Marriage crisis for single career women over 30?

[In Gods Name]

Eselam,

There are many women today who wait until late 20s, early 30s to get married. Society has changed. Women now wait until very late to marry. A lot of women are saying now that by the time they hit 30, the options they have seriously diminish. I think this is very unfair. An article here also is about this topic and was upsetting because of what women deal with

https://medium.com/modern-women/best-before-25-expired-after-30-the-asian-womans-plight-9c407d03dfd7

What will society do with all the women over age 30? They have worth obviously but it is not easy.

[Meedy]

In my opinion,

Some of the Muslims women in the west don't have the desire to get married as they don't feel like they need men. Also they are more focused on their careers.

They also have high expectation and have to be from well known family.

As I said, Some of the the muslims women, NOT all of them.

This is just my opinion. Others May differ. 

[Abu Hadi]

Bismillah, 

I was going to say almost the same thing. It's not all but some who have the problem. The ones who value their husband and their family over career and make this the first priority I don't think have a problem. 

When a man talks to a women for marriage it is very easy to tell (for most men) the ones who prioritize their career over family. It is by how they talk and what things they focus on in the conversation and sometimes the demands that they have (but not always). 

There is something that these sisters don't understand. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is Al Razak (The Provider of Sustenance) and it is the man's who is the channel that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has chosen to bring this rizk to the family therefore it is the man's duty to provide for the family financially. Women sometimes help in this role due to necessity, but if a women, from the beginning before any crisis has happened and before there is any necessity to do this chooses to take that role and bypass the system that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has created then this is a problem. This is showing that she may give lip service to the Islamic idea of the family but she doesn't recognize it in practice. Like I said, this is easy for most men to figure out. 

The issue of career and work is seperate from education. If the circumstances allow, women should be encouraged to get an education and finish her education. An education doesn't have to mean a career. A career is ok so long as it doesn't interfere with her duties as a mother and a wife but in most career it does. Bosses are very demanding and they don't care and don't recognize the fact that a women has other duties and other responsibilities (i.e. her family). They pay lip service to the idea of family and 'work life balance' but anyone who has been in a career for a while in the West realizes that this is a facade. Bosses don't care about work life balance, they care that the job gets done and meeting their own financial goals, i.e. making a profit for themselves and the company. Men work because they have to and this is their duty and their jihad fe sabilillah. A women's role is different and many women today are confused on this issue. 

[notme]

Studies have indicated that men are healthier and happier when married, regardless of whether the marriage is "bad" or "good". Women, on the other hand, are healthiest when in a "good" marriage, and unhealthiest when in a "bad" marriage.  This is just another way marriage is riskier for women than it is for men.  

Women can not rely on men - islamically men can divorce easily and for no reason.  In addition, a man may suffer illness or even death, leaving his widow to fend for herself and any children. Our capitalist society does not take care of widows and divorcees. This alone is enough reason for a woman to need to build up a career while she can, which in many cases is before marriage. 

If men want things to change, they need to step up and make things better for everyone. 

[Meedy]

20 hours ago, notme said:

If men want things to change, they need to step up and make things better for everyone. 

Salam,

Can you please provide more info about this. What do men need to do, can you give some examples.

[In Gods Name]

20 hours ago, notme said:

Studies have indicated that men are healthier and happier when married, regardless of whether the marriage is "bad" or "good". Women, on the other hand, are healthiest when in a "good" marriage, and unhealthiest when in a "bad" marriage.  This is just another way marriage is riskier for women than it is for men.  

Women can not rely on men - islamically men can divorce easily and for no reason.  In addition, a man may suffer illness or even death, leaving his widow to fend for herself and any children. Our capitalist society does not take care of widows and divorcees. This alone is enough reason for a woman to need to build up a career while she can, which in many cases is before marriage. 

If men want things to change, they need to step up and make things better for everyone. 

Agreed.

