Who will take care of us

[Guest Distraught father]

Salaam,

My children have grown into adults in their 20s, and ever since they were young i have taught them right from wrong, halal from haram, moral from immoral. I was strict but not so much that they would snap back the opposite direction. But yet they have still gone astray doing everything haram imaginable. Relationships, alcohol, drugs, haram food, neglected prayers. 

My wife asks me why do i not plead with them to fix their ways, but after all these years of upbringing i have more than fulfilled my responsibility from Allah. If Nabi Nuh (عليه السلام) was a far better father than any of us could be, and he could not stop his child from becoming a kafir, then who are we to think we can avoid such things? Of course I am sad but I am not going to lose sleep over it unlike my wife.

But my main reason for this post and my biggest sadness is this, who will do sadqah for me and my wife after we die? Is it not unfair that other parents will continue to receive good deeds after their death and me and my wife will not?

[Hameedeh]

Salam. There is always hope! InShaAllah your children will think more about their leaving the straight path and return. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) comfort you and your wife and give you strength to perform more good deeds for yourselves, Be haqqe Muhammad wa Aale Muhammad.

[AbdusSibtayn]

On 9/26/2022 at 8:27 AM, Guest Distraught father said:

But my main reason for this post and my biggest sadness is this, who will do sadqah for me and my wife after we die? Is it not unfair that other parents will continue to receive good deeds after their death and me and my wife will not?

The Imam of the Time (aj) prays for us every day. In every qunoot, he pleads with Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) on our behalf. 

When we have his prayers with us, other people don't really matter. 

Wassalam. 

Edited September 27, 2022 by AbdusSibtayn

[Laayla]

On 9/26/2022 at 5:57 AM, Guest Distraught father said:

Salaam,

My children have grown into adults in their 20s, and ever since they were young i have taught them right from wrong, halal from haram, moral from immoral. I was strict but not so much that they would snap back the opposite direction. But yet they have still gone astray doing everything haram imaginable. Relationships, alcohol, drugs, haram food, neglected prayers. 

My wife asks me why do i not plead with them to fix their ways, but after all these years of upbringing i have more than fulfilled my responsibility from Allah. If Nabi Nuh (عليه السلام) was a far better father than any of us could be, and he could not stop his child from becoming a kafir, then who are we to think we can avoid such things? Of course I am sad but I am not going to lose sleep over it unlike my wife.

But my main reason for this post and my biggest sadness is this, who will do sadqah for me and my wife after we die? Is it not unfair that other parents will continue to receive good deeds after their death and me and my wife will not?

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum Brother Father

If I was in your wife's place, I would also be heartbroken and deeply sad.  God knows this is my weakness, and I pray I'm not tested with my children.

In all honesty, I would rather be a grieving mother who lost her child to death, then to see them lose religion.

Excuse me for asking, did you raise them in the west?  Looking back, would you have raised them in your country of origin rather than where you are now?  I only ask you not to be noisy, or cause pain, but for the future generation and raise awareness of what they will face when raising children in a godless society.

As for sadaqa, there are many believers who give sadaqa onto those who are forgotten and have no one to remember them.

I can only recommend you and your wife to plead to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to soften their hearts and make dua everyday to guide them back.

Also, as long as you are breathing, you can continue to give sadaqa and make sure you are fulfilling your khumus obligations too.

Invite them to your home and eat together for dinner.  Express to them you love them and remind them of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى).

I don't know if you spent quality time with them as they were young, sharing stories of Rasoul Allah & Ahulbayt, Quran, and teaching them before and after taqleef of salat, and other obligations like hijab, modesty, khumas, so on and so forth.

What is the past is the past, but now if you communicate with them, you can send lectures, clips, or recommend and offer to attend with them to go and attend a lecture in person.

Did they attend majalis for Imam Hussain, two months ago?

May Allah guide them.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN ALLAH 

[rkazmi33]

May I give you your kids' perspective? I am in their position. My parents also say about me that I commit all these sins, which I don't. Yes, I neglect my prayers sometimes, because I am so tired from fighting all the time and I have gotten away from religion exactly because of all these accusations. When you try to avoid all these sins, and still get accused falsely, it's so sad.

My only sin is that I refuse to marry according to their choice. They have chosen a man who is not equal to me in any way. He is short, poor, married with 4 kids, unattractive, creepy, controlling. I am not attracted towards him at all and I can never give him respect of a husband. They insist on me marrying him because he will be financially dependent upon them and will take care of them in their old age. He will not be busy with his job and he will be so grateful to them for getting me married to him, he will act like a loyal dog. My parents have some property in a village in Pakistan. He is also from a village, so they think he will take care of the property and send them money while my parents and two sisters can comfortably enjoy western lifestyle while still getting money from their property in Pakistan. Who will be the scapegoat? Me. I will leave western lifestyle and live in a Pakistani village with a husband I hate. One more thing, one of my two sisters has only daughters and the other one is their favorite, so of course she is never getting married. It's also my responsibility to provide them with a male heir.

They are not worried about their akhirat or my akhirat.  Money and selfishness are the reason they constantly humiliate me among extended family and community and they Compare me to Prophet Noah's son. They also claim that Allah has chosen that man as my husband and by refusing to marry him, I am disobeying Allah. When did Allah start instructing individuals about choosing spouses? The icing on the cake is that I don't even receive any income from my parent's property. It all goes to my sister's bank account.

Now tell us the truth. Do your kids really commit all those sins or their only sin is that they refuse to marry a person of your choice? 

 

Edited September 27, 2022 by rkazmi33

[Uni Student]

57 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

Now tell us the truth. Do your kids really commit all those sins or their only sin is that they refuse to marry a person of your choice? 

I think you may be projecting a little

[rkazmi33]

45 minutes ago, Uni Student said:

I think you may be projecting a little

Yes, probably! The way he described his kids was very similar to how my parents and community talk about me, especially comparison with Prophet Noah's son. But my observation says that most people, who receive a reputation like this are only trying to stand up to a bully. 

[Uni Student]

1 hour ago, rkazmi33 said:

Yes, probably! The way he described his kids was very similar to how my parents and community talk about me, especially comparison with Prophet Noah's son. But my observation says that most people, who receive a reputation like this are only trying to stand up to a bully. 

Your case seems to be an an outlier, or at the very least it is not the majority. Most people who have gone severely astray have genuinely done so and I see so in the community with my own eyes.

[Abu_Zahra]

What you are looking for is sadaqah jariyah, and you don't need your kids for this. Spend your money on a school,  a masjid, a well or any other thing in the way of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) which will allow people to learn, pray, drink clean water etc after you have passed away 

[Hasani Samnani]

As a kid who grew up in the west,  I can say that it seems that many children are attracted by the all pervasive western lifestyle...it's a phase and the 20s are the worst time....however it seems that 90% go back to their parents religiosity eventually...the 10% that don't,  ....well even our Nabi could not convince or save everyone....and that was with people who sat with, ate with,  even lived with and talked to him directly....

Think positive , don't stop giving advice to the wayward kids and treat them with both unconditionaland occasionally tough love.

How about  adopting some poor orphan children...then you get your wish and maybe this time around it's a win win for both.

Edited September 29, 2022 by Hasani Samnani