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Is My nikkah Valid? Please help me Marriage/ Nikkah Discussion Issue

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Guest Taqii

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Guest Taqii

Assalam o Alaikum, Please help me on this Matter. 

I’m 24 and live in a joint family. Over time, grievances have developed between my father and me, largely due to my uncle's influence. He has made key decisions in my life, like my school and friends, and has planted negative thoughts about me in my father's mind, especially when I supported my mother against injustices and didn't perform well academically. My father prioritizes his family over me, never supporting my mother, and now barely communicates with me. This has left me feeling angry and disillusioned with him.

Now, the main thing I want to ask... About three years ago, I spoke to a boy on Facebook, and I immediately stopped him, saying that if we talk, Imam ((عليه السلام).) will be displeased, so he should send a proposal to my home instead. He said he would convince his mother and send a proposal after four years. However, in between, we occasionally communicated, which led to us considering a secret marriage because we were committing sins, and he could not send a proposal at that time.

We thought we did not need my father's permission because he did not like me anyway, to the point that he wouldn’t ask about me even if I fell ill. Also, since I did not choose a subject in university according to my uncle and father's wishes, they both considered me a failure and did not allow me to study, so perhaps their permission was not needed. I want to mention that I ate the same food that everyone else at home ate, meaning good food, but my father would only give a little money for clothes after fights; otherwise, he wouldn't buy me clothes even for Eid. They are not bad, just tight-fisted and naive, even though they have no shortage of money. If that boy had asked for my hand properly at that time, my father would have agreed because that boy is good in every way and is a Sayyid. But since it was not possible for him then, we resorted to this to avoid sin, and I was foolish at that time; only now have I come to my senses, but it’s too late. I have learned that no matter how good a non-mahram is, they are still bad. For the sake of Sayyida (s.a.), please it secret. Well, we both saw how to perform the marriage (nikkah) ceremony and did it over the phone without witnesses as instructed. Since we live in different cities, we have not met to this day, alhamdulillah.

Now let me tell you how we performed the marriage. My mahr was determined, which was to perform Fajr prayer, recite the Ziyarat Ashura daily, and on Fridays, instead of Ziyarat Ashura, to recite Ziyarat Aal Yaseen. Then, as written in the Tazkiyah, when a girl and boy perform the marriage themselves, we got married over a phone call without witnesses, just like it was stated. We convinced ourselves that since my father's nature is as I described, and because the boy's mother would not agree yet, and for these reasons he could not talk to my father, we did not need my father’s permission. I was foolish, and I hold myself responsible for all of this because I was the one who proposed marriage so that the Imam would not be displeased, but in reality, I ended up displeasing the Imam.

Some time later, a scholar told us that our marriage was not valid, and at that time, we stopped communicating. I told the boy to speak to his mother and send a proposal, but he refused. An Alima told me that as a precaution, I should take a divorce. I thought he would not give it, but he invoked the Prophet Muhammad ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم).) and Imam Mahdi ((عليه السلام).) as witnesses and, over the phone, said the Arabic formula for divorce three times in one session. This divorce incident occurred in March of this year.

Now I don’t know what I should do; am I suspended, or was my marriage invalid? We fulfilled all the necessary conditions except for my father's permission, such as determining the mahr and reciting the Arabic formula. I follow the rulings of Rahbar (Ayatollah Khamenei), while that boy follows Ayatollah Sistani. Since my knowledge was insufficient, I temporarily followed Ayatollah Sistani for the marriage purpose, but later I learned that you cannot change your marja like that casually. Now, my question is: which marja do I follow now?

 

Now I have a few questions for you:

 

1. Was my marriage valid or invalid, or am I suspended?

 

 

2. Should that divorce be considered valid or invalid?

 

 

3. What should I do now? What advice do you have for me?

 

 

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Guest Islam always Wins

Please post your question here. 
 

https://www.al-islam.org/ask/topics/1706/questions-about-Marriage

 

Technically a nikah without a monetary (money or an object) mehr isn’t a proper Nikah. 
 

For talaq, he needs two witnesses who he can see and talk to. He can’t make our Prophet and Imam the witnesses. Otherwise why not make Allah your witness?  
 

You both need to learn a lot about Nikah and Talaq rules. It’s not more than two pages in our books. It’s disheartening to know that you both didn’t even do that, which tells me that you both shouldn’t marry until you get to at least that level of understand in Fiqh. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Advanced Member

Wsalam, The marriage happened without witnesses and so did the divorce.

It seems like you made a play out of nikah and divorce. (I am not saying to make you feel bad just stating how it all happened) seems like a childrens play.

Anyway you should contact an Ullamah and explain your situation. 

I don't know if you guys met or had a relationship being husband and wife after performing nikah that way... all that is to consider as well.

Otherwise I do not see a reason for that marriage to be valid, and so the need for a proper divorce. But if a witnessless marriage was valid then so does the witnessless divorce.

Seek forgiveness and do istaghfar and pray to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to solve this issue for you. 

 

 

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