If in todays world a woman can not get a job and fend for herself if her husband dies, or divorces, does this not leave her vulnerable?

[In Gods Name]

21 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

Bismillah, 

I was going to say almost the same thing. It's not all but some who have the problem. The ones who value their husband and their family over career and make this the first priority I don't think have a problem. 

When a man talks to a women for marriage it is very easy to tell (for most men) the ones who prioritize their career over family. It is by how they talk and what things they focus on in the conversation and sometimes the demands that they have (but not always). 

There is something that these sisters don't understand. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is Al Razak (The Provider of Sustenance) and it is the man's who is the channel that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has chosen to bring this rizk to the family therefore it is the man's duty to provide for the family financially. Women sometimes help in this role due to necessity, but if a women, from the beginning before any crisis has happened and before there is any necessity to do this chooses to take that role and bypass the system that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has created then this is a problem. This is showing that she may give lip service to the Islamic idea of the family but she doesn't recognize it in practice. Like I said, this is easy for most men to figure out. 

The issue of career and work is seperate from education. If the circumstances allow, women should be encouraged to get an education and finish her education. An education doesn't have to mean a career. A career is ok so long as it doesn't interfere with her duties as a mother and a wife but in most career it does. Bosses are very demanding and they don't care and don't recognize the fact that a women has other duties and other responsibilities (i.e. her family). They pay lip service to the idea of family and 'work life balance' but anyone who has been in a career for a while in the West realizes that this is a facade. Bosses don't care about work life balance, they care that the job gets done and meeting their own financial goals, i.e. making a profit for themselves and the company. Men work because they have to and this is their duty and their jihad fe sabilillah. A women's role is different and many women today are confused on this issue. 

Do you support the idea of women becoming lawyers or doctors?

[Ashvazdanghe]

21 hours ago, notme said:

Studies have indicated that men are healthier and happier when married, regardless of whether the marriage is "bad" or "good". Women, on the other hand, are healthiest when in a "good" marriage, and unhealthiest when in a "bad" marriage.  This is just another way marriage is riskier for women than it is for men. 

Salam this is same for both of men & women that only healthy  way for both of men & women is just a "good"  marriage which a "bad" marriage for men more riskier  for men than women  or being a single man because sometime women can tolerate a bad marriage for sake of their children but on the othe other hand when a men will be in a "bad " marriage  so then  total corruption will be initiated for men  which men maybe start damaging children or indulge in sinful activities whether  inside or outside house likewise engaging in porn sites & etc . 

21 hours ago, notme said:

Women can not rely on men - islamically men can divorce easily and for no reason.

This is totally wrong because Islamically men must have a valid reason for divorce also it will be not easy for men because at least they must they must pay full dowry also in case of having children they can't negate their duties toward their children . 

21 hours ago, notme said:

  In addition, a man may suffer illness or even death, leaving his widow to fend for herself and any children.

It maybe happens for women in similar fashion of men too which in some cases maybe a a man raises their children after illness or death of his wife singel handly  which it will be more difficult for men than women . 

21 hours ago, notme said:

Our capitalist society does not take care of widows and divorcees. This alone is enough reason for a woman to need to build up a career while she can, which in many cases is before marriage. 

i totally agree with this part .

21 hours ago, notme said:

If men want things to change, they need to step up and make things better for everyone. 

It's also two sided for both of men & women  because both sides are imperfect which both sides must step up toward each other to make things better for both sides by sacrifice for each other . 

52 minutes ago, In Gods Name said:

Do you support the idea of women becoming lawyers or doctors?

There is no problem about women becoming lawyers or doctors  although they  only can't be judges or rulers which expect these two  positions women can reach to other positions . 

1 hour ago, In Gods Name said:

Agreed.

If in todays world a woman can not get a job and fend for herself if her husband dies, or divorces, does this not leave her vulnerable?

It depends on many factors & situation which still in easterner countries a woman can receive help of her family after death o divorce of her husband also some countries likewise Iran provide governmental support for these type of  women if their family can't support them . 

