Is forced marriage valid in Shia Islam?

[disappointment2000]

Assalamualaikum everyone! I'm a 23 year old female. I'm being forced by my parents to marry a guy they like. That guy doesn't have any negative energy but I just don't like him in the way to get married. I have been very vocal about my choice but my parents keep on blackmailing me into accepting him. And when I say blackmailing trust me it involves everything, from mental torture to divorce threats to my mother if I say no. I like a guy since 2020, he used to study in my university since then we kept it halal in every way. We usually talk after 2-3 months once or twice that too just for basic updates. He's a good practicing Muslim and holds love and high regard for ahlulbayt (عليه السلام) but he just speaks a different language like his native tongue is different than ours. I have told my mother, brother about him but they are just so stubborn that they won't even consider to meet the guy I like even for once. They create malice in my heart for him just because he comes from a different caste. He's ready to meet my father and for every effort but my family is not even considering him as an option, because of their social respect and status. How is that justifiable? I really like him. I have been praying for us to be together since 2020. My parents didn't even ask me about this new proposal just told me not to say a single word otherwise get out of the house. If I were financially independent I would have left the house but I can't. My father even gave me threats that if I say no or do something against them he is going to divorce my mother. For that reason I just cannot say no. Please let me know if this nikkah is going to be valid because i don't want to accept it and I won't be able to accept it from my heart anytime soon. Please make a Dua for me that Allah eases my matters and this proposal ends itself. Maybe some of you are more closer to Allah and Ahlulbayt (عليه السلام). JazakAllah Khair. 

Edited August 22 by Hameedeh
Change in the title of the topic.

[AbdusSibtayn]

3 hours ago, disappointment2000 said:

Assalamualaikum everyone! I'm a 23 year old female. I'm being forced by my parents to marry a guy they like. That guy doesn't have any negative energy but I just don't like him in the way to get married. I have been very vocal about my choice but my parents keep on blackmailing me into accepting him. And when I say blackmailing trust me it involves everything, from mental torture to divorce threats to my mother if I say no. I like a guy since 2020, he used to study in my university since then we kept it halal in every way. We usually talk after 2-3 months once or twice that too just for basic updates. He's a good practicing Muslim and holds love and high regard for ahlulbayt (عليه السلام) but he just speaks a different language like his native tongue is different than ours. I have told my mother, brother about him but they are just so stubborn that they won't even consider to meet the guy I like even for once. They create malice in my heart for him just because he comes from a different caste. He's ready to meet my father and for every effort but my family is not even considering him as an option, because of their social respect and status. How is that justifiable? I really like him. I have been praying for us to be together since 2020. My parents didn't even ask me about this new proposal just told me not to say a single word otherwise get out of the house. If I were financially independent I would have left the house but I can't. My father even gave me threats that if I say no or do something against them he is going to divorce my mother. For that reason I just cannot say no. Please let me know if this nikkah is going to be valid because i don't want to accept it and I won't be able to accept it from my heart anytime soon. Please make a Dua for me that Allah eases my matters and this proposal ends itself. Maybe some of you are more closer to Allah and Ahlulbayt (عليه السلام). JazakAllah Khair. 

Wa alaikis salam, 

Legally, a forced nikaah is not valid at all. Although legalities apart, I understand your difficult situation, dear sister. 

I have no advice, no plan of action to offer, except sabr. If I were in that desperate a position, I'd dig in my heels and call the abusive father's nonsense. 

I am a sinner and I don't know if my prayers will be of any avail, but I shall pray for you nonetheless. 

Fi amanillah. 

[EiE]

It's sad to read.....

 

[disappointment2000]

On 8/1/2024 at 1:26 PM, AbdusSibtayn said:

Wa alaikis salam, 

Legally, a forced nikaah is not valid at all. Although legalities apart, I understand your difficult situation, dear sister. 

I have no advice, no plan of action to offer, except sabr. If I were in that desperate a position, I'd dig in my heels and call the abusive father's nonsense. 

I am a sinner and I don't know if my prayers will be of any avail, but I shall pray for you nonetheless. 

Fi amanillah. 

JazakAllah for the prayers brother. 

Can I seek divorce later on? Since that will be my decision and I don't have to take permission from my father as a wali. Because taking divorce is far better than living in a forced miserable marriage. 

Also, is it obligatory for me to give into intimacy since I just can't. I hope you can understand my mental exhaustion so things like that is not possible even if I try. Will I be sinner? If I seek divorce for such reasons. 

