Good or bad decision

[Guest Philly]

I’ve currently been looking for a wife for about a year now with not much success. I am in a masters level program, look after myself, do my wajibaat, etc. I have looked on Shiamatch and Shia connections, as well as meeting different rishta aunties in person with no success. Recently a woman (ahle kitab) at my workplace has been hinting at a relationship. I dont want to abandon the search for a superior marriage in favor of an inferior marriage (temporary), but I’m beginning to grow impatient with how long it is taking to find a wife and don’t want to fall into sin. Is it advisable to go through with this temporary marriage while still looking for someone permanent, or should I just be patient?

[EiE]

Temporary marriage has always bothered me because it just seems morally wrong. Just ask anyone who has done a temporarily marriage with a western girl and ask them to honestly tell you how they approach it with the girl.  You will find that most of them break the pillars, and don't even mention to the girl that it's a "marriage" contract they are entering, giving the sense of being enforced. Now consider this, why is that so? Perhaps they do so despite their own deep-seated lack of belief because doing differently would be "zina"

It's also amusing that some marjas say you can do mutah with a prostitute knowing she's had multiple clients before you and will have several clients after you.
But, having a girlfriend is a no-no. Now tell me which one is preferable from a moral, intellectual, and societal standpoint.

It's no surprise that it's a taboo topic in many Islamic societies, you literally "marry" someone for a set length of time and give her a dowry determined by her, all for sexual intercourse. How this form of relationship is considered as morally superior to a typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship astounds me, and I say this as a Muslim.

Nonetheless, ye mutah is halal, whereas girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are haram.

However, if you happen to own a slave girl..........................

 

 

 

@Abu Zahra@Abu Hadi what are your thoughts

[Irfani313]

@EiE you have got it all wrong, gf/bf is totally halal as long as the bf has asked from the gf’s father and have entered into a legal Islamic contract with agreed upon duration and dowry. Result would be a halal gf/bf for the said duration. 

No time limit and they become permanent gf/bf like your mother and father, or me and my wife, or your grand dad and his wife and pretty much all of the Muslim couples you see around you. 
 

No Marja’ says to marry a professional body seller, there are conditions though as in the case of someone going into mortal danger of Haram akin to eating a dead lizard or a snake when that’s all you have stranded in Sahara desert. 
 

Islam as logical as it is, logically denounces open ended, no contract girl-boy relationship, online or offline, because it’s creepy, filthy, demeaning, soulless, materialist, superficial, deceitful and plain yuk. 

[Irfani313]

6 hours ago, Guest Philly said:

I’ve currently been looking for a wife for about a year now with not much success. I am in a masters level program, look after myself, do my wajibaat, etc. I have looked on Shiamatch and Shia connections, as well as meeting different rishta aunties in person with no success. Recently a woman (ahle kitab) at my workplace has been hinting at a relationship. I dont want to abandon the search for a superior marriage in favor of an inferior marriage (temporary), but I’m beginning to grow impatient with how long it is taking to find a wife and don’t want to fall into sin. Is it advisable to go through with this temporary marriage while still looking for someone permanent, or should I just be patient?

Don’t lose hope and keep searching for a momina wife. Don’t ever go into someone with lesser belief system because that would be selling yourself short. 
 

As long as you are honestly trying, have reasonable expectations, and making Dua to your Creator, worry not. There is a divine plan customized for each one of us, just give HIM a chance. Despair is same as Kufr anyway!! 

Edited March 24 by Irfani313

[AussieShia]

7 hours ago, Guest Philly said:

I’ve currently been looking for a wife for about a year now with not much success. I am in a masters level program, look after myself, do my wajibaat, etc. I have looked on Shiamatch and Shia connections, as well as meeting different rishta aunties in person with no success. Recently a woman (ahle kitab) at my workplace has been hinting at a relationship. I dont want to abandon the search for a superior marriage in favor of an inferior marriage (temporary), but I’m beginning to grow impatient with how long it is taking to find a wife and don’t want to fall into sin. Is it advisable to go through with this temporary marriage while still looking for someone permanent, or should I just be patient?

Brother, if you are a practicing Shia Muslim then there is nothing wrong with you doing mutah with a woman from Ahlul Kitab. Mutah is there for situations like you are in now. What happens if you don't find a permanent wife for 2 years? Should you continue to suppress your sexual desires and not practice mutah, which is clearly there for you to have a relationship in a halal way? Suppressing your desires only leads to deviation, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has provided a halal way for you to deal with those desires through mutah. By all means continue your search for a permanent wife, but I don't see why you would avoid mutah.

I would only caution that if it were me, I would strongly avoid falling in love with this woman or fathering a child with her.

Inshallah you are successful in your Masters program and find a permanent wife you are happy with.

[Guest Philly]

1 hour ago, Irfani313 said:

Don’t lose hope and keep searching for a momina wife. Don’t ever go into someone with lesser belief system because that would be selling yourself short. 
 