[Kev]

On 9/16/2023 at 8:14 AM, notme said:

Women can not rely on men - islamically men can divorce easily and for no reason.  In addition, a man may suffer illness or even death, leaving his widow to fend for herself and any children. Our capitalist society does not take care of widows and divorcees. This alone is enough reason for a woman to need to build up a career while she can, which in many cases is before marriage. 

Women can rely on a man if they are a good man. I have been married to my wife for almost 25 years. She is not only my wife but also my best friend. I have always made sure that all her needs are met. I have taken steps to ensure that she will be okay if something happens to me. InshAllah I will live a long happy life with her. But if I pass away for some reason, financially she will be fine. I also have accident insurance in case I get seriously hurt to give me money until I heal. Point is where there is a will there is a way.

[notme]

On 9/17/2023 at 4:28 AM, Meedy said:

Salam,

Can you please provide more info about this. What do men need to do, can you give some examples.

Not only men, but since men hold the larger share of power it won't be possible without them.  

We need to enact social changes to reduce the probability of destitution for those who are alone.  As Muslims we should be taking the lead in advocating for and building social safety nets. Marriage before career should not be a risk to a woman and her children's safety.  (Nor a man's, though for men the risk is less.)

 

1 hour ago, Kev said:

Women can rely on a man if they are a good man.

A man can be good, but not wealthy, and be unable to set up safety for his family like you have done. Individual action is great, but we still need social change. 

 

On 9/17/2023 at 6:10 AM, Ashvazdanghe said:

some countries likewise Iran provide governmental support for these type of  women if their family can't support them

Good. We need to make this universal.  

No human should be destitute for any reason.  

[ali_fatheroforphans]

On 9/16/2023 at 8:14 PM, notme said:

men are healthier and happier when married, regardless of whether the marriage is "bad" or "good"

Yes they might have 'numbed' themselves through indulging in other sinful activities, affairs with non-mahrams, prostitutes, chit-chatting with any girl at work and all kinds of addictions, you name it. They will just appear in-different but in reality they are damaging their soul and minds. They might be having multiple 'mut'ah' partners on the side that no one knows about. Yes maybe that is why they appear 'happy' and 'healthy'. Their secrets that no one is aware of. They are doing all this to avoid the pain of being in an 'unfulfilled marriage'.

Those who are truly happy (not the temporary 'high' that is obtained through distraction) are themselves and have loving, respectful, obedient and god-conscious wives. I am talking about the 'happiness' or 'joy' that comes with a life of principles, good morals and closeness to God. Again this goes both ways, men and women who work hard to make their marriage fruitful and where both grow together.

 

Edited September 19, 2023 by ali_fatheroforphans

[notme]

9 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Yes they might have 'numbed' themselves through indulging in other sinful activities

No idea.  I'm just talking about some science that I've read a while back.  I assume the research subjects were mostly non-muslim, so most likely follow the social norms of their culture.  

Obviously men and women in happy marriages are better off than men and women in unhappy marriages.  The research indicated that men in marriages that they self-identified as "bad" measured higher on happiness scales than men of the same age who were single, and women who self- identified as being in "bad" marriages measured lower in happiness scales than women of the same age who were single. (Single is defined as not currently married, whether never married, divorced, or widowed. )

Sorry, I can't link the research. I read it analog, a long time ago, and it isn't important enough to me to search for it online.  

[kadhim]

On 9/16/2023 at 7:26 AM, Abu Hadi said:

Bismillah, 

I was going to say almost the same thing. It's not all but some who have the problem. The ones who value their husband and their family over career and make this the first priority I don't think have a problem. 

When a man talks to a women for marriage it is very easy to tell (for most men) the ones who prioritize their career over family. It is by how they talk and what things they focus on in the conversation and sometimes the demands that they have (but not always). 

