Are men & women equal in Islam (shia)?

[sheepish]

I feel very heartbroken often when traditionally I've been told several times that men are greater than women in Islam just because they are PROVIDERS or BREADWINNERS. I understand that men work exceptionally hard to provide for the family & I truly respect that & that they are physically stronger than women but just because their position is questionable in Islam. she is a grown woman but can't leave the house without the permission of her husband (other than in exceptional cases), there is no discussion about sexual consent in marriage just that she has to sexually please her husband, women have to wear veil YET men can take off their shirt for matam, men can HIT women according to one ayah in Quran yet women can't hit them BACK, heritage is not equally distributed cause of brothers, men can marry non-Muslim women & women can't, men are not obligated to fulfill his duties if wife persists in sexual activities but women ARE. I am extremely disappointed due to these ~MiNoR~ things that make me feel like it's hidden patriarchy in Islam which is unjust. It's impacting my relationship with Allah. mentors I need your guidance because I don't want to ruin my relationship with Allah.  jazakallah 

[Borntowitnesstruth]

On 3/16/2024 at 11:48 PM, sheepish said:

I feel very heartbroken often when traditionally I've been told several times that men are greater than women in Islam just because they are PROVIDERS or BREADWINNERS. I understand that men work exceptionally hard to provide for the family & I truly respect that & that they are physically stronger than women but just because their position is questionable in Islam. she is a grown woman but can't leave the house without the permission of her husband (other than in exceptional cases), there is no discussion about sexual consent in marriage just that she has to sexually please her husband, women have to wear veil YET men can take off their shirt for matam, men can HIT women according to one ayah in Quran yet women can't hit them BACK, heritage is not equally distributed cause of brothers, men can marry non-Muslim women & women can't, men are not obligated to fulfill his duties if wife persists in sexual activities but women ARE. I am extremely disappointed due to these ~MiNoR~ things that make me feel like it's hidden patriarchy in Islam which is unjust. It's impacting my relationship with Allah. mentors I need your guidance because I don't want to ruin my relationship with Allah.  jazakallah 

Men and women are equal in islam but not similar. Where men is built for hardships outside home, women are delicate to raise her children and form a strong bond with them. Husbands are made responsible so that no harm touches their wives in the similar way wives are made responsible so that husbands don't fall in sins. Men cannot hit woman but separate from her in case of disagreement according to correct interpretation of Quranic ayah. Inheritance is distributed according to their duties. Brother gets twice as compared to sister because even customarily it's brother who is to provide for sister and not the other way. Men can marry in temporary marriage to women of other religion because women go to his house and have to live under the influence of his surroundings whereas women are not allowed to marry men of other religion to save their faith. Men are also obligated to fulfill sexual desires of their wives in case a man fails, he is to divorce his wife so that she can marry another male and live a happy life.

Islam is not patriarchal, you just need to discover right reasons for rules of islam.

[notme]

9 hours ago, Borntowitnesstruth said:

women are delicate

I have never met a delicate woman.

Maybe it depends on who you keep company with. In my part of the world, women must be resilient, and still gentle. This is a kind of mental and physical toughness that is exceedingly rare in men.

[Borntowitnesstruth]

11 hours ago, notme said:

I have never met a delicate woman.

Maybe it depends on who you keep company with. In my part of the world, women must be resilient, and still gentle. This is a kind of mental and physical toughness that is exceedingly rare in men.

Dear sister, what I meant to say is that there are different areas in which male and female excel each other. And, whatever Allah (عزّ وجلّ) has prescribed for us, is relevant to our characteristics.

[Shian e Ali]

21 hours ago, notme said:

I have never met a delicate woman.

Maybe it depends on who you keep company with. 

I've met many. It definitely varies. I've met delicate men too, lol! 

[notme]

12 hours ago, Borntowitnesstruth said:

Dear sister, what I meant to say is that there are different areas in which male and female excel each other. And, whatever Allah (عزّ وجلّ) has prescribed for us, is relevant to our characteristics.

I can not disagree with that. 

But from where I stand it appears that women have more innate toughness than men and it seems not improbable that men were assigned greater responsibility because otherwise they would take none or nearly none.  In my experience, men do what is required of them, and women do what is required.  

[Ibn Tayyar]

1 hour ago, notme said:

I can not disagree with that. 

But from where I stand it appears that women have more innate toughness than men and it seems not improbable that men were assigned greater responsibility because otherwise they would take none or nearly none.  In my experience, men do what is required of them, and women do what is required.  

Personally I believe both genders have an innate toughness but in different areas. Men tend to lose logic during anger, while women tend to lose logic in sorrow. 

