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In the Name of God بسم الله

I caused my friend to leave Islam

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Guest Asalamu

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Guest Asalamu

Assalamu Alaikum everyone, I hope you are all well. This is a bit of a long story, but I will shorten it as much as I can. When I was 18, one of my Muslim friends told me that she believed that she was lesbian and informed me she was dating a girl. She looked so scared when she told me and of course, she was my best friend so I supported her fully. What happened afterwards was that her girlfriend told someone about their relationship, and slowly it spread among the community. To me, it seemed like it was only time before it reached her parents, and I became very anxious. Eventually, people began approaching me and telling me that I needed to do something or else she would go to hell, or that her family would find out and I became very stressed. I also became very worried that I myself was upsetting Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) by supporting someone who identified as LGBT, as I was told that like in the story of Lut (عليه السلام), I would go to hell. Eventually it led to a boiling point and I sent my friend a very poorly worded message basically telling her that I could not support this aspect for her, but that I still cared about her and would support her in all other ways. We were no longer friends after that.

Now, I’ve heard that she had taken off her hijab and I am not sure she is Muslim anymore. I can’t explain the amount of guilt I feel. Had I treated her better, then maybe she wouldn’t have reached this point. She was so desperate for support and I was her only support system and I tore it away from her like the worst human being. I don’t think I did it in the way that is Islamic. 
 

My relationship with Islam was heavily affected by that. I blamed Islam for what happened and for all the other bad things in my life. I wanted to stop being a Muslim, as I thought that there was no point in trying since I was most certainly bound for hell. I was like this for two years.

Now, I’ve come back to Islam and I am content and beyond pleased with our Creator (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). But I do not know what to do about my former friend. I am certain I will be held accountable for what I did, and I am afraid of the punishment to come. 
 

please give me advice on what to do. I have asked Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to forgive me many times but I feel like there is more I should do.

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Just apologize to her. She makes her own choices in life, and may or may not forgive you and may or may not want to rebuild friendship with you, but it will ease your soul to not carry this feeling of guilt for hurting her and pushing her away.  

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5 hours ago, Guest Asalamu said:

Assalamu Alaikum everyone, I hope you are all well. This is a bit of a long story, but I will shorten it as much as I can. When I was 18, one of my Muslim friends told me that she believed that she was lesbian and informed me she was dating a girl. She looked so scared when she told me and of course, she was my best friend so I supported her fully. What happened afterwards was that her girlfriend told someone about their relationship, and slowly it spread among the community. To me, it seemed like it was only time before it reached her parents, and I became very anxious. Eventually, people began approaching me and telling me that I needed to do something or else she would go to hell, or that her family would find out and I became very stressed. I also became very worried that I myself was upsetting Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) by supporting someone who identified as LGBT, as I was told that like in the story of Lut (عليه السلام), I would go to hell. Eventually it led to a boiling point and I sent my friend a very poorly worded message basically telling her that I could not support this aspect for her, but that I still cared about her and would support her in all other ways. We were no longer friends after that.

Now, I’ve heard that she had taken off her hijab and I am not sure she is Muslim anymore. I can’t explain the amount of guilt I feel. Had I treated her better, then maybe she wouldn’t have reached this point. She was so desperate for support and I was her only support system and I tore it away from her like the worst human being. I don’t think I did it in the way that is Islamic. 
 

My relationship with Islam was heavily affected by that. I blamed Islam for what happened and for all the other bad things in my life. I wanted to stop being a Muslim, as I thought that there was no point in trying since I was most certainly bound for hell. I was like this for two years.

Now, I’ve come back to Islam and I am content and beyond pleased with our Creator (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). But I do not know what to do about my former friend. I am certain I will be held accountable for what I did, and I am afraid of the punishment to come. 
 

please give me advice on what to do. I have asked Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to forgive me many times but I feel like there is more I should do.

:bismillah:

Wa alaikissalamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, 

Going by your account, I don't feel there's much you could have done. Such is the wood-chipper of sin. It would eventually have hollowed out her imaan and led her where she is now. Ethics of nasihah, dawah and islah notwithstanding, friendship does not entail supporting a friend's sin. You didn't disclose her sin to anyone. The only possible fault I can find here is that you could have been more considerate and careful in your reproach. But that's about it. 

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) doesn't do anything without purpose. The lesson for you amidst all this is to fear Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), ask forgiveness, and learn from your friend's example. 

