What are things to ask a potential spouse BEFORE you marry them?

[313_Waiter]

Salam,

I see a lot of marriages breaking up because of matters that could have been discussed before marrying, such as level of religiousness, expectations when dealing with non-mahrams and life objectives. So what are some of the things to ask your potential spouse before marriage?

[notme]

It only somewhat matters.  People will tell untruth without even intending to lie.  The way they see themselves is not the same as how others see them.  Best to ask an honest person who knows the potential spouse,  or take a long time getting to know them and take notes,  or just take a risk and hope for the best. 

[Allah Seeker]

14 hours ago, 313_Waiter said:

Salam,

I see a lot of marriages breaking up because of matters that could have been discussed before marrying, such as level of religiousness, expectations when dealing with non-mahrams and life objectives. So what are some of the things to ask your potential spouse before marriage?

Love you brother,

The first thing we do is Dua. We ask God for a partner who is close to Him, and from Al sabeqeen or ahl alyameen. 

Reading surat TaHa helps if read with the Niya (intention), I read.

Then you 'wait' as you just wakilt the issue to Al Wakeel, (like you gave your power of attorney with prayer to your only Friend and Helper and Ally. Al Waly Al Aziz Al Karim Al Hafiz Al Kareem Al Aly Al Muta3aly Al 2a3la Al Kebir Al Akbar Al Mutakabbir Al Rahman Al Raheem Al Rabb Al Naas, al Qawy Al Qahhar Al Fattah Al Sabbour Al Hameed Al Ahad Al Baqi Al Qayyum Al Akhir Al Awwel Al Baten Al Zaher Al Muntaqim Al Hayy Al Lateef Al Wadood Al Haq Al 3adl Al Salaam Al Basset Al Nour Al Khalaq Al Musawar Al Quddous Al Jaleel Al Razaq Al Mo'mn  Allah Rabb Al 3alameen Al Khabeer Al Raqib Al Sami3 Al 3aleem Al Was3 Al Ghafour Al 3afow Al Tawab Al B3th Al 7aseeb Al Mumeet Al Dhar Al 3atheem Saree3 Al 7isaab Al Ghaney Al Mughny Al Halim Al Mu3eed Al Wa7ed Al Barr

.....

Those are names of God in the Arabic Quranic language that are very handy to have mentally ready. Study every day the meaning of one or two. There are many more than 99 in Arabic alone, then there is the languages of other nations who had their own books and messengers.

But before you testa3een Allah, or ask God, you need to also explain why you want to get married, and that you want this as a waseela to Him.

Then you decide the questions to ask yourself. What kind of person in today's age you want. Remember the are lots of people who haven't reached their hearts with Islam yet, but they are good at heart. So don't make too many physical pre requisites in my opinion. The most I important that the person and ourselves are good people, and ideally from good family inshallah.

After you know what you want, you sit and wait. My father taught me when I was in my early 20's that I should not run after women or even go to places for their sake. He explained that when a man walks in a place with that intentions, the women can sense or and run away. But if you go carefree, then the women will be more willing to approach you or even talk to you or even greet or make eye contact with a nod and a halal smile before covering the sight.

Anyway, so when the groom is ready, the bride will appear, and vice versa. God will send the person then it is our job to count our blessings and thank God for the N3ma (blessing) and carry on with success inshallah

Sorry for the rant,

Wasalaam

[Guest 12345]

1 hour ago, notme said:

It only somewhat matters.  People will tell untruth without even intending to lie.  The way they see themselves is not the same as how others see them.  Best to ask an honest person who knows the potential spouse,  or take a long time getting to know them and take notes,  or just take a risk and hope for the best. 

Just wanted to add:

Question: A friend has gone to propose for a potential spouse, and the family of the girl have asked me for a reference regards to my friend, am I allowed to inform them of his faults?

Answer: In this case it is permissible and not considered Ghibat (backbiting),

https://www.sistani.org/english/qa/01135/

[313_Waiter]

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS86Q1uRB/ 

[Allah Seeker]

On 11/5/2022 at 3:10 PM, 313_Waiter said:

Salam,

I see a lot of marriages breaking up because of matters that could have been discussed before marrying, such as level of religiousness, expectations when dealing with non-mahrams and life objectives. So what are some of the things to ask your potential spouse before marriage?

Time to think

[AliTanjiro]

First thing I told my wife before I got married was I refuse to have a wedding also if we were to ever divorce (if) we have to do a trip to perform hajj. No 100k wedding no 500k divorce money nothing just a simple women. 
 

if you are going to look for someone who loves money or TikTok clout of non mahram it can be problematic.  Also one very important thing is she/he going to be the best parent for my child especially religion wise. Nothing worse then having a bad mum and daughter follows or bad father that son follows. 
 

my personal opinion is a big NO to any feminists especially western Muslim feminists 

[313_Waiter]

On 12/31/2022 at 6:19 AM, AliTanjiro said:

if we were to ever divorce (if) we have to do a trip to perform hajj.

You mean if you were to have a divorce you have to perform Hajj first, thus reducing the likelihood of any divorce?

On 12/31/2022 at 6:19 AM, AliTanjiro said:

I refuse to have a wedding

How was this received?

How long did you know your spouse before marrying?

[AliTanjiro]

On 12/31/2022 at 6:31 AM, 313_Waiter said:

You mean if you were to have a divorce you have to perform Hajj first, thus reducing the likelihood of any divorce?

How was this received?

How long did you know your spouse before marrying?

Yes if we were ever to divorce Hajj trip first. Also I didn’t do a wedding and Al hamdullilah covid lockdowns happened so it helped me even more. Nothing wrong with a dinner with some people. Here in Australia Muslims do massive 100k weddings music cars and dancing with non mahram which is sad. 

I knew my wife from 2015 and married in 2020