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 8/1/2024 at 6:20 PM, disappointment2000 said:

My father even gave me threats that if I say no or do something against them he is going to divorce my mother. For that reason I just cannot say no. Please let me know if this nikkah is going to be valid because i don't want to accept it and I won't be able to accept it from my heart anytime soon.

Salam your parents can't blackmail you likewise divorcing your mother  for forcing you to marriage which such forced marriage will be void . 

[Quran313]

One of the condition of a valid Nikah is the consent of the girl/boy who wants to marry. Talk to your parents and tell them about the guy you want (you can also tell the guy about your family situation). If your parents still insisting, talk to the scholar of the local mosque and ask him to talk to your dad.

[AbdusSibtayn]

On 8/1/2024 at 10:46 PM, disappointment2000 said:

JazakAllah for the prayers brother. 

Can I seek divorce later on? Since that will be my decision and I don't have to take permission from my father as a wali. Because taking divorce is far better than living in a forced miserable marriage. 

Also, is it obligatory for me to give into intimacy since I just can't. I hope you can understand my mental exhaustion so things like that is not possible even if I try. Will I be sinner? If I seek divorce for such reasons. 

1. A forced aqd is invalid in and of itself, as @Quran313 and others have pointed out. 

2. Intimacy is a condition built into the marriage contract but you never signed up for the contract anyway since it was imposed upon you. Thus you won't be sinning (in my humble opinion). 

3. Divorce is going to be a difficult nut to crack. The groom's family might refuse divorce trapping you in the marriage and you might have to approach your marja's wakil to have the marriage annulled, as you were forced into it. All of this is easier said than done, and ultimately it's you who must decide if you are ready for this uphill battle. Even if you are granted the divorce, do you have a place to go, at least until you are able to support yourself? Will the other guy whom you want to marry stick up for you? 

[Dreamcatcher]

On 8/1/2024 at 7:50 PM, disappointment2000 said:

Assalamualaikum everyone! I'm a 23 year old female. I'm being forced by my parents to marry a guy they like. That guy doesn't have any negative energy but I just don't like him in the way to get married. I have been very vocal about my choice but my parents keep on blackmailing me into accepting him. And when I say blackmailing trust me it involves everything, from mental torture to divorce threats to my mother if I say no. I like a guy since 2020, he used to study in my university since then we kept it halal in every way. We usually talk after 2-3 months once or twice that too just for basic updates. He's a good practicing Muslim and holds love and high regard for ahlulbayt (عليه السلام) but he just speaks a different language like his native tongue is different than ours. I have told my mother, brother about him but they are just so stubborn that they won't even consider to meet the guy I like even for once. They create malice in my heart for him just because he comes from a different caste. He's ready to meet my father and for every effort but my family is not even considering him as an option, because of their social respect and status. How is that justifiable? I really like him. I have been praying for us to be together since 2020. My parents didn't even ask me about this new proposal just told me not to say a single word otherwise get out of the house. If I were financially independent I would have left the house but I can't. My father even gave me threats that if I say no or do something against them he is going to divorce my mother. For that reason I just cannot say no. Please let me know if this nikkah is going to be valid because i don't want to accept it and I won't be able to accept it from my heart anytime soon. Please make a Dua for me that Allah eases my matters and this proposal ends itself. Maybe some of you are more closer to Allah and Ahlulbayt (عليه السلام). JazakAllah Khair. 

Wasalam,

Your best choice in my opinion? The guy you like must be first willing to marry you so make sure of that. Second is to get hold of the guy your parents are forcing you to marry and come clean to him about it i.e. that you are being forced to marry him and that you like someone else.

Because once you say yes to the Maulana at time of Nikah and give him permission to be your Wakeel, that Nikah is going to be considered valid. So you have to be vocal about it at last minute if nothing else and reject it right then and there.

On 8/12/2024 at 1:45 AM, AbdusSibtayn said:

1. A forced aqd is invalid in and of itself, as @Quran313 and others have pointed out. 

2. Intimacy is a condition built into the marriage contract but you never signed up for the contract anyway since it was imposed upon you. Thus you won't be sinning (in my humble opinion). 

3. Divorce is going to be a difficult nut to crack. The groom's family might refuse divorce trapping you in the marriage and you might have to approach your marja's wakil to have the marriage annulled, as you were forced into it. All of this is easier said than done, and ultimately it's you who must decide if you are ready for this uphill battle. Even if you are granted the divorce, do you have a place to go, at least until you are able to support yourself? Will the other guy whom you want to marry stick up for you? 

