Jump to content
In the Name of God بسم الله

Question about love/relationship

Rate this topic


Recommended Posts

  • Basic Members

Salaam to all. 

 I have been mulling over a certain concept and wondering if that concept even exists (islamically). I have a question:

Does the concept of love and devotion that two people have for one another in a romantic sense real in islam? Because it is quite clear that polygamy is allowed and even encouraged in certain situations. But we also know that most women prefer monogamy. So is the desire for monogamy invalid within islam? Are men incapable of loving one woman the same way she loves him? 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
13 hours ago, Fatemah_mirza said:

Salaam to all. 

 I have been mulling over a certain concept and wondering if that concept even exists (islamically). I have a question:

Does the concept of love and devotion that two people have for one another in a romantic sense real in islam? Because it is quite clear that polygamy is allowed and even encouraged in certain situations. But we also know that most women prefer monogamy. So is the desire for monogamy invalid within islam? Are men incapable of loving one woman the same way she loves him? 

 

Alekum Salam, 

Yes it is possible and real and for the vast majority of muslims men, this is their life. They meet a lady, either thru family or thru other means, and if she is good, trustworthy, loyal, etc, then they fall in love and she falls in love with him. It takes time and it takes going thru different life experiences together but it is definitely real and not that uncommon. This is true love, not the love that is portrayed in Hollywood or Bollywood movies where a guy and girl see each other from across a crowded room and immediately love develops. That is a myth and a fairy tale. What that is actually is lust and not love. 

I'm not sure why you think the idea of polygamy would make love impossible. Just because a man marries a second, third, etc, wife doesn't mean he doesn't love his first wife. Men are capable of loving more than one women, whereas a women is created by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in a certain way where she is only capable of loving one man, at a particular point in time. She can love more than one man, but not at the same time whereas Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) gave men this ability (to love more than one women at the same time). Men and women are similar but not the same. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
17 hours ago, Fatemah_mirza said:

Salaam to all. 

 I have been mulling over a certain concept and wondering if that concept even exists (islamically). I have a question:

Does the concept of love and devotion that two people have for one another in a romantic sense real in islam? Because it is quite clear that polygamy is allowed and even encouraged in certain situations. But we also know that most women prefer monogamy. So is the desire for monogamy invalid within islam? Are men incapable of loving one woman the same way she loves him? 

 

Wassalam, 

Yes, the concept is real Islamically, and it is possible for two people to be thus involved. Being in a polygynous relationship doesn't mean that a man is inherently incapable of loving a single woman. 

The Prophet (S) was monogamous so long as out mother Khadijatul Kubra (sa) was alive. The fondest memories which he has were of his time spent with her, even after he married the other wives when he moved to Medina, he would remember and miss her. 

The same goes for Our Lady, al-Zahra (sa) and the Commander of the Faithful (asws). 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
  • Advanced Member
Posted (edited)

Yes it's possible islamically and it exists. Recently i have completed reading the Quran and i came across the word "love" few times but only once was it referring to a romantic relationship and it was about the love Zulaikha felt towards prophet Yusuf (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم). As @Abu Hadi mentioned love is different between men and women.

So just aim to find a good man that loves you for the sake of Allah sis as this type of love will never end it will only flourish and grow throughout the marriage inshallah. If you're getting to know a guy easy way to find out if the guy loves you for the sake of Allah or for his own personal desires is by cutting all his access to you physically if he isn't your husband if he respects that and still sticks around then his a good man with pure intentions.

Also regarding polygamy just be fun to be around sis don't be boring and don't let yourself go always look after yourself, also show him your 10 different personalities (not at one go or else he will freak out and run away, spread the personalities throughout the week sis) trust me he will be too hanged on you to even consider a second wife !!! 

Goodluck

xo 

Edited by 123xo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
Posted (edited)
22 hours ago, 123xo said:

Recently i have completed reading the Quran and i came across the word "love" few times but only once was it referring to a romantic relationship and it was about the love Zulaikha felt towards prophet Yusuf

 

I am uncertain whether the emotion between Zuleikha towards Prophet Yusuf was based on love or lust, leaning more towards the latter due to her marital status.

The Quran does not provide extensive details about their story, yet an Iranian series has dedicated numerous hours to their tale. This raises questions about authenticity of the iranian serie, especially when there isn't that much details in the Quran.

