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In the Name of God بسم الله

How long before marriage

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On 4/22/2024 at 6:21 PM, Shian e Ali said:

I don't like the way she talks to others. Go through her posts, and you'll find she lacks manners, is constantly assuming things, and is a racist. Oh, and she loves to push her beliefs on others, kinda annoying if you ask me. Sometimes I wonder if that's a troll account pretending to be a Shi'a woman. 

Lady you're just a fan, obsessed with me too kinda cute but i don't swing that way boo i like men xoxo

Also i'm happy to video chat with you if you like but please keep your cam off i don't wanna throw up, private message me for socials incase my identity is keeping you up at night wondering since you keep going through my profile reading every post :thankyou:

xo

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Tempting men with its image is a problem. Tempting them with it's language is a problem. Based on it's accent, one can safely gather that this is another misguided "western islamic convert." Speaking about one's spouse in that manner which is indecent...that is sad for us who not just *say* we believe, but that *act* in a manner that complies with the magnitude of faith that compels us to hold our tongues.

We will have many that convert or modernize to put on a show in the west, that will be the first true series of experiential fitna. You will avert your eyes. In the event that one cannot, you will speak clearly, directly and dismiss any interaction outside of business. Conduct is everything. At masjid my sisters were kind to suggest full nikab for my features although I covered acceptably. Maybe five people know about my faith. Those who do not know ask if I am too warm and sweaty for my layers in my public job. My job is not halal but I navigate myself quite well. It is better than the other options that would require me to dress in a way that accentuates my features to please those of higher income with temptation is more beneath me than scrubbing a toilet. If I was faithless, I'd accuse those sisters of jealousy. As a believer I understood. Will work harder to reach this level as a single woman without family support in the west.

If you are seeking a wife who is in the west I will help you brother.

1. Why is she or her family there? Are there witnesses to support their commitments and functions?

2. How does she survive in a western world?

3. A test of halal/haram. Go to a difficult place and have her make a selection. How does she make decisions?

4. Wearing hijab does not mean to be in your prayer. Going to masjid to associate among some of the false is not evidence enough.

5. Ask a female relative to check on someone for you every 2 weeks lol. So it's not suspicious.

Type is important. So many people are misguided in being physically attracted or hearing the things they like and denying the reality that humans change their behaviors according to the amount of pressure they experience. You want a good wife? How much pressure can she withstand when the circumstances change? A girl who grows up pretending to be a princess as a commodity for her family, a girl who hides behind religion to put their sacrifice on their children or be the sacrifice for their spouse, they will eventually make too many excuses and you will make too many exceptions which will cause stress and anxiety.

Ask yourself a few things too, have you altered any family customs? Can you handle the pressure and criticism of choosing someone who would need to work for the respect and acceptance of your family? They too will be tested. If she passes and the family's hypocrisy is revealed, could you handle it? If she is weak can you refuse yourself from her? If you are weak can you catch up to her? Allah *(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)* doubles our reward for marriage only for what we can handle, not because of the things we say when no one is watching or the show we put on when they are.

Advice, even ask an imam from these questions. Or a brother who has married in west successfully. Once you understand a bit more, it may be easier to accept a bride from home. At home there are less worries about the bigger temptations and tests. But be wary of the small temptations and tests that pile up into future issues. The above questions still work well either way but the scope of what is apparent and not apparent changes a bit. How does one in lack improve? How does one without lack improve?

I wish you well brother. Make dua for my marriage too.

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On 4/22/2024 at 2:52 AM, Azadeh307 said:

I don't know of Stan Tatkin but I looked him up. It seems he writes about attachment style and how the brain works, right? I do like attachment style and tend to couch it in terms of polyvagel theory (when it comes to how the nervous system works.) Here is a useful free quiz on Attachment Style that I use in my clinical practice when I am working with couples or individuals who seek therapy based on relationships issues. It is based on the book, "How We Love." 

Salaam sis,  yess im reading his book wired for love now =D Its very interesting to read looking back at the arguments i had with the last guy i talked to. If i knew what was going on, i couldve snapped us out of the arguments. What is your line of work sis? Are you specialized in something?