There is something that these sisters don't understand. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is Al Razak (The Provider of Sustenance) and it is the man's who is the channel that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has chosen to bring this rizk to the family therefore it is the man's duty to provide for the family financially. Women sometimes help in this role due to necessity, but if a women, from the beginning before any crisis has happened and before there is any necessity to do this chooses to take that role and bypass the system that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has created then this is a problem. This is showing that she may give lip service to the Islamic idea of the family but she doesn't recognize it in practice. Like I said, this is easy for most men to figure out. 

The issue of career and work is seperate from education. If the circumstances allow, women should be encouraged to get an education and finish her education. An education doesn't have to mean a career. A career is ok so long as it doesn't interfere with her duties as a mother and a wife but in most career it does. Bosses are very demanding and they don't care and don't recognize the fact that a women has other duties and other responsibilities (i.e. her family). They pay lip service to the idea of family and 'work life balance' but anyone who has been in a career for a while in the West realizes that this is a facade. Bosses don't care about work life balance, they care that the job gets done and meeting their own financial goals, i.e. making a profit for themselves and the company. Men work because they have to and this is their duty and their jihad fe sabilillah. A women's role is different and many women today are confused on this issue. 

The thing is, work in a job is about making money (and some days more than others), but it’s also about more than that. There are lots of people who legitimately enjoy their work, and it brings them satisfaction to do interesting projects and solve problems and be part of a well-functioning team. Men get this out of work in their own jobs, so it should not be surprising that women experience the same. 

Also, the truth is that this notion of there being a need for one party to be a full-time -for-life homemaker and child care provider is a little obsolete in relation to lived reality today. Once upon a time, all the housework was done by hand and families had 10 kids and raising them was a full-time 25 year commitment. There was always something or someone that needed caring for at all times until all the kids were married. That’s a career in itself in those days. 

Now it’s different. Machines make a lot of house work easier. And people have 1, 2, maybe 3 kids. After 5-10 years, everyone is in school during the day. 

So what does she do with herself in those other 35-40 years? That’s a lot of time. Some women just seem to be happiest throwing themselves into a traditional domestic life, finding creative ways to fill the day with new things, volunteering for kid activities, baking cupcakes for bake sales, running around to practices and activities. And all power to them. If that makes them personally feel fulfilled, good for them. Far be it from me to discourage that. 

But a LOT of women, given the choice, that doesn’t do it for them these days. And that’s not because they’re brainwashed. They just find fulfilment in different types of projects. Because—shocker—every woman—just like every man is an individual and individuals are different in what gives enjoyment and meaning to their day to day. 

Edited September 19, 2023 by kadhim

[notme]

In any event, women in working class families have always worked for employers. Being able to choose to be a "housewife" has always been a privilege only available to those with some wealth. Women working for money is nothing new.  Choosing to work outside of home might be. 

Edited September 19, 2023 by notme

[3wliya_maryam]

As long as the woman can balance out work and family life (while obviously prioritising family first), then it shouldn't be an issue. Sayyeda Khadijah (عليه السلام) did.

[notme]

On 9/16/2023 at 2:12 AM, In Gods Name said:

A lot of women are saying now that by the time they hit 30, the options they have seriously diminish. I think this is very unfair.

They'll need to marry non-Asian husbands if Asian men believe 30 years to be the expiration date. It's not a problem over most of the world. 

[In Gods Name]

31 minutes ago, notme said:

They'll need to marry non-Asian husbands if Asian men believe 30 years to be the expiration date. It's not a problem over most of the world. 

It's ridiculous isn't it, for so many women to be put in what is now in this era a large group.

[Kev]

2 hours ago, notme said:

A man can be good, but not wealthy, and be unable to set up safety for his family like you have done. Individual action is great, but we still need social change. 

