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In the Name of God بسم الله

A revert’s experience of living with Non-muslim parents

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  • Advanced Member
Posted
On 1/19/2025 at 8:22 AM, Muhammad Hadi 15 said:

Salaam to all,

I am a Muslim revert (practicing Shia), while my parents remain non-Muslim (Hindu). I wish to marry a Shia Muslim woman and also intend to keep my parents with me after marriage, with the hope of gently encouraging them toward Islam. I am aware of the fiqhi rulings regarding living with non-Muslims and the necessary precautions to take. I have consulted scholars regarding my situation, and they have provided valuable guidance.

I would like to know if there are any similar cases or experiences that resonate with mine. If you are aware of someone in a similar situation, please connect me with them. I am eager to learn from their experiences.
JazakAllah Khair.

im a Shia revert too and i have to deal with non muslim family members, but i live alone.

Guest ~x~
Posted

Talking as a muslim shia girl (not from the indian area) a lot of girls wouldn't mind living with their spouses family as long as they aren't too overwhelming (and you have to know that their a good majority that are, just because they are your family and your used to them doesn't mean that your potential spouse would be).  However, the fact that your family is Hindu will make it really hard to actually find a spouse because not many females would want to live with them. Adding to that, can't you just live in a separate house and just visit your parents every weekend? Even if you live with them to try and guide them to the right path if they don't open up their hearts no matter how long you stay with them, nothing will change and there is a high chance that if you do get married, your spouse might not be able to handle it.  

You have to also understand that living with family comes with a lot of problems. If your spouse and parent argue or fight, you can't side with anyone because it will enrage the other side.

You have to also think about their attitudes and thought processes, they might clash with yours and your potential spouse.

Adding to that , as AbdusSibtayn stated marriages with other Shia's tend to be hard to find, so if you do find a spouse who is knowledgeable, strong on their deen and has a good attitude they may still reject the proposition to live with your family, and if that causes you to reject that marriage, Im sorry for my language but that would be stupid. ( i am assuming that you would so don't get annoyed)

How do you even know that your family is happy and welcoming to your conversion? Parents tend to be extremely disappointed when their child converts to a different religion so how do you know your parents aren't ? How do you know that your parents are going to actually accept you and your spouse living in their house? Some hindu families have the tradition to spray cow urine around their house .do your parents partake in that tradition? If they do , sorry to say their is a 0.001% chance that your spouse is going to say yes to living with them.

Maybe you should wait 5-10 years, if your parents don't change their mind, then you should consider getting your own place. No matter how hard you try if somebody doesn't want to change their mind they wont. Adding to that you have to also be fair to your potential spouse.

 

(Again i apologise for my coarse language)

  • Basic Members
Posted

@AbdusSibtaynThank you very much brother for your detailed comments. I am overwhelmed by your advices.

May Allah keep you safe and well, and grant your parents a full recovery through the intercession and blessings of Ahlul Bayt.I want to connect with you personally. I don’t know if we are allowed to share our numbers on this forum. If you can drop your contact details in my inbox, please do so. I will very grateful. JazkaAllah khair

  • Basic Members
Posted

@AbdusSibtayn

Thank you very much brother for your detailed comments. I am overwhelmed by your advices.

May Allah keep you safe and well, and grant your parents a full recovery through the intercession and blessings of Ahlul Bayt.I want to connect with you personally. I don’t know if we are allowed to share our numbers on this forum. If you can drop your contact details in my inbox, please do so. I will very grateful. JazkaAllah khair

  • Moderators
Posted
On 1/19/2025 at 9:22 AM, Muhammad Hadi 15 said:

Salaam to all,

I am a Muslim revert (practicing Shia), while my parents remain non-Muslim (Hindu). I wish to marry a Shia Muslim woman and also intend to keep my parents with me after marriage, with the hope of gently encouraging them toward Islam. I am aware of the fiqhi rulings regarding living with non-Muslims and the necessary precautions to take. I have consulted scholars regarding my situation, and they have provided valuable guidance.

I would like to know if there are any similar cases or experiences that resonate with mine. If you are aware of someone in a similar situation, please connect me with them. I am eager to learn from their experiences.
JazakAllah Khair.

