Seeking Advice on Marriage – Sunni Palestinian Fiancée Embracing Shi‘ism

[AliBaliBi]

Salam alaykum, brothers and sisters,

I am a 20-year-old Shia Muslim from Afghanistan, and I recently (6-7 months ago) met a Sunni Palestinian sister who is also 20 years old. Alhamdulillah, we quickly formed a strong bond and fell in love. Now, we want to make our relationship halal and legitimate Islamically, as we acknowledge that we have not followed the proper rules thus far.

Insha’Allah, we are planning to formalize our relationship by summer. My intention is to approach her father and officially ask for her hand in engagement. However, we are facing a dilemma that I would really appreciate some advice on.

While we are both at a valid age for marriage, I recognize that as a male, I may mature later than a female. This raises concerns about how things may unfold in the next 4-5 years and whether I might change in ways that could affect our relationship. That said, I truly want to be with her, especially since she has recently started embracing Shi‘ism. Theologically, we are now aligned, and while we come from different cultural backgrounds, we believe that is something we can manage together.

One of my biggest concerns is whether Allah will place barakah in this relationship or if we may struggle due to the way we initially went about it. Since we didn’t follow the correct Islamic guidelines from the start, I fear that this could affect Allah’s support and blessing in our future together. We both want to do things the right way now, but I don’t know if that is enough to make up for our past mistakes.

I would really appreciate advice on the following:

• How can we ensure that our marriage is blessed with barakah despite our past mistakes?
• Am I realistically too young to commit to marriage at this stage, or is this just an unnecessary worry? If age is a concern, what signs should I look for to determine whether I am truly ready?

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

[Guest Guest]

Use the ATWK app [Ask Those Who Know] if you had not done so already, you can ask Shia scholars who are able to give better advice than majority of laymen.

Disclaimer: I am a single male so take my advice with a grain of salt.

ماشاءاللہ your potential spouse has embraced Tashayyu.

Before answering your question, I would approach her parents, especially her father or male guardian(if she has no father) first, if you have not done so already. I would discuss this with your parents and her parents so that they are both on board.

If I were in your shoes, I would do istikhara after getting approval from the girls parents and rely upon Allah alone to ensure there is barakah in the marriage. 

I think you are very young for marriage. It depends on your situation; if you do not have a steady income, I would recommend you find some form of employment. If you are both in school, I would wait until after graduation and until you have a stable job. 

Another thing I would add is the cultural difference, even if you are both Shia, you have to deal with the cultural differences between the both of you; language and food are extremely surface level differences, other differences you will have to account for is body language and attitudes. 

Edited March 18 by Hameedeh
[Ask Those Who Know]

[realizm]

If your intentions are good, then ask for forgiveness and try your best to keep it halal and move on to the next step. 

If when asking her family you face issues about your age, then it might be that you are indeed too young, or they are unfair, but there will be not much you can do. Same goes with ethnicity.

You will need Allah's tawfiq (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). 

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 3/15/2025 at 12:59 PM, AliBaliBi said:

One of my biggest concerns is whether Allah will place barakah in this relationship or if we may struggle due to the way we initially went about it. Since we didn’t follow the correct Islamic guidelines from the start, I fear that this could affect Allah’s support and blessing in our future together. We both want to do things the right way now, but I don’t know if that is enough to make up for our past mistakes.

Salam surely will place Barakah in your Halal relationship even if you face struggle due to the way which you have initially went about it.

Allah's support and blessing won't be affected in your future due to shortcoming in your past  ;since you "want to do things the right way" since now,which inshaAllah  your past mistakes will be made up because it's a new beginning in life of both of you although you need to make up any Haqq al-Nass by yourself in order to won't be faced with any problem inshaAllah.

https://en.wikishia.net/view/Haqq_al-Nas

[guest 2025]

W/S

If you have good intentions and repented then I don't see an issue.

If Hurr (رضي الله عنه) was blessed with the highest stations after opposing Imam Hussain (عليه السلام), then what's stopping you from attaining His mercy and forgiveness? Allah is very generous.

Edited March 18 by guest 2025