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In the Name of God بسم الله

His mother disapproves of me because I'm not Pakistani

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Guest Anon

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Hi, 

I'd like some advice on a topic that is concerning me a lot currently. I've met a man, he is pakistani (shia) and I am Iranian (shia). When we first met I brought up the differences in our culture/ethnicity and he let me know that his family would be fine with it as long as I'm a good muslim. Now he has told his parents and his mother has made a full 180 and is refusing to meet with me because I'm not Pakistani. This has given me a lot of grief as I can't do anything about it, I feel like I've not been given a chance. 

 

His father and sister are talking to the mother trying to convince her to at least see me in person, and he is going to do so also, but I am getting a feeling that it might be a challenge. Is there any way to get support in this? Islamically there is nothing wrong with us getting married, it's just cultural divides, and it would be great to hear from someone with similar problems....

 

Thank you.

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4 hours ago, Guest Anon said:

Islamically there is nothing wrong with us getting married

True.

The problem is a cultural one and seen in that context the solution writes itself.

Amongst us Pakistanis, Iranian women have a reputation for being a handful. Not saying I agree with this stereotyping, but that is the reality.

The second problem is that amongst Pakistanis, Iranian 'cuisine' is the hardship element of going on ziarat.

The solution, therefore, is to ask the mother to teach you how to cook and as she explains stuff just say 'ji bilkul' (yes of course).

This will reassure her that he's not going to a gulag and that you are easygoing.

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22 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

True.

The problem is a cultural one and seen in that context the solution writes itself.

Amongst us Pakistanis, Iranian women have a reputation for being a handful. Not saying I agree with this stereotyping, but that is the reality.

The second problem is that amongst Pakistanis, Iranian 'cuisine' is the hardship element of going on ziarat.

The solution, therefore, is to ask the mother to teach you how to cook and as she explains stuff just say 'ji bilkul' (yes of course).

This will reassure her that he's not going to a gulag and that you are easygoing.

I've never heard of this before! 

 

It would make sense, but if she is refusing to meet with her then there is no way to even get to that point. 

 

It would be great to hear from someone that has experience in this, if the father, sister and man himself are trying to convince one person, then ideally it should be something that can work out?

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3 hours ago, Bibi Sakeena said:

This joke is gonna go underappreciated. I feel like. Just wanted to let you know it made me giggle lol. 

Salaam Sis, welcome to Shiachat.

It's not a joke. Though it may seem like that to the uninitiated.

I started the blog iranziarat.com I was approached by someone in Pakistan who wanted to promote his products on it.

He was selling tins of cooked Pakistani food that people could take to Iran and reheat for themselves because they could not bear the taste of the local food.

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On 3/7/2023 at 5:00 PM, Haji 2003 said:

The solution, therefore, is to ask the mother to teach you how to cook and as she explains stuff just say 'ji bilkul' (yes of course).

Salam in Iranian traditional families new bride has been asking from  mother of her housband (stepmom)  how to cook which some mems have been made about strugling new bride with stepmpm :grin: unfornately it has been forgotten by majority of new generation of Iranian women .

On 3/7/2023 at 5:00 PM, Haji 2003 said:

The second problem is that amongst Pakistanis, Iranian 'cuisine' is the hardship element of going on ziarat.

They can benefit from  Afghan restaurants in Mashhad , Qom & Tehran which Afghan restaurant offer Qabli palaw (palau) "قابلی پلو" which is known as Kabuli pulaw in Pakistan which is common dish between Afghanistan & Pakistan which has been introduced by Afghan migrants to Iranians which gradualy it's becoming popular between Iranians too which also other Afghan cuisines have been introduced in recent years in Iran which also we have Haleem  although we eat lentis as seperate dish which both of them in Iran are popular for breakfast in normal days &  for Iftar during month of Ramadan .

 

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On 3/9/2023 at 10:55 PM, Haji 2003 said:

He was selling tins of cooked Pakistani food that people could take to Iran and reheat for themselves because they could not bear the taste of the local food.

