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Where is the best place to meet Shia girls?

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I'm finding it extremely difficult to find a girl. I don't know what girls want these days. I was talking to a White girl on Reddit who converting to Shia Islam and she said that many western Shia girls are tackling inner issues with themselves of trying to follow Islam but also accepting this western-feminist backed life style and that those two worlds collide into more confusion and chaos. I know I am a good dude, but I just feel like girls don't see my value. I work hard, I am pursuing my masters degree, I want to be there for the girl's family, I don't drink, I don't party, I don't sleep around or have some weird past. I am a simple guy who likes to work out, be active, play sports, cook good food, focus on my academics and work, having good traditional Islamic values and to be a loving/caring father/husband one day. I've tried apps like Salams and Muzz but I just feel like I'm wasting my time on there. I've gone to Muslim speed dating events and didn't work either. It just makes me realize that my mom has done so much for me and girls nowadays are so quick to talk about breakups and divorce and that worries me even if I show love, care, compassion, hard work and financial and emotional support. I don't know how girls view marriage nowadays. A successful marriage isn't living in a 5,000 sq ft home with a Mercedes Benz and Ferrari in the driveway and going to 5 star restaurants and 5 star vacations to Dubai. I really don't know what women want in a marriage -- they will say "I want a man who's strong, confident, has all these good traits", a guy could have that but it might not still be good enough. I think overall, I am a friendly person, enjoys making others laugh, engaging in a wide range of topics from religion, politics, science, movies, etc. 

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Try the Muzz dating app. I think you may have a good chance of finding one. Give it a try. 

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Unfortunately you are not the only guy finding difficult finding a wife. A lot of brothers are facing similar situations like your. 

You can find many questions about the topic by many who are struggling to find wives and seek advices :(

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Posted (edited)

it sounds quite ironic, but the best place to meet shia women nowadays is probably in the shopping malls, you'll find them making videos for their instagram pages outside the LV store and reviewing the latest Bubble Tea places in some hipster Food market.

'I'm a foodie! hamdellah, but when it comes to Muharram, I cry' 

 

I'll tell you something that 100% works though. It's something that a lot of guys that I know have done. They worm their way into a religious organisation or committee and be the microphone guy. The one that introduces the speaker and then gives little irrelevant commentary between talks to summarise what it was about

 

'uhhh yeahhhh thanks for that syedena its very important to crux the basis of the interdependent existential crisis of the soul and the nafsul lawama channels the kundalini rising ....next we have some wonderful poetry by sister Shazleena Manji ...'

You get me though, just become kind of active in your community and get your face shown out there a bit. If there are events happening at your local centre, be the guy who reads the Fatiha list on the mic or something, make friends with men who look around 48+  - be super friendly with them, thank me later my bro!!!)

Seriously though - if you can manage to fight through that longing yearning for a companion stage, by the time you become a real man - (maybe 30-33) you will realise you should have chased yourself a lot more than them (Not in a literal sense) . You are the prize !!!

 

 

Edited by SO SOLID SHIA
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Posted (edited)

I never knew it was this hard for guys to find a partner till i joined this forum. My heart goes out to you all i hope y'all find your little Miss always right lol

Anyways, someone suggested online apps, i personally don't think that's a good idea it's better to meet people in real life as it's more raw and gives you better understanding and connection with the other person.
Try socialising within your own community, Eid is coming up so get yourself a nice fit look clean and presentable and attend all the Eid festivals/events in your city. Not sure if you guys have Ramadan night markets but we have that here in Sydney it's so popular (search it up) and goes on for 30days of ramadan i kid you not in one street there's thousands of Akhis and ukhtis there on daily basis so it's almost impossible to leave without a number or a username or a smile even lolll (halal intentions).


Also stop thinking that all women want in a man is money and expensive cars cause that's not true that mentality will make you come across as pathetic and insecure, which isn't a cute look at all. Look at yourself see what you can offer as a homie, lover, friend (lol)  

Materialistic things only add value to a man that doesn't have any value in himself alone remember that. 
 

Goodluck xo

Edited by 123xo
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On 3/17/2024 at 12:53 PM, SO SOLID SHIA said:

it sounds quite ironic, but the best place to meet shia women nowadays is probably in the shopping malls, you'll find them making videos for their instagram pages outside the LV store and reviewing the latest Bubble Tea places in some hipster Food market.

'I'm a foodie! hamdellah, but when it comes to Muharram, I cry' 

 

I'll tell you something that 100% works though. It's something that a lot of guys that I know have done. They worm their way into a religious organisation or committee and be the microphone guy. The one that introduces the speaker and then gives little irrelevant commentary between talks to summarise what it was about

 

'uhhh yeahhhh thanks for that syedena its very important to crux the basis of the interdependent existential crisis of the soul and the nafsul lawama channels the kundalini rising ....next we have some wonderful poetry by sister Shazleena Manji ...'

You get me though, just become kind of active in your community and get your face shown out there a bit. If there are events happening at your local centre, be the guy who reads the Fatiha list on the mic or something, make friends with men who look around 48+  - be super friendly with them, thank me later my bro!!!)

Seriously though - if you can manage to fight through that longing yearning for a companion stage, by the time you become a real man - (maybe 30-33) you will realise you should have chased yourself a lot more than them (Not in a literal sense) . You are the prize !!!

 

 

:salam:

Bro you're so spot on :D

You forgot to told them not to become the latmiya guy though, wayy to serious and not funny at all ! 

The mic guy does fly to Dubai or Geneva but the latmiya guy only goes to Karbala or Mashhad for holidays...

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On 3/17/2024 at 5:23 PM, SO SOLID SHIA said:

it sounds quite ironic, but the best place to meet shia women nowadays is probably in the shopping malls, you'll find them making videos for their instagram pages outside the LV store and reviewing the latest Bubble Tea places in some hipster Food market.

'I'm a foodie! hamdellah, but when it comes to Muharram, I cry' 

 

I'll tell you something that 100% works though. It's something that a lot of guys that I know have done. They worm their way into a religious organisation or committee and be the microphone guy. The one that introduces the speaker and then gives little irrelevant commentary between talks to summarise what it was about

 

'uhhh yeahhhh thanks for that syedena its very important to crux the basis of the interdependent existential crisis of the soul and the nafsul lawama channels the kundalini rising ....next we have some wonderful poetry by sister Shazleena Manji ...'

You get me though, just become kind of active in your community and get your face shown out there a bit. If there are events happening at your local centre, be the guy who reads the Fatiha list on the mic or something, make friends with men who look around 48+  - be super friendly with them, thank me later my bro!!!)

Seriously though - if you can manage to fight through that longing yearning for a companion stage, by the time you become a real man - (maybe 30-33) you will realise you should have chased yourself a lot more than them (Not in a literal sense) . You are the prize !!!

 

 

This advice is 'so solid shia'! 

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3 hours ago, realizm said:

Bro you're so spot on :D

You forgot to told them not to become the latmiya guy though, wayy to serious and not funny at all ! 

