Attachment issues

[Guest Hawra]

Hi  guys im wondering if anyone else has this problem. When i was younger i was really religious and really into Islam, i was reading all the books and listening all the lectures and then after a few years i got bored and stopped practicing and its hard for me to get back into it again. I think its because of my attachment issues but was wondering if anyone else had the same issue?

[Shian e Ali]

Wa alaykom Hi

I'm not sure how attachment issues might have caused that. Can you explain a bit more?

[DarConall]

There's two ways of doings things, and I mean this in an absolute sense:

• For the sake of itself
• For the sake of God

Choose wisely, because one leads to suffering, the other leads to peace. One is a downward spiral, the other is a straight path.

The mechanism of life is such that if you listen to a meaningless sound long enough, it'll gain meaning and become a language understood by you. This new reality is then inescapable. You can not walk back on seeing the world from this position. It is a downward cycle. Everywhere you look, you see this reality. And everytime you look at this reality, it creates more of itself. There's no way out. You're drowning and the more you fight it, the more you drown.

Chase anything for it's own sake, and you'll put yourself in nasty position that can not be escaped. Your whole life, from its smallest to its largest component works like this. God hints at this reality in Surat al-ikhlas, when he called himself One, and said "he neither begets nor is begotten". It us that beget and are begotten. We beget the next moment, and in the next moment we are begotten by the previous. Every time we look, think or do anything at all, we beget and are begotten. We drown in the layers upon layers of darkness. The way out? Stop fighting, and you'll automatically float to the top. Stop thinking looking here or there will give you the answer. You'll only beget and be begotten further and further. You'll only drown further.

So stop fighting, just submit and trust that this will save you. It's counterintuitive, but it's the only thing that works. Our religion is called islam, because the endgoal is submitting.

What I am trying to say is that you sought knowledge for knowledge sake. You thought it in itself would help you. You looked at a wall and thought it emitted it's own light, whilst not recognising the light source. Food is good, but it makes some people obese. Intelligence is good, but it makes some arrogant.

Good can only be found through submitting. When seeking knowledge make sure to seek closeness to God first. Otherwise you create a reality in which you are blind to how blind you are, and you seek more and more of the same solution that didn't help you the first time. Submit first.

Edited March 11, 2024 by DarConall

[Guest Hawra]

On 3/11/2024 at 3:31 AM, Shian e Ali said:

Wa alaykom Hi

I'm not sure how attachment issues might have caused that. Can you explain a bit more?

Salam, thanx for your reply

Ive been trying to figure this out myself, but with what ive understood people who grew up not having a healthy attachtment to their parents, tend to have a different hormonal make up and therefore they usually go all in into something and then get bored, because they dont have the hormones to keep the interest going.

For me for example, i quit med school in my fifth year and started a master that i have not finished yet after a few years and with relationships i will start talking to a guy for example and then get scared and call everything off.

Also ive heard that if your parents were religious, you will end up rejecting that religion if your attachment was bad.

i dont know if everything im saying is correct but im still researching it.

My relationships with my parents has damaged my mental health alot in the past, but its much better now.

So i was wondering if other people have had similar things happen to them especially in regards to practicing islam, because i find it really strange that i can go from being so practicing to nothing. Something must be going wrong somewhere.

[Guest Hawra]

7 hours ago, DarConall said:

There's two ways of doings things, and I mean this in an absolute sense:

• For the sake of itself
• For the sake of God

Choose wisely, because one leads to suffering, the other leads to peace. One is a downward spiral, the other is a straight path.

The mechanism of life is such that if you listen to a meaningless sound long enough, it'll gain meaning and become a language understood by you. This new reality is then inescapable. You can not walk back on seeing the world from this position. It is a downward cycle. Everywhere you look, you see this reality. And everytime you look at this reality, it creates more of itself. There's no way out. You're drowning and the more you fight it, the more you drown.

Chase anything for it's own sake, and you'll put yourself in nasty position that can not be escaped. Your whole life, from its smallest to its largest component works like this. God hints at this reality in Surat al-ikhlas, when he called himself One, and said "he neither begets nor is begotten". It us that beget and are begotten. We beget the next moment, and in the next moment we are begotten by the previous. Every time we look, think or do anything at all, we beget and are begotten. We drown in the layers upon layers of darkness. The way out? Stop fighting, and you'll automatically float to the top. Stop thinking looking here or there will give you the answer. You'll only beget and be begotten further and further. You'll only drown further.

So stop fighting, just submit and trust that this will save you. It's counterintuitive, but it's the only thing that works. Our religion is called islam, because the endgoal is submitting.

What I am trying to say is that you sought knowledge for knowledge sake. You thought it in itself would help you. You looked at a wall and thought it emitted it's own light, whilst not recognising the light source. Food is good, but it makes some people obese. Intelligence is good, but it makes some arrogant.

Good can only be found through submitting. When seeking knowledge make sure to seek closeness to God first. Otherwise you create a reality in which you are blind to how blind you are, and you seek more and more of the same solution that didn't help you the first time. Submit first.