I wanted to add a bit of clarification to your response. I am definitely NOT wealthy. My income can best be described as living paycheck to paycheck. However like I said where there is a will there is a way. I have my wife protected through the use of things like life insurance on myself and accident insurance. Yes they both cost extra money but it is still affordable for even my income. I do however agree that the system worldwide should be better to help protect women. But I don't think that the solution is for women to strictly focus on their career for the first 30+ years of there life like some women do. I have seen far too many heartbreaking stories where they either can't find a man because of their age or are not able to have children anymore.

[Quran313]

Solution is not rejecting suitors for no reason at young age.

[ireallywannaknow]

On 9/16/2023 at 2:12 AM, In Gods Name said:

A lot of women are saying now that by the time they hit 30, the options they have seriously diminish. I think this is very unfair.

Are there benefits to marrying a woman over 30? If there are please list them. I mostly see drawbacks. 

1) Fertility years are over or close to being over. 

2) Peak physical beauty is over. 

3) If she is in a demanding career, she probably can't or doesn't want to stay home with her young kids if she has any. Statistically children thrive best when they are cared for primarily by their own mothers and not by daycares or other types of care. 

I think the things men prioritize in a wife are fertility, beauty, and being a good mother (besides a good personality, but that isn't age sensitive). So it doesn't really seem "unfair," it is just the tradeoff that a woman chooses if she chooses to delay marriage until a later age. She could choose to get married after university and she would be 23 and still be in high demand and then enter the career world a bit later after the children are in school. 

[kadhim]

55 minutes ago, ireallywannaknow said:

Are there benefits to marrying a woman over 30?

For real? Ok. I’m going to line these up and knock them down, because frankly, it’s kind of disappointing to see a woman absorb these kinds of attitudes and uncritically say them back like this. 

So first of all, in terms of the benefits, maturity is what pops to mind immediately. Emotional, psychological, social, economic maturity. That’s a huuuuge thing, and hella attractive in a companion. 

A 20 year old is a biologically mature human female. A 30+ year old is a woman. There is a difference here.

The 20 year old has a certain fresh new physical beauty to her. I guess that’s something on a certain childishly superficial level. But my God, are they ever boring at that age. So boring. 

And how can they not be? They haven’t done anything yet. They haven’t lived yet. They don’t really know what it’s about. They’re still a kid. Who wants to marry a kid?

The 30 year old and above has seen something of life. Their face and features are fully defined. There is character there. 

1 hour ago, ireallywannaknow said:

1) Fertility years are over or close to being over. 

Nonsense. Fertility at 30 is still quite good. Even at 40. It’s a little less, but it’s not really that much less. The thing is, when you’re looking at maybe 2 kids, you only really need 3 years to get it done once you start. Or, well, 4-5 to allow some time for them to really know each other and cement the relationship before jumping into it. Obviously 30 or 35 leaves a little less room for error, but the idea that all is lost by 30 is thinking out of date by probably 50 years at this point. 
 

1 hour ago, ireallywannaknow said:

2) Peak physical beauty is over. 

I already addressed this, so won’t repeat. But really, as someone a little older than some others here, peak beauty is still to come at 30. Really, someone is just getting there at that age. That’s my perspective anyway.

1 hour ago, ireallywannaknow said:

3) If she is in a demanding career, she probably can't or doesn't want to stay home with her young kids if she has any. Statistically children thrive best when they are cared for primarily by their own mothers and not by daycares or other types of care. 

This one is going to depend a bit from person to person and on where you live. If a woman wants to have children, and she is in a country with supportive parental insurance benefits (basically any advanced Western nation other than the US), it’s very doable. 

It’s something that has to be talked out in a serious way when the prospective pair is talking. The difference between talking to a 30-40 year old as compared to a 20 year old is that if he wants kids and she does too, it’s time to start getting more concrete about planning it out and how the pieces are going to move around to make it happen. With the need to be concrete increasing the closer you get to 40. 