 

I have limited knowledge of this story but I am very skeptical about the accuracy of Prophet Yusuf marrying Zuleikha as in the Iranian series.

Zuleikha's betrayal of her husband, tantamount to cheating (from the series), raises serious doubts about the believability of a prophet engaging in such a relationship. As a role model for his community and followers, it seems highly unlikely that Prophet Yusuf would marry someone involved in such immoral behavior.

 

Now again, im not expert in this tale, but it does raise doubt nonetheless. Also remember that drama sells, women love drama and romance, do you think this serie would get as much attention if zuleikhas "love story" was not part of it?

Edited by EiE
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
On 4/20/2024 at 11:17 AM, EiE said:

Zuleikha's betrayal of her husband, tantamount to cheating (from the series), raises serious doubts about the believability of a prophet engaging in such a relationship. As a role model for his community and followers, it seems highly unlikely that Prophet Yusuf would marry someone involved in such immoral behavior.

Allah is All Merciful, and people change. We shouldn't blame people for a sin we saw them commit, because we never know if they begged Allah for forgiveness in solitude, and Allah accepted it. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
3 hours ago, Shian e Ali said:

Allah is All Merciful, and people change. We shouldn't blame people for a sin we saw them commit, because we never know if they begged Allah for forgiveness in solitude, and Allah accepted it. 

Do you have any valid source that says they married...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest LadyGuest
On 3/10/2024 at 3:38 AM, Fatemah_mirza said:

Salaam to all. 

 I have been mulling over a certain concept and wondering if that concept even exists (islamically). I have a question:

Does the concept of love and devotion that two people have for one another in a romantic sense real in islam? Because it is quite clear that polygamy is allowed and even encouraged in certain situations. But we also know that most women prefer monogamy. So is the desire for monogamy invalid within islam? Are men incapable of loving one woman the same way she loves him? 

 

1. It is realistic. Love and devotion go as far as two people are willing to sacrifice and adapt in life's changing circumstances. Romance is something else entirely. Romance is the fun and games aspect.

2. Polygamy is an exception to monogamy in Islam. Monogamy is preferred due to how much a man can handle financially and psychologically. We are human and have limits. If the circumstances require for his need of more support, that one wife cannot handle then it seems reasonable to take another. But only if he can treat both fairly and maintain them in equitable manner. It is not the same as western polygamy/open relationship. There are rules and standards.

3. We don't know that most women prefer monogamy. As technology and social media has made women more materialistic and vain, regardless of faith, most relationships tend to be based on lust and playfulness. Most of those relationships just become habits, men will keep women to not create more burdens. The memories are good and if something goes wrong, she is there. Emotionally, he may be somewhere else but a woman would not know...this is why sometimes men have the option of another wife too. Women mainly want to be maintained under the guise of monogamy and they will make a man believe anything to have this. Especially if they are not working toward something like education/career. Even when they are, often times it's for show, for the husband's attention rather. Unless it's a family trade/legacy thing or genuine in the amount of time preceding relationship.

On the other hand, men have multiple layers of motivation and drive and desires - some realistic and some not. They have the capacity to switch modes yet maintain a consistent and level sense of self. Whereas women can get lost and wrapped up in all that they want to be and think themselves to be..probably one of the reasons why self-esteem, vanity and depression is more prevalent among them.

Monogamy and polygamy are neither valid or invalid in Islam. Monogamy is the proven and standard mode of relationship between man and woman. Polygamy is the exception in certain circumstances.

Love is conceptual. There is so much more involved in a relationship than the idealization of emotions and desire between man and woman. There are finances, childbearing/rearing, building a home, careers, aging family members, etc. Can a man and women go through all of these life changes and feel the same emotions and desires as when they first began their life journey together? Can soldiers go to battle at 18 years old and come back at 30 years old to their hometown the same way? Inshallah everyone maintains some good natural youthful romantic qualities, but not everything and not always.

Men and women have the capacity to love. One person only forever and always? Unlikely but we can be loyal to one another. If the thought or feeling strikes that either man or woman could be disloyal, it must be discussed and handled undramatically. Surely, polygamy is only an option for men however I am certain that amicable divorce could be the option in the case a women feels differently and does not act upon it and has a merciful and understanding husband. Probably unlikely with kids though.

