Do i really need to fix my mental health?

[Botak]

Vented to an AI Chatbot for some time and I realized that i have a very low self esteem. (Well i realized this since lomg ago, but i guess that chat driven me to write this) I genuinely believe that I am worthless and nobody will miss me if I dissapear tommorow. And apparently this is bad. Somehow.

Anyway, i feel like i dont need to fix these problems. Feeling like you "need" someone? Arent you supposed to only need God? What use of being needed? So you can show off?

Beside, I have a history of arrogance and pride, lots of them. Pride is a sin, self hate isnt. I dont see why i need to change this. I thought self scrutiny is good. If i didnt self scrutinize i would be much more worse than the current self.

Thats pretty much it, do I really have to fix these "problem"? I guess it feels kinda suck but maybe I am just being spoiled again.

[Borntowitnesstruth]

22 minutes ago, Botak said:

Vented to an AI Chatbot for some time and I realized that i have a very low self esteem. (Well i realized this since lomg ago, but i guess that chat driven me to write this) I genuinely believe that I am worthless and nobody will miss me if I dissapear tommorow. And apparently this is bad. Somehow.

Anyway, i feel like i dont need to fix these problems. Feeling like you "need" someone? Arent you supposed to only need God? What use of being needed? So you can show off?

Beside, I have a history of arrogance and pride, lots of them. Pride is a sin, self hate isnt. I dont see why i need to change this. I thought self scrutiny is good. If i didnt self scrutinize i would be much more worse than the current self.

Thats pretty much it, do I really have to fix these "problem"? I guess it feels kinda suck but maybe I am just being spoiled again.

Brother, every living creature has been designed in such a way that it requires some sort of company. So, needing someone is not a bad thing. However, one should be such that He relies more on God than people because it may happen that people may leave you but God will not leave you. And, it is also bad thing to create assumptions about that God forbid you disappear tomorrow and no body will miss you. If such things pop in your mind, remember the verse in which Allah (عزّ وجلّ) says: "If you remember me, I will remember you". Also, in case, if a person leave this world nameless and stranger to all even then if he was a good person, Momineen in this world will pray for him even though they do not know his name this is the way God has set his path.

Pride and arrogance should be replaced with self-esteem and humility. However, even Quran also set limits that you should not value too much for yourself that you lose value of others that is to say to turn self-esteem into pride and it also stops you from being too much down to earth that you lose your value to people that is turning humility into worthlessness. So, you have to be balanced ok.

I think you are very much thoughtful and I think Allah (عزّ وجلّ) has given you the capability to bring positive changes in yourself. Insha-Allah, if you try, Allah (عزّ وجلّ) will help you. Wish you best of luck brother.

[PureExistence1]

Salaam, 

Brother, do as much self-work and improvement now while you can because once you get married, that more than quadruples the stress of having to fix something you've got going on in your own head with your own behaviors... trust me! 

Make an intention to set straight the things that are "off" in you for the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), and work on that and do it wholeheartedly and from your soul and Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)will guide you and make you successful.

You may not think that this is important right now especially if you're single, but these things WILL play major roles in the relationships you have in the future with your wife or your colleagues and your boss. 

I have issues too, but the thing is, God does not expect us to beat ourselves into the ground. That's actually completely contradictory to islam, the idea that we are worthless and "nothing" (i would call this "toxic self abasement", not Islamic self abasement as we read in duas etc) I was in the same conundrum as you regarding this subject as i have the same issue or a very similar issue and am still trying to find  a healthy balance that allows me to flourish spiritually. Unfortunately, these ingrained habits and ways of thinking about myself have seriously hindered my advancement. Academically, I am very knowledgeable in islam, but the whole test comes when I am in a situation where I academically know I need to behave differently, but the fire inside of me makes me out of control and I behave exactly the opposite of how I should. And these situations could be everything from minor frustrations accelerating into embarrassing episodes, to believing that I am too incompetent to even resolve some of the easiest, typical and normal affairs of life. (This one has REALLY caused me issues!!!)