As long as you are honestly trying, have reasonable expectations, and making Dua to your Creator, worry not. There is a divine plan customized for each one of us, just give HIM a chance. Despair is same as Kufr anyway!! 

Its not a matter of despair for me but rather impatience, which i know is not a good quality either, but i have been waiting for a long time and am feeling a little weak in my resolution. Jazakallah khair

[AbdusSibtayn]

2 hours ago, Irfani313 said:

gf/bf is totally halal as long as the bf has asked from the gf’s father and have entered into a legal Islamic contract with agreed upon duration and dowry. Result would be a halal gf/bf for the said duration. 

Even without/before the seegha being recited, they can meet and talk with the intention of getting to know each other for marriage (without the flirty/touchy-feely haram stuff, of course). 

Edited March 24 by AbdusSibtayn

[EiE]

3 hours ago, Irfani313 said:

you have got it all wrong, gf/bf is totally halal as long as the bf has asked from the gf’s father and have entered into a legal Islamic contract with agreed upon duration and dowry. Result would be a halal gf/bf for the said duration. 

You simply engaged in some mental gymnastics to make it appear morally acceptable. What you described is mutah. gf/bf don't have this agreed upon dowry or a time limit, however prostitution do. Do you now see where I'm coming from when I talk about what's best for society in this day and age?

3 hours ago, Irfani313 said:

No Marja’ says to marry a professional body seller, there are conditions though as in the case of someone going into mortal danger of Haram akin to eating a dead lizard or a snake when that’s all you have stranded in Sahara desert. 

I never claimed marjas advised marrying prostitutes, but i have read some marja are arguing it's not haram, even though it would be undesirable

 

3 hours ago, Irfani313 said:

Islam as logical as it is, logically denounces open ended, no contract girl-boy relationship, online or offline, because it’s creepy, filthy, demeaning, soulless, materialist, superficial, deceitful and plain yuk. 

The people engaging in bf/gf are in a contract, hence why they call themselves gf and bf.

[3wliya_maryam]

11 hours ago, Guest Philly said:

I’ve currently been looking for a wife for about a year now with not much success. I am in a masters level program, look after myself, do my wajibaat, etc. I have looked on Shiamatch and Shia connections, as well as meeting different rishta aunties in person with no success. Recently a woman (ahle kitab) at my workplace has been hinting at a relationship. I dont want to abandon the search for a superior marriage in favor of an inferior marriage (temporary), but I’m beginning to grow impatient with how long it is taking to find a wife and don’t want to fall into sin. Is it advisable to go through with this temporary marriage while still looking for someone permanent, or should I just be patient?

salam

just don't chase it

[notme]

4 hours ago, EiE said:

What you described is mutah. gf/bf don't have this agreed upon dowry or a time limit, however prostitution do.

Permanent marriage also has an agreed upon dowry. It does not have predetermined duration, but it can be terminated by the man at any time, even after just a few hours or days.    Would you describe all marriage as similar to prostitution? 

 

4 hours ago, EiE said:

The people engaging in bf/gf are in a contract, hence why they call themselves gf and bf.

This is true.  However, with temporary marriage, the parties to the contract have explicitly stated expectations out front, for example agreeing to no physical contact or agreeing to reevaluate the relationship and decide whether to continue after a specified period of time.  Gf/bf is a much messier version of mutah.  

[Irfani313]

4 hours ago, EiE said:

The people engaging in bf/gf are in a contract, hence why they call themselves gf and bf.

If you allow yourself to be open minded about it, this is the fundamental problem in any illegal gf/bf contract. The absence of the contract defining authority.  

In Halal gf/bf, Allah is the one who defines the contract, gf and bf fill in the terms of duration, dowry, and more as they see fit. 
 

In Haram gf/bf, two random gf and bf define the contract (IF ANY) and they themselves fill in the terms (IF ANY). In simple Law-101, there is no contractual preservation of rights, legality of consequences, and the enforcement. 

For example, when you purchase the real estate, the contract that you and the seller sign is defined by the county. Same as when you make a business deal, or take a loan, or enroll yourself in college, the contract is never self-defined, only the terms in it are mutually agreeable.
 

In all contracts, the contract is defined by someone “impartial, authoritative, who wants to preserve the rights of all parties so no disputes emerge afterwards, and makes sure that the consequences that emerge after the contract are legal and valid.”

If you can’t see this very visible difference between the Halal gf/bf and Haram gf/bf, you need to go back to the Islam 101 and relearn Allah and what truly Islam is!! 

[EiE]

10 hours ago, notme said:

Permanent marriage also has an agreed upon dowry. It does not have predetermined duration, but it can be terminated by the man at any time, even after just a few hours or days.    Would you describe all marriage as similar to prostitution? 

If there is any financial value in the contract, then yes, albeit to a lesser extent than mutah. However, if the husband provides a gift or dowry of his own choosing, it will not be considered as such, unfortunately the dowry is determined by the woman, not the man. Thus, a man pays for a woman, and she tells him her "price".

