Is my marriage valid?

[Guest Maya]

I (18F) and my (23M) husband (??) met early October. We decided to be exclusive and then make things halal on November 1st. For context, I don’t have a wali. My father is out of the picture and doesn’t financially support me. My uncle is present but also doesn’t financially support me. My sole provider is my mother. And my paternal grandfather is not alive. I was assaulted when I was 15, so I wasn’t a virgin going into it. We did mutah, and it’s been amazing. I really really really love him and he loves me too. He flew over to me (he lives in Canada and I live in the US) — we spent a week together, sharing lots of memories. We also consummated the marriage while he was here. His brother started to suspect things when my husband flew to the US. And he kept pressuring him to say something or else he will find out. So he told him everything.

Today, my husband told me he worries our marriage isn’t valid because his brother mentioned something to him and it hasn’t left his mind. He sent a question to the marja we follow (sistani):

Question: Asalam-o-alaykum, I did mutah and consummated the marriage with an 18 year old girl. She isn’t a virgin and lost her virginity from being raped. I now came to know a girl who’s lost her virginity through rape is still considered a virgin. It’s worth noting her father isn’t in her life and doesn’t financially provide for her either. The other male in her family doesn’t provide for her and her mother is the sole provider. Is our marriage valid? If not, What should we do?

I’m so heartbroken and I hope our marriage is valid. We didn’t know that when they say a girl can be independent if she’s not a virgin, they mean in the context of a woman who previously married and consummated the marriage. But this doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have a wali. And I also realized that sistani doesn’t allow a woman to get married regardless if she doesn’t have a wali. What sucks about this situation the most is that my mom wouldn’t allow me to marry early. If she knew about this whole situation, she would kill me. And his parents want him to get married by 25. So if we do end up having to separate, the plan is to wait until I turn 20, convince my mom to let my get married.

Please reply as soon as possible. 

[Abu Hadi]

Salam, 

If your father is out of your life, you don't live with him, and he doesn't financially support you then he is not your wali. The only other possibility for a wali for you is your paternal grandfather but you said he passed away. You don't have a wali for your husband  to seek permission from so obviously this is not a requirement for your marriage to be valid. Your marriage is valid based on the information you gave and provided that the aqd (contract) was done correctly according to Hukm Sharia (Islamic Jurisprudence). 

Also, according to Sayyid Sistani, seeking the wali's permission is 'ihtiyat wujub..'. That doesn't mean the same thing as wajib. If Sistani said it is wajib, that means, yes, your marriage is invalid without the wali's permission (which doesn't apply in your case since you don't have a wali). The term 'ihtiyyat' when placed before wajib means that out of precaution (ihtiyyat), you should seek the wali's permission. At the same time, even if you married without the wali's permission, the marriage would still be valid, but you wouldn't be practicing 'ihtiyyat' (precaution) in the issue, which in Islam would mean the marriage would not be the ideal marriage but it would still be valid and you would not be committing zina with your husband if you slept with him. 

Hope that helps. 

Edited December 27, 2024 by Abu Hadi

[Irfani313]

Brother @Abu Hadi has summarized it for you already, but here are the highly recommended religious rulings for you to read.
 

Short answer: Yes your marriage is valid.
 

My advice: Don’t go into timed marriage again, meaning both of you keep your desires in check while keep talking from a safe distance to know each other more, better, and synchronize yourself into your Deen more together, and then in a few months, marry into permanent and move in inshaAllah. There is no bigger blessing than starting a permanent Islamic household. 
 

https://www.al-islam.org/ask/is-it-sinful-for-a-girl-to-marry-without-the-permission-of-her-parents

 

https://www.al-islam.org/ask/if-parents-get-separated-and-the-father-clearly-says-that-he-does-not-want-to-be-a-part-of-his-daughters-marriage-is-his-permission-still-required-for-the-daughter-to-marry-someone
 

https://www.al-islam.org/ask/can-a-girl-marry-without-a-wali-if-a-wali-is-being-a-hurdle-in-her-marriage-what-should-be-done-in-this-situation-who-can-perform-this-task

 

https://www.al-islam.org/ask/if-both-my-father-and-grandfather-have-passed-away-who-can-be-my-wali-for-my-marriage/sayyed-mohammad-al-musawi

[Quran313]

I think both of you should talk to a scholar and get it resolved. I heard a similar story that a girl didn't have Wali and the scholar acted like a guardian and the girl got married. Alternatively, you can talk to your mother and convince her about your relationship.

I'm surprised that some parents are okay with their children have bf/gf but not okay with marriage. What's the difference? one halal, one haram.

Edited December 28, 2024 by Quran313