We have to have a healthy sense of our self and be able to acknowledge our strengths as well as our weaknesses. We all have strengths and weaknesses.  It's very hard to do these things with low self-esteem cuz practically everything you think of yourself ends up being negative.

I caution you however, to find out what REAL self-esteem is, not the western idea of what self-esteem is because that's actually against what Islam teaches as well. 

There are many Islamic books out there about self building that can help you. I'm sorry I don't know what they are off hand but maybe somebody else here does. People like @Hameedeh are very knowledgeable about what books are available out there and what may be of service to you.

I don't know how old you are, but you want to start addressing these issues as soon as possible because the older you get the MUCH more difficult it is to change these attributes.

Many of these issues are inducted into us at the very earliest ages of childhood, when our minds are like sponges and we absorb whatever is being said to us and is going on around us, even if it is unhealthy.

It would be extremely detrimental to your future if you don't get this stuff under control as soon as possible. So don't think about it lightly.

I'm 48 years old and I can tell you right now, even at 20 years old dealing with this stuff would have been difficult but I'd much rather have done it then when I wasn't so cemented in my ways as i I am now at 48... Walking a spiritual path and trying to spiritually wayfare with these very ingrained issues inside of me is extremely difficult... I have been Muslim for 14 years now and feel like the only things I have been able to do so far have been to eliminate the physical harams, and those have actually been the easy things to let go. The hardest thing, is like the Prophet(SAWS) said, the jihad al nafs, so you need to get started on resolving these issues as soon as possible. 

Please take this with as much seriousness as I mean it to be taken in, because your future marriage and the lives of your children will depend upon it. And I mean this very seriously. You will be a life partner to your wife (in sha Allah) and a role model to your children, for better or worse..

If you don't resolve these issues now, you risk having a miserable marriage, and on top of that, inducting the same dysfunctional traits into your children who may possibly end up here on Shia chat someday seeking guidance and help for the same things you are looking for, meanwhile, you will be at home beating yourself up and miserable about why your marriage sucks and how come your children are so messed up.. 

Please try to stop the cycle now in sha Allah while it's still in your hands. 

Salaamun aleikum

[Botak]

2 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

the idea that we are worthless and "nothing" (i would call this "toxic self abasement", not Islamic self abasement as we read in duas etc)

Okay, thats new to me.

 

2 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

We have to have a healthy sense of our self and be able to acknowledge our strengths as well as our weaknesses. We all have strengths and weaknesses.  It's very hard to do these things with low self-esteem cuz practically everything you think of yourself ends up being negative.

I am bad at everything, thats plain and simple. The only "upside" i currently have (if you can call it that) is I often study about something before its test, SOMETIME i do study at a subject faster than other, and I also kinda good at being the clown kid/colleague

In other subjects, i am bad at them. I am not a good programmer, not a good writer, not a good son, not a good muslim. Heck i cant even play game good! 

I also feel i bring no value to anyone around me.

2 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

People like @Hameedeh are very knowledgeable about what books are available out there and what may be of service to you.

I am eagerly waiting!

 

3 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

I don't know how old you are

18

I know the issue mostly stems from my parent. But knowing the initial cause of the issue doesnt really help the problem.

 

3 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

And I mean this very seriously. You will be a life partner to your wife (in sha Allah) and a role model to your children, for better or worse..

See? I thought I have quit being careless of other people. But i dont even think about this. I keep messing thing up and being ignorant.

 

 

Thanks for the long response akhi

[Botak]

9 hours ago, Borntowitnesstruth said:

So, you have to be balanced ok.

Easier said than done. It keeps quickly devolving to arrogance

"You know, apparently not alot of people do salat regulary, you should be grateful that your mother force you to pray regulary since a child. Unlike your friends and coworker you are actually religious and- oh there we go, riya and ujb"

[Azadeh307]

10 hours ago, Botak said:

Thats pretty much it, do I really have to fix these "problem"? I guess it feels kinda suck but maybe I am just being spoiled agai

Venting to an AI chatbox and spilling your soul to a soulless entity is going to make you depressed no matter how much data it crunches in the blink of an eye. 
 