In any case, I do not believe men are incapable of being in a monogamous relationship like women. Women are monogamous because of two reasons: 1. Financial security 2. Childbearing/child rearing. If a woman provides for herself financially, she may lose the ability to bear children, which will affect her mating options.

A man is monogamous for two reasons: 1. Financial security 2. Proliferation and maintenance of his family line. The capacity to be monogamous is only relative to growth and development. Love is a part of it. It is a nice accessory. It is the pleasant aspect of interacting with one another on a level that is polite and considerate. In a home that one can retreat to from the pressures of outside world. Love is fleeting as they say. Love is not everything as they say.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
On 4/20/2024 at 6:47 PM, EiE said:

Zuleikha's betrayal of her husband, tantamount to cheating (from the series), raises serious doubts about the believability of a prophet engaging in such a relationship. As a role model for his community and followers, it seems highly unlikely that Prophet Yusuf would marry someone involved in such immoral behavior.

Salam even in Iranian series prophet Yususf (عليه السلام) has not any love  toward Zuleikha when she has been pagan wife of his master but on the other hand Zuleikha has lust about him so therefore prophet Yusuf has refused her sinful offer ;  so then when other elite women have blamed Zuleikha for chitting her husband & lust toward prophet Ysusf (عليه السلام) while he has rejected her sinful offer so therefore according to verse of holy quran  she has invited elite women in a big party so then after seeing him they cut their hands with knife that has been in their hands so then prophet Yusuf (عليه السلام)  has asked Allah to send him to prison instead being beng besides of Zuleikha so then after releaesing from prison has asked from Pharaoh to present Zuleikha & other women to testify about his innocence ; so then he accepted Zuleikha by order of Allah after passing her trials & her sincere repentance which denial of their marriage as usual is a Wahabi procedure just because it has not been mentioned in holy Quran in similar fashion which marriage ceremony :grin: of prophet Musa (عليه السلام) & prophet Muhammad (pbu) has not been mentioned in holy Quran . 

 

So when he saw that his shirt was torn from behind, he said, ‘This is [a case] of you women’s guile! Your guile is indeed great! (28) Joseph, let this matter alone, and you, woman, plead for forgiveness for your sin, for you have indeed been erring.’ (29)

 

Some of the townswomen said, ‘The chieftain’s wife has solicited her slave boy! He has captivated her love. Indeed we see her to be in manifest error.’ (30)

When she heard of their machinations, she sent for them and arranged a repast, and gave each of them a knife, and said [to Joseph], ‘Come out before them.’ So when they saw him, they marvelled at him and cut their hands [absent-mindedly], and they said, ‘Good heavens! This is not a human being! This is but a noble angel!’ (31)

She said, ‘He is the one on whose account you blamed me. Certainly, I did solicit him, but he was continent, and if he does not do what I bid him, surely he shall be imprisoned and humbled.’ (32) He said, ‘My Lord! The prison is dearer to me than to what they invite me. If You do not turn away their schemes from me, I will incline towards them and become one of the senseless.’ (33) So his Lord answered him and turned away their stratagems from him. Indeed, He is the All-hearing, the All-knowing.

.................

The king said, ‘Bring him to me!’ When the messenger came to him, he said, ‘Go back to your master, and ask him about the affair of women who cut their hands. My Lord is indeed well aware of their stratagems.’ (50) The king said, ‘What was your business, women, when you solicited Joseph?’ They said, ‘Heaven be praised! We know of no evil in him.’ The prince’s wife said, ‘Now the truth has come to light! It was I who solicited him, and he is indeed telling the truth.’ (51) [Joseph said], [‘I initiated] this [inquiry], that he may know that I did not betray him in his absence, and that Allah does not further the schemes of the treacherous.’ (52)

https://tanzil.net/#trans/en.qarai/12:23

https://tanzil.net/#trans/en.qarai/12:31

https://tanzil.net/#trans/en.qarai/12:50

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
8 hours ago, EiE said:

Do you have any valid source that says they married...

