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Urgent guidance about relationship after engagement

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Guest Jari

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Hello hope all are doing well. I want urgent guidance under the Islamic point of view about what should the girl and I do who have been in relationship from last 2 months whereas the girl was engaged from feb 2022 and now the nikkah is to be held with that person in upcoming year by feb or march. Now when she first initiated and came closer to me I told her to stop as this is not right and she is already engaged and the girl totally showed that yes I m not interested in you whereas her conversation could clearly show me that she has been attached to me. In the start after her engagement I saw that girl many times holding hand of a boy and like with few close friends who were boys which was like very normal for her to touch namahram and this always made me upset abt her also sometimes she used to hug them whereas she also used to cover her head this was all happening in university. Now when she noticed me during conversatiom with friends that I was mature and I once told everyone that I have my boundaries which I dont allow to cross anyone and also my personality and way of thinking which is why she got closer to me and also got attached afterwards. Now I always used to runaway from girls because of the hesitation from them but this was the girl which made me feel so comfortable that myball hesitation for making verbal communication gone away and I felt very comfortable and easy with her. Now once she noticed me that I felt awkward when she hugged a boy which whom she considered like his brother but just a verbally made no official relation just a friend who was like brother for her but still namahram. She asked me abt my thus awkward behaviour and I cleared her mahram an namahram which she already know a little bit but she told that he is just like my brother and had no bad intentionmeither of that boy nor from her side but I still told that if it is said by allah then we have to follow it. This made me many times upset that after ensuring me many times that I will not let anyone touch me physically she agains slipped and forget things and used to continue this and she had no confidence that after so long friemdships she could speak out and tell them to avoid this so she didnt do it on her own but whenever that boy because the space given from her side he felt easy to touch her hand like they are actual siblings. Now well after few meetups with her personally she felt me so good because of her nature of making me laugh and always putting smile on my face and caring abt me and always comcerned abt me giving special attention and value that feelings of making her life partner started developing in me and I also got attached to her. Now after few meetings I asked her and in the end she expressed her feelings and told that I am attached to u also I expressed my feelings amd then me who never thought also slipped and we both started to hold hands and sit closer to each other and where getting really really close to each other. On social media we had conversation which where abt physical intimiacy and we both had physical desires for each other. Now I thought that before its too late I went to a pious personality who had somekind of special gifts and he used to guide people and to guide them abt the problems. When I share all the things he asked me abt my name the girl name her fiance name and parents name and then he told the situation is complicated. He told that the girl has mentally accepted u like a husband just a written nikkah needs to be performed otherwise mentally she thinks.of u like a husband. Also he said that the girl has extreme physical needs and she had no control.over her nafs might be some hormonal imbalance or any other factor and thats why she slips now I told what should I do he told if I will do quranic amal he will start getting away from u and closer to her fiance but said that I dont know abt the success of the marriage its not in my hand I can just perform quranic amal and she will stay away and get closer to fiance and I told what If I am also attached to her he said I can do quranic amal so the situation can be favourable for u and he also added that I can see that the girl and u will both live a successful life together and that she will be sincere with u i told him that what abt her physical problems so he said for that u will have to make an effort and take her to the out of country getting better here isnt possible here and asap after u get nikkahfied with her u will have to take her which is best for u and her both and within a year. Now then I could have asked him to make quranic prayer to make her stay away from me but instead I did against its because the fiance of her lives away for more than a year and has a job and profession where he is always on the ship and not possible to keep her along also her mother in law passed away and there is not family member here so she have no inlaws here she will be totally alone so she will stay with her parents always until.he comes on vacation and meet her and go back. Now I thought that as the nature of the girl she lives in joint family and needs his life partner physically her always so I asked him to make quranic prayer so that she gets closer in this way I can do nikkah asap and save her from the sin as I will be always around her and have family also. I realized that it was because his fiance is away and doesnt have that live conversation with her and no family that she got attached to make just to make fulfill her desires and fullfilling this way will make her sinful and this can push her into world.of sins as i also got slipped so the better way is that as we both of have feelings we can do nikkah. Now the problem is her family accepted this proposal but considering.only the aspects of her that were just in front of them but they didn't know her actual things which she needed and her that other side was seen by me which is not in the knowledge of their parents or his fiance and how could she go and tell.to their family.member because its kind she feel ashamed to open it so she hides it with everyone in family and that how illegitmately she did this I also consider myself equal responsible for all this but atkeast I also realized abt her meeds and I thought that if this marriage will happen so I could see destruction ahead and if this things are opened after marriage through any eay so it could end up in divorce which is much more bigger things that will happen. Now the matters id also abt akhirah and when I m watching all this destruction happening how could I sit peacefully and let this happen. I started making tahajud prayers and I will consider this girl the reason that made me much more closer to Allah amd Ahlebait and just I asked Allah for the miracle to happen and make her mine I can see her making her life hell and no one knows abt this. I made Hajat to Imam Musa Kazim and made tasbeeh of Hazrat Abbas for.the same.hajat.to make a miracle and make her mine and save her nobody else knows and no one will make efforts to bring.her on the right path but I am.fully serious and I now.know everysides that their family or her fiance doesnt know. Now after so many days passing I couldn't see any progress and I could see her wedding preparation started I consulted a psychologist or councellor and she told me that what do u think that it will all happen on its oulwn without u or anyone doing efforts side by side. She told me to go at her home if ur family is ready and bring this all.things in their knowledge and if she really wants u to be ur husband ask her to tell their family that i will only marry this guy not the one with whom i am engaged and told me to to make her confident abt ur support with her and also she offered me to.imtervene in this matter as it matter of whole.life and for me its matter of akhirah also so its even more serious. I told the that girl that arrange meeting of my mother with her so she refused i told her to tell to ur mother and to whom ur close and ghat boy was also his brother she just told them in a way that they took this as her mistake and scolded her and.told.to.stop.it u will only marry the one u are emgaged and stop everything now just mantain a simple friendship but how could she convey the other things that I m worried. now she has totally.refused and she said u will not take any step i am worried abt my family respect my father my mother are happy and also i m worried abt the fiance who just came coming out from darkest days as her mother passed away few months ago and she told me.dont do it i have younger sister behind what abt my family.respect and if this thing gave shocked to.my father or that boy so i dont know... she is now badly stucked and there is no one who could guide her and she is also depressed. She says but now I have developed feelings for.my fiance I love him and as my family is happy eith this wedding.so I m happy with it and during all this 2 months of story she again and again told me thats I wmyself.will.be really happy on my own if I got married to u and everyone will be happy as wee o one should be sad....but now she is trying to simply pretend and act like she is attached to him and her attachment with me is not.like before whereas she stays connected to me whole day on chat and she is really.really.worried abt my declining.memtal health as Ik everythimg that the main root cause of all this problem.is just that she always hided her this side from parents and brother and until.it doesnt comes in their knowledge how could thing stop and she just saying that i have asked allah for.forgiving me and I know I shaytan made me do this and all but still Ik because i m pretty aware of her behaviour that she has no factor of improvement she realized feels guilt regrets and then again repeats same mistakes again and again and she also accept this behaviour of her....I asked her recently what If there is a scenario that u forget abt everyon ur all family member all responsibilities abt the fiance amd leave every tension aside so she says then it will be you with whom i m will marry. Now she is in guilt regretting what happened and i asked her she says that i was loyal with my fiance from starting then again idk what happened i slipped and now i m loyal with him again this is wjat i m.trying to convey that her nafs problem which is not.in her control she slips she regret amd she ask allah forgiveness and then again this chain goes on and ik this will happen until and unless things are not conveyed to family and the more his fiance is away the more chamces of this things to happen again and again amd she is not even trying to let me tell to his family member or anyone she is trying to make distance because of the family respect and ik for.this she will marry and also she is not happy leavin me.im this way as i m also broken internally and my intemtioms were that if we will be nikkahfied i will.be physicall present around my family will be there and so togther we will form good habits of praying amd as she doesnt pray namaz regularly so.this is one of the reasons of her nafs problem and i told her many times but she cant perform it on daily basis ik once she is part of my life things will start getting better I cant see her doing this again and again pls guide me from islamic point of view what should i do...JazakAllah

