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In the Name of God بسم الله

Any tips? I am struggling to find a religious Shia girl in Toronto

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Aslamu Alykum,

This is my first post, basically, I am an Iraqi Canadian and was just wondering if I was the only one who's struggling to find a religious girl in Toronto for marriage, I tried the local mosques and spoke to some scholars, but I feel shy to keep reminding them. I was wondering if there's anything else I can do?

Thank you.

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On 2/14/2024 at 11:25 AM, Pearls416 said:

Aslamu Alykum,

This is my first post, basically, I am an Iraqi Canadian and was just wondering if I was the only one who's struggling to find a religious girl in Toronto for marriage, I tried the local mosques and spoke to some scholars, but I feel shy to keep reminding them. I was wondering if there's anything else I can do?

Thank you.

Salam. Have you seen the marriage topic on the homepage?

https://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235047390-marriage-help-and-advice/

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Mix with the community don't just rely on the mosques and scholars there. Also while you're at the mosque start a convo with the other men there and if you feel comfortable ask them if they know any family with good reputation etc 

Not sure about the muslim community in Canada, but if you were in Australia you'd find a spouse easily we have a lot of muslim communities here from all backgrounds and in large numbers too.

Goodluck 

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1 hour ago, 123xo said:

Not sure about the muslim community in Canada, but if you were in Australia you'd find a spouse easily we have a lot of muslim communities here from all backgrounds and in large numbers too.

 

The community is large in Canada too, even around Toronto. Unfortunately for OP, it’s mostly Desi people. But I’ve come across Arabs too, nowhere near the same amount. Visiting the Community Centres will help him. There are a few around the Greater Toronto Area. 

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13 hours ago, 123xo said:

but if you were in Australia you'd find a spouse easily we have a lot of muslim communities here from all backgrounds and in large numbers too.

Goodluck 

I am in Australia and I am struggling Y_Y my family has been searching for the last 2 years :cry:

 

Edited by Meedy
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19 minutes ago, Meedy said:

I am in Australia and I am struggling Y_Y my family has been searching for the last 2 years :cry:

 

If you are certain you can keep things halal, and trust yourself, there are Muslim Apps out there, i won't name them but they appear first or second on the App store. You will have a much bigger pool of potentials there.

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On 2/19/2024 at 9:09 PM, Meedy said:

I am in Australia and I am struggling Y_Y my family has been searching for the last 2 years :cry:

 

Oh no, where are you ? If you are in sydney i might be able to help you find a wifey i know a handful of girls i can ask them if they are interested or if they know anyone for you. How old are you? Also what natio are you? Also does your mum go majlis? There's so many ladies there she can suss out for you if they have someone suitable. 

Edited by 123xo
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Salam,

I live in Melbourne, I'm afghani (tajik), turning 32 year this year. Yes mom does go to majalis but all people say sorry we don't know of any girls. 2 years ago i married from overseas but didn't last few months as she showed her true colours to me.

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4 hours ago, Meedy said:

Salam,

I live in Melbourne, I'm afghani (tajik), turning 32 year this year. Yes mom does go to majalis but all people say sorry we don't know of any girls. 2 years ago i married from overseas but didn't last few months as she showed her true colours to me.

Sorry to hear that, good thing you got out of that marriage before having kids. I don't know much about Melb, but we do have a large Afghan community here in Sydney, especially around Lidcombe/Auburn and surrounding areas also Hornsby got lots too. Is it possible to relocate to sydney? To increases your chances of finding a wife? Even if only during Ashura. Your mum can attend the Afghan Majalis in Sydney and see/talk with the other ladies if they know or have anyone that is suitable for you. I don't have Afghan friends to ask for you, however i'm sure there is someone out there for you, you just gotta keep looking and get out of your comfort zone! I'll keep you in my Duaas and prayers.

