The Myth of “High Standards”

[Guest Window]

Sometimes, we hear that a person, usually a woman, has “too high” standards because she prefers a certain kind of man or is craving a certain kind of relationship. Maybe she wants a man that not every woman wants. We tell women to dream big and accomplish their goals, but if they have higher standards for men, or in general, their life partner, we tell them to not “dream that big, honey.” The people who tell her to lower her standards are often the people who never really experienced a stable home life and they tend to be projecting.

So we set women up for failure.

We tell women it’s okay to feel dissatisfied in a relationship and that your man will not fit your every need.  

We tell women to “lower their standards” because you won’t meet your ideal match. You just have to pick someone who fits some of what you’re looking for and build a life together around that.

While it is true that a man won’t be everything to you, there are men out there who are able to satisfy you emotionally, physically, and intellectually. It’s just not very common so you have to be patient.

If a woman who grew-up well-off, had a supportive family, and generally knew the kind of man she wanted to be with, we tell her to not be too picky or that no guy will be at “your level” which is entirely false. So we set women up for failure and possible divorce. 

In reality, there is no such thing in having “too high standards” for men. The man you are looking for is out there, you just have to find each other. I’m a firm believer that there is a soulmate for everyone. And if you don’t believe in it, you certainly won’t find it.

Discuss your views.

[notme]

Rather than looking for Prince Charming, a woman ought to look for Prince Tolerable. Charming people are usually dishonest, and charm and looks get old.  What doesn't get old is a friendship and partnership based on mutual respect and love.  

Of course, "love is blind" so we often fail to see the red flags.  Better to take outside advice when you can.  If your family doesn't like him or if your friends don't like him, they're probably seeing something you're blind to.  Listen to them.  

[Abu Hadi]

1 hour ago, Guest Window said:

Sometimes, we hear that a person, usually a woman, has “too high” standards because she prefers a certain kind of man or is craving a certain kind of relationship. Maybe she wants a man that not every woman wants. We tell women to dream big and accomplish their goals, but if they have higher standards for men, or in general, their life partner, we tell them to not “dream that big, honey.” The people who tell her to lower her standards are often the people who never really experienced a stable home life and they tend to be projecting.

So we set women up for failure.

We tell women it’s okay to feel dissatisfied in a relationship and that your man will not fit your every need.  

We tell women to “lower their standards” because you won’t meet your ideal match. You just have to pick someone who fits some of what you’re looking for and build a life together around that.

While it is true that a man won’t be everything to you, there are men out there who are able to satisfy you emotionally, physically, and intellectually. It’s just not very common so you have to be patient.

If a woman who grew-up well-off, had a supportive family, and generally knew the kind of man she wanted to be with, we tell her to not be too picky or that no guy will be at “your level” which is entirely false. So we set women up for failure and possible divorce. 

In reality, there is no such thing in having “too high standards” for men. The man you are looking for is out there, you just have to find each other. I’m a firm believer that there is a soulmate for everyone. And if you don’t believe in it, you certainly won’t find it.

Discuss your views.

The damaging part of the 'high standards' thing is the expectation that the husband will be your 'soul mate' and will satisfy you in everyway and that is your minimum expectation for a husband

This idea has nothing to do with Islam ( or there is no authentic Hadith or Quran ayat which backs up this idea). This is an English / French Victorian era idea which came from the mind of the kuffar and is reinforced by them in order to break up families because in reality there are no men that. Could actually meet this standard so the women is constantly disappointed until she either stays married but gives up making the marriage better or she divorces. 

In Islam, marriage is a contract (aqd in Arabic) where the man and women come together( zawaj in Arabic) and agree to fulfill each other's rights and not oppress each other and to help one another in their practical life ( paying bills, raising children, etc). In addition to this, there is the dimension of love where if both spouses help each other and don't violate each others rights and are honest with each other then love will develop over time. The expectation that this love will be there before any of the work is done is not an Islamic idea. The Islamic idea is that this love is a bonus that the couple gets in exchange for doing the work. 

The love that is discussed by the first mentioned group is a combination of lust and imagination about who this person is that is not based on reality. That is why it leads to disillusionment and disappointment because it is not based on reality. You only know who someone is after you have been thru trials and tribulations with him / her. 

 

Edited July 21 by Abu Hadi

[Quran313]

@Guest Window

Your post was so negative. You can simply disregard what others say and just look for the guy you looking for. All problems resolved.

