Marriage Concerns

[Asad Dullah]

As a European revert, I am kind of worried about finding a spouse while also not worried because firstly, I am not ready as much as I have the urge and have desires to get married I am a uni student finances aren't there, doesn't seem viable at this point in life. Where I am concerned is the actual process of finding a spouse unfortunately I am not going to go outside one day and a spouse is going to fall from the Sky I have to make some effort. Ok I don't mind approaching sisters but apparently being friends with the opposite gender is haram, so how can I get to know if a girl is a suitable wife, maybe sisters living in Europe could answer should I approach them and be direct say ''I'd like to get to know and see if this can lead anywhere'' or should I befriend them first and then see if we both get feelings for each other? I also believe in Taqdeer/Taqdir or Qadr meaning Allah subhana watala has decreed everything in my life so I don't mind being patient and just focusing on myself levelling up so to speak. To brothers whom are married what advice would you give a young man?

[Muslim2010]

On 3/29/2023 at 1:13 PM, Asad Dullah said:

As a European revert, I am kind of worried about finding a spouse while also not worried because firstly, I am not ready as much as I have the urge and have desires to get married I am a uni student finances aren't there, doesn't seem viable at this point in life. Where I am concerned is the actual process of finding a spouse unfortunately I am not going to go outside one day and a spouse is going to fall from the Sky I have to make some effort. Ok I don't mind approaching sisters but apparently being friends with the opposite gender is haram, so how can I get to know if a girl is a suitable wife, maybe sisters living in Europe could answer should I approach them and be direct say ''I'd like to get to know and see if this can lead anywhere'' or should I befriend them first and then see if we both get feelings for each other? I also believe in Taqdeer/Taqdir or Qadr meaning Allah subhana watala has decreed everything in my life so I don't mind being patient and just focusing on myself levelling up so to speak. To brothers whom are married what advice would you give a young man?

The following link from SC may be helpful to yourself to look for a shia spouse:

https://www.shiamatch.com

[Haji 2003]

On 3/29/2023 at 9:13 AM, Asad Dullah said:

To brothers whom are married what advice would you give a young man?

The following answer was provided by chatGPT4.0

As an AI language model, I am not a person with personal experiences or beliefs, but I can provide some general suggestions and advice for your situation. It is important to remember that each person's journey is unique, and you should consult with trusted friends, family, or community members for personalized guidance.

1. Consult with your local Muslim community: Reach out to your local mosque or Islamic center to inquire about matchmaking services or matrimonial events. These resources are designed to help individuals find suitable partners while adhering to Islamic principles.

2. Utilize online platforms: There are numerous online matrimonial platforms designed specifically for Muslims, which can help you find potential partners who share your values and beliefs. Always use caution and verify the legitimacy of any platform before sharing personal information.

3. Seek advice from married friends or mentors: Reach out to married friends or mentors who can provide guidance and advice based on their personal experiences. They may be able to offer insights on the process of finding a spouse and share tips for building a successful marriage.

4. Be clear about your intentions: If you decide to approach potential spouses, it is essential to be transparent about your intentions from the beginning. Let them know that you are interested in getting to know them for the purpose of marriage, not simply for friendship. This clarity will help both parties understand each other's expectations and goals.

5. Involve families early on: In Islam, it is recommended to involve the families of both parties early in the process of getting to know each other. This helps ensure that the relationship remains within the boundaries of Islamic principles and provides an additional layer of support and guidance.

6. Focus on self-improvement: While you are in the process of finding a spouse, use this time to work on yourself, both personally and professionally. Develop your knowledge, skills, and spirituality, and strive to become the best version of yourself.

7. Trust in Allah: Have faith that Allah has a plan for your life and that everything happens according to His will. Remain patient, focused, and open to opportunities that may come your way.

Remember, finding a suitable spouse is a journey that requires patience, effort, and faith. Keep an open mind, seek guidance from trusted sources, and trust in Allah's plan for your life.

[Uni Student]

1 minute ago, Haji 2003 said:

The following answer was provided by chatGPT4.0

When chatgpt gives more sound advice than some real human beings XD

[Quran313]

4 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

The following answer was provided by chatGPT4.0

 

ChatGPT

How did you come up with this idea, getting advice from ChatGPT?

Edited April 2 by Quran313

[ShiaChat Mod]

11 hours ago, Muslim2010 said:

The following link from SC may be helpful to yourself to look for a shia spouse:

https://www.shiamatch.com

Thank you. The OP can also, hopefully, see this topic:

https://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235047390-marriage-help-and-advice/

[Haji 2003]

6 hours ago, Quran313 said:

ChatGPT

How did you come up with this idea, getting advice from ChatGPT?

Well I had been asking it all sorts of questions and this 'type' of question was one that I hadn't. I must say I was pleasantly surprised by the way that it put it's answer into a Muslim context.

Obviously I read it through before posting it, and it did seem quite reasonable. Perhaps it's just a bit more 'vanilla' than what a real human would have said.

[AussieShia]

On 3/29/2023 at 7:13 PM, Asad Dullah said:

As a European revert, I am kind of worried about finding a spouse while also not worried because firstly, I am not ready as much as I have the urge and have desires to get married I am a uni student finances aren't there, doesn't seem viable at this point in life. Where I am concerned is the actual process of finding a spouse unfortunately I am not going to go outside one day and a spouse is going to fall from the Sky I have to make some effort. Ok I don't mind approaching sisters but apparently being friends with the opposite gender is haram, so how can I get to know if a girl is a suitable wife, maybe sisters living in Europe could answer should I approach them and be direct say ''I'd like to get to know and see if this can lead anywhere'' or should I befriend them first and then see if we both get feelings for each other? I also believe in Taqdeer/Taqdir or Qadr meaning Allah subhana watala has decreed everything in my life so I don't mind being patient and just focusing on myself levelling up so to speak. To brothers whom are married what advice would you give a young man?

It's hard to beat the advice from chatgpt. These forums might be finished soon if chatgpt keeps giving advice like this.

If I were to give my 2 cents:

1. Level up as hard as you can. Focus on building yourself spiritually. Lift weights to build your body. Focus on your studies. The more you level up the more options you will have when it comes time to marry.

2. From my experience, there is a fair bit of racism in the Muslim community. This means many families will be hesitant or outright reject you merely because you are European. You should be prepared for this.

3. Muslim matrimonial websites imo will be a great help for you, as you won't have the family connections to help you find a bride. If you level up inshallah you will find a great bride on a Muslim matrimonial website.

4. If you go to your local Islamic centre regularly you will get to know many of the people there. When you are ready to get married, because you have built those connections over time, you might find a suitable bride through those connections.

[Haji 2003]

2 hours ago, AussieShia said:

It's hard to beat the advice from chatgpt.

 

Well ...

 

2 hours ago, AussieShia said:

From my experience, there is a fair bit of racism in the Muslim community.

 

It can't speak from personal experience ... yet.