 

Goodluck

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10 hours ago, 123xo said:

Sorry to hear that, good thing you got out of that marriage before having kids. I don't know much about Melb, but we do have a large Afghan community here in Sydney, especially around Lidcombe/Auburn and surrounding areas also Hornsby got lots too. Is it possible to relocate to sydney? To increases your chances of finding a wife? Even if only during Ashura. Your mum can attend the Afghan Majalis in Sydney and see/talk with the other ladies if they know or have anyone that is suitable for you. I don't have Afghan friends to ask for you, however i'm sure there is someone out there for you, you just gotta keep looking and get out of your comfort zone! I'll keep you in my Duaas and prayers.

Thank you. Unfortunately it's not possible. The problem with mom is she can be shy. So it will be hard to bring such topics when you don't know the people and the people don't know you, so they would hesitate to suggest any suitable girl. 

My dad doesn't like travelling so there goes that

I appreciate keeping me in your duas :) 

Edited by Meedy
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39 minutes ago, Meedy said:

Thank you. Unfortunately it's not possible. The problem with mom is she can be shy. So it will be hard to bring such topics when you don't know the people and the people don't know you, so they would hesitate to suggest any suitable girl. 

My dad doesn't like travelling so there goes that

I appreciate keeping me in your duas :) 

In your position, i would try Muzz Match. But keep it Halal fully, and limit the location to Australia, where you can actually meet up and vet the person.

This would allow you to access dozens, maybe hundreds of potentials of the thousands who are on that App in Australia.

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On 2/18/2024 at 3:05 PM, 123xo said:

Mix with the community don't just rely on the mosques and scholars there. Also while you're at the mosque start a convo with the other men there and if you feel comfortable ask them if they know any family with good reputation etc 

Not sure about the muslim community in Canada, but if you were in Australia you'd find a spouse easily we have a lot of muslim communities here from all backgrounds and in large numbers too.

Goodluck 

I guess I am doing something wrong since I tried all that but nothing worked ):

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19 hours ago, Pearls416 said:

I guess I am doing something wrong since I tried all that but nothing worked ):

I feel your pain. you are not the only one :( .

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21 hours ago, Pearls416 said:

 

I guess I am doing something wrong since I tried all that but nothing worked ):

Wallahi i don't know what to tell you just keep praying i guess and make Duaa in every delay there's goodness. Also as i told someone else above try and get out of your comfort zone and look for someone yourself for example through work or uni or gym or community activities or whatever i'm sure there is some shia community where you are you just need to put yourself out there and be seen. Also don't restrict yourself to just one sect (i know i'm gonna get criticised from some pro shias here) but honestly if you do come across a good woman with morals and faith even if she was from a different sect that's fine. 

Edited by 123xo
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Posted (edited)
On 2/27/2024 at 12:05 AM, 123xo said:

Sorry to hear that, good thing you got out of that marriage before having kids. I don't know much about Melb, but we do have a large Afghan community here in Sydney, especially around Lidcombe/Auburn and surrounding areas also Hornsby got lots too. Is it possible to relocate to sydney? To increases your chances of finding a wife? Even if only during Ashura. Your mum can attend the Afghan Majalis in Sydney and see/talk with the other ladies if they know or have anyone that is suitable for you. I don't have Afghan friends to ask for you, however i'm sure there is someone out there for you, you just gotta keep looking and get out of your comfort zone! I'll keep you in my Duaas and prayers.

 

Goodluck

Are you seriously advising a grown man to relocate to a whole new city during the month of *ashura* so that his mum can scoure the lectures to find a woman? :helpsos:

Edited by 2Timeless
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On 3/9/2024 at 1:48 AM, 2Timeless said:

Are you seriously advising a grown man to relocate to a whole new city during the month of *ashura* so that his mum can scoure the lectures to find a woman? :helpsos:

Speed Majlis'ing

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On 3/9/2024 at 11:48 AM, 2Timeless said:

Are you seriously advising a grown man to relocate to a whole new city during the month of *ashura* so that his mum can scoure the lectures to find a woman? :helpsos:

What do you think

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On 2/29/2024 at 7:10 AM, 123xo said:

Also don't restrict yourself to just one sect (i know i'm gonna get criticised from some pro shias here) but honestly if you do come across a good woman with morals and faith even if she was from a different sect that's fine. 