[Azadeh307]

14 hours ago, Guest Window said:

n reality, there is no such thing in having “too high standards” for men. The man you are looking for is out there, you just have to find each other. I’m a firm believer that there is a soulmate for everyone. And if you don’t believe in it, you certainly w

While I encourage people to make the most of their situation, there is such a thing as “too high of standards,” which may set a person up to be single for life. Marriages require negotiation at times which implies both parties occasionally have to make compromises. Both parties need to understand if their desires are a fantasy or reality based. A woman who has high standards for a man also needs high standards for herself because men of high standard also has high standards. 

Anyways, this is not an attack on women. It goes both ways, men also should not have too high of standards as well. 
 

On a related point, there is a motivational therapy tool, called S.M.A.R.T. Goal. The acronym stands for Specific, Measurable, Action Oriented, Realistic, and Time-based and goals in this view should hit on all of these points. 

[notme]

1 hour ago, Azadeh307 said:

While I encourage people to make the most of their situation, there is such a thing as “too high of standards,” which may set a person up to be single for life.

It is better to be alone than married badly, so if someone will not be happy with compromise, it's probably better for them to remain single.  

[Azadeh307]

42 minutes ago, notme said:

It is better to be alone than married badly, so if someone will not be happy with compromise, it's probably better for them to remain single.  

It is true being in a bad marriage can be worse than being single, however I don’t think compromise means the marriage is bad. Compromise is one of 5 conflict management strategies. In this case, the conflict can be defined as wanting to be married but not being married. Delay is another of the 5 conflict management strategies however if delay doesn’t work all of the time at what point will another strategy be used? Also, people can work on themselves and not depend on another person as the solution to happiness (within and outside marriage).

[notme]

1 hour ago, Azadeh307 said:

I don’t think compromise means the marriage is bad.

I agree.  However, if a person goes into a marriage feeling like they've "settled" for their partner, they're likely to make the marriage turn bad, in spite of the efforts of their spouse.  

[JannahLM]

Speaking as a woman, yes I'm picky. However, that's because I have specific physical needs that would make just choosing anyone impossible. Also, I will throw this out there: it's better to marry late than come back in a coffin.

[hawdini]

On 7/21/2024 at 3:57 PM, notme said:

Prince Tolerable.

lol sis this sounds kinda depressing, i cant  imagine marrying someone that i only find tolerable

 

On 7/21/2024 at 4:39 PM, Abu Hadi said:

The love that is discussed by the first mentioned group is a combination of lust and imagination about who this person is that is not based on reality. That is why it leads to disillusionment and disappointment because it is not based on reality. You only know who someone is after you have been thru trials and tribulations with him / her. 

You can also just start a trial and tribulation while getting to know them and see how they are?

 

On 7/21/2024 at 10:03 PM, notme said:

I agree.  However, if a person goes into a marriage feeling like they've "settled" for their partner, they're likely to make the marriage turn bad, in spite of the efforts of their spouse. 

i feel like in many experiences of women who lower their standards they get met by bad treatment. Im a prime example of that lol. I think the only reason a woman would lower her standards is if she has low self worth. If you have high self esteem you would attract people that meet that by default. So my advice is never lower your standards and work on your self esteem and on your own life so you can attract better and choose better. And i also want to point out that we often want things that we don't need. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is the only  one who knows what we need in order to get closer to him and to grow as humans and know ourselves better.

 

On 7/21/2024 at 8:55 PM, Azadeh307 said:

I don’t think compromise means the marriage is bad

i think the key question here is what are we compromising on. I don't think you should compromise on how you want to be treated or talked to

[notme]

40 minutes ago, hawdini said:

lol sis this sounds kinda depressing, i cant  imagine marrying someone that i only find tolerable

Not merely tolerable - absolutely tolerable! Like he's your friend first, and your infatuation and lover secondary.  Attraction is important, but less important than compatibility.  When I say "Prince Tolerable" I don't mean he meets your minimal standards.  I mean you can stand him even at his worst moments.  Prince Tolerable might not be flashy, or the man that all the women notice, but he's got your back in a situation.  He's vastly underappreciated. 

And you should be his Princess Tolerable too.  

[Qa'im]

On 7/21/2024 at 9:06 AM, Guest Window said:

While it is true that a man won’t be everything to you, there are men out there who are able to satisfy you emotionally, physically, and intellectually. It’s just not very common so you have to be patient.

