Jump to content
In the Name of God بسم الله

I want to marry a Shia but my parents won't let me

Rate this topic


Recommended Posts

  • Basic Members

Thank you, Taleb, for explaining that to me - I understood the beating thing it's just sometimes I have doubt such as when someone is talking negative about the Shia community and their practises but other than that I do believe that Shia is the correct path it's just a bit confusing when it gets to the different people like Shias who follow scholars/ Shias who follow people like Sistani/ people who don't usually follow any sort of person so I'm not really sure who to believe. I understand Shiism a lot more now Alhamdulilah but it's just quite hard to practise - the only time i can practise is during my Salah but even then I have to pray the Sunni way when praying in congregation or in front of family members/friends. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Anon

Salam I am in a much similar situation to you. My father is strictly against Shias and shia belief system saying everything I practice is bidah and shirk, even tough he is a lenient sunni borderline sufi. Many times I have debunked his ideology however it is at a point of ignorance where they are not willing to accept. It’s at a point where I don’t bother to justify or be apologetic for my beliefs. I have come clean to my parents about being shia, my father is not accepting and the dynamics of our relationship has alerted as a result constantly hearing Shias are kafir. 

I have to pray away from my sunni family and hide my shia literature. When it comes to fasting I hide in the kitchen for 10 minutes and open my fast later even tough my dad forced me to open my fast early leading to disputes every day in Ramadan. This eid al fitr my family did a day before me and I was in my room all day hiding. It’s not easy but it’s something you have to deal with. It’s more of a fear factor hence having to be sneaky and hiding. 

My sister married a shia it was a struggle (took 3 years) but nevertheless my father had to accept even tough he will still make digs because it occurred behind his back until the last few months. I was supposed to marry a shia, however out of fear and a few other factors it didn’t work out. 

You are procrastinating telling your family and friend about your beliefs possibly out of fear of their reaction of being judged. Their reactions you shouldn’t hold in high regards when you are happy that you have found the truth and are following the truth. 

In regards to your doubts, I still have many doubt on deeper subjects. Having doubts is natural esp when you can’t really practice openly and go to the masjid. 

Responding to how you could possibly go about the marriage situation is telling your parents you’re shia and therefore you will have to marry a shia. Potentially approaching a parent that you have a closer bond to for me it was my mother which later warmed my father to the idea. Consequently they will probably assume that your shia friend has brainwashed you etc, this is when you say why you became shia independently. Later in that conversation-tell your parents you can’t marry a sunni as you know your belief systems won’t align in the future you kids will be confused and the marriage would lead to a divorce which is most hated by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). You are only demanding what is right for you according to shariah you have the right to say yes or no to a suitor. Then tell your parents about the person you want to marry ask them their opinions if they agree, after once your parents have warmed up to it ask your friend to bring the proposal. This can be a struggle and you will have to fight for it if it’s something you are willing to do and sometimes you will feel like giving up but it’s a very bitter sweet moment. 

I hope that has helped you out, if you have anymore question or anything feel free to ask. 

May the almighty guide our parents and make easy our hardships. Ilahi ameen. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

What's somewhat rare in your situation is that your prospective partner is also from a sunni family.  In this case perhaps it would be wise not to emphasize your and his aqaid, and to practice the more specific or different aspects of your madhab after marriage . 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Basic Members

@MahdavistHe converted his family to Shia, it was our inital plan for both of us to pretend to stay Sunni but due to the fact he is Iraqi, his family are much more open to the idea of Shiism unlike my family so now it is much more difficult to hide it, he was also hesitant on hiding his beliefs when meeing my family because he knows they will have to find out someday and he is a proud Shia Masha'Allah and will let everyone know it. Now that his family are Shia we cannot hide it as both of his sisters are also married to Shia men. My dad also wants me to marry a Palestinian (for cultral reasons as he married someone outside of his culture and that ended up in abuse and divorce and he doesn't want that to happen to me) but my friend is Iraqi so that also might make him want to reject him as well and I do not know any Shia Palestinians.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Basic Members

Reply to Guest Anon:

Thank you for sharing that made me feel better knowing I'm not alone in this situation - due to the fact I am also a female I have to get my father's approval for the marriage which is the hardest part because I think it is inevitable he will say no (at first). My dad's standards for my husband are quite high including things such as deen, jobs, backgrounds, cultures, family, upbringing etc. I know my family and friends will resent me for being Shia and I highly doubt my father will let me. He also has a friend who is Kurdish and very very very against Shias as he was forced to fight in the army in the Iraqi war despite his trip back to Iraq was only to go to his father's funeral in which his mother also died during that time and it was very depressing for him so now he resents Shias a lot (considering the majority of the population of Iraqis are Shia) so he will also play a part in who I marry and may convince my dad to stop me from practising. 

I can relate with you witht the Salah as I always pray alone and in Ramadan I try to delay it by doing the dishes or making dua but I cannot delay it too much without seeming suspicious. With Eid I have to celebrate it the same day as my family as they usually go out and eat which I cannot hide from. 

I also have a second cousin who married a Shia. Their dad hated it and rejected them from the very beginning but they still got married but it was invalid as they did not have their father's approval and he did not attend the wedding but he accepted it after a year but I don't think he likes him. 

I don't want to come clean as I know I will be very much resented for and I am in the quite curcuial parts of getting my career so more stress would not be good in order for my mental health as well as my career, hence it will be hard to inform my parents. 