If the love of a man is more important to you than the love of Ahlulbayt, good for you, but kindly stop promoting such a thing. You obviously do not yet know the problems of intersect marriages. The differences are bigger than you think. Unless you're not religious or plan not to have kids, intersect marriages become a huge issue. 

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Posted (edited)
59 minutes ago, Shian e Ali said:

If the love of a man is more important to you than the love of Ahlulbayt, good for you, but kindly stop promoting such a thing. You obviously do not yet know the problems of intersect marriages. The differences are bigger than you think. Unless you're not religious or plan not to have kids, intersect marriages become a huge issue. 

Lol before you jump i'm only speaking from experience,i was married to a Shia and now i'm getting to know a sunni and it's going so well he is more religious if anything, humble and loving and successful. So i'd rather marry a good man who is more religious and wonderful in every aspect than being with someone just cause they're Shia. Once again you're from Pakistan a place where there's so much division amongst muslims which isn't like that at all in Arab countries where marriages between sunni and shias is a common thing in some places. Not all sunnis are terrible or hateful towards ahlualbayt btw so please go educate yourself and mix with other people it will help you see things outside of your little box. 

Edited by 123xo
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14 minutes ago, 123xo said:

Lol before you jump i'm only speaking from experience,i was married to a Shia and now i'm getting to know a sunni and it's going so well he is more religious if anything, humble and loving and successful. So i'd rather marry a good man who is more religious and wonderful in every aspect than being with someone just cause they're Shia. Once again you're from Pakistan a place where there's so much division amongst muslims which isn't like that at all in Arab countries where marriages between sunni and shias is a common thing in some places. Not all sunnis are terrible or hateful towards ahlualbayt btw so please go educate yourself and mix with other people it will help you see things outside of your little box. 

In the Arab community from what i know, race seems to be more important among some elements i.e. if she isn't Shia, as long as he's Arab it's more practical.

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11 minutes ago, In Gods Name said:

In the Arab community from what i know, race seems to be more important among some elements i.e. if she isn't Shia, as long as he's Arab it's more practical.

True

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11 hours ago, 123xo said:

Lol before you jump i'm only speaking from experience,i was married to a Shia and now i'm getting to know a sunni and it's going so well he is more religious if anything, humble and loving and successful. So i'd rather marry a good man who is more religious and wonderful in every aspect than being with someone just cause they're Shia. Once again you're from Pakistan a place where there's so much division amongst muslims which isn't like that at all in Arab countries where marriages between sunni and shias is a common thing in some places. Not all sunnis are terrible or hateful towards ahlualbayt btw so please go educate yourself and mix with other people it will help you see things outside of your little box. 

If you had enough time to search up that I'm from Pakistan, perhaps you should've dug deeper and learnt that I was a practicing Sunni myself.

 

As for experience, I already am speaking from experience about Shia/Sunni relationship. There's only so much I can say. May Allah guide you. Good luck on your romantic life. Hope you don't learn this lesson the hard way. Peace, aggressive lady! 

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11 hours ago, In Gods Name said:

In the Arab community from what i know, race seems to be more important among some elements i.e. if she isn't Shia, as long as he's Arab it's more practical.

Faith Race ✔️

Very Islamic! I didn't know this. Then I won't bother advising such people, as long as they stop pushing other people to do the same repeatedly.

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Posted (edited)
14 hours ago, 123xo said:

btw so please go educate yourself and mix with other people it will help you see things outside of your little box

giphy.gif

 

2 hours ago, Shian e Ali said:

Peace, aggressive lady! 

giphy.gif

 

 

NAH NAH BUT LET ME DO ONE GOOD THING THIS RAMADAN! MAKE PEACE LADIES - FORGIVE EACH OTHER HUG IT OUT, DO SOME VLOGGING & TALK ABOUT HOW YOU MANIFEST ABUNDANCE AND LIFE PARTNERS ETC BECOME MANIFESTATION COACHES, CREATE A BAKING INSTA ACCOUNT , BECOME INFLUENCERS...JUST DON'T ARGUE. AND NOBODY NEEDS TO SAY. 