The mic guy does fly to Dubai or Geneva but the latmiya guy only goes to Karbala or Mashhad for holiday

Walaykum as salam Rasta

Yes you're right ! Never the latmiya  guy, although the free trips to najaf and Karbala (to hype the 200 people who got finessed and extorted into remortgaging their homes  for what could have cost £300) are really a blessing but like you said  Dubai or Geneva would be banging !!!! Sick guy, let's start our own one if you're down. Lately if you can rhyme 'Pain, drain and lane' with Hussain, you can be classified as a 'Poet' in which case you get a free ziyarah trip too.

The problem with being the latmiya guy also is you're not allowed to be caught doing something like Sheesha or asking for directions from a non mahram because that's your whole career done. The mic guy also branches out into 'lighting' and 'sound engineer' which they always need on the ziyarah trips. We can make room for 'briefcase carrier' for the Sheikh (Urdu, Arabic and 2 English)....they get to go free also. Anyways I digress....but you're limited with options on the perks by being latmiya guy HOWEVER if you put the free trips, booking fees, house majlis fees, event money to the side ..you can bag yourself a ten ten sista Inshallah ! If some of you brothers can be bothered, start singing lessons and perfect your latmiya reciting craft. It also helps to be good looking, the average youts with good voices just end up being 'aw he's so sweet , didn't expect THAT Voice from him ' 

Yeah well pointed out though brother !

57 minutes ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

This advice is 'so solid shia'!

img_12_1710787851674.thumb.jpg.8e1fd20e2d39ab5176dc19a4269e453e.jpg

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If you have a sister perhaps tell her to be more social in the mosque and at various Islamic programs. If your sister can get to know another sister that may give you a good idea on who is a good option. It is generally better to know what a person is like without actually talking to them because people change and act different when they know you are interested. Then after that you can involve your parents. This method I know has worked for some.

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8 hours ago, SO SOLID SHIA said:

Walaykum as salam Rasta

Yes you're right ! Never the latmiya  guy, although the free trips to najaf and Karbala (to hype the 200 people who got finessed and extorted into remortgaging their homes  for what could have cost £300) are really a blessing but like you said  Dubai or Geneva would be banging !!!! Sick guy, let's start our own one if you're down. Lately if you can rhyme 'Pain, drain and lane' with Hussain, you can be classified as a 'Poet' in which case you get a free ziyarah trip too.

The problem with being the latmiya guy also is you're not allowed to be caught doing something like Sheesha or asking for directions from a non mahram because that's your whole career done. The mic guy also branches out into 'lighting' and 'sound engineer' which they always need on the ziyarah trips. We can make room for 'briefcase carrier' for the Sheikh (Urdu, Arabic and 2 English)....they get to go free also. Anyways I digress....but you're limited with options on the perks by being latmiya guy HOWEVER if you put the free trips, booking fees, house majlis fees, event money to the side ..you can bag yourself a ten ten sista Inshallah ! If some of you brothers can be bothered, start singing lessons and perfect your latmiya reciting craft. It also helps to be good looking, the average youts with good voices just end up being 'aw he's so sweet , didn't expect THAT Voice from him ' 

Yeah well pointed out though brother !

img_12_1710787851674.thumb.jpg.8e1fd20e2d39ab5176dc19a4269e453e.jpg

So savage.

So solid.

So Shia. 

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On 3/17/2024 at 12:47 PM, 123xo said:

I never knew it was this hard for guys to find a partner till i joined this forum. My heart goes out to you all i hope y'all find your little Miss always right lol

Anyways, someone suggested online apps, i personally don't think that's a good idea it's better to meet people in real life as it's more raw and gives you better understanding and connection with the other person.
Try socialising within your own community, Eid is coming up so get yourself a nice fit look clean and presentable and attend all the Eid festivals/events in your city. Not sure if you guys have Ramadan night markets but we have that here in Sydney it's so popular (search it up) and goes on for 30days of ramadan i kid you not in one street there's thousands of Akhis and ukhtis there on daily basis so it's almost impossible to leave without a number or a username or a smile even lolll (halal intentions).


Also stop thinking that all women want in a man is money and expensive cars cause that's not true that mentality will make you come across as pathetic and insecure, which isn't a cute look at all. Look at yourself see what you can offer as a homie, lover, friend (lol)  

Materialistic things only add value to a man that doesn't have any value in himself alone remember that. 
 

Goodluck xo

Yeah I don't think all girls are after fast cars and money, only the superficial ones. I mean I have friends and family who met their significant other online so it does work. I live in Toronto so there's a big Naqvi community, Jaffari community, Rizvi community. Toronto and Greater Toronto Area (outside of Toronto within 20-60 minute radius) probably has over 10 Shia mosques. Lately i've been going to events at this mosque called Masumeen Islamic Centre with my mom and my mom will park in the ladies section and I usually I will walk over to the ladies side of the parking lot and wait for my mom but also keep my eyes peeled for any girls that catches my eye. I dealt with an incident last February. Basically this Shia girl adds me on Instagram, starts following me, I thought she was Sunni but she said she's Shia, I found her beautiful and witty and had good Islamic values. I DM'd her and she responded back right away. We hit it off online very quickly, she gave me her number within a month and within 2 months shes like we should meet up and go to an art exhibit or art museum, I said sure! I have a witty sense of humour so I made her laugh a lot, we talked on the phone quite a bit. Unfortunately around April last year, she goes to Karbala for Ziyarat and my dad was in the hospital months prior, my dad passed away April 9th last year but he kept asking my mom if I met anyone or if theres any good news. I wanted to tell my dad I met someone and that it was this girl but I didn't because I didn't know for sure where it was going to go but within a few months I thought maybe this is a girl I want to marry.

For 40 days during my dad's death we had majlis for my dad and did fatiha everyday, plus I had exams and I was graduating university with an Honours. I was severely stressed last year around this time. When she got back in May I said let's meet eventually, her family was in Pakistan by June I had my grad ceremony and got a new job but she was dealing with stuff in life so meeting up was held back. July I didnt talk to her much, August we started talking again but then she went for Arbeen in Karbala until 3rd week of September. She's like when I get back let's meet in early October, I said for sure? She said yeah. I was excited. I bought her a scented candle that smells like Karbala with a rosey fragrance, paid for a small dinner which she suggested, had a good day. We met the day before the big Oct 7th news with Hamas and Israel. I got hit with the flu two days later and she was checking up on me to see how I am doing.

But few days later, while I was sick. I wanted to ask her how the date was? She was like I had a good time, I enjoyed meeting you. I said do you want to meet again, she's like yea but im busy with work, maybe you should talk to other girls. This made me mad because it's been 10 months of talking a talking phase shouldn't go that long. So I told her where is this going, I don't want to get played because ive dealt with that with girls in the past. I told her I kinda like her and I want to meet up again. I didn't swear at her, I didn't insult her, I wasn't pushy, I've been patient and she was showing signs of major interest in the beginning and we still talked regularly. I really liked this girl but she basically stopped talking to me because she said I wasn't calm. I talked to other girls about this who said what I did was not wrong so she overreacted. I know I'm a good dude but she basically ended it by insulting me as a Muslim, by saying F-U and calling me a fake nice guy. Again, I didn't insult her, I didn't insult her family or friends, I didn't insult her as a Muslim. I was cool, calm and collective, I didn't argue with her during those 10 months because I'm a down to earth guy.