If I were you, I would switch to a marjaa who says that all people are tahir, so that you do not have issues with food, etc. Other than that, br. @AbdusSibtayn has basically said it all and I actually thought I wrote that post, lol, till I saw his name on it. Double lol. 

  • Advanced Member
Posted
On 1/22/2025 at 1:23 AM, Muhammad Hadi 15 said:

@AbdusSibtaynThank you very much brother for your detailed comments. I am overwhelmed by your advices.

May Allah keep you safe and well, and grant your parents a full recovery through the intercession and blessings of Ahlul Bayt.I want to connect with you personally. I don’t know if we are allowed to share our numbers on this forum. If you can drop your contact details in my inbox, please do so. I will very grateful. JazkaAllah khair

No problem brother. If things feel overwhelming, do them gradually, one step at a time. 

13 hours ago, Muhammad Hadi 15 said:

@AbdusSibtayn

Thank you very much brother for your detailed comments. I am overwhelmed by your advices.

May Allah keep you safe and well, and grant your parents a full recovery through the intercession and blessings of Ahlul Bayt.I want to connect with you personally. I don’t know if we are allowed to share our numbers on this forum. If you can drop your contact details in my inbox, please do so. I will very grateful. JazkaAllah khair

Thank you for your prayers and good wished. Wa iyyaka khair al-Jaza. 

I don't use social media, but nonetheless I'll see if I can send you my contact details. 

Fi amanillah. 

  • Advanced Member
Posted

Salaam, im a shia revert that spends half the week taking care of my elderly and the severely sick parents. However, I have my own building on another side of the property that I can adhere to all the Islamic rulings and tahir regulations.

This is good, but when I am in their house, they have a dog in the house and the dog is very happy and friendly dog and licks me in is all over me and they are not clean people by any means. Because of their age, they have some weird habits where they don't like taking showers so sometimes they go a couple months before they take a shower and I can't change that. So they smell really bad and I know everything they touch has bacteria on it because I see what they do with their hands so this is a biological issue as far as not wanting to get sick with something like stomach flu which is basically something people acquire from touching surfaces that someone else has not properly cleaned their hands after using the bathroom. And I won't even get into describing the condition the bathroom is in every week when I go there! And I have to clean it but I wear rubber gloves. 

So there's the issue with the dog and dog saliva, there's the issue with human waste and everything that they touch, there's the issue with the house stinking like urine because my mother wets herself now but won't wear diapers or change her clothes or shower. And I have to somehow deal with all of this while spending time with them is my Islamic duty and their daughter is concerned, and making doctors appointments and going to doctor's appointments and things like that. 

So when I leave their house and go to my own space, fortunately I have a room where I can change into clean clothes and enter my bedroom where I say my prayers and sleep at therefore guaranteeing that my private area is kept clean and tahir..

My husband doesn't live there with me because he is on the opposite spectrum of things and sanitizes everything with alcohol and is just completely the far opposite as far as cleanliness is concerned. It's extremely difficult for me to bounce between these two environments every week like I do and causes a lot of psychological damage to me but we are both very clear he cannot tolerate being around my parents.

  • Basic Members
Posted

@Abu Hadi @AbdusSibtayn 

Thank you for your kind replies. I follow ruling of Ayatollah Nasir Makaram Shirazi who says all human beings are tahir. So this makes my life easy in terms of food and other things which may count Najast. I reverted 5 years ago Alhamdulilah, so my family is now very supportive on my change in faith and clearly understands rulings of Islam. I pray in their house in a separate room. My mom used to prepare iftar and suhoor for me in whole Ramdan. My parents are very down to earth and they are not into using cow urine or having pets at home. I live in another country, therefore there is no option that I can make my parents live separately in the country I am currently living. We need to stay together in one house. I believe living with parents is a great support system rather than living alone in a stranger country without any muslim relatives. I have talked to few scholars who have also advised that I should keep my parents with me as Quran and Allah have emphasized alot on taking care of the parents. 