[Guest anonymousssMale]

On 9/16/2023 at 7:14 AM, notme said:

Studies have indicated that men are healthier and happier when married, regardless of whether the marriage is "bad" or "good". Women, on the other hand, are healthiest when in a "good" marriage, and unhealthiest when in a "bad" marriage.  This is just another way marriage is riskier for women than it is for men.  

Women can not rely on men - islamically men can divorce easily and for no reason.  In addition, a man may suffer illness or even death, leaving his widow to fend for herself and any children. Our capitalist society does not take care of widows and divorcees. This alone is enough reason for a woman to need to build up a career while she can, which in many cases is before marriage. 

If men want things to change, they need to step up and make things better for everyone. 

It's shown in nearly all studies that married people have a better quality of life than unmarried people, regardless of gender. From what I recall, there was some psych article that claimed unmarried women were happier, but that author took back his claim after realizing he misunderstood the survey data. Also according to the cdc, use of antidepressant is highest in divorced/separated women, and general usage is highest in older women. There was another study by 'American Economic Journal' which describes "The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness", as modern women are by all measures less happy than their counterparts of the past.

On 9/16/2023 at 6:12 AM, Meedy said:

In my opinion,

Some of the Muslims women in the west don't have the desire to get married as they don't feel like they need men. Also they are more focused on their careers.

They also have high expectation and have to be from well known family.

As I said, Some of the the muslims women, NOT all of them.

This is just my opinion. Others May differ. 

I've come across this first hand, a girl I was talking to was describing to me how she didn't want to get married or have kids, due to the marriages she has seen in her community. This person worked a highly corporate job, she worked like 10-12 hours a day, was constantly stressed by the work and office politics. I sympathized with her honestly, not a life I would choose personally.

Also, I personally would not marry a career woman, I make enough money, and would want my wife to raise our kids. Especially with the latest progressive movements, I would NOT want my kids being raised by teachers, the government, tiktok, or any other person/institution with non-islamic values.

[ireallywannaknow]

1 hour ago, kadhim said:

For real? Ok. I’m going to line these up and knock them down, because frankly, it’s kind of disappointing to see a woman absorb these kinds of attitudes and uncritically say them back like this. 

So first of all, in terms of the benefits, maturity is what pops to mind immediately. Emotional, psychological, social, economic maturity. That’s a huuuuge thing, and hella attractive in a companion. 

A 20 year old is a biologically mature human female. A 30+ year old is a woman. There is a difference here.

The 20 year old has a certain fresh new physical beauty to her. I guess that’s something on a certain childishly superficial level. But my God, are they ever boring at that age. So boring. 

And how can they not be? They haven’t done anything yet. They haven’t lived yet. They don’t really know what it’s about. They’re still a kid. Who wants to marry a kid?

The 30 year old and above has seen something of life. Their face and features are fully defined. There is character there. 

Nonsense. Fertility at 30 is still quite good. Even at 40. It’s a little less, but it’s not really that much less. The thing is, when you’re looking at maybe 2 kids, you only really need 3 years to get it done once you start. Or, well, 4-5 to allow some time for them to really know each other and cement the relationship before jumping into it. Obviously 30 or 35 leaves a little less room for error, but the idea that all is lost by 30 is thinking out of date by probably 50 years at this point. 
 

I already addressed this, so won’t repeat. But really, as someone a little older than some others here, peak beauty is still to come at 30. Really, someone is just getting there at that age. That’s my perspective anyway.

This one is going to depend a bit from person to person and on where you live. If a woman wants to have children, and she is in a country with supportive parental insurance benefits (basically any advanced Western nation other than the US), it’s very doable. 

It’s something that has to be talked out in a serious way when the prospective pair is talking. The difference between talking to a 30-40 year old as compared to a 20 year old is that if he wants kids and she does too, it’s time to start getting more concrete about planning it out and how the pieces are going to move around to make it happen. With the need to be concrete increasing the closer you get to 40. 