I started doing duas for 40 days straight right when midnight hit Jan 1st 2024 at midnight til Feb 9th or so, praying for her well being, having her in my thoughts doing namaz. It's been 5 months since I last spoke to her. I don't know what she's up to but again I really liked her but she blocked me on Instagram and blocked my number. I was debating about messaging her using my work cell phone and just being open and honest with my intentions and that was pure intentions. I'm a Shia Syed guy and she's a Shia-Syed girl, we both live in the same community, heck, part of my family are Jafri's which is her last name as well so people from my family probably know her family. I hope Allah gives her the sense to realize I was a good dude and it can work out.  

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On 3/14/2024 at 7:43 AM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

It just makes me realize that my mom has done so much for me and girls nowadays are so quick to talk about breakups and divorce and that worries me even if I show love, care, compassion, hard work and financial and emotional support. I don't know how girls view marriage nowadays. A successful marriage isn't living in a 5,000 sq ft home with a Mercedes Benz and Ferrari in the driveway and going to 5 star restaurants and 5 star vacations to Dubai. I really don't know what women want in a marriage -- they will say "I want a man who's strong, confident, has all these good traits", a guy could have that but it might not still be good enough. I think overall, I am a friendly person, enjoys making others laugh, engaging in a wide range of topics from religion, politics, science, movies, etc. 

Tbh I think your issue is your mentality. Everything you mentioned about yourself I.e. academically, humour etc all sounds well and dandy but you're victimising yourself. Most girls agree guys who victimise themselves are a 'big ick'.

Also, you can't compare your mum to women nowadays. Nowadays women talk about divorce because it is a lot more acceptable for women to leave relationships where they feel used, abused, manipulated or that they're in a toxic relationship. Talking about what happens in the unfortunate event that there will be a divorce shouldn't be off putting. Women simply want to protect themselves. No one wants to get married just to get divorced. It's best to cover all the bases before you commit yourself to a life with someone. 

So in general, stop victimising yourself, stop generalising all women and just live your life. If you're meant to get married God will make it happen. (Also no offence but there are a million guys who are friendly, enjoy making others laugh, engage in a wide range of topics etc. That's normal and expected from all humans, especially ones who want to spend the rest of their lives together).

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On 3/19/2024 at 3:16 PM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

Yeah I don't think all girls are after fast cars and money, only the superficial ones. I mean I have friends and family who met their significant other online so it does work. I live in Toronto so there's a big Naqvi community, Jaffari community, Rizvi community. Toronto and Greater Toronto Area (outside of Toronto within 20-60 minute radius) probably has over 10 Shia mosques. Lately i've been going to events at this mosque called Masumeen Islamic Centre with my mom and my mom will park in the ladies section and I usually I will walk over to the ladies side of the parking lot and wait for my mom but also keep my eyes peeled for any girls that catches my eye. I dealt with an incident last February. Basically this Shia girl adds me on Instagram, starts following me, I thought she was Sunni but she said she's Shia, I found her beautiful and witty and had good Islamic values. I DM'd her and she responded back right away. We hit it off online very quickly, she gave me her number within a month and within 2 months shes like we should meet up and go to an art exhibit or art museum, I said sure! I have a witty sense of humour so I made her laugh a lot, we talked on the phone quite a bit. Unfortunately around April last year, she goes to Karbala for Ziyarat and my dad was in the hospital months prior, my dad passed away April 9th last year but he kept asking my mom if I met anyone or if theres any good news. I wanted to tell my dad I met someone and that it was this girl but I didn't because I didn't know for sure where it was going to go but within a few months I thought maybe this is a girl I want to marry.

For 40 days during my dad's death we had majlis for my dad and did fatiha everyday, plus I had exams and I was graduating university with an Honours. I was severely stressed last year around this time. When she got back in May I said let's meet eventually, her family was in Pakistan by June I had my grad ceremony and got a new job but she was dealing with stuff in life so meeting up was held back. July I didnt talk to her much, August we started talking again but then she went for Arbeen in Karbala until 3rd week of September. She's like when I get back let's meet in early October, I said for sure? She said yeah. I was excited. I bought her a scented candle that smells like Karbala with a rosey fragrance, paid for a small dinner which she suggested, had a good day. We met the day before the big Oct 7th news with Hamas and Israel. I got hit with the flu two days later and she was checking up on me to see how I am doing.

But few days later, while I was sick. I wanted to ask her how the date was? She was like I had a good time, I enjoyed meeting you. I said do you want to meet again, she's like yea but im busy with work, maybe you should talk to other girls. This made me mad because it's been 10 months of talking a talking phase shouldn't go that long. So I told her where is this going, I don't want to get played because ive dealt with that with girls in the past. I told her I kinda like her and I want to meet up again. I didn't swear at her, I didn't insult her, I wasn't pushy, I've been patient and she was showing signs of major interest in the beginning and we still talked regularly. I really liked this girl but she basically stopped talking to me because she said I wasn't calm. I talked to other girls about this who said what I did was not wrong so she overreacted. I know I'm a good dude but she basically ended it by insulting me as a Muslim, by saying F-U and calling me a fake nice guy. Again, I didn't insult her, I didn't insult her family or friends, I didn't insult her as a Muslim. I was cool, calm and collective, I didn't argue with her during those 10 months because I'm a down to earth guy.

I started doing duas for 40 days straight right when midnight hit Jan 1st 2024 at midnight til Feb 9th or so, praying for her well being, having her in my thoughts doing namaz. It's been 5 months since I last spoke to her. I don't know what she's up to but again I really liked her but she blocked me on Instagram and blocked my number. I was debating about messaging her using my work cell phone and just being open and honest with my intentions and that was pure intentions. I'm a Shia Syed guy and she's a Shia-Syed girl, we both live in the same community, heck, part of my family are Jafri's which is her last name as well so people from my family probably know her family. I hope Allah gives her the sense to realize I was a good dude and it can work out.  

eww-meme-eww-gif.gif

 

No everything you did was wrong my friend, girls don't like "nice" guys by nice guys i mean a guy whose way tooooooo invested in us from the beginning and head over heels drooling and "pushy" you might think you were cool & calm in those 10mos that you waited for her (WRONG!!!) the fact that you willingly waited 10mos for someone to decide whether to meet you or not is so degrading & a complete turn off lol

if she acts busy then you act busy if she has other interests then you have other interests (even if you don't just pretend you do) but don't sit and make it seem like you're waiting for her to give you any sort of command about where,what,when and how. Take the lead be in control be that guy that she can't even get a text back from for days (&hours). Be sloooooooooow take your time put yourself first and for the love of god DO NOT message her from your work phone she blocked you on insta and number so please don't make her dislike you even more by doing that. Just leave her alone. You don't love her and she isn't the one you just have low self worth and emptiness. Go work on yourself, workout spend time with yourself, educate yourself about different topics,events,history, religion there's so much to learn. Nothing is hotter than a man that looks good, talks good and thinks good. Don't chase.