"LOL I'm actually calm I'm not angry it's funny to me" because that would be taqiyyah. You're both secretly rattled and have been thinking of the next clap back!    PEACE TO EVERYONE

Edited by SO SOLID SHIA
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6 hours ago, Shian e Ali said:

If you had enough time to search up that I'm from Pakistan, perhaps you should've dug deeper and learnt that I was a practicing Sunni myself.

 

As for experience, I already am speaking from experience about Shia/Sunni relationship. There's only so much I can say. May Allah guide you. Good luck on your romantic life. Hope you don't learn this lesson the hard way. Peace, aggressive lady! 

Not interested xox

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, SO SOLID SHIA said:

giphy.gif

 

giphy.gif

 

 

NAH NAH BUT LET ME DO ONE GOOD THING THIS RAMADAN! MAKE PEACE LADIES - FORGIVE EACH OTHER HUG IT OUT, DO SOME VLOGGING & TALK ABOUT HOW YOU MANIFEST ABUNDANCE AND LIFE PARTNERS ETC BECOME MANIFESTATION COACHES, CREATE A BAKING INSTA ACCOUNT , BECOME INFLUENCERS...JUST DON'T ARGUE. AND NOBODY NEEDS TO SAY. 

"LOL I'm actually calm I'm not angry it's funny to me" because that would be taqiyyah. You're both secretly rattled and have been thinking of the next clap back!    PEACE TO EVERYONE

Wait @Shian e Ali is a lady??? wallahiiiii i thought it was a middle aged old grumpy man

Edited by 123xo
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Posted (edited)
22 hours ago, Shian e Ali said:

The differences are bigger than you think. Unless you're not religious or plan not to have kids, intersect marriages become a huge issue. 

Such an arrangement works only when either or both parties don't care about their beliefs. The moment even one of them gets religious, or the question of raising the children upon specific beliefs arises, everything goes downhill. 

"Hmm.... I know that there's some black sheep in there, but my Marwan/ Waleed/ Mughira/ Mu'awiya/ Hajjaj/ Ziyad is sooooo different.... we have a halal Valentine's Day bash every year..! See how he loves me.....You just jealous, huh? Oh, it's prayer time? Sorry we don't turbahs in the house anymore. You'll have to make do, dear. Oh, so you gals planning a ziyarat trip this Arba'een? I'm sorry, I think I might pass, he doesn't exactly, ahem, like the idea, you know.....he says its bad influence on the kids, or so the Sheikh he follows says. BTW, are you in on the plan? We got a grand party this weekend at home, all his friends from the tabligh group are coming over, why don't you join, dearie? What say? It's 9th Muharram that day? Oh , sorry dear! I don't even remember when muharram began, I don't keep track anymore, it's been so long.... Bye! See you soon!"

Edited by AbdusSibtayn
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4 hours ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

Such an arrangement works only when either or both parties don't care about their beliefs. The moment even one of them gets religious, or the question of raising the children upon specific beliefs arises, everything goes downhill. 

"Hmm.... I know that there's some black sheep in there, but my Marwan/ Waleed/ Mughira/ Mu'awiya/ Hajjaj/ Ziyad is sooooo different.... we have a halal Valentine's Day bash every year..! See how he loves me.....You just jealous, huh? Oh, it's prayer time? Sorry we don't turbahs in the house anymore. You'll have to make do, dear. Oh, so you gals planning a ziyarat trip this Arba'een? I'm sorry, I think I might pass, he doesn't exactly, ahem, like the idea, you know.....he says its bad influence on the kids, or so the Sheikh he follows says. BTW, are you in on the plan? We got a grand party this weekend at home, all his friends from the tabligh group are coming over, why don't you join, dearie? What say? It's 9th Muharram that day? Oh , sorry dear! I don't even remember when muharram began, I don't keep track anymore, it's been so long.... Bye! See you soon!"