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On 4/23/2024 at 1:21 AM, Shian e Ali said:

I don't like the way she talks to others. Go through her posts, and you'll find she lacks manners, is constantly assuming things, and is a racist. Oh, and she loves to push her beliefs on others, kinda annoying if you ask me. Sometimes I wonder if that's a troll account pretending to be a Shi'a woman. 

 

sadly, we will continue to see individuals who lack proper manners and integrity, and I don't think it will get better. In today's society, modesty and self-respect are no longer regarded as valued traits in women....

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On 4/23/2024 at 12:44 AM, 123xo said:

Also i'm happy to video chat with you if you like but please keep your cam off i don't wanna throw up, private message me for socials incase my identity is keeping you up at night wondering since you keep going through my profile reading every post 

With the way you have been typing, you should consider yourself fortunate if he can tolerate your voice.

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Posted (edited)

@hawdiniYes, insight into the patterns of self and others helps to break out of negative patterns. For example, if you tend to get angry and confrontational when you sense distance in a relationship but the other person withdraws whenever there is friction you may begin to notice that being confrontational will just double down on the distance. Then you may start translating your vulnerable feelings into more kind and respectful communications. Btw, I forgot to include the link for the free quiz on love style in my last post.. here it is: https://howwelove.com/love-style-quiz/

I am a clinical psychologist offering individual and couples counseling. I am licensed and work in California, USA and accept a few different insurances there. 

 

Edited by Azadeh307
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On 4/23/2024 at 12:44 AM, 123xo said:

Also i'm happy to video chat with you if you like but please keep your cam off i don't wanna throw up,

What is that supposed to mean? Kinda rude.

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16 hours ago, EiE said:

 

sadly, we will continue to see individuals who lack proper manners and integrity, and I don't think it will get better. In today's society, modesty and self-respect are no longer regarded as valued traits in women....

 

 

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On 4/26/2024 at 7:11 PM, EiE said:

sadly, we will continue to see individuals who lack proper manners and integrity, and I don't think it will get better. In today's society, modesty and self-respect are no longer regarded as valued traits in women....

I forgot to add that there is also a loss of social hijab intelligence, and that this trend will continue.

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8 minutes ago, hawdini said:

Girly your accent is soo cutee

But please stop giving these guys attention. They are literally dying for your attention, because they know a girl like you would never glance their way. 

Thank you sis ♥ 

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On 4/26/2024 at 8:08 PM, Azadeh307 said:

@hawdiniYes, insight into the patterns of self and others helps to break out of negative patterns. For example, if you tend to get angry and confrontational when you sense distance in a relationship but the other person withdraws whenever there is friction you may begin to notice that being confrontational will just double down on the distance. Then you may start translating your vulnerable feelings into more kind and respectful communications. Btw, I forgot to include the link for the free quiz on love style in my last post.. here it is: https://howwelove.com/love-style-quiz/

I am a clinical psychologist offering individual and couples counseling. I am licensed and work in California, USA and accept a few different insurances there. 

i just did the quiz and did one years ago from the book attached website and im still an avoider. But this quiz was much more elaborate and confrontational lol. I know avoidants have a bad rep, but just want to say that we actually go through hell trying to be in a relationship so some empathy would be nice haahaaha. Luckily im now better at dealing with it and know what to say to someone im talking to so they can help me.

MashaAllah at you sis!! i dont live in the mericas but would def recommend you to people!  Do you like to do individual counselling or couples counselling more?

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Bruv I've been chatting to Palestinian women all day in real life rallying for the cause ......what the hell is going on here

 

Oi Kylie minogue @123xo  how do you do that I wanna upload too in your voice ..

I must say this is groundbreaking for the forum. Never been done before. I'm guessing your clips gonna be deleted for inciting carnal thoughts into the minds of moumins 

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This thread is deviating from the original post. Moreover, all aspects of Hijab including social hijab should be observed. حیا and modesty is one of the fundamentals of a believer. Avoid posting tik tok like videos, voices, and messages.

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