 

Goodluck 

xo

Edited by 123xo
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1 hour ago, 123xo said:

eww-meme-eww-gif.gif

 

No everything you did was wrong my friend, girls don't like "nice" guys by nice guys i mean a guy whose way tooooooo invested in us from the beginning and head over heels drooling and "pushy" you might think you were cool & calm in those 10mos that you waited for her (WRONG!!!) the fact that you willingly waited 10mos for someone to decide whether to meet you or not is so degrading & a complete turn off lol

if she acts busy then you act busy if she has other interests then you have other interests (even if you don't just pretend you do) but don't sit and make it seem like you're waiting for her to give you any sort of command about where,what,when and how. Take the lead be in control be that guy that she can't even get a text back from for days (&hours). Be sloooooooooow take your time put yourself first and for the love of god DO NOT message her from your work phone she blocked you on insta and number so please don't make her dislike you even more by doing that. Just leave her alone. You don't love her and she isn't the one you just have low self worth and emptiness. Go work on yourself, workout spend time with yourself, educate yourself about different topics,events,history, religion there's so much to learn. Nothing is hotter than a man that looks good, talks good and thinks good. Don't chase.

 

Goodluck 

xo

I disagree when a guy really likes someone he can't help but show it and someone who likes you back will appreciate it. The girl clearly isn't ready for anything or just isn't into him - which is fine - khayr

He can 1. take a hint and move on and accept there is someone else for him 

or 2. dua. Don't call her in ramadan pleas but eventually you could reach out once and see how that goes 

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Posted (edited)
On 3/19/2024 at 4:16 AM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

I started doing duas for 40 days straight right when midnight hit Jan 1st 2024 at midnight til Feb 9th or so, praying for her well being, having her in my thoughts doing namaz. It's been 5 months since I last spoke to her. I don't know what she's up to but again I really liked her but she blocked me on Instagram and blocked my number. I was debating about messaging her using my work cell phone and just being open and honest with my intentions and that was pure intentions. I'm a Shia Syed guy and she's a Shia-Syed girl, we both live in the same community, heck, part of my family are Jafri's which is her last name as well so people from my family probably know her family. I hope Allah gives her the sense to realize I was a good dude and it can work out.  

200w.webp?cid=6c09b952dpgdvpvkctu573lejx

 

Nah bro forget that !!!!!!!!!!! Don't you dare 

Wish her well pray for a good life for her but the reality is she's probably chatting to about 5 other dudes. (I mean if she really did curse at you for no reason ...there's no excuse for such behaviour if you say you didn't do anything but kept it respectful )

Shockingly and surprisingly I find myself agreeing with @123xo 

Don't start hating her though or even try to figure out what you did. There's really no point, with these people it could have been something as trivial as your shoes. 

Edited by SO SOLID SHIA
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3 hours ago, 123xo said:

eww-meme-eww-gif.gif

 

No everything you did was wrong my friend, girls don't like "nice" guys by nice guys i mean a guy whose way tooooooo invested in us from the beginning and head over heels drooling and "pushy" you might think you were cool & calm in those 10mos that you waited for her (WRONG!!!) the fact that you willingly waited 10mos for someone to decide whether to meet you or not is so degrading & a complete turn off lol

if she acts busy then you act busy if she has other interests then you have other interests (even if you don't just pretend you do) but don't sit and make it seem like you're waiting for her to give you any sort of command about where,what,when and how. Take the lead be in control be that guy that she can't even get a text back from for days (&hours). Be sloooooooooow take your time put yourself first and for the love of god DO NOT message her from your work phone she blocked you on insta and number so please don't make her dislike you even more by doing that. Just leave her alone. You don't love her and she isn't the one you just have low self worth and emptiness. Go work on yourself, workout spend time with yourself, educate yourself about different topics,events,history, religion there's so much to learn. Nothing is hotter than a man that looks good, talks good and thinks good. Don't chase.

 

Goodluck 

xo

Yeah, CanadianDude. Important life lesson that many/most dudes learn the hard way at one time or another when they’re young (myself included). Don’t put a woman up on a pedestal. Don’t build a woman up in your head over a period of months with nothing correspondingly going on in the real world to justify that level of mental investment. For God’s sake don’t tell a woman or make it clear to her that you’re doing that. And for all that is holy don’t act or speak as if you hold a woman responsible when you do that and she doesn’t reciprocate or even take it well. 

Take a lesson learned, and just move along. Hard truth. Hollywood has been lying to you, Bollywood has been lying to you. All the -woods have been lying to you. Classical romantic fiction has been lying to you. Women don’t like this sort of 18th century poetry level obsession. Quite the opposite. They’ll pay money to watch those movies, but movies are movies. In real life that behavior is scary. Scary is not a turn on. 

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20 hours ago, 123xo said:

eww-meme-eww-gif.gif

 

No everything you did was wrong my friend, girls don't like "nice" guys by nice guys i mean a guy whose way tooooooo invested in us from the beginning and head over heels drooling and "pushy" you might think you were cool & calm in those 10mos that you waited for her (WRONG!!!) the fact that you willingly waited 10mos for someone to decide whether to meet you or not is so degrading & a complete turn off lol

if she acts busy then you act busy if she has other interests then you have other interests (even if you don't just pretend you do) but don't sit and make it seem like you're waiting for her to give you any sort of command about where,what,when and how. Take the lead be in control be that guy that she can't even get a text back from for days (&hours). Be sloooooooooow take your time put yourself first and for the love of god DO NOT message her from your work phone she blocked you on insta and number so please don't make her dislike you even more by doing that. Just leave her alone. You don't love her and she isn't the one you just have low self worth and emptiness. Go work on yourself, workout spend time with yourself, educate yourself about different topics,events,history, religion there's so much to learn. Nothing is hotter than a man that looks good, talks good and thinks good. Don't chase.

 

Goodluck 

xo

I did play it cool, I was focusing on my job and my work, I wasn't some obsessive simp guy, I know how to take a lead but I can't fix a girl whos broken and has trust issues. Doesn't matter how cool and collective a guy is, girls today have their issues. I don't care if a Shia girl wears hijab and goes to Karbala but thinks its okay to take to a bunch of guys on the side. Girls also feel lonely and lost and do dumb things, that's the truth to. I didn't say I love her and it's a bit too much to say I have low self esteem, I know my value and I think I'm a great dude but even saying that people will then take it out of context and think I'm being pompous/cocky with my behaviour. End of the day Allah knows my intentions and like I said I go to mosque, I go to Islamic events regularly, I do go to the gym and work out and I never said I chase. But this girl should know better, some girls have such deep rooted issues, they said they believe in Imam Hussain's cause or Allah's will but they don't, they go against those words and beliefs so it's an internal struggle. I have a degree in political science studying politics, economics and law, I'm doing a Masters in public policy. Im a go-getter, Im not a waiter for others, she blew something out of proportion and I don't know if she has anxiety issues because I see that more and more with girls. The same way guys have to wrestle with themselves, so do girls. Again, emphasis on Allah's knows my intentions and who I am. I don't like to be extremely judgemental to others and this is a Shia forum so people should respectful in response, that's all I ask and I will leave it at that. 

