Social media and Marriage

[Rubina_]

Is it permissible for to have a chat with someone on social media to get to know them purely with the intention of Marriage? 

 

This is for the guys to answer please: 

How would you feel if a women you don't know approaches you on social media and states her intentions

[Ashvazdanghe]

Salam it's same as having chat in real without any difference which if your pure intention is about marriage so then has no problem but on the other hand if there is possibilty of lust or corruption so therefore it's not premissible .

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According to holy Islamic law, any form of interaction between a non-mahram man and woman, whether it is direct or indirect, is impermissible if it accompanied with lust, or there is fear of sin taking place.

A glance at the fatwas of the maraje’ on questions about this issue clears everything up:

Question 1: When a non-mahram man and woman are speaking with each other, is there a difference between the dialogue being from far away or in person?

Answer (all of the maraje’): There is no difference in ruling and in both cases, if there is lust involved or fear of sin taking place, it is impermissible.[1]

Question 2: What is the ruling on chatting with the opposite sex and speaking of normal things?

All of the maraje’: If there is fear of corruption and sin taking place, it is impermissible.[2]

Question 3: Is it permissible for non-mahram men and women to greet each other?

All of the maraje’: If it is without lust and there is no fear of sin taking place, it is permissilble.[3]

Question 4: What is the ruling on kidding with non-mahrams?

All of the maraje’: If it is with lust or there is fear of sin taking place, it is impermissible.[4]

Question 5: Is having a warm relationship between a boy and girl while working or in gatherings problematic?

All of the maraje’: Friendship between boys and girls is impermissible, because there is a fear of sin taking place. As for their relationship at work, if it doesn’t lead to corruption and Islamic standards are observed, it is permissible.[5]

Question 6: What is the ruling on writing to non-mahrams and speaking of sensual things via email with them?

All of the maraje’: Speaking of things that lead to corruption and pave the way to corruption are problematic.[6] [7]

https://www.islamquest.net/en/archive/fa1189

10 hours ago, Rubina_ said:

How would you feel if a women you don't know approaches you on social media and states her intentions

It's realy weird for me which I try to avoid it because i feel insecure & terrified.

[Abu Hadi]

11 hours ago, Rubina_ said:

Is it permissible for to have a chat with someone on social media to get to know them purely with the intention of Marriage? 

 

This is for the guys to answer please: 

How would you feel if a women you don't know approaches you on social media and states her intentions

For most guys, it has happened or is happening now (the guys who are on social media, which is 99% of them). From what I know  there is nothing wrong with it Islamically so long as proper aklaq with regard to non mahram is observed. Also, the lady should realize, unless she knows the guy in real life and already has some sort of friendly relationship with him (non mahram friendly) or his family that it is highly unlikely he will accept this offer. Social media is full of scams, so most guys will be extremely cautious regarding this situation, i.e. a purely online situation. 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Abu Hadi

[Quran313]

First question: I don't see any problem.

Second question: I'm a guy and I don't see any problem in that either.

[Rubina_]

8 hours ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

Salam it's same as having chat in real without any difference which if your pure intention is about marriage so then has no problem but on the other hand if there is possibilty of lust or corruption so therefore it's not premissible .

Wsalam, 

In terms of corruption, does that mean falling into sin? 
 

8 hours ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

It's realy weird for me which I try to avoid it because i feel insecure & terrified.

Just wanting to know from a guy POV what makes you feel insecure about been approached? 

[Ashvazdanghe]

14 hours ago, Rubina_ said:

Wsalam, 

In terms of corruption, does that mean falling into sin? 
 

Salam

It means any type of sin especially sins of eye & ear & tongue which sins of tongue are too serious .

14 hours ago, Rubina_ said:

Just wanting to know from a guy POV what makes you feel insecure about been approached? 

No , I just imagined the scenario.

[Ashvazdanghe]

Discourse 31: Dangers Of The Tongue

 The dangers of the tongue cannot be compared to the dangers of any other body part, and the major sins which can be committed by the tongue number about twenty or thirty!3

Quote

The Prophet (S) then continued his speech and said that, “Everything that a person says is against him, except for three types of speech” and this limit or threshold is a true and factual threshold and there is no room to say that this is a symbolic gesture on behalf of the Prophet (S). These three things include: the remembrance of Allah; Amr bil Ma'ruf and Nahl 'Anil Munkar; and making amends between two believers.

https://www.al-islam.org/ethical-discourses-volume-1-naser-makarem-shirazi/discourse-31-dangers-tongue

Right n. 3: The Right of the Tongue

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And the right of the tongue is that you consider it too noble for obscenity, accustom it to good, direct it to politeness,1 do not use it except in situations of needs and benefits of the religion and this world, and refrain from any meddling in which there is little to be gained; and there is no security from its harm that accompanies its small benefits. It2 is the witness to and the evidence of the existence of the intellect. The demonstration of an intelligent person’s intellect is through his reputation of good speech.3 And there is no power but in God the High, the Great.

https://www.al-islam.org/a-divine-perspective-on-rights-a-commentary-of-imam-sajjads-treatise-of-rights/right-n-3-right

[VoidVortex]

I wouldn't feel weirded out per se. The important question is, has the girl made her parents aware she is doing this. because in the end she will need her father's permission for marriage.

