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In the Name of God بسم الله

Is My nikkah Valid? Please help me Marriage/ Nikkah Discussion Issue

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Summary

Family Issues:

I am 24 years old and live in a joint family system. There are some issues between my father and me, which I blame on my uncle. My father trusts his brother a lot, even though my uncle disrespects my mother. My father started to dislike me when I began to support my mother and my matriculation grades were not good.

Marriage Story:

About three years ago, I talked to a boy on Facebook and asked him to send a proposal. We never met in person; we only spoke on the phone. During this time, we decided to get married secretly because we wanted to avoid sin and I thought my father’s permission wasn’t necessary. We conducted the marriage without witnesses and agreed on a dowry. Later, nobody knew about that in both families. later on we decided to separate.. and A scholar told us that our marriage was not valid, so we stopped communicating. Now we are separated, and I am worried that if the marriage was valid, there should also be a divorce.

Divorce Incident:

The boy declared the divorce in Arabic three times over the phone, and this happened in March of this year. I am concerned about whether my marriage was valid or not, and if it was, whether the divorce is valid as well.

Questions:

1. Was my marriage valid or invalid, or am I in a state of marital suspension?

2. Is the divorce valid or invalid?

3. What should I do next? What advice can you give me?

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detailed about nikkah we did and ceremony via phone call.

 

 

I thought that my father's permission was not needed because he doesn't like me anyway; even if I fall ill, he doesn't ask about me. And since I didn't choose a subject in university according to my uncle's and father's wishes, they both considered me a failure and didn't let me study. So perhaps we didn't need their permission. However, I want to clarify that I ate the same food that everyone in the house ate, which was good food. But my father would only give me a little money for clothes after fights; otherwise, he wouldn't even buy me clothes during Eid. He’s not bad, just very stingy and hard of hearing, even though there’s no shortage of money. If that boy had asked for my hand in a proper way at that time, my father would have agreed because the boy is good in every aspect and is also from a respectable family. But since it wasn’t possible for him at that time, we resorted to this action to avoid sin, and I was foolish then, only now realizing the gravity of it when it's too late. I have learned that no matter how good a non-mahram (someone you’re not related to) is, they are still bad. For the sake of Sayyida (Sayedah) Salamullah Alaiha, please keep this as my secret and guide me.

 

Anyway, we both saw the method of nikah (marriage contract) and, without witnesses, performed the nikah as instructed. Since we live in different cities, we haven’t met to this day, Alhamdulillah (praise be to God). Now, let me explain how we conducted the marriage.

 

My mahr (dowry) was specified as performing the Fajr prayer, reciting Ziyarat Ashura daily, and reciting Ziyarat Al-Yas instead of Ziyarat Ashura on Fridays. Then, as was written in the explanation of the rulings, when a girl and boy perform the nikah themselves, we conducted it over a phone call without witnesses. We convinced ourselves that my father's nature is as I described, and since that boy's mother wouldn’t agree right now, he couldn't speak to my father, so we didn’t need my father's permission. I was foolish, and I hold only myself responsible for all this because I was the one who proposed the nikah to avoid displeasing the Imam ((عليه السلام).), but in reality, I ended up displeasing the Imam.

 

After some time, a scholar told us that our marriage was not valid, and at that moment, we stopped communicating. I told that boy to talk to his mother and send a proposal, but he refused. A female scholar advised me that, as a precaution, I should take a divorce. I thought he wouldn’t give me a divorce, but he, invoking the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and Imam Mahdi ((عليه السلام).) as witnesses, pronounced the Arabic divorce formula three times in one sitting over the phone. This divorce incident happened in March of this year.

 

Now, I don't know what I should do. Am I in a suspended state, or was my marriage invalid? We fulfilled all the other conditions besides my father's permission, like determining the mahr and reciting the formula in Arabic. I follow the rulings of the Rahbar (Supreme Leader), and that boy follows Ayatollah Sistani. Because my knowledge was insufficient, I had followed Ayatollah Sistani for the purpose of marriage, but later I learned that one cannot change their marja (source of religious authority) like that on a whim. Now I also have this question: whose guidance am I under now?

 

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Posted (edited)

Sister, your situation demands input from a scholar. Unfortunately, none of us here are qualified enough. It would be best if you consult a scholar. However, I have the following to say-

1. I don't know what the exact circumstances of your marriage were, but there are cases where- 

(A) The father relinquishes all responsibility and doesn't interfere in his daughter's marriage (ie where he may be irresponsible or not want to get involved at all). 

(B) He has given her the generic permission to marry whoever she wants. 

In such cases, Sayyid Sistani (ha) says, the father's permission is not needed. 

Question: Some Western governments allow the daughter to be independent of her parents, after she has passed the age of sixteen. If she seeks her parents advice, it is only for seeking their opinion or out of respect for them. Is such a virgin girl allowed to marry, be it permanent or a temporary marriage, without the consent of her father?

 

Answer: If this means that the father has allowed her to marry whomsoever she wants or that he has withdrawn from interfering in the matter of her marriage, it is permissible for her to do so; otherwise, based on obligatory precaution, it is not permissible.

https://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2063/#:~:text=Answer%3A If this means that,precaution%2C it is not permissible.

This is Ayatollah Sistani's fatwa. 

I posted it here because I am his muqallid and only know his verdict in the matter. Unfortunately, I don't know what the Rahbar (ha) 's ruling on the matter is. 

Does this apply to your case? 

 

2. Three talaqs in one go are not valid in our madhhab and they are counted as the first riji'i (revocable) divorce only. 

3. If you consult a scholar and it turns out that your marriage was valid, and it is no longer possible to contact that boy, then you will have to contact the representative (wakil) of your marja in your region/country. Explain him your situation, and inshallah, he'll pronounce the divorce for you. 

 

The crux of the matter remains that you have to consult a scholar and tell him the entire course of events, without leaving anything out, including your father's attitude towards your marriage (is he negligent and doesn't bother and doesn't want to get involved? Because this changes a lot of things). Being the qualified person, only he/she will be able to tell you the subsequent course of action and help you out. 

Ma salama

Edited by AbdusSibtayn
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