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On 3/20/2024 at 7:00 PM, 2Timeless said:

Tbh I think your issue is your mentality. Everything you mentioned about yourself I.e. academically, humour etc all sounds well and dandy but you're victimising yourself. Most girls agree guys who victimise themselves are a 'big ick'.

Also, you can't compare your mum to women nowadays. Nowadays women talk about divorce because it is a lot more acceptable for women to leave relationships where they feel used, abused, manipulated or that they're in a toxic relationship. Talking about what happens in the unfortunate event that there will be a divorce shouldn't be off putting. Women simply want to protect themselves. No one wants to get married just to get divorced. It's best to cover all the bases before you commit yourself to a life with someone. 

So in general, stop victimising yourself, stop generalising all women and just live your life. If you're meant to get married God will make it happen. (Also no offence but there are a million guys who are friendly, enjoy making others laugh, engage in a wide range of topics etc. That's normal and expected from all humans, especially ones who want to spend the rest of their lives together).

I don't think you understand something, my intentions is to get married. Why are you blowing something out proportion because Im merely stating who I am and what I do, that's not a crime, I don't post my life on social media for everyone to see. There are Shias out there who post their life going to Karbala to act like they are perfect and pious and come back to their native land and act the opposite so be respectful and stop being judgemental, this is Ramadan so have some respect. You don't know me, you don't know how I live my life and I am not victimizing myself I am stating how people act and yes even Imam Ali states that there will be people in this world who hurt good genuine people, there will be people who make absurd claims even about people who are genuinely good as bad or something wrong with them. I don't like talking to a bunch of girls and making them laugh, because technically that is haram and if you don't believe me here's a Shia scholar saying it.

End of the day be respectful to me online because I don't know you so I'm not going to throw out all these insults, makes me not want to be on this Shia forum because people act this way. I had good pure intentions and the fact that people are saying I suck, I'm playing the victim card, I have low self esteem for Shias to say this to another Shia during Ramadan, just remember Imam Mahdi listens and knows all of what is said. I find it extremely disrespectful with your response. 

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19 hours ago, Guest Zez said:

I disagree when a guy really likes someone he can't help but show it and someone who likes you back will appreciate it. The girl clearly isn't ready for anything or just isn't into him - which is fine - khayr

He can 1. take a hint and move on and accept there is someone else for him 

or 2. dua. Don't call her in ramadan pleas but eventually you could reach out once and see how that goes 

She openly told me she loves talking to me, she thinks im an awesome guy, loves my ambition in life, she followed me on social media, she gave me her # and she suggested to meet up, there were feelings and even when we met up she really enjoyed the date but I don't want to do haram things. For the hardships I went through if this is it then fine yea move on but I have to trust Allah's plan because who knows what happens in the future, I can't predict the future. But to be extremely because people on this post are making complete assumptions. I work a full time job and a part time job, I do school on the side for grad studies, I work out and educate myself, I play sports and have a small group of guy friends I talk to. I don't live this doing drugs, partying, acting like perfect Muslim but being fake with others, I want to keep to myself and live a quiet life style. Even me posting one facet of my life bothers me with the replies im getting back and I feel like deleting this post altogether. There are tons of duas out there and the belief is put trust in God. Because with her, her whole thing constantly dealing with stress and I'm not going to write an essay on her stresses or obstacles in life, there's more to the story but I won't say because it would be dumb on my end to talk about her personal life online for others to read and dissect that and be judgemental. I will leave it there. I know as a guy people will read my post and think he's weird bad person and the girl is perfect and he's demented and just chasing her. All I have to say is Allah knows my intentions and Allah knows what I did, end of the day I hope people understand Allah is greater and the greatest so people insulting me on here and assuming things just shows me their true "Shia" colours.

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Im not going to respond to any more messages regarding this post. End of the day to anyone reading this. I don't chase girls, that's pathetic. I work two jobs, Im in grad school, dont assume Im some arrogant, awful person who's stupid and weird and has no life. I have to put my trust in Allah and I know eventually I will be blessed with a great girl in my life whether its her (the girl im referring to) or someone else. To anyone assuming I'm eating chocolate cake, getting fat, with this ohhh woahhh is me complex that's fine assume that but again, Allah is the knower of all things so I would expect Shia's on here to show a little more respect. I will never judge or spew those type of responses I received in this post to any of y'all. I mentioned my dad died last year, no one seemed to care about that part, is that victimizing myself because I care that my dad died also? I really question the valiity and hearts of Shia's who respond this way online. Time to get off this forum, im not being sensitive or emotional because I can't take "criticism" I am merely calling out what is wrong, there is a difference. I won't judge and can't judge any of your lives because I don't know you. Even to paraphrase Imam Ali, if you don't know, don't speak. 

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On 3/19/2024 at 12:16 AM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

Yeah I don't think all girls are after fast cars and money, only the superficial ones. I mean I have friends and family who met their significant other online so it does work. I live in Toronto so there's a big Naqvi community, Jaffari community, Rizvi community. Toronto and Greater Toronto Area (outside of Toronto within 20-60 minute radius) probably has over 10 Shia mosques. Lately i've been going to events at this mosque called Masumeen Islamic Centre with my mom and my mom will park in the ladies section and I usually I will walk over to the ladies side of the parking lot and wait for my mom but also keep my eyes peeled for any girls that catches my eye. I dealt with an incident last February. Basically this Shia girl adds me on Instagram, starts following me, I thought she was Sunni but she said she's Shia, I found her beautiful and witty and had good Islamic values. I DM'd her and she responded back right away. We hit it off online very quickly, she gave me her number within a month and within 2 months shes like we should meet up and go to an art exhibit or art museum, I said sure! I have a witty sense of humour so I made her laugh a lot, we talked on the phone quite a bit. Unfortunately around April last year, she goes to Karbala for Ziyarat and my dad was in the hospital months prior, my dad passed away April 9th last year but he kept asking my mom if I met anyone or if theres any good news. I wanted to tell my dad I met someone and that it was this girl but I didn't because I didn't know for sure where it was going to go but within a few months I thought maybe this is a girl I want to marry.

For 40 days during my dad's death we had majlis for my dad and did fatiha everyday, plus I had exams and I was graduating university with an Honours. I was severely stressed last year around this time. When she got back in May I said let's meet eventually, her family was in Pakistan by June I had my grad ceremony and got a new job but she was dealing with stuff in life so meeting up was held back. July I didnt talk to her much, August we started talking again but then she went for Arbeen in Karbala until 3rd week of September. She's like when I get back let's meet in early October, I said for sure? She said yeah. I was excited. I bought her a scented candle that smells like Karbala with a rosey fragrance, paid for a small dinner which she suggested, had a good day. We met the day before the big Oct 7th news with Hamas and Israel. I got hit with the flu two days later and she was checking up on me to see how I am doing.

