I need help

[Ani]

Alsalam alaikum, 

Because of the war in Palestine, and especially after seeing Yahya Sinwar's martydom, I have lost my will to live. 

I have started thinking that the highest level a human can get is to be a martyr. And that common life goals, marriage, wealth, children, possessions have all kind of lost value. 

I am in a state of mind that is the absence of wanting to do anything. I am in my mid 30s, my mum wants me to get married. I am worried that even if I do get married,  I am not going to be happy and might make the life of my spouse miserable as well.

And my brain has started thinking that, marriage is not for me. If the goal is jannat then all these mundane things are obstructing us. Life gets so hard. The more people you love, the more you are going to suffer and want more worldly things. 

[Silas]

1 hour ago, Ani said:

Alsalam alaikum, 

Because of the war in Palestine, and especially after seeing Yahya Sinwar's martydom, I have lost my will to live. 

I have started thinking that the highest level a human can get is to be a martyr. And that common life goals, marriage, wealth, children, possessions have all kind of lost value. 

I am in a state of mind that is the absence of wanting to do anything. I am in my mid 30s, my mum wants me to get married. I am worried that even if I do get married,  I am not going to be happy and might make the life of my spouse miserable as well.

And my brain has started thinking that, marriage is not for me. If the goal is jannat then all these mundane things are obstructing us. Life gets so hard. The more people you love, the more you are going to suffer and want more worldly things. 

When we are young, we feel deeply about things and are filled with fire and conviction. And we are tempted to make bad decisions because we didn't think things through

(and you are still young)

The Palestinian issue isn't going to get solved in Israel or Gaza: it will be solved overseas. When Americans abandon Israel (and they are) completely, and the political environment changes, pressure will be put on Israel. When the EU loses patience with Netanyahu (and they are), the Jewish state will become a pariah. We have to win the hearts and minds --trust me, things are changing dramatically in the west in regards to Israel 

don't let this issue become a justification for not getting married and doing the things Allah wants you to do. Running away into martyrdom isn't the answer in this scenario

I hated my 30s. Too young to have money, wisdom, and stability, but too old to have the idealism of youth, and the freedom of action

Pray and find meaning and purpose there, and stop worrying about this "anteroom of life"  

 

[Irfani313]

Compartmentalize.
 

Your marriage is going to make you a better momin/momina, your Ibadaat would get 70x boost in acceptance, and your offsprings would serve in the army of the Last Imam (عليه السلام). 
 

Issue of occupied Palestine is likely not going to be solved by us living far away from the epicenter, but neither would it be solved by any foreign compassion or political charity of americans or europeans. Their sinister regimes are part of the problem and would remain so.

The West Asian landscape is being changed by the blood and efforts of the natives; by the native Shias, some Sunnis, and most Christians of West Asia. Polish colony in West Asia has to go because it’s inorganic, implanted, local land is rejecting it, and is an outlier of the history, it just doesn’t belong there and would go sooner.

Meanwhile your job is to become a better human, a better person, a better neighbor, a person who upholds truth and compassion, and your Islamic values, and just like your Shia brothers and sisters of Lebanon, Syria, and Iraq protected the Christian lives, honor, and churches of West Asia, you need to protect ethical and moral well being of the majority Christians living around you, through adhering to your Islamic values to show them that an alternative Godly lifestyle exist. 
 

Hopelessness is a sin immediately after the sin of Shirk, and is unnecessary specially when Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) Himself has promised a great Win for Momineen in their lives and in their deaths.

Edited October 22 by Irfani313

[Borntowitnesstruth]

13 hours ago, Ani said:

Alsalam alaikum, 

Because of the war in Palestine, and especially after seeing Yahya Sinwar's martydom, I have lost my will to live. 

I have started thinking that the highest level a human can get is to be a martyr. And that common life goals, marriage, wealth, children, possessions have all kind of lost value. 

I am in a state of mind that is the absence of wanting to do anything. I am in my mid 30s, my mum wants me to get married. I am worried that even if I do get married,  I am not going to be happy and might make the life of my spouse miserable as well.

And my brain has started thinking that, marriage is not for me. If the goal is jannat then all these mundane things are obstructing us. Life gets so hard. The more people you love, the more you are going to suffer and want more worldly things. 

Dear sister, Every Muslim is sad to see war in Palestine and the martyrdom of Yahya Sinwar. And, indeed martyrs attain highest position. However, everyone has to make decision in accordance with his circumstances and conditions and if one does not consider those circumstances and conditions, he or she may likely cause harm to himself or herself. 

We have two kinds of examples to us in our lives from the tragedy of Karbala to tread upon. One were those who waged war and were martyred and second one those who spread the message of those who rose to martyrdom in Karbala and kept the light lit till today. The second ones were also those who converted the life goals of wealth, marriage, children and possessions to raise awareness and accumulate people so if any such atrocity like karbala may happen, it may assist them. 