The innermost part of you connects your Ruh to Allah. You cannot hate yourself without transgressing. May Allah give you hope and spark. 

[PureExistence1]

1 hour ago, Botak said:

not alot of people do salat

This is an observation-no problem.

1 hour ago, Botak said:

should be grateful that your mother

Yes, you should...We should always be appreciative for what people do for us, but...

1 hour ago, Botak said:

you are actually religious

...THIS is where you need to recognize that everything i quoted is not even "you", or your "mom"- it is ALL Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in action and manifesting. Try to as much as possible trace back whatever youre thinking about to having its roots and authentic Reality with Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)

Once you understand tawheed this way, your arrogance will dissipate, in sha Allah.

The effort you believe YOU  make to accomplish salaat is given to you by Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), and He can take it away too...be careful-you dont want that trial...

If you remember what happened with prophet Job(عليه السلام) you will see my point. After everything he went through, at the very end, it was Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) that granted him the patience to succeed in his trials-it didnt come from Job himself.

Also..

"And you threw not, [O Muhammad], when you threw, but it was Allah who threw that He might test the believers with a good test. Indeed, Allah is Hearing and Knowing". 

This ayah explains that Allah threw, not the Prophet, to test the believers. Allah also states that victory comes from Him, not the Prophet.

Try to practice seeing things this way and it may help to rid you of your issues, in sha Allah.

 

 

 

Edited October 18 by PureExistence1

[PureExistence1]

1 hour ago, Botak said:

am bad at everything

Im pretty sure you haven't tried "everything" yet, but i get your point...

1 hour ago, Botak said:

often study about something before its test, SOMETIME i do study at a subject faster than other, and I also kinda good at being the clown kid/colleague

Do you think this is an issue stemming from a lack of self discipline? In this case, its not that "you're bad" at everything, rather, you have to learn how to discipline yourself to take the time to get better at something. Typically, the more you do something, the better you get....but if you dont discipline yourself to practice, you wont get good at anything. People dont be ome black belts in martial arts without lots of practice...im sure even bruce lee wasnt any good at first!

 

1 hour ago, Botak said:

I am not a good programmer, not a good writer, not a good son, not a good muslim. Heck i cant even play game good

Allll this takes practice..

Are programming and writing classes you're taking in school? Im asking for a reason..

Maybe being a programmer is not what your soul wants. Do you have a passion for it at all? 

I will wait for your response, in sha Allah.

 

[Botak]

2 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

THIS is where you need to recognize that everything i quoted is not even "you", or your "mom"- it is ALL Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in action and manifesting. Try to as much as possible trace back whatever youre thinking about to having its roots and authentic Reality with Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)

This, i cant get this. If everything I do is from Allah, then whats the point? If i do sins its my fault, if i do good its His blessing. So wouldnt calling it worthless the same? 

I keep hearing people saying "you are allowed to be pleased of your good deeds" but what about this?

1 hour ago, PureExistence1 said:

Do you think this is an issue stemming from a lack of self discipline?

Maybe, dicipline isnt exactly my best virtue, though i do generally just bad at learning most thing, i dont know how to explain it.

1 hour ago, PureExistence1 said:

Are programming and writing classes you're taking in school? Im asking for a reason..

I learnt a whole lot more from youtube guides and discussing with AI, than the programming class in school. As for writing, currently its my hobby so i dont have any class or anything. So i honestly dont expect much from my writing.

I expected some from my coding skill, i study alot last year, while my teachers left the room (peak indonesian school quality right here) i just spent the entire class coding. While others are busy playing and- ah welp, there it is the arrogance

Anyway, I was quite good at coding, now Idk. The people i used to code with had excelled so much. They are lucky. Got an internship that deal with code. Meanwhile I got some internship at a server company. Got 800k idr/month which is nice, until I got fired after a month after watching youtube on work.