Marriage and Children

According to the Muslim historian al-Mas'udi, Joseph (a) married in Egypt and his wife bore him two sons, Ephraim (the ancestor of Joshua son of Nun) and Menashe (Manasseh).[37]

Marriage with Zulaykha

There are some reports of Joseph’s marriage with Zulaykha after he became the chieftain of Egypt. For instance, it is said that Joseph (a) saw a woman who said, “Praise to God who made the servants rulers because of their piety, and made the rulers servants because of their transgression.” Joseph (a) asked her who she was, Zulaykha introduced herself, and then they got married.[38] According to some hadiths, Zulaykha became young with the prayer of Joseph (a) and then they got married.[39] However, some scholars have doubted the authenticity of these hadiths.[40]

According to some reports, Joseph’s two sons were from Zulaykha.[41]

 

37. Masʿūdī, Ithbāt al-waṣiya, p. 49.

 38.Quṭb al-Dīn al-Rāwandī, Qiṣaṣ al-anbiyāʾ, p. 351.

39. Jazāʾirī, al-Nūr al-mubīn fī qiṣaṣ al-anbīyāʾ wa l-mursalīn, p. 234.

40. See: Maʿārif wa digarān, Barrasī riwāyāt-i tafsīrī farīqayn dar masʾala-yi izdiwāj-i haḍrat-i Yusuf bā Zulaykhā, p. 7-32.

41.Maqdisī, al-Bidāʾ wa al-tārīkh, vol.3, p. 69. Ibn Kathīr, al-Bidāya wa al-nahāya, vol. 1, p. 210.

https://en.wikishia.net/view/Joseph_(a)

https://wiki.ahlolbait.com/زلیخا

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
On 4/25/2024 at 8:31 AM, Ashvazdanghe said:

There are some reports of Joseph’s marriage with Zulaykha after he became the chieftain of Egypt. For instance, it is said that Joseph (a) saw a woman who said, “Praise to God who made the servants rulers because of their piety, and made the rulers servants because of their transgression.” Joseph (a) asked her who she was, Zulaykha introduced herself, and then they got married.[38] According to some hadiths, Zulaykha became young with the prayer of Joseph (a) and then they got married.[39] However, some scholars have doubted the authenticity of these hadiths.[40]

......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
Posted (edited)
On 4/25/2024 at 8:31 AM, Ashvazdanghe said:

There are some reports of Joseph’s marriage with Zulaykha after he became the chieftain of Egypt. For instance, it is said that Joseph (a) saw a woman who said, “Praise to God who made the servants rulers because of their piety, and made the rulers servants because of their transgression.” Joseph (a) asked her who she was, Zulaykha introduced herself, and then they got married.[38] According to some hadiths, Zulaykha became young with the prayer of Joseph (a) and then they got married.[39] However, some scholars have doubted the authenticity of these hadiths.[40]

 

Read the last line

However, some scholars have doubted the authenticity of these hadiths

Edited by EiE
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
15 hours ago, EiE said:

Read the last line

Salam I agree with that because their marriage has not been mentioned in holy Quran in similar fashion marriage ceremony of other prophet :party: which opposition of wahabis in their sites to hadiths about marriage of prophet Yusuf & Zuleikha is due that in similar fashion of Jews thay think that Allah is ever angry god with closed hands who doesn't accept sincere repentance & can't change fate of that person so call marriage of them as a fairy tale  ;  have not been mentioned in holy Quran however hadith about marriage of prophet Yusuf (عليه السلام) & Zuleikha talks about real sincere repentance & turning Zuleikha to  totally new person totally in opposition of her past into a sincere monotheist believer  without having any lust or cheating from her past so therefore it's in line  with holy Quran which if anyone really repents & shows it with her/his sincere action so then Allah changes anything in her/his favor & showers all types of blessing on her/him ; which Zuleikah has left every sin & bad thing so then gained chastity & clear belief  by shifting from domain of Shaitan into domain of Allah .

Quote

That is because Allah never changes a blessing that He has bestowed on a people unless they change what is in their own souls, and Allah is all-hearing, all-knowing: (53) 

https://tanzil.net/#trans/en.qarai/8:53

 He has guardian angels, to his front and his rear, who guard him by Allah’s command. Indeed Allah does not change a people’s lot, unless they change what is in their souls. And when Allah wishes to visit ill on a people, there is nothing that can avert it, and they have no protector besides Him. (11)

https://tanzil.net/#trans/en.qarai/13:11

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...