Man does not want divorce

[Guest Anon]

Salam,

I am just wondering regarding the ruling of divorce and if it can only be initiated by the man? Or if it is initiated by the women, do both parties have to agree?

We have a situation in our community of a woman who is married to a stubborn man. They have been married for over 20 years. The man ended up having a second wife, and him and the original wife have not had a husband wife relationship for 7-8 years. The wife has a hatred towards him and when he was living at home they had separate rooms. Now, he lives at his second wife’s house.

The woman wants a divorce as she would like to move on with her life since there is nothing in this relationship between them. However, the man absolutely refuses. He is refusing out of stubbornness and saying he wants to make her life difficult and he doesn’t care which Sayed or person talks to him, he will never ever grant her divorce.

The woman has tried contacting various different marjas, namely Sistani’s offices as that’s her main marja, but they are saying so long as the man refuses and he is not physically abusive etc there is nothing they can do.

I think this is quite ridiculous, is there really nothing that can be done? Is it fair that she stays trapped in such a marriage at the mercy of this man, meanwhile he has moved on with his life? Can anyone please advise if divorce is really up to the man, and if there are any marja’s who would consider this situation as valid for divorce?

Thank you

[Guest Zahra]

Salaams, i am in a similar position just that he hasnt married the other woman according to him n i have caught him cheating on me with a kafir. He says its normal for a handsome man to be followed n slip off to an attractive woman. Im not his type so its more than5 yrs since he has touched me. I went to a schollar n he said once in 4 months is wajib, after 2 years she can officially request for talaq through jamaat n government. Im currently living in separate room. Just waiting for my turn as i have applied for the divorce in the jamaat. Pls ask ur friend to gear up some courage and inshallah she should move on otherwise he will keep scaring her

[Meedy]

https://al-islam.org/new-perspective-women-islam-fatma-saleh-sayyid-moustafa-al-qazwini/chapter-3-divorce-divorce-and

Your situation may fall into.

When a husband refuses to grant a divorce, and the wife’s claim for divorce is justified, then the Islamic courts or imam may intervene. The Islamic court or imam may summon the husband and order him to divorce her, or they may finalize the divorce with or without his consent. This type of divorce is termed hakim al-shar’i.

I am not 100% sure. perhaps do further research or hopefully we get some comments from others.

 

[Guest Requesting for a divorce]

Salaam. Thank you. I am currently looking for a place to move and while starting the procedure of divorce. Unfortunately, he is refusing the custody of my son. According to him my son needs his leisure life, and he cannot move into something tiny which I can currently afford. I am just very sad and tired. Everyone makes it feel to me that I am not considering the children, and I need to sacrifice. I have sacrificed 20 years with these ups and down and now I am at my breaking point. I just dont feel any support while I know I am right. Is this situation normal?

[Abu Hadi]

No, this situation is not normal. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) help you and your children.