 

Pakistani indian restaurant in Qom muqadas iran

pakistani food in iran | biryani Chicken Korma

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcwak11hEqs

10:54
Pakistani Food in Iran: A Taste of Home

 

 

Khane Kabul - Afghan Restaurant

“Kabul House” built to bridge cultural gap between Iranians, Afghans 

https://www.tehrantimes.com/news/464569/Kabul-House-built-to-bridge-cultural-gap-between-Iranians

https://foursquare.com/v/خانه-کابل--khane-kabul/5eef4587c3f1e90008fcd5a1

Iranians Enjoy Tasty Afghan Bolani at Heart of Tehran

Quote

There are no well-known restaurants serving Afghan foods in Iran, even though the country is estimated to be hosting over four million Afghan immigrants, one of the largest protracted refugee populations across the globe.

But the situation is gradually changing.

A cafe in Laleh Park in central Tehran has just started serving Afghanistan’s Bolani to its customers.

Bolani is a traditional Afghan flatbread stuffed and baked with vegetables, potatoes and tomatoes, among other ingredients.

The owner is Marzieh Mohammadi, a 24-year-old Afghan-born immigrant who has been living in Varamin county southeast of Tehran for 20 years and is currently studying social policy-making in a university in Tehran.

Quote

Sales Climbing Fast

The idea of creating such a cafe was proposed to Marzieh by her friends at the university.

Months ago, she casually decided to introduce Afghan food to her friends. The delicious taste of Bolanis cooked by Marzieh caught her friends by surprise and they encouraged her to establish her restaurant.

The cafe sells small Bolani for 50,000 rials and big Bolani for 80,000 rials.

Asked about her costumers, Marzieh said she is pleased to see the sale climbing fast.

“In the past month, many of our customers have been Iranian and we had just three or four Afghan customers. All of them say this is delicious,” he said.

https://ifpnews.com/iranians-enjoy-tasty-afghan-bolani-at-heart-of-tehran/

https://iran-cuisine.com/afghan-recipes/

Cooking traditional Afghan food in the village - YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JykECTNTLeY

Traditional Afghan food in Iranian village | Cooking Bulani

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_MkhvhORxs

5 November 2020 Afghan restaurant in Tehran ( iran)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bShiA4AIC5I

afghan restaurant in Golshar Mashhad.رستوران افغانى در گلشهر مشهد ايران - YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ64G7oHYOU

 

 

image.jpeg

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On 3/7/2023 at 5:00 PM, Haji 2003 said:

This will reassure her that he's not going to a gulag and that you are easygoing.

This has been very hilarious :hahaha:

Iran-Pakistan Cultural Exchange | Food, Language ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5uSpWG-_8U

How this Family treat an Pakistani tourist? | Pakistan To Iran

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLZ2a0AKIs4

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Why do you want to marry into the hellhole that is the desi/Indo-Pak community? 

Run away as fast as you can. 

PS- a desi myself. 

Wassalam. 

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On 3/7/2023 at 2:34 PM, Guest Anon said:

His father and sister are talking to the mother trying to convince her to at least see me in person, and he is going to do so also, but I am getting a feeling that it might be a challenge. Is there any way to get support in this? Islamically there is nothing wrong with us getting married, it's just cultural divides, and it would be great to hear from someone with similar problems....

I am not married, not looking to get married, and don't have much idea about intercultural marriages, but here's one (unsolicited) pro-tip I'd like to offer- never go somewhere you're not welcome. If his father and sister manage to change the mother's mind then fine, otherwise don't push the matter too much. 

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5 hours ago, Lion of Shia said:

so is what is desi position about a male convert?

They don't want to marry outside their caste, regional and class bounds and are fiercely endogamous; you can even say racists. Of course they'd occasionally like their sons to marry white revert women (because that is seen as marrying above one's social status) but for girls it's a strict no no and they are married within the community itself. 

I am a male revert from a desi background and the desi society is rotten to the core. Both in South Asia and the diasporic communities. 

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