Who are you to dictate how strong my and SO beliefs? Do you know us personally are you living with us ?? It's ridiculous to come on here and claim someone is less religious just because i'm choosing to be with someone from a different sect. I'm not even gonna bother with you, as i said you're probably from a background where division amongst muslims is a top thing (guessing Pakistan too from your name lol) so you would never understand where i'm coming from. Also don't worry about my future kids, inshallah they'll grow in a loving healthy environment, with their dad being their role model. So worry about yourself please. Thanks.

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11 hours ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

Lots of ad-hominem and straw- manning. 

Couldn't care less about who you choose to spend your life with. That is your prerogative and least of my concerns/worries. Certainly not here to dictate anything to anyone. I am talking about principles and trends, not individuals. What 'worries' me is this hipster trend of glorifying and celebrating such marriages where everything is kosher when in fact they are riddled with contradictions and latent tensions- 

1. If the Sunni man lets the Shia wife and their children do matam, he is contradicting his religion, because in mainstream Sunnism matam/aza is haram beyond three days from death. If he stops then, then he is contradicting his wife's religion, where mourning for the Ahl al-Bayt (عليه السلام) is not only allowed, but an act of great reward. 

2. If he insists that the children pray tarawih in Jama'ah, he is making them do something mustahhab per his fiqh, while simultaneously violating their mother's fiqh, where the act is an interpolation in religion, and haram. 

3. If he lets the wife and the children celebrate Eid al-Ghadeer- the coronation of Imam Ali (عليه السلام) as the khalifah bila fasl- then he is allowing something which is anathema to his own belief. If he doesn't, then he is stepping on the wife's religious rights. 

And many more. It takes more than being a 'role model' to raise the children on correct aqidah- namely, teaching them the Orthodox Imami law and doctrine. No religious Sunni father worth his salt will allow his children to be raised upon what is heresy at best and open disbelief at worst (namely,'rafd' or rejection of his first three Caliphs, and other venerable personalities) in his mainstream religious teachings. Likewise, no Shia mother who gives two hoots about her children's salvation will allow them to NOT be raised upon the wilayah of the Ahl al-Bayt (ams), which is an absolutely essential condition for salvation in our belief, and to grow up loving those individuals whom we believe to have taken hostile stands to the Ahl al-Bayt. This plain anomaly is the reason why so many of our topmost scholars dissuade us from such marriages. 

You actually go on to prove my point with your rash response- such arrangements only work when one or neither parent cares to raise their children upon what he considers to be the correct belief. So please, do go ahead and marry whom you like. But don't propagate the notion that such marriages are absolutely not problematic, and that all is hunky -dory with them from a religious point of view. 

I will ignore your remarks on my race and ethnicity. I don't want to derail the thread, and therefore rest my case. 

Wassalam. 

lol once i told a sunni guy i would raise the kids shia and he blocked me. Even though I don't have the best experiences with shia guys, i agree with above.

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Posted (edited)
On 3/13/2024 at 1:11 AM, Guest Hawra said:

lol once i told a sunni guy i would raise the kids shia and he blocked me. Even though I don't have the best experiences with shia guys, i agree with above.

I am sorry you had that experience with the Shi'a men, sister. Today itself I was reading about another Shi'a-Sunni couple, who divorced, and the other partner won the custody rights, and now the Shi'a partner will never get to raise the child Shi'a. 

This is Ramadan and I am looking to avoid arguing as far as possible. If have inadvertently hurt anyone, then I beg their pardon. If someone asks me/asks in general for advice on this issue, only then will I give my opinion, otherwise, I'll bite my tongue from the next time and onwards. 

Edited by AbdusSibtayn
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On 3/12/2024 at 3:41 PM, Guest Hawra said:

lol once i told a sunni guy i would raise the kids shia and he blocked me. Even though I don't have the best experiences with shia guys, i agree with above.

Good on him for not fooling you by agreeing and then going back on his word. Shi'a or Sunni, sect doesn't define men. You'll meet all sorts of men despite their religion and sect. 

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On 3/21/2024 at 7:26 AM, Pearls416 said:

I just asked for help/tips to find a spouse and this entire thread is going into civil war.

Get your parents and extended family involved. Tap into clan/community networks. That is the only realistic option. Don't rely too much on the internet. 

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