it as a family-initiated proposal to avoid the perception of a "love marriage," because her father strongly disapproves of love marriages. Her father agreed in principle but placed a condition: that the marriage (Nikah and Rukhsati) will take place after I complete my studies abroad (approximately three years).
I am currently 20 years old, and she is 22 years old.
I will soon travel to England for my studies, which will take around three years to complete.
We both wish to protect ourselves from falling into haram emotional relationships during this long waiting period. We feel the need to stay emotionally supportive by communicating with each other, but we also fear disobeying Islamic laws regarding non-mahram interaction.
To make our communication halal during this time, I considered Mut'ah (temporary marriage). The main purpose of Mut'ah for us would be to allow halal communication (emotional support through conversation) during my studies abroad, without falling into haram.
However, since she is a virgin, I am aware that normally her father’s permission is required in Shia fiqh for both permanent and temporary marriage.
Her father has given general consent for her future marriage with me (after I become financially independent), but he has not been informed about any intention to conduct a Mut'ah contract now.
My questions for your guidance:
1.    Given that her father has already approved our future marriage, can this be considered sufficient permission for Mut'ah now?
2.    Since she is mature (baligha), intelligent, and consenting freely, can she conduct Mut'ah without new, explicit permission for temporary marriage?
3.    If Mut'ah is permissible in this case, what conditions must we fulfill to make it valid and halal (wording, Mahr, period, etc.)?
4.    Considering social customs (urf) and respect for family honor, is it advisable to proceed with Mut'ah silently without informing the families immediately?
Our only intention is to stay within halal boundaries, avoid sin, and maintain emotional support for each other during this waiting period, until full Nikah and Rukhsati can happen properly with both families' blessing.

Can you please help me out on this matter
Please provide me a solution,what to do

[Abu Hadi]

Salam, 

First, you need to consider the father's perspective. This will give you some insight into how to handle the situation. As they say 'If you want to approach someone, first walk a mile in their shoes'. As you can guess, his main concern would be that the Muta' escalated into something sexual and then you decided not to marry his daughter as a three years engagement is a long time. 

IMHO, this is a legitimate concern and something that has at least a possibility of happening. What you don't understand, because maybe you've never been in this type of relationship, is that there is only two tracks in an intimate male / female relationship, such as a Mutah. First is that you like each other and feelings develop. This 'liking' will escalate over time into love / lust. There is no way to actually stop that if you continue the marriage. The love / lust will eventually become a sexual relationship, that is for sure. Like when you fire an arrow at a target, it will reach it's target unless something intervenes and stops it. 

How fast the relationship will escalate to a sexual one is partially under your control and partially not. You say it will take three years and we are going to stick to that and nothing will stop us. This is a nice thing to say in theory but it doesn't actually work that way, ask those who have been in these kind of relationships. The other track is that you find out you don't like each other and then this ends in the opposite of love which is ending of the Mutah and then separation. You don't know in the beginning which track the relationship will take. It is also possible that it could start out on the first track, i.e. love and then a sexual relationship and then slip over onto the other track. This is what he is afraid of (the Dad) and I kind of doubt there is anything you can say that would convince him that this is absolutely not a possibility to happen. He would have to be sort of stupid to believe you, because he's older than you and has been around longer and seen many things. 

While getting father's permission is not wajib always, and there are exceptions and even there are some marjaa' who say it is not even mustahab, still in your case and knowing what I know about Pakistani culture, I would advise against the Mutah option in this case, unless there is some detail to your story that you have not shared. If it was me, I would either do two things. First, I would do the whole marriage (not Mutah but Zawaj Tul Nikah, i.e. permenant marriage) while you are still in school and you could live a simple life as husband and wife while you are studying. This is possible and I know many who have done this and I myself did it as my wife and I married in my third year at University. We lived in a small apartment, not much money, had to be careful about buying things, etc, but I think this was probably one of the best decisions I ever made in my life (i.e. marrying that particular women at that particular time). Remember that it is Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) who gives the rizk and not your family, job, etc. 

