Going into a depressive episode

[Bibi Sakeena]

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

 

I can feel myself starting to slip into a depressive episode. I became a lot more religious starting mid last fall. It helped me so much, but as I believed more strongly in the deen, I noticed my beliefs starting to go more conservative. I had a really close gay friend that is a progressive Muslim, but once she knew that I thought acting on those desires was a sin, she completely cut me off. We were going to live together next year, we hung out like 2-3x a week. The thing is she's really close friends with my non muslim roommate (who I also haven't told those specific beliefs to) and is constantly hanging out with her. I feel really isolated and low value because despite us being such close friends, as soon as I voiced a more conservative belief, she promptly started to pretend that I don't exist. I really cared about her and loved her, but now she thinks I'm homophobic, and my roommate doesn't even seem to want to hang out with me anymore. I told her not to tell my roommate what I believe because I know my roommate would not understand why I would 'move backwards' and take on those beliefs. It's so awkward and hurtful especially when I see my progressive Muslim friend in public and wave to her and she just ignores me. I also have a younger sister that has been low-key bullying me; she keeps telling me I'm cringe and annoying, and refuses to engage in conversation with me because she said she'd just get mad and start yelling if she does (she's an early teenager). I can be really petty with her because she triggers me so fast. I am trying to work on it, but in the moment, I realize I can be toxic and go for low blows with her when I see red. Overall, I just feel really isolated all around. I'm trying to make more Muslim friends but it's a slow process. I have finals this next week, and I think I just needed to rant before I hunker down and study. If you guys have any advice, inshallah please let me know. I'm suffering out here right now. 

[Hameedeh]

9 hours ago, Bibi Sakeena said:

I have finals this next week, and I think I just needed to rant before I hunker down and study. 

Salam. Whenever finals are coming up, it seems people are getting anxious and having thoughts about personal issues or other people. It's a way of procrastinating, putting off what really needs to be done: study for your finals. If you need to focus and a roommate or a family member makes noise, you can study in the library. After your finals you can think about those annoying issues. 

[Zaydism]

9 hours ago, Bibi Sakeena said:

I had a really close gay friend that is a progressive Muslim, but once she knew that I thought acting on those desires was a sin, she completely cut me off.

You shouldn't be hanging out with people like that, and if your friend proclaims that such is not a sin. Then, they are outside of the fold of Islam if they knew that this is what Allah and his Messenger taught yet decided to oppose it anyway. If they believe it is a sin, but act upon it and die without repenting. Then, they will face eternal chastisement in the hellfire. 

9 hours ago, Bibi Sakeena said:

I feel really isolated and low value because despite us being such close friends, as soon as I voiced a more conservative belief, she promptly started to pretend that I don't exist.

Why would you care about what she thinks when she doesn't care about what Allah has decreed? Since when do the views of hypocrites, or perhaps even apostates matter? Also, you mention 'conservative' and 'progressive' Muslim as if whatever deviance she is on is legitimate. There are only Muslims, and they are those who submit to what Allah and His Messenger have decreed. 

9 hours ago, Bibi Sakeena said:

she thinks I'm homophobic, and my roommate doesn't even seem to want to hang out with me anymore.

We aren't afraid of homosexuals; we are afraid of Allah, and we are afraid of sin. Moreover, we should never be afraid to voice our beliefs which are guidance from the most high. Again, why does it matter what implicit kuffar, and non-believers think/say?

9 hours ago, Bibi Sakeena said:

I told her not to tell my roommate what I believe because I know my roommate would not understand why I would 'move backwards' and take on those beliefs.

Why do you have such an inferiority complex?

9 hours ago, Bibi Sakeena said:

I'm trying to make more Muslim friends but it's a slow process.

This is what you need to do, surround yourself with actual Muslims. 

9 hours ago, Bibi Sakeena said:

If you guys have any advice, inshallah please let me know.

Don't allow the opinions of those who have no regard for your Lord carry any meaning for you and surround yourself with Muslims who are serious about their faith. Your interactions with non-Muslims should only be formal or done for the sake of guiding them to Islam - not appeasing them.

