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In the Name of God بسم الله

how to deal with an unfair and cruel parent

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Guest janna
Posted

Assalamualaikum everyone,

 

sorry for the long post but pls read thru it all. 

I’ve been carrying this weight for so long, and I need to let it out. My parents don’t understand me at all—especially my mom. As for my dad, it’s like he’s not even there. He goes to work, comes home, and doesn’t acknowledge us. There’s no connection, no warmth, no love. I can’t even remember the last time he hugged me or showed he cared.

My mom, though, is always present—but it’s more of a curse than a blessing. She’s constantly making things harder. Yesterday, I hit a breaking point and tried to overdose on pills. I’m still here, but I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m 16, and every day feels like I’m suffocating in my own home.

I’m not allowed to go out—not even for a short walk or to grab something from the store. Hanging out with friends? It’s a flat-out no.

School? I’m forced to do it online because “high school is bad.”

Even if I ask for the simplest things, the answer is always no.

The things that bring me joy? They’re taken away.

My phone? Confiscated almost every week for no reason.

If I’m studying or doing something productive, my mom finds a reason to yell at me to clean.

Our whole house revolves around her mood.

And somehow, no matter what happens, I’m always the one to blame.

There have been times when she’s gone months without speaking to me. This happened when I was 12, 13, and even now. We live in the same house, but it feels like I’m invisible.

She calls me downstairs just to yell at me, even if I’m in the middle of studying. She once almost broke my laptop in one of her outbursts.

It’s like my feelings don’t exist to her. It feels like she wants me to fail.

I can’t stay silent anymore.

Yesterday, I drank coffee, and she started yelling at me for it. When I asked why, she hit me. It’s always over the smallest, most insignificant things.

I feel like I’m more mature than my parents. It’s like I have to be the adult in this situation, while they act like children.

I just want out. I want to live a life where I’m happy and free. But I have nowhere to go. We don’t have any relatives here.

My siblings go through this too. There’s not a single day without yelling or something being thrown across the room—or into the garbage.

I try my best to be a good daughter. I help out with everything, but nothing I do is ever enough for them.

Sometimes, I wonder why they even had kids if they weren’t ready to raise them.

I’m so exhausted. Living here feels worse than being in a prison.

I don’t even go out or stay out late. I’m always home. But even that isn’t good enough. They control what I wear—abaya only, long shirts, plain hijabs, no jewelry.

The things I went through as a kid were so much worse. What I’m sharing now doesn’t even scratch the surface. From ages 7 to 15, my life was even harder. Things have “improved,” but only slightly.

I’m forced to eat even when I’m not hungry. My mom says things like, “You’ll never out-stubborn me.” She constantly compares me to others and tries to control every part of my life.

She’s even said, “I can make you drop out of school if I want to.”

She’s toxic, plain and simple. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough.

Even when I do well in school, they don’t care. They just expect perfection—nothing less than 90s.

my mom constantly starts fights with my dad over the simplest thing like a tissue he didn't throw away - and it turns into the biggest fight which lasts for days. 

sometimes I feel like she's not okay and every time i try to communicate nicely and tell her its affecting me she says my dad turned her into what she is now and that's why she's letting it out on us but i tell her that we are not to blame if my dads actions hurt u before it has nothing to do with your kids (my parents story is a whole different story - my dads family are bad and want him to divorce her but honestly if they had a divorce years ago before having children it would've been so much better for us and them - they both ruined they're lives they don't love each other and are making us hate ourselves because we are constantly reminded that they are still together only for us). 

This household is breaking me. It’s affecting my mental health in ways I can’t even describe. I feel like I’m losing myself, and I’m scared of what I might do.

And after all this, they’ll act like nothing happened. Like I’m the one with the problem.

The trauma they’ve caused me is overwhelming. They’ve hurt me so much and never protected me when I needed them most.

There’s so much more I could say, but I’ll stop here.

Please, I need advice. Is there anything I can do? My sister tells me to “just deal with it” until I get married, but is that really the answer? Do I really want to waste my life waiting for a better future that might never come?

  • Advanced Member
Posted

Wa alaikis salam, 

I am really at a loss of words. 

I don't really have any advice other than being patient until the first opportunity you get to get out of the house. You can not really do much apart from this. 

This is a perfect illustration of how every child deserves parents, but not all parents deserve children. 

Fi Amanillah. 

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