Dear sister, these are not mundane things rather they have a divine purpose. Some have to ascend to the ranks of martyrdoms and others have to live for convincing more people willing to strive with their lives for the sake of Divine purpose. Both have one and the same goal and both are shareholders in each others virtue. 

If you marry and get children and train them to be good humans who love Ahlebait (عليه السلام) and who work towards goodness of people, it will greatly reward you in this world and hereafter and who know from this generation of yours there may arise people who are companions of Imam Mehdi (عليه السلام). Don't take things lightly.

[Azadeh307]

20 hours ago, Ani said:

Alsalam alaikum, 

Because of the war in Palestine, and especially after seeing Yahya Sinwar's martydom, I have lost my will to live. 

 

Wa Alaikum Salaam, Israel is acting like this because they are backed up against a corner and we cannot all be martyrs. We each have a purpose that is important however. 

When we feel hopeless it is because we are in a dorsal vegal nervous system state and feel in danger. It is the nervous system state of a rabbit who is playing dead to avoid being eaten. Look around for 10 ques that you are safe to come out of this state and reconnect with the sensations in your body to ground in living presence. In the wild when animals come out of this state they may actually shake or play fight to reenact the threat. When humans come out of this state they may first go through a fight or flight state to get back to the ventral vegal nervous system state of safety. 

In the ventral vegal nervous system state associated with feeling safe the body releases oxytocin to facilitate human bonding and social connections. It can help to have the hormones to desire a marriage by feeling safe. When we are in a sympathetic nervous system state of fight or flight instead of oxytocin for bonding the body releases adrenaline to fight or flight. In this state we are scanning the environment for threat rather than seeking to socially connect. If a person or animal is in the sympathetic nervous system state of fight or flight for too long and decide that if they fight or flee their situation will get worse then they go into the dorsal vagal state of danger. In the dorsal vagal state of danger instead of releasing oxytocin or adrenaline the body releases endorphins to numb pain. The numbing effect also numbs out our desires for social connections but it is not real. 

https://equusoma.com/the-polyvagal-theory-and-horses/

Edited October 22 by Azadeh307
wording

[zarya]

Salaam Alaykum Dear Sister,

I hope all is blessings with you.

Everything the Brothers and Sisters have mentioned above is valid in all areas however I want to put your focus toward our Imam, Imam Al-Mahdi(ajfj). I know there is always emphasis on 313 Companions of Imam al-Mahdi(ajfj), but in my opinion everyone who is achieving Martyrdom on the path to resistance is laying the path for the arrival and hastening of Imam Al-Mahdi(ajfj), they are apart of his companions. Remember when the Imam reappears, Justice is guaranteed for all of the Martyrs. 

I understand the hopelessness we are all feeling at this moment while we are witnessing what are dear brothers and sisters are enduring across the world, and specifically in Palestine and Lebanon but feel like we are unable to do anything. One thing we can do is recite duas in aid of the Momineen fighting on the side of the resistance, I have seen Alims recommending to gift: 

• Sahifa Sajjadia 27 His Supplication for People of the Frontiers
• Ziyarat Ashura
• Jawshan Sagheer

Aside from that learn more about Imam Al-Mahdi(ajfj), he is amongst us. Recite Dua Al-Faraj, Ziyarat Yaseen, Dua Nudba etc. Especially Ziyarat Ashura, as within this dua we are asking for the Hastening of Justice for Imam Hussain(عليه السلام) and Justice for all Mankind. Imagine what our Imam is experiencing at this moment, we should not ever feel hopeless when we know Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), has placed him on the earth with us to achieve the justice we desperately need to see at this time, but we must be patient.

Don't let the Shaitan feed into your thoughts negatively about marriage, Marriage is a blessing for through it if we are believers we increase the amount of Momineen and Mominat within this world. If you're worried you are going to make your potential spouse miserable then I will leave you with this Hadith from Prophet Muhammad(sawa) “Give spouses to your single ones, because Allah makes their morality better (improves it) (under the shadow of marriage) and expands their sustenance and increases their generosity (human values).” Nawadir al Rawandi, p. 36

Please forgive me if anything is incorrect, I hope you can be an aid is hastening the reappearance of Imam Al-Mahdi (ajfj) for achieving justice for all Momineen and Mominat across the world.

[Herati Karbalai]

On 10/21/2024 at 4:11 PM, Ani said:

I have started thinking that the highest level a human can get is to be a martyr. And that common life goals, marriage, wealth, children, possessions have all kind of lost value. 

 

once a woman went to the Prophet to complain that men have the honour of participating in jihad while women to not have this opportunity. He (S) informed her that women are given a like reward for their domestic efforts. Of course, this is not a male/female issue in our context, but rather more broadly those who have the honour and distinction of losing their lives in the way of Allah versus those who are prevented or lack the capacity. "It is not for the believers all to advance together. A part of every group of them should acquire deep understanding of religion and warn their people when they return to them," for a Qu'ranic example describing the situational collective virtue of jihad. 

In fact, what you mentioned of marriage is even more important, as are other signifiers of the religion, and issues where our religion is under attack. 