You know its kinda funny that I was thinking i got fired due to some sort of divine punishment for my repeated sins. Didnt realize it until i complained here and in reddit and people goes "bro you sleep n watch yt while working ofc u gonna get fired" 

 

Havent advanced anything in the coding scene, current internship is just hardware stuff. Getting a programmer job in this time will be hard especially with that portfolio. I thought it was good... it was horrible. 

 

Edited October 18 by Botak

[celestica]

33 minutes ago, Botak said:

If everything I do is from Allah, then whats the point? If i do sins its my fault, if i do good its His blessing. So wouldnt calling it worthless the same? 

I keep hearing people saying "you are allowed to be pleased of your good deeds" but what about this?

Our tradition acknowledges both the omnipotence of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and human free will. This is called amr bayn al-amrayn—the “position between two positions.” There are two far positions: on one side, determinism, and on the other, absolute delegation. The reality is the position between these two. Human actions are neither entirely predestined by Allah nor completely independent of His will. Whatever actions we choose to do carry weight because they occur within the realm of opportunity Allah grants. 

 

Recognizing that every good deed is a blessing from Allah doesn’t remove you from its significance. The effort itself is still your own. If you sin, it’s not because Allah compelled you to do so, it’s simply a deviation from the path He has shown you.
 

 

Everyone has made mistakes in their careers, even the most accomplished people. The mistake you made is a real-life consequence. It isn’t necessarily a form of “divine punishment” but a natural outcome of your own actions. We can’t really ascribe anything as a punishment of God within this world, otherwise, how do we explain why wrongdoers live comfortably, while believers seem to face constant hardship? And how would we even begin to understand what the “message” behind a real-world consequence is, if there are infinite cause and effects, and infinite ways to interpret why they happened? We should stick to human-level thinking and what’s within our grasp. Reflecting on our own actions and striving to improve despite our shortcomings.

 

It’s absolutely necessary to improve your mental health and outlook on life. If you’re curious or struggling to understand religious concepts, keep exploring the teachings of the Imams. They have beautiful answers to even the most challenging questions. If you want to overcome envy, start practicing gratitude. And if something in your life is bothering you and you have the power to change it, put in the effort to improve it. And if it feels impossible, remember nothing is beyond God’s power—ask Him for anything. 

 

[PureExistence1]

35 minutes ago, Botak said:

If everything I do is from Allah

What I meant by this is your mom teaching you to pray is Allah manifesting His attribute of Al Hadi/The One Who Guides... Allah was guiding you through your mom teaching you to pray.

As far as your own choices are concerned, yes, your accountable for those choices, although the actions that you manifest, every single one of them has its roots in Allahs will that you are able to manifest it regardless of if you manifest His attributes  in a positive way or a negative way. That's all I meant by that. All of creation is nothing more than Allah manifesting. 

I think I should leave this topic and address your other points.

42 minutes ago, Botak said:

"you are allowed to be pleased of your good deeds" but what about this?

As far as this is concerned. We all have to put out efforts to achieve anything in life. But we have to do so with the understanding that whether we are successful or not wholly depends on Allahs will. We can try as hard as we want to achieve something but if it is not in our rizq, we will not achieve it.

We can recognize the effort and work that we put out to achieve something but know and accept that the end result is Allahs will and not solely due to our efforts alone. By keeping this in mind, we limit arrogance and pride, because we understand that even though we made the effort, it was Allahs will that allowed our success amd not just and only our effort. 

47 minutes ago, Botak said:

While others are busy playing and- ah welp, there it is the arrogance

Im not really sure if this is arrogance, it sounds more to me like another observation. We are allowed to make observations of our behavior and other people's behaviors. Is part of how we go through our lives on this planet. The same is true for judgment. People have this weird understanding that we're not allowed to judge anything. Well, when some freak shows up at your door asking for your daughter's hand in marriage, the first thing a person is going to do is pass a judgment on that person. The place where judgment becomes unacceptable at is when you judge whether someone is going to go to hell or not. So we have to live with judgments every day just like we have to live with making observations of the things going on around us everyday. If you notice some students are not paying attention in class, that is simply an observation. Just because you are paying attention in class doesn't make that arrogance. It's just an observation and that's okay. 

