New revert (only 2 months) feeling overwhelmed and afraid..

[goncalo ortega fernandes]

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh everyone 

I am a very recent revert from portugal. i took my shahada in september and started to learn how to pray the five fard salah's . I feel like Allah ( (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)) has guided me and i am very thankful for it , however i also feel a lot of times that i am not doing well enough as i am always trying to do more and more to please Allah ( (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) ),  i don't know arabic but have managed to memorize surah al fatihah , surah al - ikhlas and surah al-nas , currently working on memorizing ayatul kursi.

Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has already helped me to quit some haram things i used to do like smoking and drinking ( mashallah ) but still everyday i learn some hadith that makes me feel like i'm never gonna be able to go to jannah   ...  i live and take care of my elderly grand mother who is a disbeliever and she does not know i accepted islam as i feel it would create arguments and a lot of misunderstandings between us. i take care of her because she does not have a very good relationship with my mother ( her daughter ) and she cannot move about by herself and needs help doing almost everything , i love her very much even though she does not believe in Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) or any one god . in fact most of my family don't believe so none of them know i reverted to islam( only my sister because i knew she would not judge me like the rest of the family, she has been very supportive ).

  I feel hot when praying to Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) , not sweaty hot but i feel warmth usually when focused in my salah and i have some bad thoughts about that maybe Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is telling me i'm destined for hellfire or something similar... I own a dog in my house who i adopted two years and a half ago and i don't have outside (its an apartment ) and i love him as one would love a best friend. he has helped me through some very tough times the past two years and i will not give him away but am afraid Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will punish me for it. I have gone once to the masjid to pray ( because with my grandma sometimes it's difficult to find time to go to the masjid ) and it was very rewarding i felt very close to Allah .

I am writing because everyday i have these thoughts probably from shaytan, that Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will not enter me into jannah because i am transgressing in some things. I am doing a lot of effort to be better and do more and learn more but still most days i get overwhelmed... i feel alone because i don't have any muslim friend and i hope maybe someone can help me here . Thanks to all who read this. Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh and salutations to the Prophet(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) who delivered Allah's(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) message 

[Abu Hadi]

Alekum Salam wa Rahmatullah, 

Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't do everything perfect right away. The voices you hear are the whispering of the Shaitan (Satan) and everyone hears these from time to time. Try to just ignore them. I think at this point, it is very important to find a few friends who are practicing muslim. Brothers if you are a brother, sisters if you are a sister. These people should be sincere in wanting to help you progress in your deen and be knowledgeable enough to not teach you wrong things regarding the basics, like Prayer, Fasting, Hajj, Khums, etc. They should not have any alternate or hidden agendas. 

Another thing is that find resources where you can learn about these things. There are alot of good ones online nowdays. I can post some here. It sounds like your English is good, but also maybe some brothers and sisters in Portugal or Brazil can post some Portuguese resources. I know there are some on here that visit the site regularly. Here are some good ones that I have found. 

A Code of Practice For Muslims in the West by Sayyid Sistani

https://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/

The Revealer, The Messenger, The Message by Shahid Muhammad Baqir As Sadr

https://www.al-islam.org/revealer-messenger-message-sayyid-muhammad-baqir-al-sadr

The Characteristics of the Just and the Rightly Guided. Selections from Nahjul Balagha. 

https://www.al-islam.org/articles/characteristics-just-and-rightly-guided-imam-nahj-ul-balagha

 

That's good for now. If you need more I can post. When you read these books, especially the first one you might have question, because he uses some Arabic terms. If you have any questions, please post and I will attempt to answer. 

 

Edited November 17, 2022 by Abu Hadi

[VoidVortex]

Salam. 

Main thing is to take it slow and try your best. I get impact shocks too although I am not a revert, so its not a revert exclusive thing. I sometimes internally question too, why was X or Y prescribed. Usually I find though over little time the shock disappears and that thing that shocked me doesn't do so anymore.

You may enjoy Sheikh Panahian

[goncalo ortega fernandes]

4 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

Alekum Salam wa Rahmatullah, 

Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't do everything perfect right away. The voices you hear are the whispering of the Shaitan (Satan) and everyone hears these from time to time. Try to just ignore them. I think at this point, it is very important to find a few friends who are practicing muslim. Brothers if you are a brother, sisters if you are a sister. These people should be sincere in wanting to help you progress in your deen and be knowledgeable enough to not teach you wrong things regarding the basics, like Prayer, Fasting, Hajj, Khums, etc. They should not have any alternate or hidden agendas. 