Salam Darconall thanx for your reply,

I understand what you said, I think at the time, I was definitely submitting, but I must say I am someone who likes knowledge a lot and I don't like not knowing things.  So cant both things happen at the same time? Do you know someone who gained knowledge only for knowledge's sake and did u feel like they were not close to God?

I don't think your answer could explain my behavior fully but it can definitely play a part.

[Abu Hadi]

1 hour ago, Guest Hawra said:

Salam, thanx for your reply

Ive been trying to figure this out myself, but with what ive understood people who grew up not having a healthy attachtment to their parents, tend to have a different hormonal make up and therefore they usually go all in into something and then get bored, because they dont have the hormones to keep the interest going.

For me for example, i quit med school in my fifth year and started a master that i have not finished yet after a few years and with relationships i will start talking to a guy for example and then get scared and call everything off.

Also ive heard that if your parents were religious, you will end up rejecting that religion if your attachment was bad.

i dont know if everything im saying is correct but im still researching it.

My relationships with my parents has damaged my mental health alot in the past, but its much better now.

So i was wondering if other people have had similar things happen to them especially in regards to practicing islam, because i find it really strange that i can go from being so practicing to nothing. Something must be going wrong somewhere.

 

 

 Bismillah Ta'la

Salam Alekum, I think what you are talking about is emotional attachment. You should have emotional attachment to religion, but that is the second step. As we say in English, 'you're putting the cart before the horse'. 

Think of Iman and Aql (i.e. a belief based on rationality and reflection) as the horse and emotions as the cart (or wagon). The wagon is attached to the horse, so if there is no horse, the wagon may move randomly then stop. If there is a horse, the wagon will keep moving as long as the horse does. 

You need to develop a belief in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h) and Islam that is rational and based in logic. There are many ways to do this, but I would recommend you start with two books, first is the book by Shaheed Muhammad Baqir Sadr(رضي الله عنه) 'The Revealer, the Messenger, and the Message'. 

https://www.al-islam.org/revealer-messenger-message-sayyid-muhammad-baqir-al-sadr

I would also recommend 'Tauhid Al Mufaddhal' The famous hadith by Imam Jaafer Sadiq((عليه السلام))

https://www.al-islam.org/tradition-mufaddal

After that, I wrote a long article about the proofs for the Resalat of Prophet Muhammad(p.b.u.h) and the fact that the Quran was written by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Here is the article

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Lx_HxRQv2D9W7kvUbT9SCzUXy-trbgno17FAAXaubn0/edit

The book I am writing is called 'A Reverts Guidebook'. It is not finished but this is it so far. These three should get you started toward developing a rational based Iman

If you develop an emotional attachment to religion without a rational belief, or Iman as the basis of your faith, you will never be firm in your faith and you will continue to waiver back and forth. 

Edited March 11, 2024 by Abu Hadi

[ali_fatheroforphans]

Salam Alaykum,

I am not quite sure what you mean by attachment issues.

Perhaps because when we are young our heart is fresh and less contaminated with sins, our heart has that capacity to experience a taste of the divine. This explains the mukashafat (unveilings) people may experience when they enter islam initially or start taking it seriously, it is an overwhelming state of awe. The mukashafat may vary in terms of degrees but what is clear is that there is some form of a religious experience.    

As we grow older our greed may increase combined with life stressors, this can take our attention away from God and the immaterial. Also as we grow older we may overthink and care about others, this may impact our intentions. When someone is young they care less about others and may approach religion with more sincerity.

[Shian e Ali]

On 3/11/2024 at 1:35 PM, Guest Hawra said:

Salam, thanx for your reply

Ive been trying to figure this out myself, but with what ive understood people who grew up not having a healthy attachtment to their parents, tend to have a different hormonal make up and therefore they usually go all in into something and then get bored, because they dont have the hormones to keep the interest going.

For me for example, i quit med school in my fifth year and started a master that i have not finished yet after a few years and with relationships i will start talking to a guy for example and then get scared and call everything off.

Also ive heard that if your parents were religious, you will end up rejecting that religion if your attachment was bad.

i dont know if everything im saying is correct but im still researching it.

My relationships with my parents has damaged my mental health alot in the past, but its much better now.

So i was wondering if other people have had similar things happen to them especially in regards to practicing islam, because i find it really strange that i can go from being so practicing to nothing. Something must be going wrong somewhere.

Wa alaykom asalam!

That makes sense. It's normal to go through this phase for a lot of people. Interest in religion is never linear, we all dwindle based on how life treats us. As long as you have a good motivation to keep going, you'll be fine. 

One way or another, we all faced something from our parents which hurt us. And it's true that how they treat us changes how we view religion. I'm glad to know that things are better between you and them. 

Think about WHY you want to pray. What are your motivators? Or what demotivates you? Once you're able to answer these 2 questions, you'll start gaining more control over something that you're leaving up to "interest".