Realistically speaking, the only thing you can do now according to me is to ask forgiveness from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for your own deviation, and to pray for your friend's guidance. 

Fi amanillah. 

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6 hours ago, Guest Asalamu said:

Now, I’ve heard that she had taken off her hijab and I am not sure she is Muslim anymore. I can’t explain the amount of guilt I feel. Had I treated her better, then maybe she wouldn’t have reached this point. She was so desperate for support and I was her only support system and I tore it away from her like the worst human being. I don’t think I did it in the way that is Islamic. 
 

My relationship with Islam was heavily affected by that. I blamed Islam for what happened and for all the other bad things in my life. I wanted to stop being a Muslim, as I thought that there was no point in trying since I was most certainly bound for hell. I was like this for two years.

Now, I’ve come back to Islam and I am content and beyond pleased with our Creator (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). But I do not know what to do about my former friend. I am certain I will be held accountable for what I did, and I am afraid of the punishment to come. 
 

please give me advice on what to do. I have asked Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to forgive me many times but I feel like there is more I should do.

You might have been confused when you could not behave as you desire now. Even if you apologize to her, no one can guarantee that she will mend her ways. 

Allah (عزّ وجلّ) is most merciful, if you have asked for forgiveness, He (عزّ وجلّ) will not deny it to you. I think that even if you had dealt with her perfectly, she would have left Islam at some point knowing the sin which she is doing is unacceptable. You can try now, but chances are it will not bring any satisfactory results. And, I suggest you if she is prone to haram thing which Islam forbids, you should not keep her friend forever for it may not affect your life.

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  • 7 months later...
Guest Guest

Salam! I’m reading this as I was looking for threads on here with similar experiences as mine and how to get help. Your post did stir some emotions in me and I feel the need to also leave a reply. 
 

I have also been in your friend’s position some years ago. I considered myself a queer Muslim and was generally confused about my position in Islam and why something like the love I share with another woman would be haram. I’ve been astray for a long time, but eventually I found my way back last Ramadan with the help of Allah. I started to read the Quran, and I wanted to really understand the reasons behind WHY such a lifestyle is wrong. And I became stronger in my deen and imaan, and I’ve left such sins. This is besides the point. My point being that, when I told my friends about this, I was also very scared. But it’s something that needs to be spoken about, and although you mustn’t support her ways, it’s still good to be there as a reminder of what Islam wants for us, and to not leave that friend when she is most probably going though a lot of hardships and pain, and just needs the time to find back to Allah. What you did there was certainly not the best thing to do, but we’re only human after all and I understand your fear too. I think you should try to reach out to her again, be firm in yourself because you might not know where she is in terms of her relationship with Islam, but try to correct your mistake of handling with your friend in a harsh manner.

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ChatGPT4.0 suggests the following. I have read it through and it seems sensible

Wa Alaikum Assalam, I am an AI language model, and I can provide you with some general guidance based on Islamic principles, but please remember that I am not a religious scholar or counselor. It is important to seek advice from trusted friends, family, or community members for personalized guidance.

It is understandable that you feel guilt and concern for your former friend. Here are a few suggestions on how you can approach this situation:

  1. Repent and seek forgiveness: Turn to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and sincerely repent for any mistakes you may have made. Seek His forgiveness and ask for guidance in dealing with the situation.
  2. Pray for your friend: Pray for your former friend's well-being and guidance. Ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to help her find the right path and grant her peace and happiness.
  3. Reach out to her: If you feel comfortable and believe it is appropriate, consider reaching out to your former friend to apologize and express your concern for her well-being. Be sincere and honest about your feelings, and acknowledge any mistakes you may have made. However, be prepared for the possibility that she may not be open to reconnecting.
  4. Learn from the experience: Reflect on the experience and consider what you can learn from it. What would you do differently in a similar situation? Use this as an opportunity for personal growth and to become a more empathetic and understanding person.
  5. Seek guidance: Reach out to a trusted religious leader or counselor to discuss your feelings and seek guidance on how to navigate this situation.
  6. Focus on your own relationship with Islam: Continue to strengthen your own faith and relationship with Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Learn more about the teachings of Islam and strive to live according to its principles.

Remember, everyone makes mistakes, and it is a part of being human. The important thing is to learn from those mistakes, seek forgiveness, and try to make amends when possible. Trust in Allah's mercy and guidance, and focus on becoming a better person in the future.

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