Another thing is that find resources where you can learn about these things. There are alot of good ones online nowdays. I can post some here. It sounds like your English is good, but also maybe some brothers and sisters in Portugal or Brazil can post some Portuguese resources. I know there are some on here that visit the site regularly. Here are some good ones that I have found. 

A Code of Practice For Muslims in the West by Sayyid Sistani

https://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/

The Revealer, The Messenger, The Message by Shahid Muhammad Baqir As Sadr

https://www.al-islam.org/revealer-messenger-message-sayyid-muhammad-baqir-al-sadr

The Characteristics of the Just and the Rightly Guided. Selections from Nahjul Balagha. 

https://www.al-islam.org/articles/characteristics-just-and-rightly-guided-imam-nahj-ul-balagha

 

That's good for now. If you need more I can post. When you read these books, especially the first one you might have question, because he uses some Arabic terms. If you have any questions, please post and I will attempt to answer. 

 

Thank you very much for your response brother. i will read from these links you provided . i will tell when i need more thank you very much . alhamdulillah

[goncalo ortega fernandes]

3 hours ago, VoidVortex said:

Salam. 

Main thing is to take it slow and try your best. I get impact shocks too although I am not a revert, so its not a revert exclusive thing. I sometimes internally question too, why was X or Y prescribed. Usually I find though over little time the shock disappears and that thing that shocked me doesn't do so anymore.

You may enjoy Sheikh Panahian

thank you very much brother. the speaker is very good i will check more from him. alhamdulillah and salam to you

[VoidVortex]

wasalam

[Michael Baker]

Wa alaykum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu. Its hard for us converts living with non muslims to feel confident in our islaam. Pray as many obligatory prayers as u can on time everyday, read a new page of quran everyday and learn about the infallibles the best you can. Allah ta ala says in the holy quran اتقوا الله ما استطعتم obey Allah as much as you can. He ta ala also says ما كان الله ليذر المؤمنين على ما انتم عليه حتى يميز الخبيث من الطيب Allah would not leave the believers in the state you are currently in until he separates the filth from the pure. The holy quran also says that Allah created life and death to test who can have the most beautiful deeds and you careing for your grandmother is a most beautiful deed. We gotta keep our heads down and our duty to Allah, then he will guide us to ways nearer to him. Dont forget to take time to think, relax and veg out. You will do fine calling the name of mawla al haqq the real master!

[PureExistence1]

As salaamun aleikum,

Welcome to islam!

(My apologies for how long this is.)

Every single one of us here is striving, and we will be striving until the day we die as we cannot reach actual perfection as that is only Allahs(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), so only worry about improving your souls condition as you go:)

Most of the time our journey in Islam is not linear, sometimes we have many offshoots as we try to traverse this worldly path, and that's okay. When you go off on tangents and side trips, come here and share your circumstances and we will try to help redirect you and in sha Allah with Allahs (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) guidance, you will get back to where you need to be.

The other thing I want to say is, there is no set speed at which you have to progress at, so take your time. One of the most important things in Islam is to do a small thing, but do it regularly and consistently. Don't try to take on too much and risk ending up dropping all of it. Just get good at doing one thing at a time consistently and that will take you far.

Another thing I want to say is, as far as the dog situation goes, Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) isnt going to punish you for being kind to an animal. What He expects from us is cleanliness. Part of the jurisprudence of Islam is that dogs are spiritually impure and their hair invalidates prayer so do your best to manage as well as you can with abiding by these rules, and just know that Allah will be merciful to you. You got this dog before you knew anything about Islam so I don't see a violation there, however, you have to follow the Islamic rules for prayer as best as you can which means not having dog hair on you or your prayer rug when you offer your prayers and also removing any saliva that may be present on you. If you are able to, choose a place in the apartment that the dog is not allowed to go  and use that area. If not, just know that Allah is merciful. Allah does not wish hardness and difficulty upon you.

I've gone back and read your post again, that you live with your grandmother who doesn't know you have converted, which might make praying in an obvious area very difficult for you. I'm not sure of you're particular circumstances so I can't really offer any other suggestions on that without further detail. I'm a convert too, and my family owns a dog. In my early days of conversion, I would have to say my prayer out in the back field somewhere, away from the area the dog was commonly in. I know you said you don't have a yard because you are in an apartment, so maybe if you have no other choice, you might have to get used to praying at parks or the back corner of a parking lot somewhere, at the library or really, anywhere that you go if you can find a comfortable spot.

Allah will be merciful to you and your situation will change. That's one thing I know for sure, is life never stays the same. And the more you devote yourself to God the more He opens doors for you into new situations that you would have never have hoped for. So again, just do your best, but don't overburden yourself.