49 minutes ago, Botak said:

I was thinking i got fired due to some sort of divine punishment for my repeated sins.

 Divine punishment occurs in the hereafter. The types of  "punishment" that we read about in the Quran occuring to those different tribes came about through the cause and effect of peoples sins but with the advent/coming of the Prophet(SAWS), those ceased as the Prophet (SAWS) is a mercy to the worlds.

What we suffer with here is cause and effect. It may be cause and effect from something we have done, or our close acquaintances or family members have done, or it may have something to do with someone we have never ever met, such as in the occasion of a car accident. All the variables are unknowable..But it is not Divine punishment, it is only cause and effect in this dunya.

Recently I was reading a translation of the Quran and I had already heard that Divine punishment does not occur here from Dr Sheikh Farrokh Sekaleshfar, but when I read the English translation of the quran, there was an ayah that said, "... and the punishment overtook them",  and I'm like what?! That can't be a correct translation because of what the sheikh said, so I looked up the Arabic and then looked it up in another Quran and sure enough, someone had translated it as "punishment" when the arabic word was literally "thunder", so..."and the THUNDER overtook them" was the correct translation..... I mean seriously, who gives people the right to translate the holy Quran into whatever they think is fit?  It's really off putting and frustrating for us English only speakers. 

Sorry for my rant and my digression..

Ws

 

[Botak]

15 minutes ago, PureExistence1 said:

We can try as hard as we want to achieve something but if it is not in our rizq, we will not achieve it.

 

15 minutes ago, PureExistence1 said:

because we understand that even though we made the effort, it was Allahs will that allowed our success amd not just and only our effort. 

I guess thats one way to put it...

 

15 minutes ago, PureExistence1 said:

Im not really sure if this is arrogance, it sounds more to me like another observation.

I feel better than them, like "instead of playing games and lazing around while the teacher are gone, i hop on youtube and vscode to code! I am better than them." That sort of things.

 

16 minutes ago, PureExistence1 said:

Divine punishment occurs in the hereafter.

This is the first time i heard this, I thought our sins can also ruin our life even in this world? Like legit punishment? Can you share this video you were talking about?

[PureExistence1]

14 minutes ago, Botak said:

am better than them." That sort of things.

Yea, you gotta change your inner dialogue. One way to think about it is to recognize that Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is the one who has gifted you with the ability to concentrate and do what you're supposed to be doing for the betterment of your future instead of messing around like the others, it's not "you",  and for whatever reason, He is manifesting Al Hadi/guiding you. I'm having a hard time explaining myself. 

This video used to be available on youtube, it's not there now. I also used to be able to get there by using the search engine Swiss cows but swiss cows says its blocked because the video contains violence and other material i wont mention here-.-

Anyway here it is from a completely different website.. 

https://www.aparat.com/v/4NTZP

 

 

[mahmood8726]

4 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

Yea, you gotta change your inner dialogue. One way to think about it is to recognize that Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is the one who has gifted you with the ability to concentrate and do what you're supposed to be doing for the betterment of your future instead of messing around like the others, it's not "you",  and for whatever reason, He is manifesting Al Hadi/guiding you. I'm having a hard time explaining myself. 

This video used to be available on youtube, it's not there now. I also used to be able to get there by using the search engine Swiss cows but swiss cows says its blocked because the video contains violence and other material i wont mention here-.-

Anyway here it is from a completely different website.. 

https://www.aparat.com/v/4NTZP

 

 

https://islamicpulse.tv/

 

That's his website.

[PureExistence1]

1 hour ago, mahmood8726 said:

https://islamicpulse.tv/

 

That's his website.

Salaam, i think thats Islamic Pulses website.

Dr Sheikh Farrokh Sekaleshfars website is:

https://sekaleshfar.com/

[Guest guest]

On 10/17/2024 at 3:19 PM, PureExistence1 said:

There are many Islamic books out there about self building that can help you. I'm sorry I don't know what they are off hand but maybe somebody else here does. People like @Hameedeh are very knowledgeable about what books are available out there and what may be of service to you.

