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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Hello everyone, just want to rant and maybe get a wise advice regarding my situation. So to start i'm a 26 year old female tried studying 2 different courses and never managed to complete any, now i'm on 3rd course and hoping to complete it even though i have failed two major units already. Anyways my problem is me and my mother we never get along we are always arguing and whenever we argue she always compares me to other girls and how other girls are way better than me she's always putting me down and saying i'm a loser and worthless and other horrible things it really does break my heart and makes me feel so emotional and sad she also says that Allah hates me and is angry with me that's why i haven't gotten married till now and keep failing at things in life..and blames everything in my life on me being a loser and Allah is unhappy with me.. i really started to question myself and whether or not what she's  saying is true me failing in my life and also not being able to get married or secure a relationship till now means Allah hates me ? I have done bad things in my life but nothing extreme or major just basic human mistakes and faults but Allah alone knows why i have done each mistake and i do regret all of them and pray that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) forgives me but i'm just tired of my own mother putting me down constantly and comparing me to other girls over the smallest thing and how she always brags about other girls and how great they are and how terrible and awful i am in comparison..i really don't know what to do i feel hopeless and heartbroken my social life is non existent i'm home most of the time with my mother because growing up i wasn't allowed to go out or form friendships and even now at 26 i can't go out alone or hang out with  friends if i had any.... if i really wanted to go out somewhere alone i'd have to lie and pretend that i have uni that day that's the only way i'd be able to go out and/or when i go out with my older sister who is married. I literally have no chance of meeting a guy for marriage due to my social life and the guys that do come through my mum and her friends it never works out with them. I cry and pray to Allah but i don't know if my prayers or duas are even accepted. I just feel so sad and lost i really don't know what to do and i feel like my life will always be like this. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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Salam. I think you should re read Surat Al Muminoon. It gives the criteria for a mumin/a whom Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is pleased with. Go thru and make sure you are doing or trying to do all those things. If you are, then that is great, if you are not, ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to forgive you and help you to do all of them. If you do that, then Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will be happy with you and your acts and will accept your dua. It might not get answered right away, but it will get answered. 

This will help you move toward being strong and confident about your deen within yourself. Once you are at that point, you will not care so much what other's opinions about you are, including your mom's opinion. Also, you have to understand that she is trying to help you, but she doesn't understand that by doing it in that way it is doing more harm to you than good. Maybe talk to her about this. 

Once you are at the point where you are ready (emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually) to get married, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will send someone for you. This happens at different ages, so don't compare yourself to other on this. You ae ready when you are ready. So do an inventory of yourself and look at areas where you could improve in, and improve on those areas with the goal to prepare yourself for marriage (and life in general). Only you can do this inventory because there is noone (except Allah(s.w.a)) who knows you well enough to do this, not even your mother. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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I’m sorry you’re feeling so hopeless. What you’re going through is normal for mothers and daughters. Try to be confident in yourself. Life isn’t easy. It doesn’t matter what people say of you. What matters is what God thinks of you. Improve your relationship with Him. 

As an example: I got divorced after four years of marriage. It was an extremely difficult decision but I did it, anyway. He was not my type so I left him. I left my old therapist, too. Now I’m in therapy because of the stress in my life and I hope I’ll find confidence there. 

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On 2/7/2023 at 11:16 AM, April12 said:

So to start i'm a 26 year old female tried studying 2 different courses and never managed to complete any, now i'm on 3rd course

There's certainly nothing wrong with changing courses if you do not think they are suitable. But it is also reasonable to say that there is a limit to the extent to which you can do this. And if you are referring to completing an undergraduate course and you are now 26 - then there is certainly an imperative on your completing it.

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