If you know such a man, yes, go ahead and marry him. He sounds great.

[Guest Married]

Purpose of Islamic marriage is to find Allah’s pleasure 70x faster and more efficiently than one could do on her/his own. 
 

Idea of soulmate only applies to a handful of couples like the parents of Sayeda Fatima Zahra (عليه السلام), and the parents of Hasanain (عليه السلام).
 

For the rest of us, we need to become the person who is compatible with our spouses. 
 

That said, there is no need to lower your standards, as long as your standards are founded on principals like a handful of non-negotiables such as:

-his Aqaid,

-his adherence to Wilayah,

-level of practice of his Deen,

-his Ghaira,

-his focus on eagerly earning halal livelihood, meaning no laziness and not relying on You to earn for household 

-his Akhlaq, and him surrounded by people of good Akhlaq that includes his immediate family,

-his looks that keep him attracted to you, meaning looking after his own health is somewhere in his priorities without being a gym junkie

-and his Islamic world view that is in a normal or above better range.

At the same time, you also work on these and a bit more based on your gender. 
 

Reality is, marriage is not the end-goal, it’s a work-in-progress. If you go with this humble mindset and without backing off on your core wants (principals), I believe a million Shia women are compatible with a million Shia men, so essentially it’s not hard to find “the one”, because that one is not unique, and there are a million more like her/him unlike our Prophet & Imam Ali (Salawat o Salam on them both) who had a very low compatibility.

 

[PureExistence1]

On 7/21/2024 at 10:36 PM, JannahLM said:

come back in a coffin

Salaam, i have a friend who lives in Qom.. the last conversation I had with her, she said she had been talking with another sister about marriages. She said she doesn't subscribe to this idea that a lot of iranians have regarding staying married no matter what and that there's a saying for it and your post reminded me of it.

I don't know what the Farsi for it is, but it literally translates into English as "you go in wearing white and you come out wearing white", meaning, marriage is for life- you go in wearing the white wedding dress and you come out wearing the white kaffan.... She said she doesn't believe in that mindset towards marriage because not every marriage is a good one, not every marriage is salvageable, and when the marriage turns toxic and horrendous, it is worse to "stay together for the children" than it is to break up.

Anyway, I'm just throwing this out there because your post made me think of her saying that.

[PureExistence1]

7 hours ago, hawdini said:

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is the only  one who knows what we need in order to get closer to him and to grow as humans and know ourselves better.

Lol, amen sissta! Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) certainly knew what qualities i would need in a husband for me to get closer to Him 

Its been interesting, certainly has caused me to  break the complacency i had...it can be frustrating but may Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) reward us both...him for his guidance, patience, etc and ME for the struggle, effort and my own frustration in all the changes ive made and still have to make!

In all seriousness, its not a path for the weak or stubborn, being married to someone who is themself well rounded and well put together as you find out things about them AND yourself a time AFTER youve been married for a while and i honestly think that if i had married someone "at my level" back then, there would not have been growth on my part as the impetus wouldnt have been there. (I was comfortable how i was and had no idea how "off" i was in certain areas)

So yea, in sha Allah we all get what we need from the spouses we marry, and in the event that we marry someone and it doesn't work out, there is still a whole lot there for us to gain from that, if only we have the introspection and the wisdom and the maturity to look at not only what didn't work out with the 'spouse', but also what was going on with US that didn't work because hardly ever if at all, is it always the other person.

So both people have a role to play in a marriage dissolving although in many cases it can be a whole lot more one persons fault than the other but we would be at a loss if we actually went through a marriage and the time being married to somebody and not grasp anything beneficial to ourselves out of it.

In other words, if we get married and go through a time being married to somebody and we don't figure out what we should have or should not have done, then we have in fact wasted that time for ourselves.

So introspection is definitely needed towards ourselves when a marriage doesn't work out, otherwise it's just been a waste of time and a person is almost doomed to repeat the same mistakes that they themselves made in the first marriage.

We have to learn.

Just my thoughts.

[Abu Nur]

Mostly this will hapen, whatever your soul desire will be connected to a man with similar soul. Divorce will usually happen when one changes and another can not tolerate the change ( be it for good or bad). If you purify your soul, you will be lead to a person with excellent character. Because a purified soul only want a purified husband.

[Shian e Ali]

This goes both ways. There are men who have high standards and are easily bored or disappointed when the woman doesn't turn out to be exactly how they imagined. 