The second option is to delay getting engaged until after you finish. If you find someone else in the next three years, then you marry them and it would be the same for her (i.e. if she meets someone else she can go along and marry him). If after the three years you are both still single, then you marry then. 

 

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 4/28/2025 at 4:50 PM, Hassan512 said:

My questions for your guidance:
1.    Given that her father has already approved our future marriage, can this be considered sufficient permission for Mut'ah now?
2.    Since she is mature (baligha), intelligent, and consenting freely, can she conduct Mut'ah without new, explicit permission for temporary marriage?

Salam

1.Technically his approval of marriage can be be considered sufficient permission for Mut'ah now because both of them are marriage which their difference is being temporal or permanent. .

2.Yeah she can but it's better that you ask for  permission of your parent because being in contact for 3 years without Mutah can leads to committing sin unknowingly which for avoiding falling into any sin you must do mutah for being in contact before permanent  marriage.

On 4/28/2025 at 4:50 PM, Hassan512 said:

3.    If Mut'ah is permissible in this case, what conditions must we fulfill to make it valid and halal (wording, Mahr, period, etc.)?

It's conditions doesn't change in any case which you must pay Mahr/Dowry before reciting formula of Mutah which it's better that she puts condition that you don't make a child during Mutah & your relation just will be for  being in contact during these 3 year of your semi engagement .

 

On 4/28/2025 at 4:50 PM, Hassan512 said:

4.    Considering social customs (urf) and respect for family honor, is it advisable to proceed with Mut'ah silently without informing the families immediately?

Yeah you can hide it from other members of your families but on the other hand just inform your parents in order to  they can protect you in case of happening any trouble.

On 4/28/2025 at 4:50 PM, Hassan512 said:

Our only intention is to stay within halal boundaries, avoid sin, and maintain emotional support for each other during this waiting period, until full Nikah and Rukhsati can happen properly with both families' blessing.

If you want to stay in Halal boundaries so then you must have Mutah during these 3 years which other forms of relationship likewise chatting & etc maybe leads to committing sin even unknowingly which for staying in Halal boundaries you must become Mahram through Mutah or permanent marriage .

Quote

 Chat between Male & Female

Question: Is it permissible to chat with girls on the internet?

Answer: If it is feared that they might be drawn towards sin, it is not permissible. Normally chatting ends up in a sin for both sides.

 

2Question: Can I be in a friendly relationship with a girl in my class.

Answer: All kinds of relations with a non-mahram including joking, expressing mutual love, talking with the intention of deriving pleasure, looking at the body of a girl (except her face and hands up to the wrists) and at her hair or looking at her face with pleasure are Haram (forbidden). In fact, if it is feared that they might fall into a sin, it is forbidden for them to have any kind of relationship with each other.

https://www.sistani.org/english/qa/01151/

LAWS OF TEMPORARY MARRIAGE (MUTʿAH)

Ruling 2439. A temporary marriage that is not for the purpose of deriving sexual pleasure is valid. However, the woman cannot stipulate a condition that the man must not derive any sexual pleasure.

 

Ruling 2443. A temporary wife is not entitled to the right of sleeping together [i.e. the right that was mentioned in Ruling 2435]. She does not inherit from her husband, nor does her husband inherit from her. In the event that one or both of them stipulate a condition [in the marriage contract] that they will inherit [from the other/each other], then the validity of this condition is problematic, but observing precaution (iḥtiyāṭ) here must not be abandoned.

Quote

Ruling 2435. If, for example, a man has two permanent wives and he stays with one of them one night, it is obligatory for him to also stay with his other wife one in every four nights. Apart from this case, it is not obligatory for him to stay with his wife. However, it is necessary that he does not totally abandon her, and the more precautious and more preferred (al‑aḥwaṭ al‑awlā) [juristic opinion][1] is that a husband should stay with his permanent wife one in every four nights.

https://www.sistani.org/english/qa/01245/