I was asking seriously and not rhetorically so thanks, maturity is a good one. A could see an older man definitely seeking that out. But since women mature faster than men typically, a 30 something year old man may still be looking at 20 something year old women for his match maturity wise. 

A woman's 30's go by really quickly in terms of childbearing. At 35 she is considered a geriatric patient in gynecological terms, and at 40 it's more of an exception than a rule that she can conceive easily and carry to term. Plus you have a LOT less energy to chase kids around so it's just harder. 

Anyway, those were my reasons why the demand is probably less among that age group. I do hope every woman can get married at any age. And I'm glad that men like you are interested in that age group. But many men would probably marry younger ideally. 

[notme]

3 hours ago, ireallywannaknow said:

1) Fertility years are over or close to being over. 

2) Peak physical beauty is over. 

1. Maybe some people go through menopause in their 30s? I don't know.  But I do know dozens of women who have had children without medical intervention in their 30s and 40s, and even a few who have had children in their 50s naturally, and with medical assistance almost every woman can.  

2. No. Just no. I can't even argue it because it's just so blatantly not true.  I look better now than I ever did in my twenties and I'd say the same about most of the women I know. Life, learning, and love do wonders for the appearance.  

[Guest anonymousssMale]

4 hours ago, ireallywannaknow said:

Are there benefits to marrying a woman over 30? If there are please list them. I mostly see drawbacks. 

1) Fertility years are over or close to being over. 

2) Peak physical beauty is over. 

3) If she is in a demanding career, she probably can't or doesn't want to stay home with her young kids if she has any. Statistically children thrive best when they are cared for primarily by their own mothers and not by daycares or other types of care. 

I think the things men prioritize in a wife are fertility, beauty, and being a good mother (besides a good personality, but that isn't age sensitive). So it doesn't really seem "unfair," it is just the tradeoff that a woman chooses if she chooses to delay marriage until a later age. She could choose to get married after university and she would be 23 and still be in high demand and then enter the career world a bit later after the children are in school. 

In my opinion no.

I'm saying this as a person in their early 20s. I would want someone who's on the same wavelength as me, which is starting and prioritizing the family. A career women doesn't really strike me as that..

In my opinion the biggest con for older women isn't beauty, but experiences. on a balance of probabilities an older women has just been through more stuff, maybe has had more experiences, relationships, baggage, etc. that I just don't want to deal with.

Another thing, this is for both men and women, is that as we get older, our personalities solidify. Our character is pretty much set in stone, we are less flexible, meaning we are less likely to fully mesh with our partners.

And of course the age plays a part in fertility, 35 is classified a high risk pregnancy. 

Looks is another factor as well, people cope, but the average 23 year old is by far better looking than the average 33 year old, for both men and women...

Imaan is however the most important, I would prefer a religious 30yo than a unfaithful 20yo. 

[In Gods Name]

On 9/20/2023 at 2:45 AM, Guest anonymousssMale said:

Looks is another factor as well, people cope, but the average 23 year old is by far better looking than the average 33 year old, for both men and women...

 

I wouldn't agree with this you know.

Many men become better looking into their late 20s and early 30s, with denser facial hair, more meat on them, and a more mature look, compared to shaved kids in their early 20s.

As for women, it all depends. If she has high cheekbones, what her bone structure is like, the skin care routine, how she looks after herself, because there are women in their 20s who look much older, and women with better bone structure in their 30s who look younger and more beautiful.

If you have a choice between a woman in her early 30s, with far better bone structure, body, height, health, and a woman in her mid 20s with poor bone structure (not to judge at all), i can guarantee you the one with better bone structure and body will be far more beautiful into her 30s, 40s, and even 50s (where she may well look much younger than the younger woman!).

<>

In terms of high risk pregnancies, with modern medicine, it no longer is as high risk as it used to be. High risk means it is riskier relative to a younger woman, but it isn't a death sentence - the vast majority over 99% will go on to have healthy babies and a safe pregnancy.