Like notme said, both need to find the person they can tolerate. None of us can find a person who's perfect. 

Our deen teaches us to ignore the faults of others, lest we end up alone. Of course this means the faults shouldn't end up being a thorn in our throats. 

I disagree about the Soulmate part. There are thousands of people you could have a wonderful life with, it's not just one out of billions. 

[Abu Nur]

22 minutes ago, Shian e Ali said:

. There are thousands of people you could have a wonderful life with, it's not just one out of billions. 

One of the greatest thing I found in marriage is to let your ego go when you can not get the thing you want from your wife.

[Quran313]

Sometimes is not about standards. Sometimes it's looking for something that the person himself/herself doesn't have.

[EiE]

what muslim women seem to forget is that most men want young woman for permanent marriage.

I heard of many muslim woman waiting til almost 30 and above before thinking of marriage, because of studies or career.

[Abu Hadi]

On 7/25/2024 at 10:35 AM, Guest Married said:

Purpose of Islamic marriage is to find Allah’s pleasure 70x faster and more efficiently than one could do on her/his own. 
 

Idea of soulmate only applies to a handful of couples like the parents of Sayeda Fatima Zahra (عليه السلام), and the parents of Hasanain (عليه السلام).
 

For the rest of us, we need to become the person who is compatible with our spouses. 
 

That said, there is no need to lower your standards, as long as your standards are founded on principals like a handful of non-negotiables such as:

-his Aqaid,

-his adherence to Wilayah,

-level of practice of his Deen,

-his Ghaira,

-his focus on eagerly earning halal livelihood, meaning no laziness and not relying on You to earn for household 

-his Akhlaq, and him surrounded by people of good Akhlaq that includes his immediate family,

-his looks that keep him attracted to you, meaning looking after his own health is somewhere in his priorities without being a gym junkie

-and his Islamic world view that is in a normal or above better range.

At the same time, you also work on these and a bit more based on your gender. 
 

Reality is, marriage is not the end-goal, it’s a work-in-progress. If you go with this humble mindset and without backing off on your core wants (principals), I believe a million Shia women are compatible with a million Shia men, so essentially it’s not hard to find “the one”, because that one is not unique, and there are a million more like her/him unlike our Prophet & Imam Ali (Salawat o Salam on them both) who had a very low compatibility.

 

I kind of agree and kind of disagree with this. Your spouse can definitely become your soul mate ( for non masoom like us) and it happens more than you would think. It doesn't happen before marriage so no one should expect to ' marry their soul mate' because like I said in my previous post the work needs to be done first. 

There are sooo many couples I know personally that married because it was arranged or for some other reason other than what the op mentioned. They later on began to love each other and now are soul mates. It does happen that way

[notme]

3 hours ago, EiE said:

what muslim women seem to forget is that most men want young woman for permanent marriage.

Why seek out a woman much younger than himself? She ain't gonna stay that way.  

[Guest Married]

5 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

I kind of agree and kind of disagree with this. Your spouse can definitely become your soul mate ( for non masoom like us) and it happens more than you would think. It doesn't happen before marriage so no one should expect to ' marry their soul mate' because like I said in my previous post the work needs to be done first. 

There are sooo many couples I know personally that married because it was arranged or for some other reason other than what the op mentioned. They later on began to love each other and now are soul mates. It does happen that way

 

 

Agree, that’s why normal people marriages are a work-in-progress, and yes there is a possibility that one day they would turn out to be soulmates InshaAllah where their practice and understanding of life, deen, and world views would align so close that it surpass an alignment with anybody else in their family and friends. 
 

[EiE]

3 hours ago, notme said:

Why seek out a woman much younger than himself? She ain't gonna stay that way.  

Can't that be said about everything we seek in the other partner?

Men are often attracted to younger women for various reasons, one of which is the appeal of youth itself. Furthermore, younger women typically possess a higher fertility potential, which introduces a biological factor that plays into these preferences.

[EiE]

5 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

Your spouse can definitely become your soul mate ( for non masoom like us) and it happens more than you would think. It doesn't happen before marriage so no one should expect to ' marry their soul mate' because like I said in my previous post the work needs to be done first. 

Some important points that are often overlooked.

it's unrealistic to expect to find a soulmate from the very beginning. In most cases, the concept of a soulmate is something that develops over time and through shared experiences. However, it’s essential to have a solid foundation of common values and beliefs to nurture the concept of soulmate.