A forced aqd is not considered invalid right away unfortunately. The bride is always asked at time of nikah and even when forced to say yes, I don't know of any aqd which is considered invalid as the brides just end up living with the husband. What other choice do they get? They accept it and that's that.

[AbdusSibtayn]

12 hours ago, Dreamcatcher said:

A forced aqd is not considered invalid right away unfortunately. The bride is always asked at time of nikah and even when forced to say yes, I don't know of any aqd which is considered invalid as the brides just end up living with the husband. What other choice do they get? They accept it and that's that.

Of course, she has to be forced to assent, otherwise, it is not going to be 'forced' per definition. She can later on contest before a shar'i court that she was forced to consent but that is another story; the law will take its own course, but it is going to be a long, winding, and agonizing process. I don't want to stir a hornet's nest but there have been cases where the wukala' have simply refused to annul the marriage, even in clear cases of marital cruelty and abuse- no arbitration, no counseling, nothing, just flat refusal. We can choose to be tight-lipped about it but the problem is there, and many a times the clergy don't live up to their responsibilities. Which is why I am asking the OP to carefully weigh her options, because a divorce after being trapped in a forced marriage is easier said than done.

[Abu Hadi]

On 8/1/2024 at 10:46 PM, disappointment2000 said:

JazakAllah for the prayers brother. 

Can I seek divorce later on? Since that will be my decision and I don't have to take permission from my father as a wali. Because taking divorce is far better than living in a forced miserable marriage. 

Also, is it obligatory for me to give into intimacy since I just can't. I hope you can understand my mental exhaustion so things like that is not possible even if I try. Will I be sinner? If I seek divorce for such reasons. 

Salam,

Marriage without consent of both husband and wife is not a valid marriage in Islam. So you should know that 100% without a doubt what they are doing is not part of the religion of Islam and is thulm (oppression). If I were in your situation I would tell them that. Then you could say that the only way I would marry him is if it is written in my contract (aqd) that I want the right to divorce my husband, no questions asked, and that I want to be able to keep 100% of my mahr if I do that. Then if your husband behaves in a bad way you wouldn't be stuck in the marriage. The best thing to do, like others have said, is to confront them, say you are not going to marry him but then you will have to take the negative consequences of that. The other choice is to marry him but with those conditions in your marriage contract. Make sure the conditions are written in your marriage contract and not just verbal so that they can't deny that they agreed to this later on. 

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) help you. 

[ShiaChat Mod]

On 8/1/2024 at 9:50 AM, disappointment2000 said:

Assalamualaikum everyone!

Salam.

On 8/1/2024 at 9:50 AM, disappointment2000 said:

He's a good practicing Muslim and holds love and high regard for ahlulbayt (عليه السلام) but he just speaks a different language like his native tongue is different than ours. 

If he is not Shia, then your parents are not happy. Since he speaks a different language, your parents think it will be difficult to communicate with him.

On 8/1/2024 at 9:50 AM, disappointment2000 said:

I have told my mother, brother about him but they are just so stubborn that they won't even consider to meet the guy I like even for once. They create malice in my heart for him just because he comes from a different caste.

Islam doesn't accept in the caste system. India and Pakistan have abolished parts of the caste system because of DISCRIMINATION. 

On 8/1/2024 at 9:50 AM, disappointment2000 said:

My parents didn't even ask me about this new proposal just told me not to say a single word otherwise get out of the house. 

Do you have an auntie or grannie who you could live with?

On 8/1/2024 at 9:50 AM, disappointment2000 said:

My father even gave me threats that if I say no or do something against them he is going to divorce my mother. 

Does your father treat your mother well? I hope so. If your father is so strict about who you can marry, he probably would not divorce your mother because that would make him look bad. Divorce is not a desirable thing. It's traumatic in many instances.  

On 8/1/2024 at 9:50 AM, disappointment2000 said:

Please let me know if this nikkah is going to be valid because i don't want to accept it and I won't be able to accept it from my heart anytime soon.

When is the wedding? If you are at the wedding venue and stay silent, yes, you will be married, whether you want it or not. You need to keep telling your mother that you will refuse to attend the wedding with a person you don't want to marry. 

[Guest guest]

Just now, ShiaChat Mod said:

If you are at the wedding venue and stay silent, yes, you will be married, whether you want it or not. 

Arranged marriage between a man and woman who agree to marry is good. Forced marriage with someone you don't like is bad.

