backbiting Exceptions of gheebah

[Searching for truth]

I believe one of the main exceptions of gheebah is when you have been wronged by someone else or oppressed.  I used to be under the impression that if you are wronged or oppressed you are able to mention it to anyone you wish without restriction, but perhaps not to the extent of doing it to defame someone.

However, I have recently learnt that our maraja limit this exception (ehtiyat e wajib) of gheebah to those who are able to help (I believe).  Moreover, the kinds of people who are able to help are specified and limited.

I believe these are limited to:

1. To a judge [or a lawyer].  

2. In an employment context to an employer 

3. In the context of mental well-being or distress, to a formal counsellor.  Not just anyone who may informally act as a counsellor to help the oppressed person come to terms with the gheebah or look at it, or understand it, from a different perspective, eg, a wife [or friend]. 

I believe this is according to Sayyid Sistani and perhaps Sayyid Khamenei is a little less restrictive with regards to the formal counsellor.

Does this mean, for example if a woman is being abused by her husband, she is not allowed to mention it to her father or another member of her family who may be able to help.

If someone is wronged and distressed by someone else's actions does this mean they are not allowed to 'vent' to someone they trust for their mental health like a friend, spouse or elder they trust and respect for advice?

Please could someone elaborate on the exceptions of gheebah generally and specifically in the case of being wronged and whether it is only if when seeking help. This could be according to any well recognised marja you are aware of.

I am aware that if there is serious oppression occurring then it is almost obligatory to publicise it to try and prevent it happening, whether it was to you or others, such as in certain countries in the world today.

Jazakallah

[VoidVortex]

you could ask on the ask those who know app 

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 11/25/2022 at 4:17 AM, Searching for truth said:

Does this mean, for example if a woman is being abused by her husband, she is not allowed to mention it to her father or another member of her family who may be able to help.

 

Salam these two conitions are not Gheebah which if you really have faced domestic abuse so then you can ask for help from anyone specially your father or another member of your family .

Quote

If someone is wronged and distressed by someone else's actions does this mean they are not allowed to 'vent' to someone they trust for their mental health like a friend, spouse or elder they trust and respect for advice?

It depends on it's level which if someone has wronged  & distressed you continuesly with intenion of harming you so therfore you you can "vent" about that person with "friend, spouse or elder they trust and respect for advice"

[Searching for truth]

Thank you @Ashvazdanghe and @VoidVortex for taking the time to respond to my question. 

@Ashvazdanghe, for my understanding, I'd like some clarification/further detail on the points you've raised please.

1.     Which maraja have you answered according to?

2.     Is there a general principle or ruling from this/these marja/s I could use to apply to these kinds of situations?

3.     Please could you elaborate a little more on:

8 hours ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

It depends on it's level which if someone has wronged  & distressed you continuesly with intenion of harming you

3.1.  What kind of example would be of a sufficient level and what kind of example wouldn't be? 

3.2. If there is a one off event of sufficient level would that be permissible?

3.3. If I'm not sure whether the intention of the person was to harm me would that be permissible?

3.4. If I’m confident the person did not intend to harm me but was negligent, would that be permissible?

3.5. Any further clarification on how you were able to answer the question like this would be really helpful.

 

4. On where you understandably mentioned "for advice" as I also did in the original question, perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned the 'for advice' part.  My understanding of ‘venting’ for mental health or general wellbeing purposes would be someone who is distressed and hurt by the actions of someone and is then speaking to someone else about it to help themselves feel better.

4.1. According to what I understand from your post, if my intention to vent to someone is to seek advice this is clearly permissible.

4.2. What about if I do not want this person to provide me with advice? If I believe that just by sharing my problem with this person I may be able to feel better, would this be permissible? I do not expect or want this person to do anything but listen and empathise with me. 

4.3. What if I do not want this person to provide me with advice, but I believe that by talking about my problem I may be able to perceive the situation differently and then handle it in a better way, would this be permissible? I do not expect or want this person to do anything but listen and empathise with me.

I'm not sure if 4.2. or 4.3. would be permissble based on what you've said and I'd appreciate it if you could clarify please.

Thanks a lot for your time and providing insight.  May Allah reward you for your effort to help guide me.