But few days later, while I was sick. I wanted to ask her how the date was? She was like I had a good time, I enjoyed meeting you. I said do you want to meet again, she's like yea but im busy with work, maybe you should talk to other girls. This made me mad because it's been 10 months of talking a talking phase shouldn't go that long. So I told her where is this going, I don't want to get played because ive dealt with that with girls in the past. I told her I kinda like her and I want to meet up again. I didn't swear at her, I didn't insult her, I wasn't pushy, I've been patient and she was showing signs of major interest in the beginning and we still talked regularly. I really liked this girl but she basically stopped talking to me because she said I wasn't calm. I talked to other girls about this who said what I did was not wrong so she overreacted. I know I'm a good dude but she basically ended it by insulting me as a Muslim, by saying F-U and calling me a fake nice guy. Again, I didn't insult her, I didn't insult her family or friends, I didn't insult her as a Muslim. I was cool, calm and collective, I didn't argue with her during those 10 months because I'm a down to earth guy.

I started doing duas for 40 days straight right when midnight hit Jan 1st 2024 at midnight til Feb 9th or so, praying for her well being, having her in my thoughts doing namaz. It's been 5 months since I last spoke to her. I don't know what she's up to but again I really liked her but she blocked me on Instagram and blocked my number. I was debating about messaging her using my work cell phone and just being open and honest with my intentions and that was pure intentions. I'm a Shia Syed guy and she's a Shia-Syed girl, we both live in the same community, heck, part of my family are Jafri's which is her last name as well so people from my family probably know her family. I hope Allah gives her the sense to realize I was a good dude and it can work out.  

Salam bro, I'm also in Toronto, also go to mic and also having trouble finding a girl lol. It's not just you brother.

From everything you wrote, you are just too invested in this girl, she doesn't like you that much clearly, you need to let go and chill. Learn some game bro, be confident and don't overextend/overshare/over-invest, try to talk to several people at once so you don't look over redflags idolizing a single one. 

Allah (S.t) will bring someone right for you. Focus on yourself, work on your deen, building up your knowledge,school/work, fitness, etc. And ask your mother to help you find someone in the community. Also JIC has a matchmaking service you can look into that. 

If you go to mic, they also have a youth group, which you may find useful. Also, several universities around the GTA have Shia clubs, unfortunately I didn't know about this (or they weren't active) when I was there couple years ago, smh. Regret not joining, look into those if you are in school, lots of girls there. 

If you have any friends in the community, ask them and they can also ask their mothers. That's how I met someone. 

From my experience, much of what you say is true, I went to a matchmaking event once and most of the girls were super on the liberal-feminist koolaide-juice, most of them had masters/PhDs and were hyper career-oriented. It's very difficult finding the right girl in today's climate, especially in the west. 

Also meeting a girl off Instagram is pretty sketch no? Major red flag for me if a girl has Ig, let alone pics, or DMs other guys on it lol. From my experience, ig is basically a dating app, I've heard girls get countless DMs from dudes on there. 

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On 3/18/2024 at 11:16 PM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

Yeah I don't think all girls are after fast cars and money, only the superficial ones. I mean I have friends and family who met their significant other online so it does work. I live in Toronto so there's a big Naqvi community, Jaffari community, Rizvi community. Toronto and Greater Toronto Area (outside of Toronto within 20-60 minute radius) probably has over 10 Shia mosques. Lately i've been going to events at this mosque called Masumeen Islamic Centre with my mom and my mom will park in the ladies section and I usually I will walk over to the ladies side of the parking lot and wait for my mom but also keep my eyes peeled for any girls that catches my eye. I dealt with an incident last February. Basically this Shia girl adds me on Instagram, starts following me, I thought she was Sunni but she said she's Shia, I found her beautiful and witty and had good Islamic values. I DM'd her and she responded back right away. We hit it off online very quickly, she gave me her number within a month and within 2 months shes like we should meet up and go to an art exhibit or art museum, I said sure! I have a witty sense of humour so I made her laugh a lot, we talked on the phone quite a bit. Unfortunately around April last year, she goes to Karbala for Ziyarat and my dad was in the hospital months prior, my dad passed away April 9th last year but he kept asking my mom if I met anyone or if theres any good news. I wanted to tell my dad I met someone and that it was this girl but I didn't because I didn't know for sure where it was going to go but within a few months I thought maybe this is a girl I want to marry.

For 40 days during my dad's death we had majlis for my dad and did fatiha everyday, plus I had exams and I was graduating university with an Honours. I was severely stressed last year around this time. When she got back in May I said let's meet eventually, her family was in Pakistan by June I had my grad ceremony and got a new job but she was dealing with stuff in life so meeting up was held back. July I didnt talk to her much, August we started talking again but then she went for Arbeen in Karbala until 3rd week of September. She's like when I get back let's meet in early October, I said for sure? She said yeah. I was excited. I bought her a scented candle that smells like Karbala with a rosey fragrance, paid for a small dinner which she suggested, had a good day. We met the day before the big Oct 7th news with Hamas and Israel. I got hit with the flu two days later and she was checking up on me to see how I am doing.

But few days later, while I was sick. I wanted to ask her how the date was? She was like I had a good time, I enjoyed meeting you. I said do you want to meet again, she's like yea but im busy with work, maybe you should talk to other girls. This made me mad because it's been 10 months of talking a talking phase shouldn't go that long. So I told her where is this going, I don't want to get played because ive dealt with that with girls in the past. I told her I kinda like her and I want to meet up again. I didn't swear at her, I didn't insult her, I wasn't pushy, I've been patient and she was showing signs of major interest in the beginning and we still talked regularly. I really liked this girl but she basically stopped talking to me because she said I wasn't calm. I talked to other girls about this who said what I did was not wrong so she overreacted. I know I'm a good dude but she basically ended it by insulting me as a Muslim, by saying F-U and calling me a fake nice guy. Again, I didn't insult her, I didn't insult her family or friends, I didn't insult her as a Muslim. I was cool, calm and collective, I didn't argue with her during those 10 months because I'm a down to earth guy.

I started doing duas for 40 days straight right when midnight hit Jan 1st 2024 at midnight til Feb 9th or so, praying for her well being, having her in my thoughts doing namaz. It's been 5 months since I last spoke to her. I don't know what she's up to but again I really liked her but she blocked me on Instagram and blocked my number. I was debating about messaging her using my work cell phone and just being open and honest with my intentions and that was pure intentions. I'm a Shia Syed guy and she's a Shia-Syed girl, we both live in the same community, heck, part of my family are Jafri's which is her last name as well so people from my family probably know her family. I hope Allah gives her the sense to realize I was a good dude and it can work out.  

When I read the first paragraph I thought this was a setup for the punchline at the end. I was somewhat disappointed.

You're situation is so extremely common but you don't know because when it happens to you it seems like your the only one this has happened to. 

What you did was correct by not mocking her or insulting her. There are thousands of other available Shia girls in your area. I have been to GTA a few times. It's probably the easiest place to meet single available Shia girls that I have ever been to. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try again. It might take a few months or maybe a year but you will forget about her. 