 

22 hours ago, Botak said:

I am eagerly waiting!

https://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235032935-online-english-shia-books-official-thread/?do=findComment&comment=2430496

[PureExistence1]

Salaam brother, 

Please refer to the month of Ramadan series link below.

 

Here he has five lectures on Corona and the question of vice and finally the concept of punishment.
Please see lectures 13, 14, 16, 17, 18.

You may be more interested in lecture 18 where is discussed the idea of the Muhammadan ummah not being receipts of punishment like previous ummahs were.

(This is an edited response from the sheikh himself)

W/s

[Botak]

On 10/18/2024 at 11:33 AM, celestica said:

Recognizing that every good deed is a blessing from Allah doesn’t remove you from its significance. The effort itself is still your own. 

I see, so I can still feels good... thats good

 

On 10/18/2024 at 11:33 AM, celestica said:

if there are infinite cause and effects, and infinite ways to interpret why they happened? We should stick to human-level thinking and what’s within our grasp. Reflecting on our own actions and striving to improve despite our shortcomings.

I heard from a lecturer once that everything has meaning or something along those lines and we should analyze the events around us.... welp guess I should stop doing that

[celestica]

4 hours ago, Botak said:

I heard from a lecturer once that everything has meaning or something along those lines and we should analyze the events around us.... welp guess I should stop doing that

You don’t have to stop altogether, reflection is always good. What I mean is that we can only analyze so much. Again, there are infinite interpretations we can impose on a single event, and our minds can’t  possibly comprehend exactly why something happened the way it did. I’ve noticed people who overanalyze the meaning behind events can tend to be resentful towards God’s will. They often don’t just assume that He is punishing them, but question why He has given them this ‘punishment,’ when it may simply be a test or a natural consequence of their own actions. We shouldn’t be aggrieved at the fact that we are tested in this life nor should we project our own flaws onto Him. 

What we do know for a fact is that sinning causes God’s displeasure, and feeling fear and regret about that is both natural and virtuous. That’s taqwa
 

[Botak]

Ok so I think visiting a professional help would be good... are there any reccomendation for online one? (I know a couple of offlime but I would prefer online) perferably one thats fine with shia islam considering how people here are very anti shiite

[PureExistence1]

Salaam, you could try contacting this sheikh abd see if he offers zoom ir ither streaming sessions. If not, maybe he can recommend someone else.

I am unable to find his actual website.

https://www.instagram.com/nabil_ahmed_awan?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

[PureExistence1]

Salaam, 

This is actually the sheikh i was trying to find the info for...

info@seyedhadiyassin.com

[Botak]

44 minutes ago, PureExistence1 said:

info@seyedhadiyassin.com

Single Session

$ 150

Sign Up Now

 

12 Sessions

10% OFF

$ 1620

Twelve 50-minute Session

All internal assessments and coaching activities assigned in between sessions

Unlimited Email in between sessions for additional support and effectiveness

Two 15 minutes free emergency talk.

12% OFF for the next platinum package purchase (If the total fee is paid with one payment).

 

My wallet is weeping (metaphorically) 

The minimu wage here is around 300bucks per month 

[Hameedeh]

On 10/18/2024 at 4:38 PM, Guest guest said:

https://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235032935-online-english-shia-books-official-thread/?do=findComment&comment=2430496

Thank you. I approve of those books. 

[PureExistence1]

2 hours ago, Botak said:

Single Session

$ 150

Sign Up Now

 

12 Sessions

10% OFF

$ 1620

Twelve 50-minute Session

All internal assessments and coaching activities assigned in between sessions

Unlimited Email in between sessions for additional support and effectiveness

Two 15 minutes free emergency talk.

12% OFF for the next platinum package purchase (If the total fee is paid with one payment).

 

My wallet is weeping (metaphorically) 

The minimu wage here is around 300bucks per month 

I totally understand:( its a sad world we live in where we cant even obtain care we need with a reasonable cost...idk, there may be some form of assistance pr discount provided especially since this is a muslim therapist.

Id ask and just see..