 

[JannahLM]

On 7/25/2024 at 12:45 PM, PureExistence1 said:

Salaam, i have a friend who lives in Qom.. the last conversation I had with her, she said she had been talking with another sister about marriages. She said she doesn't subscribe to this idea that a lot of iranians have regarding staying married no matter what and that there's a saying for it and your post reminded me of it.

I don't know what the Farsi for it is, but it literally translates into English as "you go in wearing white and you come out wearing white", meaning, marriage is for life- you go in wearing the white wedding dress and you come out wearing the white kaffan.... She said she doesn't believe in that mindset towards marriage because not every marriage is a good one, not every marriage is salvageable, and when the marriage turns toxic and horrendous, it is worse to "stay together for the children" than it is to break up.

Anyway, I'm just throwing this out there because your post made me think of her saying that.

Salaam. Your friend speaks truth. I think that allowing divorce is one of the many mercies that God granted us. Not all marriages work out, thus being allowed to leave them is important for everyone's safety. Converts especially are often lured in by toxic and abusive men due to lacking a proper support system and simply being unaware of their Islamic rights. I've heard so many horror stories about converts being trapped in abusive marriages so I think there needs to be more awareness overall for all Muslims about their rights under Sharia, what to look for in a partner, etc.

There needs to be a way to recognize warning signs before the marriage even takes place as obviously divorce should be a last resort sort of solution.

[hawdini]

On 7/25/2024 at 8:58 PM, PureExistence1 said:

here is still a whole lot there for us to gain from that, if only we have the introspection and the wisdom and the maturity to look at not only what didn't work out with the 'spouse', but also what was going on with US that didn't work because hardly ever if at all, is it always the other person.

I 100%agree with this, ive learned a lot about myself from my short interactions with men. I also think you can do only so much self development while being single. Being in a relationship can teach you a lot. 

 

14 hours ago, EiE said:

what muslim women seem to forget is that most men want young woman for permanent marriage.

lol a lot of men also love older women. And a lot of men also don't care about age. Usually men that want a woman significantly younger it is for status or because she might be easier to manipulate. Women in their 30s are btw still young.

6 hours ago, JannahLM said:

There needs to be a way to recognize warning signs before the marriage even takes place as obviously divorce should be a last resort sort of solution.

My warning signs are usually just watching how they behave towards me. A lot of men can be really be good to the people around them but they can be very different with their wife. I tell a man what i like and don't like in the beginning if he doesn't do his best to avoid my dislikes i cut him off. I really watch out for men that care about womens well being in general so not only mother or sisters but also the women that cant do anything for them. Also don't be desperate for love and always be willing to walk away. Don't give too much of yourself to a man. where it gets hard to leave him. Let him prove his trustworthiness to you.  Always have your own life and happiness besides him so when he starts being abusive you can just leave him and find another one.

 

On 7/26/2024 at 2:27 AM, Shian e Ali said:

There are men who have high standards and are easily bored or disappointed when the woman doesn't turn out to be exactly how they imagined. 

Only for women when the men doesn't turn out how they want, its usually an abusive man who beats their ass or watches them go into a burn out or cheats on them

And I'm not saying women cant be abusive but yeah were still the weaker sex sooo

[notme]

9 hours ago, EiE said:

Can't that be said about everything we seek in the other partner?

No, absolutely not.  Honesty and compassion, for example, don't tend to change over time.  Age always does, and looks often do.  Why not choose based on something more durable?

I don't know what you consider younger, but studies indicate that children born to women in their 30s tend to be more intelligent, healthier, and have better mental health than children born to women in their late teens or early 20s. There are health risks if the mother is over 50, but we aren't talking about women waiting until they are 50 to get married,  are we? 

A person, man or woman, should marry when they have a suitable opportunity, not a day before or after.  

Edited July 27 by notme

[JannahLM]

2 hours ago, hawdini said:

My warning signs are usually just watching how they behave towards me. A lot of men can be really be good to the people around them but they can be very different with their wife. I tell a man what i like and don't like in the beginning if he doesn't do his best to avoid my dislikes i cut him off. I really watch out for men that care about womens well being in general so not only mother or sisters but also the women that cant do anything for them. Also don't be desperate for love and always be willing to walk away. Don't give too much of yourself to a man. where it gets hard to leave him. Let him prove his trustworthiness to you.  Always have your own life and happiness besides him so when he starts being abusive you can just leave him and find another one.