Edited April 1, 2024 by In Gods Name

[In Gods Name]

On 9/20/2023 at 12:35 AM, notme said:

2. No. Just no. I can't even argue it because it's just so blatantly not true.  I look better now than I ever did in my twenties and I'd say the same about most of the women I know. Life, learning, and love do wonders for the appearance.  

Bone structure is also key here.

High cheekbones, a strong jaw line, better skeleton etc shows with age.

This is why you can only compare a woman to herself, not to other women her age.

 

[Ashvazdanghe]

8 hours ago, In Gods Name said:

Bone structure is also key here.

High cheekbones, a strong jaw line, better skeleton etc shows with age.

This is why you can only compare a woman to herself, not to other women her age.

Salam this is good for comparing an animal likewise horse which your viewpoint about women by seeing them likewise animals is really disgusting . 

[In Gods Name]

6 minutes ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

Salam this is good for comparing an animal likewise horse which your viewpoint about women by seeing them likewise animals is really disgusting . 

This was not comparing women to animals brother, God forbid such a thing.

Rather it was just an example showing that you can't just define a woman by her age. Some women are older but blessed with better bone structure and so will not only be more beautiful, but age far better, than far younger women. 

It's just a fact.

[Irfani313]

17 hours ago, In Gods Name said:

Bone structure is also key here.

High cheekbones, a strong jaw line, better skeleton etc shows with age.

This is why you can only compare a woman to herself, not to other women her age.

 

What’s up with this obsession about bone structure and “preaching” all of us on destroying our fasts before Layl, and such? lol

[Irfani313]

16 hours ago, In Gods Name said:

I wouldn't agree with this you know.

Many men become better looking into their late 20s and early 30s, with denser facial hair, more meat on them, and a more mature look, compared to shaved kids in their early 20s.

As for women, it all depends. If she has high cheekbones, what her bone structure is like, the skin care routine, how she looks after herself, because there are women in their 20s who look much older, and women with better bone structure in their 30s who look younger and more beautiful.

If you have a choice between a woman in her early 30s, with far better bone structure, body, height, health, and a woman in her mid 20s with poor bone structure (not to judge at all), i can guarantee you the one with better bone structure and body will be far more beautiful into her 30s, 40s, and even 50s (where she may well look much younger than the younger woman!).

<>

In terms of high risk pregnancies, with modern medicine, it no longer is as high risk as it used to be. High risk means it is riskier relative to a younger woman, but it isn't a death sentence - the vast majority over 99% will go on to have healthy babies and a safe pregnancy.

Bone again!!! Lol

instead watch “Born Again” on YT, you may learn something. 

[SO SOLID SHIA]

Everyone wants to be a boss babe until it's time to buy a cat 

[hawdini]

4 hours ago, Irfani313 said:

What’s up with this obsession about bone structure and “preaching” all of us on destroying our fasts before Layl, and such? lol

LOL eyy im 31,  i dont have high cheekbones just chubby cheeks, am i still desirable, plz let me know!

Edited April 2, 2024 by ShiaChat Mod
profanity edited

[2Timeless]

10 hours ago, In Gods Name said:

Rather it was just an example showing that you can't just define a woman by her age. Some women are older but blessed with better bone structure and so will not only be more beautiful, but age far better, than far younger women. 

It's just a fact.

I do agree with this. But I think its the same for men, why particularise it to women? Some men are blessed with a full head of hair their whole life while others bald mid 20s. 

Genes also play a role. Some peoples genes are just great when it comes to dark circles, wrinkles etc. There is only so much you can control with a good skincare routine, most dermatologists agree on the fact that some people are just genetically predisposed to not form as many wrinkles. But like I said, this applies to both men and women. Some just age better than others.

Edited April 2, 2024 by 2Timeless

[hawdini]

1 hour ago, SO SOLID SHIA said:

Everyone wants to be a boss babe until it's time to buy a cat 

Have you owned a cat before?

Have you ever lived with a man before?