Forced marriage could be considered human trafficking.  

[Hameedeh]

On 8/4/2024 at 2:29 PM, Quran313 said:

One of the condition of a valid Nikah is the consent of the girl/boy who wants to marry. Talk to your parents and tell them about the guy you want (you can also tell the guy about your family situation). If your parents still insisting, talk to the scholar of the local mosque and ask him to talk to your dad.

Agree with this. However, it probably won't happen if she is too scared by her father's threat to divorce her mother. 

On 8/1/2024 at 9:50 AM, disappointment2000 said:

Please make a Dua for me that Allah eases my matters and this proposal ends itself. Maybe some of you are more closer to Allah and Ahlulbayt (عليه السلام).

I am not more closer to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) or Ahlul Bayt AS than anyone, but you are definitely in my duas. 

[Abu_Zahra]

One solution could be to get the message through to the young man they want you to marry. If he refuses to get married then they can't force you anymore. 

It would be unfair to him if you forcefully went through with the marriage because of your parents and have no intention of living with him as a wife. 

[ShiaChat Mod]

On 8/11/2024 at 3:45 PM, AbdusSibtayn said:

3. Divorce is going to be a difficult nut to crack. The groom's family might refuse divorce trapping you in the marriage and you might have to approach your marja's wakil to have the marriage annulled, as you were forced into it. 

Yes, this is true. ShiaChat has many topics where the wife cannot get a divorce because the husband will not agree to do it. 

[coldcow]

I would say I agree with everything above (probably, I didn't actually read it all).  But don't get married, no matter what.  Your parents can blackmail you all they want, get divorced, whatever, but do not get married.  Let the boy know your parents are forcing you.  It's not his fault, so be polite to him.  Be polite to your parents, but just ask them if they'd prefer you not get married now, or they have a divorced daughter a few months after marriage.  

I dont know where you live, but maybe you might need to talk to a respected sister or the moulana at the masjid.  Get them to intercede on your behalf.  

[Guest guest]

On 8/1/2024 at 9:50 AM, disappointment2000 said:

My father even gave me threats that if I say no or do something against them he is going to divorce my mother. For that reason I just cannot say no. 

Salam. I have a relative who said his father told him "It is better to say No in the beginning rather than later." Refusing to marry is better than marrying, living with an abusive man, asking for a divorce, having a pregnancy with him, getting ill and not knowing when you can see a doctor, hiding bruises from people, begging your family to come get you and they don't want to or can't, finding out he doesn't want to divorce you at all. He can get a second wife and go there whenever he wants.

[AbdusSibtayn]

9 hours ago, ShiaChat Mod said:

Yes, this is true. ShiaChat has many topics where the wife cannot get a divorce because the husband will not agree to do it. 

And the shariah courts are not much help either.

7 hours ago, coldcow said:

moulana at the masjid.  Get them to intercede on your behalf.  

many (and let me stick out my neck by saying even most) won't be bothered to get involved; too much risk and 'controversy', and if either or both of the parties involved are influential in the community, they might even lose their patronage or resident 'alim status for being 'too meddlesome'. After all, the obligation imposed on them by their turbans is to deliver florid sermons on Ali (عليه السلام) and his sons (ams) each Muharram and Ramadan, not to enforce the system of justice that they stood for.

People might complain that my views are jaundiced and that I am being unnecessarily bitter. Yes, I am bitter from seeing several sisters trapped in unhappy and abusive marriages with no way out, and how the clergy, including those as high as the maraji's wukala', won't do anything about it despite having the power and the authority to remedy the situation. The callous irresponsibility of the clerics is worrying.

 

[coldcow]

56 minutes ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

many (and let me stick out my neck by saying even most) won't be bothered to get involved; too much risk and 'controversy', and if either or both of the parties involved are influential in the community, they might even lose their patronage or resident 'alim status for being 'too meddlesome'. After all, the obligation imposed on them by their turbans is to deliver florid sermons on Ali (عليه السلام) and his sons (ams) each Muharram and Ramadan, not to enforce the system of justice that they stood for.

People might complain that my views are jaundiced and that I am being unnecessarily bitter. Yes, I am bitter from seeing several sisters trapped in unhappy and abusive marriages with no way out, and how the clergy, including those as high as the maraji's wukala', won't do anything about it despite having the power and the authority to remedy the situation. The callous irresponsibility of the clerics is worrying.

Ah yes.  Very good points.  And I do share some of your jadedness.  I hate politics.