I also want to commend you for learning as much Arabic as you have at such an early point in your conversion,  mashaAllah!

The other thing that I can't do justice to emphasizing is how great and important the duty your doing for your grandmother is. That is an extremely difficult and trying responsibility you are undertaking. Know that it comes with tremendous rewards from Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). A sheikh that I often listen to, Farrokh Sekaleshfar, personally told me that when you do this kind of duty, (of course with a pure heart and that your sins are in check) you may see/perceive angels. The reward is very high, but the difficulty is also very high, so be kind to yourself in those moments that you feel you have fallen short. We are, after all, only human. So really try to take it easy on yourself if you "mess up" or lose patience.

You are juggling many difficult situations in life, and you can pass all these difficulties, with the help of Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), just remain steadfast and come back to this website if you have any questions. Keep up on attaining knowledge of the religion and slowly but surely putting what you learn into practice. 

There are some wonderful brothers and sisters on this website that are more than willing to share their experience strength and Hope with you. 

I look forward to hopefully seeing you around here more often!

As salaamun aleikum!

 

[notme]

Islam is meant to make your life easy,  not hard.  It's not simply a list of rules to follow,  a checklist to avoid hellfire. It's a way of interacting with society. 

Take it one step at a time.  You're doing fine.  

 

[goncalo ortega fernandes]

13 hours ago, Michael Baker said:

Wa alaykum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu. Its hard for us converts living with non muslims to feel confident in our islaam. Pray as many obligatory prayers as u can on time everyday, read a new page of quran everyday and learn about the infallibles the best you can. Allah ta ala says in the holy quran اتقوا الله ما استطعتم obey Allah as much as you can. He ta ala also says ما كان الله ليذر المؤمنين على ما انتم عليه حتى يميز الخبيث من الطيب Allah would not leave the believers in the state you are currently in until he separates the filth from the pure. The holy quran also says that Allah created life and death to test who can have the most beautiful deeds and you careing for your grandmother is a most beautiful deed. We gotta keep our heads down and our duty to Allah, then he will guide us to ways nearer to him. Dont forget to take time to think, relax and veg out. You will do fine calling the name of mawla al haqq the real master!

Mashallah my brother thank you very much for the kind words. i'm truly trying my best to show Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) that i truly want him to remove the rust in my heart and make it glow with light . Thank you very much for the advice alhamdullilah

[goncalo ortega fernandes]

10 hours ago, PureExistence1 said:

As salaamun aleikum,

Welcome to islam!

(My apologies for how long this is.)

Every single one of us here is striving, and we will be striving until the day we die as we cannot reach actual perfection as that is only Allahs(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), so only worry about improving your souls condition as you go:)

Most of the time our journey in Islam is not linear, sometimes we have many offshoots as we try to traverse this worldly path, and that's okay. When you go off on tangents and side trips, come here and share your circumstances and we will try to help redirect you and in sha Allah with Allahs (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) guidance, you will get back to where you need to be.

The other thing I want to say is, there is no set speed at which you have to progress at, so take your time. One of the most important things in Islam is to do a small thing, but do it regularly and consistently. Don't try to take on too much and risk ending up dropping all of it. Just get good at doing one thing at a time consistently and that will take you far.

Another thing I want to say is, as far as the dog situation goes, Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) isnt going to punish you for being kind to an animal. What He expects from us is cleanliness. Part of the jurisprudence of Islam is that dogs are spiritually impure and their hair invalidates prayer so do your best to manage as well as you can with abiding by these rules, and just know that Allah will be merciful to you. You got this dog before you knew anything about Islam so I don't see a violation there, however, you have to follow the Islamic rules for prayer as best as you can which means not having dog hair on you or your prayer rug when you offer your prayers and also removing any saliva that may be present on you. If you are able to, choose a place in the apartment that the dog is not allowed to go  and use that area. If not, just know that Allah is merciful. Allah does not wish hardness and difficulty upon you.

I've gone back and read your post again, that you live with your grandmother who doesn't know you have converted, which might make praying in an obvious area very difficult for you. I'm not sure of you're particular circumstances so I can't really offer any other suggestions on that without further detail. I'm a convert too, and my family owns a dog. In my early days of conversion, I would have to say my prayer out in the back field somewhere, away from the area the dog was commonly in. I know you said you don't have a yard because you are in an apartment, so maybe if you have no other choice, you might have to get used to praying at parks or the back corner of a parking lot somewhere, at the library or really, anywhere that you go if you can find a comfortable spot.

