Lack of practicing Shia muslims to marry

[Bibi Sakeena]

Salam Alaikum,

I've been struggling lately trying to find prospects for marriage. I've gotten my parents to ask practicing, religious teachers in the community, as well as interacted with Shia youth in various settings. The bare minimum for me in a spouse is someone who prays 5 times a day, as on time as possible (I say this and practice it myself so that I'm not hypocritical.) My issue is that the vast majority of Shia youth in the West, even from 'good families' do not practice this it seems. Of course, it's not as if I have a microscope into their lives and am seeing them not praying 5x a day. But generally speaking, praying 5x a day should have an effect on you spiritually and behaviorally. I'm not seeing that, and really what I'm looking for is someone who makes an effort to follow the laws of Islam and seek those laws out when they don't know them. For example, most people are careful about the way they talk with non mahrams or in general are not careful with their speech (one of the biggest key points in akhlaq lessons). Where do I find the people that are truly practicing? Even in settings where I would expect to find them (Shia matrimonial events/youth groups), I don't find them. 

[Ashvazdanghe]

17 hours ago, Bibi Sakeena said:

Where do I find the people that are truly practicing? Even in settings where I would expect to find them (Shia matrimonial events/youth groups), I don't find them. 

Salam maybe you must rely on approving a young man by Imam of your mosque or pious people who regularly attend in mosque which probably they know some young men with this quality so therefore they can approve him which traditional way is that you ask  another women in your mosque to find such young men or ask  about it from Imam of mosque  on behalf of you.  .

[ali_fatheroforphans]

On 9/25/2023 at 7:49 AM, Bibi Sakeena said:

m not seeing that, and really what I'm looking for is someone who makes an effort to follow the laws of Islam and seek those laws out when they don't know them. For example, most people are careful about the way they talk with non mahrams or in general are not careful with their speech (one of the biggest key points in akhlaq lessons)

Salam Alaykum,

The struggle is real. You'd be surprised at the number of 'closet' atheists within our communities who are at a point where not praying does not bother them.

I think the Western society has created a lot of mess, yes they offer us good opportunities to make good money, invest in decent properties, live a comfortable life etc. However this comes at the cost of our spiritual health, stripping away what truly makes up our identity. This is why in the West, there are growing number of people who just can't be 'stuffed' praying because they are indifferent. And no one gets an obvious sign when they are stabbing themselves in the soul. It may show up at some point in the form of 'depression', 'mid-life crisis', 'confusion etc. but these people will end up distracting themselves through their pursuit of more material possessions and just distractions/sins.  

Those who don't make an effort to follow the laws of Islam are totally indifferent and they are the ones who are swept by the wave of society. The ones who consciously live their lives in terms of everything, from the food they eat to the stuff they watch to their friend circles, these are the ones who end up protecting their faith (and Allah knows best). All the rest are simply lost individuals who I would not even consider for marriage.

But you are looking for the right things, like finding someone who takes their prayer seriously, this is the foundation! everything else follows. All I can say is that this is jihad just keep trying and never give up, and also don't underestimate the power of praying for the right spouse. If Allah wills he will bring two righteous people together.

[Bibi Sakeena]

2 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

I think the Western society has created a lot of mess, yes they offer us good opportunities to make good money, invest in decent properties, live a comfortable life etc. However this comes at the cost of our spiritual health, stripping away what truly makes up our identity. This is why in the West, there are growing number of people who just can't be 'stuffed' praying because they are indifferent. And no one gets an obvious sign when they are stabbing themselves in the soul. It may show up at some point in the form of 'depression', 'mid-life crisis', 'confusion etc. but these people will end up distracting themselves through their pursuit of more material possessions and just distractions/sins

Yea, I feel the same way. The way liberalism, humanism, empiricism, and secularism among other ideologies have cut people off from knowing truths within themselves has led to such a tragic death of spirit and etiquettes in the general population. The extent of these ideologies has affected our own Muslim ummah, inside and outside the West. We as a society are so desensitized to our environmental stimuli and so insensitive to our own inner calling or fitrah. We can see this today in that people need to see fast-moving images or videos in order to not be bored; nature is not enough of a source of beauty and wonder to us anymore. I regained the ability to see beauty in nature Alhamdulillah once I watched what was entering my ears, eyes, and thoughts. Controlling those sources of input with the intention of pleasing God and with His guidance meant much of my harmful habits like scrolling online mindlessly for far too much time gradually went away. Now, I feel as though I'm astonished whenever I see the sounds of nature, because my ears are straining not to hear music in public settings and the malls and I myself don't play music for entertainment anymore. If we all take steps to control what we take in through our senses, which is really such wise advice found in the Quran and the traditions of the Ahlul Bayt, so many of our problems would be resolved in our current age with regard to mental health, lethargy, and ingratitude.

 

8 hours ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

Salam maybe you must rely on approving a young man by Imam of your mosque or pious people who regularly attend in mosque which probably they know some young men with this quality so therefore they can approve him which traditional way is that you ask  another women in your mosque to find such young men or ask  about it from Imam of mosque  on behalf of you. 

I think this is probably one of the best next steps I can take, jazakhallah. It's really hard for me to get in touch with him though, as I feel whenever I call him, he's really busy. He also does not know me on too personal of a basis, but inshallah I'll get the opportunity to speak to him regarding these matters.