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Summary provided by chatgpt4

This summary outlines a complex situation from an Islamic perspective involving a young man and a woman who is engaged to someone else. The woman initially showed interest in the man despite her engagement. She had a habit of being physically close to male friends, which troubled the man. As they interacted more, they developed feelings for each other, leading to physical intimacy and discussions about deeper desires.

The man, concerned about their actions under Islamic teachings, sought advice from a pious individual. This person suggested that the woman viewed the man as a mental husband, and her actions stemmed from uncontrolled physical needs. He offered to perform Quranic amal to either distance her from the man or bring them closer, depending on what the man desired.

The man chose to bring them closer, rationalizing that the woman's fiancé, often away at sea, wouldn't fulfill her needs. He believed marrying her would prevent sin and provide her companionship. He prayed intensively for this outcome, hoping for divine intervention.

He also consulted a psychologist, who advised him to openly discuss the situation with the woman's family. However, the woman refused, worried about family respect and her fiancé's recent loss of his mother. She now feels obligated to proceed with her engagement, though she remains emotionally attached to the man.

The man is conflicted, recognizing their mutual responsibility for the situation and their uncontrolled desires. He believes that marrying her would solve their issues and help them lead a more Islamic life. However, he is unsure how to proceed, given her reluctance to confront her family and her renewed commitment to her fiancé. He seeks Islamic guidance on how to handle this complex emotional and moral dilemma.

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8 hours ago, Guest Jari said:

I went to a pious personality who had somekind of special gifts and he used to guide people and to guide them abt the problems. When I share all the things he asked me abt my name the girl name her fiance name and parents name and then he told the situation is complicated. He told that the girl has mentally accepted u like a husband just a written nikkah needs to be performed otherwise mentally she thinks.of u like a husband. Also he said that the girl has extreme physical needs and she had no control.over her nafs might be some hormonal imbalance or any other factor and thats why she slips now I told what should I do he told if I will do quranic amal he will start getting away from u and closer to her fiance but said that I dont know abt the success of the marriage its not in my hand I can just perform quranic amal and she will stay away and get closer to fiance and I told what If I am also attached to her he said I can do quranic amal so the situation can be favourable for u and he also added that I can see that the girl and u will both live a successful life together and that she will be sincere with u i told him that what abt her physical problems so he said for that u will have to make an effort and take her to the out of country getting better here isnt possible here and asap after u get nikkahfied with her u will have to take her which is best for u and her both and within a year. Now then I could have asked him to make quranic prayer to make her stay away from me but instead I did against its because the fiance of her lives away for more than a year

Salam if She really has accepted you as her husband so then she must accepts Mutah which is a Quranic Amal  with you until performing permanent marriage which just being fiance is not enough & acceptable by Shia standards which that so called pious person has done a big mistake which you must go to shia scholarwhich both of you trust to him so then ask him to talk with her & performs mutah between you which after doing Mutah you must increase your physical contact & try to be with her outside of her home & accompany her as much as possible for you everywhere but avoid making  a child during Mutah which just do Mutah for becoming Mahram & touching her without doing sin . 

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