Allah will be merciful to you and your situation will change. That's one thing I know for sure, is life never stays the same. And the more you devote yourself to God the more He opens doors for you into new situations that you would have never have hoped for. So again, just do your best, but don't overburden yourself.

I also want to commend you for learning as much Arabic as you have at such an early point in your conversion,  mashaAllah!

The other thing that I can't do justice to emphasizing is how great and important the duty your doing for your grandmother is. That is an extremely difficult and trying responsibility you are undertaking. Know that it comes with tremendous rewards from Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). A sheikh that I often listen to, Farrokh Sekaleshfar, personally told me that when you do this kind of duty, (of course with a pure heart and that your sins are in check) you may see/perceive angels. The reward is very high, but the difficulty is also very high, so be kind to yourself in those moments that you feel you have fallen short. We are, after all, only human. So really try to take it easy on yourself if you "mess up" or lose patience.

You are juggling many difficult situations in life, and you can pass all these difficulties, with the help of Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), just remain steadfast and come back to this website if you have any questions. Keep up on attaining knowledge of the religion and slowly but surely putting what you learn into practice. 

There are some wonderful brothers and sisters on this website that are more than willing to share their experience strength and Hope with you. 

I look forward to hopefully seeing you around here more often!

As salaamun aleikum!

 

Assalamu alaykum my brother thank you very much for these words, you literally brought me to tears when explaining the mercy of Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in regards to my situations, i appreciate you very much brother. I usually pray in my room since my grandma spends a big part of the day in the living room watching TV , i usually am able to do all fard prayers on time , sometimes not exactly on time because she needs my help doing something or going to the toilet etc, and have been doing as most sunnah prayers as i can. My dog is very well trained i have trained him since a he was a little two month boy so he almost never comes near me during my prayers. My room is thoroughly cleaned everyday so with this information you have given me its like a big weight has been lifted. alhamdulillah brother and again thank you for the long message. it was a special one. 

 

assalamu alaykum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh 

[goncalo ortega fernandes]

10 hours ago, notme said:

Islam is meant to make your life easy,  not hard.  It's not simply a list of rules to follow,  a checklist to avoid hellfire. It's a way of interacting with society. 

Take it one step at a time.  You're doing fine.  

 

Thank you for the kind support brother. alhamdulillah 

assalamu alaykum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 11/17/2022 at 2:06 PM, goncalo ortega fernandes said:

i love her very much even though she does not believe in Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) or any one god . in fact most of my family don't believe so none of them know i reverted to islam( only my sister because i knew she would not judge me like the rest of the family, she has been very supportive ).

 

On 11/17/2022 at 2:06 PM, goncalo ortega fernandes said:

i live and take care of my elderly grand mother who is a disbeliever and she does not know i accepted islam as i feel it would create arguments and a lot of misunderstandings between us. i take care of her because she does not have a very good relationship with my mother ( her daughter ) and she cannot move about by herself and needs help doing almost everything , i love her very much

Salam according to Shia islam & moderate Sunnis if they are from people of book likewise Christians so then we don't categorize them as unbelievers which you must keep their respect & also try to serve them better than before your conversion even try to fix  the relation between your mother & your grandmother  which below story is story of a new revert which has been in similar situation of you.

 

Quote

According to rahyafte (the missionaries and converts website):

Zakaria, the son of Ibrahim, was a Christian. Later he converted to Islam and had the honor of meeting Imam Jafar Sadiq ((عليه السلام)). He told Imam ((عليه السلام)) “My mother is a Christian and she is old and blind.”‌ The Imam advised him, “Serve your mother and behave kindly towards her. Upon her death, do not leave her dead body to others. Perform her funeral rites yourself.”‌

Thus this statement of the Imam ((عليه السلام)) is pregnant with two prophecies. Her death and her conversion to Islam.

When Zakaria returned to Kufa he began to behave very kindly with his mother. He fed her with his own hands. Changed her clothes, washed and bathed her too. In short, he served his mother in every possible way. His mother asked, “My son you were not so dutiful when you were a Christian. Why is it that now you serve me day and night?”‌

Zakaria replied, “O my mother. I have a master who is the son of the Prophet of Allah ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)). He advised me to serve you in this way.”‌ The mother asked, “Is he a prophet?”‌ “No. But he is a son of the Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)).”‌ “Such a person must be a Prophet because only prophets teach such manners.”‌ The mother remarked.