[rkazmi33]

I think there's a difference between amar bil maroof and nahi anil munkir and "bullying". Muslims encourage each others to do amar bil maroof and nahi anil munkir but they don't bother to learn how to do it properly. Many people who are mean, cruel bullies, actually justify their actions using amar bil maroof and nahi anil munkir. The OP herself has admitted that she can be really toxic and goes for low blows when she sees her sister doing something wrong. How is that toxic behavior not a sin? I have lost so many good friends after they became religious. I just don't understand why does being religious means being cruel, toxic and mean? I was very religious when I was young but I was never mean and toxic. Then people around me became religious and they made me lose my faith. I have also seen FEW religious people, who had good akhlaq and they actually inspired me to become better Muslim but they were very few. My suggestion to OP is to really learn more about amar bil maroof and nahi anil munkir and learn its conditions. 

You should check if you are engaging in any of these behaviors. 

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/7-types-energy-vampires-heres-020000490.html

Edited May 12 by rkazmi33

[Ethics]

Salam dear sister, when Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) wants you to come to Him, He will test you in many ways. When you feel alone, remember Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is always there waiting for your call. Remember our prophets and imams.. they were alone most of their lives... Spend more time watching islamic lectures, reading quran, dua, learning about the religion, sports, other hobbies. Also when you say your beliefs are becoming more conservative you mean you are becoming more religious right? Isnt that the goal? To obtain more piety and God consciousness. Maybe Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is gifting you a way to find new better friends who are not constantly influencing you in a bad way, who are not making you question your own faith and decisions. Why would you want to be around someone who does not treat you fairly and misunderstands you all while you are trying your best and being so considerate and kind? About your younger sister, its okay, they are young right they dont know any better and they have their stages in life where they are just annoying. We were all like that once ago. But try your best to be patient with her and not let her move away from you. You should always be there for her as a good rolemodel even if its indirect. Im sure she will be viewing all your actions/words/beliefs. You have finals next week, thjs is another gift from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to keep you free from wordly matters so you can give it your 110% for next week in studying!
 

Why Are Problems Innate In Our Existence From Islam's Perspective By Hajj Hassanain Rajabali

Obtaining God Consciousness & Being Proactive By Hajj Hassanain Rajabali

The Influence Of Others, Bad Friends, & Chasing After This Material World By Hajj Hassanain Rajabali

 

Striving Towards Positivity & Our Goals As Muslims By Hajj Hassanain Rajabali

 

I pray that you find ease and true muslim friends. Stay patient , have hope in Allah..

[AbdusSibtayn]

On 5/12/2023 at 12:38 AM, Bibi Sakeena said:

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

 

I can feel myself starting to slip into a depressive episode. I became a lot more religious starting mid last fall. It helped me so much, but as I believed more strongly in the deen, I noticed my beliefs starting to go more conservative. I had a really close gay friend that is a progressive Muslim, but once she knew that I thought acting on those desires was a sin, she completely cut me off. We were going to live together next year, we hung out like 2-3x a week. The thing is she's really close friends with my non muslim roommate (who I also haven't told those specific beliefs to) and is constantly hanging out with her. I feel really isolated and low value because despite us being such close friends, as soon as I voiced a more conservative belief, she promptly started to pretend that I don't exist. I really cared about her and loved her, but now she thinks I'm homophobic, and my roommate doesn't even seem to want to hang out with me anymore. I told her not to tell my roommate what I believe because I know my roommate would not understand why I would 'move backwards' and take on those beliefs. It's so awkward and hurtful especially when I see my progressive Muslim friend in public and wave to her and she just ignores me. I also have a younger sister that has been low-key bullying me; she keeps telling me I'm cringe and annoying, and refuses to engage in conversation with me because she said she'd just get mad and start yelling if she does (she's an early teenager). I can be really petty with her because she triggers me so fast. I am trying to work on it, but in the moment, I realize I can be toxic and go for low blows with her when I see red. Overall, I just feel really isolated all around. I'm trying to make more Muslim friends but it's a slow process. I have finals this next week, and I think I just needed to rant before I hunker down and study. If you guys have any advice, inshallah please let me know. I'm suffering out here right now. 

Wa alaikum assalamu wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuh, 

Good riddance. It is impermissible to associate with the fujjar anyway. Thank Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) that He rid you of this evil influence. 

Not an inch back on the divine laws- have this inscribed in your mind. If that costs 'friends' or even 'family', then so be it. Judgement, reward and recognition are all with Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). 

For now, focus on your studies peacefully. 'Friends' will happen on their own when the time is right. 

Edited May 19 by AbdusSibtayn
typos