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On 3/21/2024 at 4:23 PM, 123xo said:

eww-meme-eww-gif.gif

 

No everything you did was wrong my friend, girls don't like "nice" guys by nice guys i mean a guy whose way tooooooo invested in us from the beginning and head over heels drooling and "pushy" you might think you were cool & calm in those 10mos that you waited for her (WRONG!!!) the fact that you willingly waited 10mos for someone to decide whether to meet you or not is so degrading & a complete turn off lol

if she acts busy then you act busy if she has other interests then you have other interests (even if you don't just pretend you do) but don't sit and make it seem like you're waiting for her to give you any sort of command about where,what,when and how. Take the lead be in control be that guy that she can't even get a text back from for days (&hours). Be sloooooooooow take your time put yourself first and for the love of god DO NOT message her from your work phone she blocked you on insta and number so please don't make her dislike you even more by doing that. Just leave her alone. You don't love her and she isn't the one you just have low self worth and emptiness. Go work on yourself, workout spend time with yourself, educate yourself about different topics,events,history, religion there's so much to learn. Nothing is hotter than a man that looks good, talks good and thinks good. Don't chase.

 

Goodluck 

xo

Oke so i just want to show you that girls are different and you should try to be yourself at all times and you will meet the right girl.

I actually like to get chased, a guy has to be consistent in his texting with me and has to show consistent interest. Also i noticed, the girl was the one making most moves in your stories. This would turn me off after a while if i have to make the moves. I like a man with leadership. If were talking for a few months, i expect you to say you like me and want to get married to me and want to take things further, ie contacting my parents etc. If a guy doesnt do this, i will abruptly cut him off. 

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Good girls are hard to find because they are hidden like a gem. I would say the best place to look for them is Islamic schools (they are usually teachers or volunteers there),  your local mosque or on a ziyarah trip (the shy girl hiding behind her chador is probably one of the best to pick)

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On 3/23/2024 at 5:37 AM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

Im not going to respond to any more messages regarding this post. End of the day to anyone reading this. I don't chase girls, that's pathetic. I work two jobs, Im in grad school, dont assume Im some arrogant, awful person who's stupid and weird and has no life. I have to put my trust in Allah and I know eventually I will be blessed with a great girl in my life whether its her (the girl im referring to) or someone else. To anyone assuming I'm eating chocolate cake, getting fat, with this ohhh woahhh is me complex that's fine assume that but again, Allah is the knower of all things so I would expect Shia's on here to show a little more respect. I will never judge or spew those type of responses I received in this post to any of y'all. I mentioned my dad died last year, no one seemed to care about that part, is that victimizing myself because I care that my dad died also? I really question the valiity and hearts of Shia's who respond this way online. Time to get off this forum, im not being sensitive or emotional because I can't take "criticism" I am merely calling out what is wrong, there is a difference. I won't judge and can't judge any of your lives because I don't know you. Even to paraphrase Imam Ali, if you don't know, don't speak. 

Aw ok darling don't get too worked up lol 

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Posted (edited)
On 3/22/2024 at 6:25 PM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

She openly told me she loves talking to me, she thinks im an awesome guy, loves my ambition in life, she followed me on social media, she gave me her # and she suggested to meet up, there were feelings and even when we met up she really enjoyed the date but I don't want to do haram things. For the hardships I went through if this is it then fine yea move on but I have to trust Allah's plan because who knows what happens in the future, I can't predict the future. But to be extremely because people on this post are making complete assumptions. I work a full time job and a part time job, I do school on the side for grad studies, I work out and educate myself, I play sports and have a small group of guy friends I talk to. I don't live this doing drugs, partying, acting like perfect Muslim but being fake with others, I want to keep to myself and live a quiet life style. Even me posting one facet of my life bothers me with the replies im getting back and I feel like deleting this post altogether. There are tons of duas out there and the belief is put trust in God. Because with her, her whole thing constantly dealing with stress and I'm not going to write an essay on her stresses or obstacles in life, there's more to the story but I won't say because it would be dumb on my end to talk about her personal life online for others to read and dissect that and be judgemental. I will leave it there. I know as a guy people will read my post and think he's weird bad person and the girl is perfect and he's demented and just chasing her. All I have to say is Allah knows my intentions and Allah knows what I did, end of the day I hope people understand Allah is greater and the greatest so people insulting me on here and assuming things just shows me their true "Shia" colours.

My man,

we were all just trying to encourage you to keep moving on with your life. Honestly it's not an attack on you. Do not be disheartened. Perhaps she felt you were too emotional. Women don't like emotional guys despite what you see on TikTok or instagram about 'Mens mental health' 

they don't care! Nobody cares (I CARE!!!) AS A MAN YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE HITS AND KEEP EATING THEM & GET MENTALLY STRONGER!!!

To conclude - the more you try to contact her to convince her that she should be married to you, the more you are pushing her away. The reason she told you to talk to other girls is probably because she's talking to other guys. And that's okay. Let it go, let it go (can't hold it back anymore) 

Edited by SO SOLID SHIA
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Posted (edited)
On 3/22/2024 at 6:37 PM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

I mentioned my dad died last year

I'm so sorry I missed that part. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) bless your father with abundance of blessings, may all the good he did be rewarding him and may all his shortcomings be forgiven. May Allah give you sabr and understanding through the traumatic difficult time and help you grow stronger to support a wonderful wife who gives you a lot of love and compassion. My condolences my brother! much love to you and your family, I wish you a happy, successful, fruitful life inshAllah

Al-Fatiha 

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On 3/23/2024 at 5:05 AM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

I did play it cool, I was focusing on my job and my work, I wasn't some obsessive simp guy, I know how to take a lead but I can't fix a girl whos broken and has trust issues. Doesn't matter how cool and collective a guy is, girls today have their issues. I don't care if a Shia girl wears hijab and goes to Karbala but thinks its okay to take to a bunch of guys on the side. Girls also feel lonely and lost and do dumb things, that's the truth to. I didn't say I love her and it's a bit too much to say I have low self esteem, I know my value and I think I'm a great dude but even saying that people will then take it out of context and think I'm being pompous/cocky with my behaviour. End of the day Allah knows my intentions and like I said I go to mosque, I go to Islamic events regularly, I do go to the gym and work out and I never said I chase. But this girl should know better, some girls have such deep rooted issues, they said they believe in Imam Hussain's cause or Allah's will but they don't, they go against those words and beliefs so it's an internal struggle. I have a degree in political science studying politics, economics and law, I'm doing a Masters in public policy. Im a go-getter, Im not a waiter for others, she blew something out of proportion and I don't know if she has anxiety issues because I see that more and more with girls. The same way guys have to wrestle with themselves, so do girls. Again, emphasis on Allah's knows my intentions and who I am. I don't like to be extremely judgemental to others and this is a Shia forum so people should respectful in response, that's all I ask and I will leave it at that. 

I just saw this, and just noticed the part about your dad. Sorry for your loss and inshallah he gets the highest rank in Jannah.

Now back to your story, we are not being harsh or mean to you, don't take things to heart. I think the reason why this girl pulled up is because you were option B this whole time while she was waiting for option A to be available or show some interest or act up. And it took option A 10mos to show some sort of interest whereas you on the other hand was there the whole time. So she didn't know how to get rid of you that's why she created all that crazy drama and blocked you and said irrelevant things to you out of the blue. 