Leaving abusive relationships is rarely as simple as just walking away. Often the abusive man for have complete control over the woman's finances. That came leave her trapped. Also, she may not have anywhere to go if she does try to leave. There's also a lot of mental and emotional manipulation involved where the woman may feel inadequate if she leaves. Abuse can take on many forms and you're oversimplifying the issue.

Additionally, you can't predict a person's behaviour just by hanging out with them in public. A lot of men will act nice and caring in public, but then behind closed doors while nobody else is watching they turn abusive and controlling.

[hawdini]

2 hours ago, JannahLM said:

Leaving abusive relationships is rarely as simple as just walking away. Often the abusive man for have complete control over the woman's finances. That came leave her trapped. Also, she may not have anywhere to go if she does try to leave. There's also a lot of mental and emotional manipulation involved where the woman may feel inadequate if she leaves. Abuse can take on many forms and you're oversimplifying the issue.

Additionally, you can't predict a person's behaviour just by hanging out with them in public. A lot of men will act nice and caring in public, but then behind closed doors while nobody else is watching they turn abusive and controlling.

Im not oversimplyfying anything. U asked for warning signs, i gave some. Many things can be true at the same time and i would never blame a woman for being in an abusive relationship.

[PureExistence1]

6 hours ago, hawdini said:

I also think you can do only so much self development while being single. Being in a relationship can teach you a lot. 

Agree..i think thats what is meant with the "marriage is half of deen", because without it, we dont grow in the islamic ways of patience, forgiveness, etc. as much as we do in marriage. 

[PureExistence1]

13 hours ago, JannahLM said:

I've heard so many horror stories about converts being trapped in abusive marriages

Me too, being a convert ive come to know at least 3 that i can recall, one even being used to get a brother who was overseas his citizenship through marriage... she came home and found him "with" some other female. They were sunni so doubt it was a mutah situation.

This is probably the worst case. I thought this sister had left islam as she started posting videos of herself playing drums and not wearing hijab on social media and I knew she was going out with military men and drinking and stuff, but recently I ran across another sister who had contact with her and it turns out that she met an Iranian guy and they got married but are not really "religious" however they are not non-believers either.

In sha Allah kheyr.

[JannahLM]

6 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

Me too, being a convert ive come to know at least 3 that i can recall, one even being used to get a brother who was overseas his citizenship through marriage... she came home and found him "with" some other female. They were sunni so doubt it was a mutah situation.

This is probably the worst case. I thought this sister had left islam as she started posting videos of herself playing drums and not wearing hijab on social media and I knew she was going out with military men and drinking and stuff, but recently I ran across another sister who had contact with her and it turns out that she met an Iranian guy and they got married but are not really "religious" however they are not non-believers either.

In sha Allah kheyr.

It's not exclusive to converts either. An Afghan sister I know has had multiple cousins whose husbands were cheating. For years, even, and there's children involved, which makes it all worse.

Edited July 28 by JannahLM

[Guest mal3_26]

On 7/26/2024 at 9:41 PM, notme said:

Why seek out a woman much younger than himself? She ain't gonna stay that way.  

There are many reasons. I'm 25 and the difference in mentality and lifestyle that older women 27+ vs younger women ~20-23 that I've spoken to is night and day. All of the younger women are just more open, innocent, feminine, have less baggage and are more adaptable, and will be more flexible in the marriage. All of the women I've encountered with some sort of trauma or mental illness happen to be older, and they also are more likely to have past relationships or have indulged in other 'activities' that younger women haven't. Furthermore older women tend to be more career oriented, rigid, stuck in their ways, and masculine than younger women.

This is not even accounting for looks.

And I'm not even hating on older women, this is mostly mine and my friends' direct experience. In fact, there was this older lady I was talking to who was in her late 20s when I was in my early 20s. Although she had several of the issues I mentioned above, I would have still married her had it not been for a couple of irreconcilable differences. We got along so well, she had such a enjoyable personality and was religious that I was willing to overlook all else.

 

 

[EiE]

14 hours ago, hawdini said:

lol a lot of men also love older women. And a lot of men also don't care about age. Usually men that want a woman significantly younger it is for status or because she might be easier to manipulate. Women in their 30s are btw still young.

The many men loving older women love them for wrong reason..... You probably know what I mean. It's isn't marriage they are looking for, it's desire.

And men wanting significantly younger women is not for status.