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In the Name of God بسم الله

Forced marriage

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Guest Zahra
Posted

Assalamoalaykum! I’m a woman and I’m 20. I have liked someone from a young age and both of us repented and made tawbah for the time spent together. We presented eachother to our families after long time of no contact. His parents have accepted, mine on the other hand refused to even speak to him, made me feel like disgrace for bringing it up. Later His Mother came home with a proposal and my parents refused without my knowledge knowing that i was interested. (Mind you there are no religious factors in them saying no). Fast forward some months of trying to convince them and trying my best to keep his parents acceptance as well since they already felt humiliated from my parents’ response, I get to know that they are trying to set me up with my cousin. I refuse the proposal, but they do not listen and the men of both families (fathers) already agreed to this proposal without my consent. Later when i tell them no they started getting mentally abusive with threats and extreme pressure which led me into anxeity attacks. It came to the point where i either listen to them or i leave. They say that its extremly embarassing to tell people that our daughter refused, even tho its my right? As of now i think they have said yes to the proposal without my knowledge and i really can’t stay here more without the situation getting dangerous for me. Only people that i can go to is the man that i want to marry and his family. My question is, can I have my nikkah done with the man of my interest without my wali in this situation? 

  • Moderators
Posted

This is a terrible situation and your father is wrong to try to force you into a marriage you dislike.  

However, you need to think about the consequences of what you are thinking of doing.  You said you want to elope with the man of your choice, even if that forces you to lose your family. Cutting ties with parents is almost always forbidden.  Your parents love you and want the best for you.  

I suggest you talk with them openly and ask them what they dislike about the man you like, and you tell them what you dislike about the man they like, and see if you can come to an agreement or simply delay marriage until you are all in agreement.  

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Advanced Member
Posted

Salam alaykum

 

As long as you withhold consent, the marriage will not be valid

 

As to what you should do, you should go to family members or family friends you trust (especially if they are linked to the local masjid) and explain your situation. They should be able to help you out of the quandary by advising your father (they can't take away his right unless a scholar is satisfied he's being unreasonable in his criteria for rejection)

Your father cares for his daughter, he is protective over her, and he has a right to consider and confirm or reject the suitability of this young man you are interested in

 

 

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