  • Advanced Member
Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

My husband doesn't live there with me

Sorry I should have said my husband doesn't come to visit my family with me.. living there with me has never been an option because I do not have appropriate living quarters. I essentially live in a barn with a room that has been converted to a bedroom but don't have a lot of necessities that a normal functioning living space should have. But besides that, my husband is not the kind of man that would feel comfortable living on someone else's property, he would want to have his own property, his own place. Also my father's attitude and approach to other people has become very rude and my husband does not want to be treated in a negative rude manner so to prevent any possible negative run-ins with my father, my husband just stays away. This essentially means that he has forfeited his ability to come and visit the farm,  spend time with our donkeys which is actually pretty fun, to  be out in nature, to see the sky at night when all the stars are visible unlike when we are in the city, and to be able to do his own work on his own vehicles instead of having to pay a mechanic in town lots of money to do it.. so this freedom he has chosen to forgo to preserve his own respect and dignity and that is understandable.

My dad has just gotten so old and sick that he is very.. I guess you would say cranky to use a word that's socially acceptable on an Islamic forum. At the same time, my husband constantly encourages me to visit them, keep my family ties and to be patient with my father and sympathize with his situation (his age and his illnesses as well as the severe abuses and neglect he suffered as a very young boy, talking 6 years old and being kicked out of the house everyday to wander the streets of a major American city because the stepmother was a horrible person!) but at the same time suggesting I maintain my emotional distance, detach and just do my islamic duty and try not to let the situation affect me too much.

I am not sure how much my post is going to help you, but just thought I would put it out there since I am a revert and dealing with a family that is not muslim and how that has affected my spouse. They are technically Christian but do not attend church although my brother is very religious, he doesn't attend church either for his own personal reasons. My family are not bad people and they are very moral, it's just that they are very old and sick and due to some of their personal hygiene choices it has made it very difficult for me while I am around them and being an observant Muslim. And there is no hope of any of them converting unless God was to make a miracle, but I am just happy that they accept the fact that I converted. Sometimes my frustration and subsequent bad behavior does not show my religion in the best light unfortunately, but for them, it is not so much a reflection of My religion as it is a reflection of the fact that some aspects of myself have not changed from the person I was before I reverted.

Anyway, this posts main purposes  is to clarify and not make it look like my husband is a jerk because he's not. He's a really great guy, very observant muslim, and a great provider. I just worded my original post a bit roughly and wanted to correct that as well as add some other details.

Edited by PureExistence1
  • Moderators
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Muhammad Hadi 15 said:

@Abu Hadi @AbdusSibtayn 

Thank you for your kind replies. I follow ruling of Ayatollah Nasir Makaram Shirazi who says all human beings are tahir. So this makes my life easy in terms of food and other things which may count Najast. I reverted 5 years ago Alhamdulilah, so my family is now very supportive on my change in faith and clearly understands rulings of Islam. I pray in their house in a separate room. My mom used to prepare iftar and suhoor for me in whole Ramdan. My parents are very down to earth and they are not into using cow urine or having pets at home. I live in another country, therefore there is no option that I can make my parents live separately in the country I am currently living. We need to stay together in one house. I believe living with parents is a great support system rather than living alone in a stranger country without any muslim relatives. I have talked to few scholars who have also advised that I should keep my parents with me as Quran and Allah have emphasized alot on taking care of the parents. 

I also wanted to add something, specifically related to your parents being Hindu. This is something I don't have a direct experience with, since my background prior to reverting to Islam was Christian, i.e. I was raised by Christian parents, who are considered Ahl Al Kitab. 

I think because your parents are Hindu, you have a responsibility in one area more than others. The area is trying, before they die, to at least convince them that there is only One God (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), .جَلَّ جَلَالَهُ. and so that they don't die believing other than this. If they do, at least you did your primary responsibility and you will be free before Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) having carried out your responsibility. If you would like discussions and rational arguments on this subject, there are so many of them from Imams of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)). I will post if you request. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
  • Basic Members
Posted
5 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

@Abu Hadi

Thank you for your comment. My parents are receptive of oneness of God. Even Hinduism says there is one God but because of the cultural practices people are practicing polygamy and idol worship. I have read the sacred texts of Hinduism and there oneness of God concept is very clearly written. I am hopeful that one day my parents will stop practicing these cultural practice and start praying one God only and from there it will surely lead them toward Islam. 
 Btw do you live with your Christian parents? How’s your experience? How do you keep Christian and Islamic practices separate under one roof? 

 

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