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In the Name of God بسم الله

Husband say in delivery

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Guest No nom

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Guest No nom

Salam,

In Arab countries it is becoming more and more widespread for a woman to have a C-section without a medical reason, just because she doesn’t want to go through labor. It is also very common to not breastfeed or stop earlier and use formula instead. These are both cultural motivated behaviors and the latter has been spread through propaganda by baby formula companies. Do you think a husband would have a say in this (like if the doctor doesn’t suggest it himself then no c-section and breastfeeding till x months old.) If so, when would it be best to mention this topic if one is getting to know a potential wife. I would imagine that mentioning this post marriage would bring complications if you’re not on the same wavelength. 
 

ws

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Guest DEW

Assalamualaikum & walaikum assalam. Listen I do understand your concern but C-section isn't haram and wanting to do it that way to 'avoid' pain sounds weird, there is pain in both but C-section is healthier so we Muslims should opt for the healthier, don't bring that in the conversation. And you may state your concern about the second thing, but a face to face conversation about that might make her uncomfortable. Also not all mothers can provide sufficient milk. Sometimes through breast the quantity is even smaller.

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5 hours ago, Guest No nom said:

In Arab countries it is becoming more and more widespread for a woman to have a C-section without a medical reason, just because she doesn’t want to go through labor. It

This is actually not true, from where did you heard about this? C section cannot be done because the mother want to do it.  
 

5 hours ago, Guest No nom said:

Do you think a husband would have a say in this (like if the doctor doesn’t suggest it himself then no c-section and breastfeeding till x months old.

According to sayid sistani, if a women want to take birth control with or without the consult of her husband, it’s permissible. I think because it’s her body and the husband doesn’t have the right to take control of her body.  

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5 hours ago, Guest No nom said:

Salam,

In Arab countries it is becoming more and more widespread for a woman to have a C-section without a medical reason, just because she doesn’t want to go through labor. It is also very common to not breastfeed or stop earlier and use formula instead. These are both cultural motivated behaviors and the latter has been spread through propaganda by baby formula companies. Do you think a husband would have a say in this (like if the doctor doesn’t suggest it himself then no c-section and breastfeeding till x months old.) If so, when would it be best to mention this topic if one is getting to know a potential wife. I would imagine that mentioning this post marriage would bring complications if you’re not on the same wavelength. 
 

ws

Definitely a husband has a say in the feeding of his child. Breastfeeding has so many benefits for the child and also the mother as well as saving a lot of money for the family. In this verse it's clear that weaning a child early is a mutual decision made by both husband and wife: 

"And the mothers shall suckle their children for two whole years for him (father) who desires to complete the period of suckling. It is (incumbent) upon the father to provide (sustenance) and their clothing (nursing mothers) in a fair manner. No soul shall have imposed upon it a duty but to the extent of its capacity; neither shall a mother be made to suffer harm on account of her child, nor a father on account of his child, and the same devolves upon the heir. But if they desire to wean by mutual consent and consultation, then it is no sin on them. And if you desire to seek a wet nurse for your children, it is no sin on you as long as you pay what you promised for in a fair manner; and be in awe of Allah, and know that Allah sees what you do." (2:233)

It would be best to bring up the topic during any conversation you guys might have about having children in general and when things seem like they are going in a good direction (not right away). 

About C-section v natural birth... I wouldn't prioritize that at the moment. That's something that could be talked about later and doesn't effect you directly as much. 

That's good that you are thinking about these matters early on. 

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6 hours ago, Diaz said:

This is actually not true, from where did you heard about this? C section cannot be done because the mother want to do it.  

This is prevalent in the Arab world and Lebanon in particular. There have been numerous studies on this. In a normal country it cannot be done just for the sake of it. In our countries it can and some doctors even recommend it for no medical reason (they probably earn more from it). This is a study from the WHO for example. https://www.emro.who.int/images/stories/lebanon/no_5_08_aug_2018.pdf

it definitely does exist.

With regards to the istiftaa of sayyed Sistani I don’t think that’s relevant. It’s about having control wether or not she goes through pregnancy, not how she would deliver or about breastfeeding.

5 hours ago, ireallywannaknow said:

Definitely a husband has a say in the feeding of his child. Breastfeeding has so many benefits for the child and also the mother as well as saving a lot of money for the family. In this verse it's clear that weaning a child early is a mutual decision made by both husband and wife: 

"And the mothers shall suckle their children for two whole years for him (father) who desires to complete the period of suckling. It is (incumbent) upon the father to provide (sustenance) and their clothing (nursing mothers) in a fair manner. No soul shall have imposed upon it a duty but to the extent of its capacity; neither shall a mother be made to suffer harm on account of her child, nor a father on account of his child, and the same devolves upon the heir. But if they desire to wean by mutual consent and consultation, then it is no sin on them. And if you desire to seek a wet nurse for your children, it is no sin on you as long as you pay what you promised for in a fair manner; and be in awe of Allah, and know that Allah sees what you do." (2:233)

It would be best to bring up the topic during any conversation you guys might have about having children in general and when things seem like they are going in a good direction (not right away). 

About C-section v natural birth... I wouldn't prioritize that at the moment. That's something that could be talked about later and doesn't effect you directly as much. 

That's good that you are thinking about these matters early on. 

I love how the Quran mentions this exactly and it saddens me how many times I would’ve read this without standing still by what the Quran is telling us. Thanks a lot!

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9 hours ago, Guest DEW said:

C-section isn't haram and wanting to do it that way to 'avoid' pain sounds weird, there is pain in both but C-section is healthier so we Muslims should opt for the healthier

Salam. The tiny cut (with pain) that might be made during childbirth (episiotomy) cannot be compared to the C-section major surgery (with pain). In a C-section, the abdomen is cut open, then the womb is sliced open to pull the baby out. Both incisions need to be stapled or sutured The pain can continue for a full six weeks and you have double the chances of having surgical complications because of the two incisions.

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On 10/10/2024 at 2:39 PM, Guest No nom said:

Salam,

In Arab countries it is becoming more and more widespread for a woman to have a C-section without a medical reason, just because she doesn’t want to go through labor. It is also very common to not breastfeed or stop earlier and use formula instead. These are both cultural motivated behaviors and the latter has been spread through propaganda by baby formula companies. Do you think a husband would have a say in this (like if the doctor doesn’t suggest it himself then no c-section and breastfeeding till x months old.) If so, when would it be best to mention this topic if one is getting to know a potential wife. I would imagine that mentioning this post marriage would bring complications if you’re not on the same wavelength. 
 

ws

Wasalam,

It is true that many Doctors and Hospitals would go for C-section just to make more money i.e. surgery will be charged, along with medications as well as the cost of room/ward by the hospital so overall they make money.

Thankfully where I live, it is written on the baby formula how the formula is not substitute for mother's milk so that should be enough for any sensible mother. 

Whether or not you should discuss with a potential wife, sure, you may if you think you two know each other enough. I mean you don't want to spring up the question of C-section the first time you two meet or talk, that would be a bit awkward. 

Whether or not a husband would have a say in the matter? I think he should but at the end, the decision should be mutual between husband and wife; while looking at the points the Doctor has put out i.e. whether C-section is absolutely necessary to avoid complications for the baby as well as whether or not to supplement with formula milk. I know of a mother in law who refused the new born's mother a visit to the Doctor for suggestion of a formula milk because she could feel the signs that her milk was not enough for the baby and the baby died due to malnourishment.

Edited by Dreamcatcher
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