 

10 hours ago, notme said:

This is true.  However, with temporary marriage, the parties to the contract have explicitly stated expectations out front, for example agreeing to no physical contact or agreeing to reevaluate the relationship and decide whether to continue after a specified period of time.  Gf/bf is a much messier version of mutah.  

Most of us live in a modern society where, if we did something without the other party's consent, we would be held accountable.

Suppose if your mutah partner is doing something you don't like and severely violating Islamic rulings? Is it possible to bring her before an Islamic judge in the West to have her punished? If not, what is the point of the mutah contract?

Both can be messy, particularly when applied in a culture like the west that doesn't adhere to Islamic law. So I'm not buying it. And don't you think it's bizarre that you clarify the time period of the marriage? As if it were a leased property.

 

[EiE]

10 hours ago, Irfani313 said:

In Halal gf/bf, Allah is the one who defines the contract, gf and bf fill in the terms of duration, dowry, and more as they see fit. 
 

In Haram gf/bf, two random gf and bf define the contract (IF ANY) and they themselves fill in the terms (IF ANY). In simple Law-101, there is no contractual preservation of rights, legality of consequences, and the enforcement. 

Suppose if your mutah partner is doing something you don't like and severely violating Islamic rulings? Is it possible to bring her before an Islamic judge in the West to have her punished?

And what about the slave girl, where is her contract?............

 

Edited March 24 by EiE

[notme]

1 hour ago, EiE said:

Both can be messy, particularly when applied in a culture like the west that doesn't adhere to Islamic law. So I'm not buying it. And don't you think it's bizarre that you clarify the time period of the marriage? As if it were a leased property.

Permanent marriage also.  And at least with mutah the woman isn't held hostage at the mercy of the man's whim to terminate or not.  She can just wait it out if the man is unreasonable - and why would she be parting from him if he's reasonable? 

[Uni Student]

5 hours ago, EiE said:

If there is any financial value in the contract, then yes, albeit to a lesser extent than mutah. However, if the husband provides a gift or dowry of his own choosing, it will not be considered as such, unfortunately the dowry is determined by the woman, not the man. Thus, a man pays for a woman, and she tells him her "price".

 

Most of us live in a modern society where, if we did something without the other party's consent, we would be held accountable.

Suppose if your mutah partner is doing something you don't like and severely violating Islamic rulings? Is it possible to bring her before an Islamic judge in the West to have her punished? If not, what is the point of the mutah contract?

Both can be messy, particularly when applied in a culture like the west that doesn't adhere to Islamic law. So I'm not buying it. And don't you think it's bizarre that you clarify the time period of the marriage? As if it were a leased property.

 

Not sure how something so well founded in a religion can be so strongly debated.

[EiE]

19 hours ago, Uni Student said:

Not sure how something so well founded in a religion can be so strongly debated.

Because, when you think about it, the procedures seem somewhat absurd, at least in this day and age.

"hey what you want for gift and for how long can we be married for"?.......

[Uni Student]

On 3/25/2023 at 5:14 PM, EiE said:

Because, when you think about it, the procedures seem somewhat absurd, at least in this day and age.

"hey what you want for gift and for how long can we be married for"?.......

Our faulty human perception of whether or not a procedure/rule seems wise and logical or seems absurd is irrelevant

[EiE]

17 hours ago, Uni Student said:

Our faulty human perception of whether or not a procedure/rule seems wise and logical or seems absurd is irrelevant

Your assertion might translate to any immoral conduct as long as it is mentioned in a religious text attributed to "god"

The fact that I, along with millions of others, voiced opposition clearly demonstrates that it is not irrelevant. It's clearly relevant. If our faulty human perception perceives something as unwise and illogical, we should rethink. Why would God create us in such a manner that we perceive some of "his" rulings as flawed? if they were truly his rulings?  

We would be like zombies or Jim Jones disciples if we didn't ponder....

[Guest guest]

On 3/24/2023 at 9:12 PM, notme said:

Permanent marriage also has an agreed upon dowry. It does not have predetermined duration, but it can be terminated by the man at any time, even after just a few hours or days.    Would you describe all marriage as similar to prostitution? 

Permanent marriage serves more purposes than just physical sex. You go into a permanent marriage with the idea of starting a family and having an equal partner in all aspects of life. You go into mutah literally just for sex. Any form of relationship that is based purely on sex surely cannot be beneficial, and its harms would outweigh its benefits. 

[Guest Reza]

Is it even worth it for a young guy still in college to seek marriage? Most women i know are looking for someone established. Unfortunately i feel that most of the community is very shallow and judgmental of young men and not willing to give them a chance. This is why they turn to zina and mutah

[Asad Dullah]

Haha I made this mistake imagine asking a sister who is in her final year if she wants to consider marrying a first year set up myself up for heartbreak I find it hilarious now maybe when your in final year then start searching and be patient everything is Qadr you never know when you will meet someone