[Abu Hadi]

On 10/21/2024 at 3:11 PM, Ani said:

Alsalam alaikum, 

Because of the war in Palestine, and especially after seeing Yahya Sinwar's martydom, I have lost my will to live. 

I have started thinking that the highest level a human can get is to be a martyr. And that common life goals, marriage, wealth, children, possessions have all kind of lost value. 

I am in a state of mind that is the absence of wanting to do anything. I am in my mid 30s, my mum wants me to get married. I am worried that even if I do get married,  I am not going to be happy and might make the life of my spouse miserable as well.

And my brain has started thinking that, marriage is not for me. If the goal is jannat then all these mundane things are obstructing us. Life gets so hard. The more people you love, the more you are going to suffer and want more worldly things. 

If the goal is Jannah, Jannah comes with it's own price, it's not free. The price is obeying Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) even when it is difficult to do. When it is easy to obey Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) anyone can do it and it is not a test. There are some people who don't normally get hungry or thirsty during the day or who work in jobs where they are not outside exposed to the heat and cold and don't do physical work. For them, fasting is easy. Yes, they get reward for it because Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is generous. At the same time can you imagine the reward the someone gets who fasts even though it is difficult for them, even though they are very hungry and thirsty and they are outside doing physical work. There are millions of Muslims around the world who do this. These same Muslims who do this also have sins. The difficulty of fasting will, InShallah, reduce their sins. So then they are on a zero level, neither good nor bad. To make it to Jannah, you can't be at a zero. Your good deeds need to be more than your sins in weight, and Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) knows the weight of each sin. 

In order to do this, you need to be engaged in struggle in the way of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), i.e. Jihad on more than one level in your life in order to make up for the sins and also to make sure your good deeds outweigh your sins. For men, there are different ways to do this (i.e. engaging in military jihad if necessary, working to support the family, raising good children, etc, etc). For women, there are also many ways to do this and two of the most significant and fastest ways can only be achieved thru marriage. Some of these you already know. The pain the mother experiences during child birth. That is one of the most significant ways. Another one is being patient with a husband who is difficult to deal with. Another is teaching your children religion, about Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and giving them good habits that will help them in life and most of the habits children have they learn from their parents but specifically the mother because she is most of the time the person the child spends the most time with. 

All these things a mother does, i.e. giving birth, putting up with and being patient with a difficult spouse, teaching children good habits, cleaning the house and making the house a pleasant environment for the family, all of these things are different forms of Jihad. They are jihad, first because they are difficult to do, second because they are done fe sabilillah, and third because the end result of doing these things is the that the Ummah of Mohammad wa Ahle Mohammad becomes stronger, more faithful, and more prosperous. If this is the result and it is done fe Sibilillah, you think that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) won't reward the mothers and the wives who do this ? Anyone who thinks like this has a wrong impression of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and is really dhaleen (astray and wandering in the darkness). 

Yahya Sinwar(رضي الله عنه) did his jihad in the way that was available to him given who he was and the circumstances that he lived in. He is now with his Lord(s.w.a) and receiving his reward. Yes, we should remember him and be sad that he is no longer with us (temporarily) but this sadness should not stop us from following his path, i.e. the path of Jihad fe sibilillah. This path is open to everyone, male or female, and it has many different forms. Find the one you can do and do it and you will get over this sadness, InShahAllah. We in the West might not have the same path of Jihad open to us as the brothers and sisters in Gaza, but it is no less significant and no less worthy of reward from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). 

People will remember Yahya Sinwar, not because he did military jihad, and there are many thousands of muslims who do military jihad, they will remember him because he asked the question 'What is the maximum I can do to help my people, the Palestinians who are oppressed, given what Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has given me in terms of resources'. Then he did the maximum in this cause up till the last seconds of his life, which were captured on camera. We are all different. We are given different resources and capacities and we live in different times and circumstances. At the same time we all have the ability to ask ourselves that question' What is the maximum I can do to help my people, my family, my society, the Ummah, the cause of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) given the circumstances I am in and what Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has given me in terms of resources. Those resources could be charisma, intelligence, speaking ability, organizational ability, physical strength, patience, money, reputation, etc. Whatever those are if you use these to the maximum fe Sabilillah then you will be the neighbor of Yahya Sinwar in Paradise. That is for sure, and that should give you hope and help to lift the sadness. 

You could replace the name of Yahya Sinwar with the name of Sayyid Sistani, Sayyid Hassan Nasrallah(رضي الله عنه), Sayyid Abbas Mousawi(رضي الله عنه), Imam Khomeni(رضي الله عنه), Sheik Ahmad Yaseen(رضي الله عنه), and it would have the same meaning. As a poet once said, "Islam is a tree that is watered with the blood of the shahid and the mujahid'. You don't need to be in military jihad to be a shaheed or a mujahid and 'blood' in this case is a metaphor. It can mean actual blood but the other meaning is struggle fe sabilillah which takes many forms and many paths. 

Also, read the hadith in my sig.