Zakaria explained to his mother, “The chain of the Prophets came to an end with the Prophet of Islam ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)). He was the seal of the Prophets. The one who has guided me is the son of the Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)).”‌ The mother said, “My son, the religion of Islam that you have embraced is better than all the religions. Teach me, so that I too may become a Muslim.”‌

So, Zakaria made her recite the ‘Kalima’ and taught her the true beliefs. Later, this lady performed the Zohrain and the Maghrebain prayers. The same night death approached her. She told her son: “Dear son, repeat to me again whatever you have taught me.”‌ Zakaria began to recite while she listened carefully and in this way she passed away.

If the son or the daughter forgets the parents after their death and does not perform good deeds on their behalf, it is aq al-Walidayn’ irrespective of the fact that the child had fulfilled all his or her rights and served them till the time of their death.

 

Source: http://english.tebyan.net (Taken from Greater Sins – Volume 1 By: Ayatullah Abdul Hussein Dastaghaib Shirazi)

 

Quote

Another Recommendation for a Mother

A man called Zakaria Ibn Ibrahim says: "I was a Christian who embraced Islam and made pilgrimage to the House of God. I had the honour to visit Imam Sadiq and tell him that I was recently converted to Islam from Christianity. The Imam asked: What advantage did you find in Islam to embrace it ? I quoted this verse of the Quran which says:

مَا كُنْتَ تَدْرِي مَا الْكِتَابُ وَلَا الْإِيمَانُ وَلَٰكِنْ جَعَلْنَاهُ نُورًا نَهْدِي بِهِ مَنْ نَشَاءُ مِنْ عِبَادِنَا

"You did not know what the Book was, nor what the faith was, but We made it a light guiding thereby whom We please." (42:52)

The Imam said: “Thus God guided you to Islam and illuminated your heart with its light." Then he prayed for me to receive more guidance.Then I informed him that my parents and relatives remained Christian, and my mother was blind. Would it be proper for me to live with them and have relationship? The Imam asked: 'Do they eat pork?' I said 'no'. Then the Imam said: 'There is nothing wrong in your association with them,' and added: 'Take care of your mother and be benevolent to her, and when she passes away, you yourself can arrange her burial.'

https://www.al-islam.org/status-mothers-islam-sayyid-muhammad-sohofi/another-recommendation-mother

 

Quote

https://rahyafteha.ir/en/2911/advice-imam-jafar-sadiq-s-zakaria-ibn-ibrahim/

https://www.al-islam.org/narratives-veracious-vol-1-murtadha-mutahhari

https://www.al-islam.org/anecdotes-ahlul-bayt-murtadha-mutahhari

https://www.al-islam.org/status-mothers-islam-sayyid-muhammad-sohofi/another-recommendation-mother

[Ashvazdanghe]

 

https://www.al-islam.org/articles/my-story-kathy-maasumeh-kooshesh

[goncalo ortega fernandes]

7 hours ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

 

Salam according to Shia islam & moderate Sunnis if they are from people of book likewise Christians so then we don't categorize them as unbelievers which you must keep their respect & also try to serve them better than before your conversion even try to fix  the relation between your mother & your grandmother  which below story is story of a new revert which has been in similar situation of you.

 

 

https://www.al-islam.org/status-mothers-islam-sayyid-muhammad-sohofi/another-recommendation-mother

 

https://rahyafteha.ir/en/2911/advice-imam-jafar-sadiq-s-zakaria-ibn-ibrahim/

https://www.al-islam.org/narratives-veracious-vol-1-murtadha-mutahhari

https://www.al-islam.org/anecdotes-ahlul-bayt-murtadha-mutahhari

https://www.al-islam.org/status-mothers-islam-sayyid-muhammad-sohofi/another-recommendation-mother

Salam, Thank you brother i try usually but it is hard. Both of them clash a lot with eachother, my mother is very much into tarot and stuff like that with conversations about higher self and astrology etc, my grandmother is on the other side of the spectrum. not christian or anything she does not believe in god unfortunately.. But inshallah she will notice my changes and i will try to make her understand my newly found faith. assalamu alaykum brother 

[Abu Hadi]

The best way to reach people is by deeds not words. Try to be kind with them speak to them with respect be honest and truthful and go out of your way to help them whenever you can. You would be surprised what a difference this makes. Also listen to them and show the that you value them and what they say even if u don't agree with it

 

[AbdusSibtayn]

Dear brother, take things easy. No body will expect you to be Salman (رضي الله عنه) in one go. 

Ignore the negative feelings. They are insinuations from Shaytan (la). 

Keep doing your obligatory acts. Avoid the forbidden. If you can do anything extra apart from this, that's great. Trust in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى); He wouldn't have guided you to His religion and His final messenger (S) if He wanted to punish you. He will ease your difficulties. 

I am a fellow revert. 

Wassalam.