[Rubina_]

On 11/16/2022 at 10:40 PM, Abu Hadi said:

For most guys, it has happened or is happening now (the guys who are on social media, which is 99% of them). From what I know  there is nothing wrong with it Islamically so long as proper aklaq with regard to non mahram is observed.

I agree I know most girls - probably also 99% - are on social media having conversations with the guys with this intention in mind but chatting casually and I think that’s where the problem is. I feel like the longer the talking stage is the more likely conversations will drift away from the true purpose and feelings will be involved. If a person truly intends to marry and wants to get to know a person they need to state their intentions clearly so there are boundaries within the conversation and no fear of falling into corruption.
 

On 11/16/2022 at 10:40 PM, Abu Hadi said:

Also, the lady should realize, unless she knows the guy in real life and already has some sort of friendly relationship with him (non mahram friendly) or his family that it is highly unlikely he will accept this offer. Social media is full of scams, so most guys will be extremely cautious regarding this situation, i.e. a purely online situation. 

It would be difficult but you can know a person from social media and move to meeting in person

[SalmanK]

As for the first question, yes it is halal as far as I know if there is no lust and sometimes keeping a text-only convo lust-free might be easier than in-person meeting.

As for the second question, I will be dead honest this would be extra strange at the very least. I don't want to be prejudist but it is something that never happened to me and knowing how many options most ladies have marriage wise, well I simply have hard time imagining her reasons, maybe because I am a revert and not born Muslim so I am literally the last choice for anyone.

On 11/17/2022 at 6:45 PM, VoidVortex said:

I wouldn't feel weirded out per se. The important question is, has the girl made her parents aware she is doing this. because in the end she will need her father's permission for marriage.

In general you are right but there are situations when the woman does not need her father/wali permission, e.g. when she is divorced/widow and does not depend on her father. Or at least this is the opinion of many maraji.

[Rubina_]

On 11/17/2022 at 9:45 AM, VoidVortex said:

I wouldn't feel weirded out per se. The important question is, has the girl made her parents aware she is doing this. because in the end she will need her father's permission for marriage.

The parents decision is needed for marriage but I don’t think that parents necessarily have to be involved when you are getting to know a person unless they already have someone planned . If you are well aware of the likes,  dislikes and expectations of your parents and include this when making decisions to move forward in terms of talking or meeting with the person than i don’t think this should be a problem - please correct me if my view is wrong

[Rubina_]

23 hours ago, SalmanK said:

As for the second question, I will be dead honest this would be extra strange at the very least. I don't want to be prejudist but it is something that never happened to me and knowing how many options most ladies have marriage wise, well I simply have hard time imagining her reasons, maybe because I am a revert and not born Muslim so I am literally the last choice for anyone.

I apologise the question I asked was too broad. let me add some context of my situation. There is a guy from my mosque who I am interested in, he seems religious, comes to the mosque frequently and volunteers there. I don’t know much else about him or his family (who I think are all overseas) and he doesn’t know me at all. It is not possible (and I am too shy ) to meet him in person.  Would it be weird if I approached this guy through social media to say I’m interested in getting to know him with the intention of marriage? Like from a man’s perspective would you be weirded out? 

[Guest Me3]

2 hours ago, Rubina_ said:

I apologise the question I asked was too broad. let me add some context of my situation. There is a guy from my mosque who I am interested in, he seems religious, comes to the mosque frequently and volunteers there. I don’t know much else about him or his family (who I think are all overseas) and he doesn’t know me at all. It is not possible (and I am too shy ) to meet him in person.  Would it be weird if I approached this guy through social media to say I’m interested in getting to know him with the intention of marriage? Like from a man’s perspective would you be weirded out? 

It’s a little weird… maybe not impossible but a better approach would be to get a male you know (father, brother) and get that male to bring up the topic to him. 

[AbdusSibtayn]

On 11/16/2022 at 5:29 AM, Rubina_ said:

Is it permissible for to have a chat with someone on social media to get to know them purely with the intention of Marriage? 

 

This is for the guys to answer please: 

How would you feel if a women you don't know approaches you on social media and states her intentions

1. It's allowed. 

2. Won't have a problem per se, but I'd be skeptical (I don't have social media except twitter, and I don't usually add women outside of work-related acquaintances but let's consider things hypothetically) ;is this some practical joke/prank ? Is she asking half a dozen other guys the same question? Is she even real or is it a catfish account? How does she even know me enough to propose marriage? 

Edited November 21, 2022 by AbdusSibtayn

[AbdusSibtayn]

On 11/19/2022 at 6:17 PM, SalmanK said:

I am a revert and not born Muslim so I am literally the last choice for anyone.