My personal observation really. 

All of our observations could simply be a reflection of the societies we live in. Perhaps in a previous time or a different environment than the norm, both men and women are much different than the ones we see.

[ali_fatheroforphans]

What angle do you ask this question from?

Do you mean equal in size? physical/biological aspects? in their intellectual abilities? value as a human being? Equal in the sight of God or in front of others?

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has clearly defined what success is in the Qur'an, those who purify themselves. If a women succeeds and purifies her soul to a greater extent than a man, she is of a greater status. Lady Fatima (sa) has a superior status than any male scholar in this world.

Our focus should be to appreciate the way God has created us and use what is at our disposal to achieve the purpose of life.  

[Guest Anon]

Sister I agree with you. You have to remember Islam has been interpreted by male sheikhs and there is little to no female input in hawzas and otherwise. So many of it is from a male perspective, I know people don’t like to hear this but gender is a bias and unfortunately it will interfere with the way we perceive and interpret the world.

We also live in a reality where currently a significant number of women are also the bread winners/providers and I do feel like Islam currently does not take that into consideration 

[Guest Guest_maryam]

Salam alaikum,

I used to feel this way sometimes until I realised that half of the things you mentioned (which are either untrue or over exaggerated) are due to our cultural upbringing and it gets confused with Islam. Actually, men aren't greater than women, its the other way around. Islam has placed women in a very high status in Islam, and as a matter of fact the husband has more duties to fulfil towards his wife than the wife does towards her husband. This is one of the reasons why men take over the dominant roles in the household and have gheera; but that doesn't make them "better" than women.

[sunnism]

23 hours ago, notme said:

I can not disagree with that. 

But from where I stand it appears that women have more innate toughness than men and it seems not improbable that men were assigned greater responsibility because otherwise they would take none or nearly none.  In my experience, men do what is required of them, and women do what is required.  

Not at all. Men are stronger and tougher than women in all senses whether it is physical, mental or emotional. 

Edited March 22, 2024 by sunnism

[Abu Nur]

41 minutes ago, sunnism said:

Not at all. Men are stronger and tougher than women in all senses whether it is physical, mental or emotional. You won't see men cry and breakdown and women be the pillar of support and be tough when things get tough. It is usually the other way around. 

Not necessarily in mental or emotional. Woman are the true supporter in though time. 

Edited March 22, 2024 by Abu Nur

[notme]

40 minutes ago, sunnism said:

Not at all. Men are stronger and tougher than women in all senses whether it is physical, mental or emotional. 

I'm guessing you're male and not married. If you had ever known a woman your opinion would not be this.  

Or possibly you're trolling. 

[sunnism]

14 hours ago, notme said:

I'm guessing you're male and not married. If you had ever known a woman your opinion would not be this.  

Or possibly you're trolling. 

I Know a lot of women. I know what I'm talking about. 

 

14 hours ago, Abu Nur said:

Not necessarily in mental or emotional. Woman are the true supporter in though time. 

Yes men are mentally and emotionally stronger than women. Women do support in tough times but but they couldn't handle themselves when under pressure. 

[Borntowitnesstruth]

On 3/21/2024 at 3:02 AM, Shian e Ali said:

I've met many. It definitely varies. I've met delicate men too, lol! 

Yeah but it's not common characteristics. 

[Borntowitnesstruth]

On 3/21/2024 at 6:34 AM, notme said:

I can not disagree with that. 

But from where I stand it appears that women have more innate toughness than men and it seems not improbable that men were assigned greater responsibility because otherwise they would take none or nearly none.  In my experience, men do what is required of them, and women do what is required.  

You have misjudged the role of man perhaps you are too much inclined towards feminist approach. Otherwise, you would have admired some goodness in man. 

[humble-servant]

I don't understand why so many try to equate men and women. Men and women are different. They are both humans but they serve different roles in life and religion.

Are apples and oranges equal? They are both fruits but have different nutritional values. You cannot equate them and it would be silly to do so.

الله أعلم

[sunnism]

In short men and women are equal in islam in terms of importance, yet allah gave seperate roles to both. So although islam promotes gender equality yet it also promotes gender roles. 

[notme]

6 hours ago, Borntowitnesstruth said:

You have misjudged the role of man perhaps you are too much inclined towards feminist approach. Otherwise, you would have admired some goodness in man. 

I have admired goodness in some men. It's just rare.  Men are as capable of strength as women are, but our society does not require it of them.  With that in mind, the men who actually manage to be resilient, gentle when needed, stable, and wise are amazing and worthy of admiration. 

Perhaps I've just been disappointed by almost all of the men that I've known.