Moral of story no matter how "great" of a guy you think you are academically and socially you still wont be picked if you did these mistakes so early on in your talking stage with a female. We females are very complicated we might complain and say we want a "good guy" but truth is we want someone that plays his cards right with us from the start. We want a leader we want someone not anyone can have (including us) like for example i wouldn't even look twice at the guy whose constantly staring at me or constantly chasing me cause i would see him as an easy prize whereas on the other hand i would be smitten over a guy that does show me some sort of interest but he doesn't dwell on it or acts thirsty but rather his approach and interest in me is calm and confident.
 

You on the other hand scared her with your actions the fact you brought her a Karbala scented candle on the first date (umm that's so awkward, lol) i know you had pure intentions and you thought that'd be cute but it's actually awkward especially on the first date.
 

Could of gotten her something more casual like a single rose/flower. I had someone get me a bouquet on our first meeting and someone else get me a slurpee and a crunchie from the servo cause he had to stop and get some petrol on his way i liked the second one better cause it was so casual and cute and effortless where as the first guy was just too much and tried too hard which again isn't something we want FROM THE START it scares us off !!! We love attention and gifts and all that but we also like a guy that doesn't try toooo hard to win us or make himself look all that from the start we like a basic confident guy that gradually shows his appreciation as it would be more genuine and it shows us that this guy isn't easily attached from the start like it would take time to win him over 

So please learn from your actions and next time you have interest in a diff girl play it right from the start to avoid disappointments, with that being said please don't try too hard just be yourself and be comfortable! 
 

goodluck 

xo

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Guest YaAli_Madad
On 3/18/2024 at 11:16 PM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

Yeah I don't think all girls are after fast cars and money, only the superficial ones. I mean I have friends and family who met their significant other online so it does work. I live in Toronto so there's a big Naqvi community, Jaffari community, Rizvi community. Toronto and Greater Toronto Area (outside of Toronto within 20-60 minute radius) probably has over 10 Shia mosques. Lately i've been going to events at this mosque called Masumeen Islamic Centre with my mom and my mom will park in the ladies section and I usually I will walk over to the ladies side of the parking lot and wait for my mom but also keep my eyes peeled for any girls that catches my eye. I dealt with an incident last February. Basically this Shia girl adds me on Instagram, starts following me, I thought she was Sunni but she said she's Shia, I found her beautiful and witty and had good Islamic values. I DM'd her and she responded back right away. We hit it off online very quickly, she gave me her number within a month and within 2 months shes like we should meet up and go to an art exhibit or art museum, I said sure! I have a witty sense of humour so I made her laugh a lot, we talked on the phone quite a bit. Unfortunately around April last year, she goes to Karbala for Ziyarat and my dad was in the hospital months prior, my dad passed away April 9th last year but he kept asking my mom if I met anyone or if theres any good news. I wanted to tell my dad I met someone and that it was this girl but I didn't because I didn't know for sure where it was going to go but within a few months I thought maybe this is a girl I want to marry.

For 40 days during my dad's death we had majlis for my dad and did fatiha everyday, plus I had exams and I was graduating university with an Honours. I was severely stressed last year around this time. When she got back in May I said let's meet eventually, her family was in Pakistan by June I had my grad ceremony and got a new job but she was dealing with stuff in life so meeting up was held back. July I didnt talk to her much, August we started talking again but then she went for Arbeen in Karbala until 3rd week of September. She's like when I get back let's meet in early October, I said for sure? She said yeah. I was excited. I bought her a scented candle that smells like Karbala with a rosey fragrance, paid for a small dinner which she suggested, had a good day. We met the day before the big Oct 7th news with Hamas and Israel. I got hit with the flu two days later and she was checking up on me to see how I am doing.

But few days later, while I was sick. I wanted to ask her how the date was? She was like I had a good time, I enjoyed meeting you. I said do you want to meet again, she's like yea but im busy with work, maybe you should talk to other girls. This made me mad because it's been 10 months of talking a talking phase shouldn't go that long. So I told her where is this going, I don't want to get played because ive dealt with that with girls in the past. I told her I kinda like her and I want to meet up again. I didn't swear at her, I didn't insult her, I wasn't pushy, I've been patient and she was showing signs of major interest in the beginning and we still talked regularly. I really liked this girl but she basically stopped talking to me because she said I wasn't calm. I talked to other girls about this who said what I did was not wrong so she overreacted. I know I'm a good dude but she basically ended it by insulting me as a Muslim, by saying F-U and calling me a fake nice guy. Again, I didn't insult her, I didn't insult her family or friends, I didn't insult her as a Muslim. I was cool, calm and collective, I didn't argue with her during those 10 months because I'm a down to earth guy.

I started doing duas for 40 days straight right when midnight hit Jan 1st 2024 at midnight til Feb 9th or so, praying for her well being, having her in my thoughts doing namaz. It's been 5 months since I last spoke to her. I don't know what she's up to but again I really liked her but she blocked me on Instagram and blocked my number. I was debating about messaging her using my work cell phone and just being open and honest with my intentions and that was pure intentions. I'm a Shia Syed guy and she's a Shia-Syed girl, we both live in the same community, heck, part of my family are Jafri's which is her last name as well so people from my family probably know her family. I hope Allah gives her the sense to realize I was a good dude and it can work out.  

I personally disagree with numerous posts about the girl getting ‘scared’ of your actions or that women don’t find  ‘emotional’ guys attractive and I think this comes under the concept of the thrill of the chase which I find very overrated. When there is someone who is right for you there shouldn’t be chasing. The comfort of a spouse and the signs of a healthy relationship I believe is accepting each other and moving forward. I would rather have someone who is confident and knows what they want rather than play hard to get. 

And after reading the actions of the sister when your relationship was over I think you should thank Allah  (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for helping you, because no Muslimah with hayaa would curse or insult another muslim. 

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On 3/22/2024 at 2:37 PM, CanadianGuy1998 said:

Im not going to respond to any more messages regarding this post. End of the day to anyone reading this. I don't chase girls, that's pathetic. I work two jobs, Im in grad school, dont assume Im some arrogant, awful person who's stupid and weird and has no life. I have to put my trust in Allah and I know eventually I will be blessed with a great girl in my life whether its her (the girl im referring to) or someone else. To anyone assuming I'm eating chocolate cake, getting fat, with this ohhh woahhh is me complex that's fine assume that but again, Allah is the knower of all things so I would expect Shia's on here to show a little more respect. I will never judge or spew those type of responses I received in this post to any of y'all. I mentioned my dad died last year, no one seemed to care about that part, is that victimizing myself because I care that my dad died also? I really question the valiity and hearts of Shia's who respond this way online. Time to get off this forum, im not being sensitive or emotional because I can't take "criticism" I am merely calling out what is wrong, there is a difference. I won't judge and can't judge any of your lives because I don't know you. Even to paraphrase Imam Ali, if you don't know, don't speak. 

People can be vicious online, but most are cowards who wouldn't say half of these things to your face. 

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6 hours ago, 123xo said:

someone else get me a slurpee and a crunchie from the servo cause he had to stop and get some petrol on his way i liked the second one better cause it was so casual and cute and effortless

So what happened to this guy?

We want answers 

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