Welcome to the new -age mawālī club, brother! 

*hug*

[SalmanK]

On 11/20/2022 at 4:17 PM, Rubina_ said:

I apologise the question I asked was too broad. let me add some context of my situation. There is a guy from my mosque who I am interested in, he seems religious, comes to the mosque frequently and volunteers there. I don’t know much else about him or his family (who I think are all overseas) and he doesn’t know me at all. It is not possible (and I am too shy ) to meet him in person.  Would it be weird if I approached this guy through social media to say I’m interested in getting to know him with the intention of marriage? Like from a man’s perspective would you be weirded out? 

Depends on him but I'd try my best to get to know someone who knows him instead of directly approaching him if I were you but in case that's not an option well you can try your luck, seems like you have nothing to lose, if you don't try you'll never know.

[Rubina_]

On 11/22/2022 at 5:09 AM, AbdusSibtayn said:

Won't have a problem per se, but I'd be skeptical (I don't have social media except twitter, and I don't usually add women outside of work-related acquaintances but let's consider things hypothetically) ;is this some practical joke/prank ? Is she asking half a dozen other guys the same question? Is she even real or is it a catfish account? How does she even know me enough to propose marriage? 

My question came from my specific situation but thinking on a general level most young muslims are casually chatting to each other on social media already, and unfortunately the haram approach is normalised like girls or guys would ‘slide into dms’ of people they are interested in and initiate a conversation. If you ever become interested and decide to have a conversation why shouldn’t you start with your intentions instead of some cringy pickup lines.  Like I know you can chat with a person and get to know them then propose your intention but (although weird) wouldn’t it be safer the other way? 

[Rubina_]

Thank you brothers @AbdusSibtayn @SalmanK and Guestme3 

In all honesty i agree with you guys. I don’t think this is a great way to approach someone. It would be very difficult to trust someone over social media and possibly create lot of doubts into the future. I understand there would be greater honour for me as a woman to ask a relative or friend to approach but I am too shy and don’t have the guts to ask. However I won’t be taking this approach via social media either. It doesn’t sit well with my heart. 

[Guest Geeshahgee]

On 11/15/2022 at 11:59 PM, Rubina_ said:

Is it permissible for to have a chat with someone on social media to get to know them purely with the intention of Marriage? 

 

This is for the guys to answer please: 

How would you feel if a women you don't know approaches you on social media and states her intentions

Social media is the cocaine of this age. The symptoms you suffer after your delete your account exactly the same as drug addict when leaving drugs. Excuses I hear " I only use it sometimes " or " all my friends are on it". Delete your account and watch your mental health suffer and fingers get twitchy. Every like or a comment gives you a dopamine hit just like drugs. People want instant gratification or validation by strangers. But to answer your question if your father and brother vet him properly then should be OK. Social media is for idiots. There I said it.

[AbdusSibtayn]

On 11/24/2022 at 6:09 PM, Rubina_ said:

My question came from my specific situation

Oh, apologies if I skipped the context! 

On 11/24/2022 at 6:09 PM, Rubina_ said:

but thinking on a general level most young muslims are casually chatting to each other on social media already, and unfortunately the haram approach is normalised like girls or guys would ‘slide into dms’ of people they are interested in and initiate a conversation.

Indeed. Unfortunate but true. Most (and I'm sticking out my neck by saying this) don't even know the fiqh and ādāb of opposite-gender interaction. The onus is also on their upbringing I suppose. 

On 11/24/2022 at 6:09 PM, Rubina_ said:

If you ever become interested and decide to have a conversation why shouldn’t you start with your intentions instead of some cringy pickup lines. 

It is indeed very boorish and cringe. No one chooses a potential parner on the basis of their ability to come up with TV serial-esque/ movie-ish cheap witticism. 

 

On 11/24/2022 at 6:22 PM, Rubina_ said:

Thank you brothers @AbdusSibtayn @SalmanK and Guestme3 

In all honesty i agree with you guys. I don’t think this is a great way to approach someone. It would be very difficult to trust someone over social media and possibly create lot of doubts into the future. I understand there would be greater honour for me as a woman to ask a relative or friend to approach but I am too shy and don’t have the guts to ask. However I won’t be taking this approach via social media either. It doesn’t sit well with my heart. 

Barakallahu feeki. Do what sits well with your intuition. Don't ignore internal red signals. It will save you a lot of headache and heartache in the future, inshallah. 

On 12/20/2022 at 1:57 AM, Guest Geeshahgee said:

Social media is the cocaine of this age. The symptoms you suffer after your delete your account exactly the same as drug addict when leaving drugs. Excuses I hear " I only use it sometimes " or " all my friends are on it". Delete your account and watch your mental health suffer and fingers get twitchy. Every like or a comment gives you a dopamine hit just like drugs. People want instant gratification or validation by strangers. But to answer your question if your father and brother vet him properly then should be OK. Social media is for idiots. There I said it.

Waah Shahji, waah! I wish I could give this an upvote!