They do not know my Shia friend I met him a long time ago online but we lived close to each other so we saw each other coincidentally but I moved from there a few weeks ago so we are not living close to each other anymore. 

I guess I'm not a proper Shia as I only do wudu and pray like a Shia (when I'm alone) but I want to become more practising when I get married which is why I want tto marry my Shia friend.  

May Allah help us both and help our parents to understand the truth Ameen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Your situation is so tough. In Arab world, the hatred for Shia islam is too much. I hope God helps you. Either you revolt, or accept your family. The good thing is you live in the West, you can passively do things without your parents approval.  God, Prophet, and Imams are bigger than your parents. May they protect you! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member

Salam sister, may Allah provide you, your family, your future husband and his family patience and perseverance inshAllah. Some advice I can give you is that try your best to be ready and prepared to answer questions and such about both of your faiths in the near future to your families. And in that perspective I would like to provide you resources that will help you in this journey.

Al-Hadi.us - Great website to see research done on the beliefs and understandings of Shia Islam through proof from the books of our ahlul sunnah brothers and sisters. This is such a thorough and well documented side by side comparison of everything because the creator of this site was also in a similar situation.

https://www.al-islam.org/ Huge site that has so much resources on Islam and Shia Islam

http://www.islamquest.net/en Site that answers all sorts of questions and topics pertaining to Religion, God, and Shia Islam

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Basic Members
On 8/18/2022 at 5:39 PM, GreenTree said:

Your situation is so tough. In Arab world, the hatred for Shia islam is too much. I hope God helps you. Either you revolt, or accept your family. The good thing is you live in the West, you can passively do things without your parents approval.  God, Prophet, and Imams are bigger than your parents. May they protect you! 

Thank you so much, May Allah bless you and your family 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Basic Members
On 8/19/2022 at 8:20 AM, Ethics said:

Salam sister, may Allah provide you, your family, your future husband and his family patience and perseverance inshAllah. Some advice I can give you is that try your best to be ready and prepared to answer questions and such about both of your faiths in the near future to your families. And in that perspective I would like to provide you resources that will help you in this journey.

Al-Hadi.us - Great website to see research done on the beliefs and understandings of Shia Islam through proof from the books of our ahlul sunnah brothers and sisters. This is such a thorough and well documented side by side comparison of everything because the creator of this site was also in a similar situation.

https://www.al-islam.org/ Huge site that has so much resources on Islam and Shia Islam

http://www.islamquest.net/en Site that answers all sorts of questions and topics pertaining to Religion, God, and Shia Islam

Thank you very much these seem very helpful! I will look into them Insha'Allah, thank you again for your help :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Basic Members
On 8/20/2022 at 6:22 PM, Traveller_ said:

You have my sympathies as I can relate to your situation.
You are a strong person for adhering to your beliefs even though it's not easy, it must be hard 
I hope Allah helps you and you find a partner with whom you can live side by side guided by your faith 

What is your situation? (if you do not mind me asking)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
8 hours ago, Manaar said:

What is your situation? (if you do not mind me asking)

Not at all 
I was born and raised in a Sunni-majority country, all my life I've been taught that Shias are enemies of Islam and that they are ignorant about it. 

I would always try to ask questions about Shias but I would receive no answers. Years later and here I am, reading Shia books and literature to find out more 
Sometimes I still get the feeling that I'm wrong, that I've strayed from the right path and have become a kaffir.
But I tell myself the only way to get rid of this feeling it to read more about Shia Islam and sometimes this soothes me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Basic Members
On 8/22/2022 at 7:46 PM, Traveller_ said:

Not at all 
I was born and raised in a Sunni-majority country, all my life I've been taught that Shias are enemies of Islam and that they are ignorant about it. 

I would always try to ask questions about Shias but I would receive no answers. Years later and here I am, reading Shia books and literature to find out more 
Sometimes I still get the feeling that I'm wrong, that I've strayed from the right path and have become a kaffir.
But I tell myself the only way to get rid of this feeling it to read more about Shia Islam and sometimes this soothes me.

Do your family know you're Shia? 

If so, how did they react?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Basic Members

@Manaarim sorry for this situation but I’m sure if you stick to the truth, allah will bless you a great blessing. I wanted to answer your doubt about our fasting. We fast a bit later because that’s what the Quran has told us to do. Even the famous neil degrasse tyson a American astrophysicist tweeted that Muslim should break their fast later. This is his full tweet:

The Qur’an says plainly that daytime fasting during Ramadan ends at “Dark” not at sunset. “Dark” is a good match for the end of twilight. This time of year: up to 15 mins later in equatorial latitudes. 30 mins at middle latitudes. And 45 mins at higher latitudes. I’m just saying.

I hope I erased this doubt. If u want I can erase most of ur doubts with giving evidence of why Shia is the right path.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
On 7/23/2022 at 7:54 PM, Manaar said:

 

I do sometimes have doubts about Shia Islam and have thoughts such as if Sunni Islam was correct and I went onto the wrong path but on the other hand I think if sunni Islam is incorrect but if I stayed sunni then I would also be on the wrong path so I do feel a bit stuck.

Salam. As Muslims, we are ordered by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to be an abd, an obedient servant to Him(s.w.a). Forget about Sunni and Shia for a moment. Think about the order that all Muslims accept as real and legitimate (the above). As Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) said in the Holy Quran, He(s.w.a) has created jinn and mankind for only one reason, to be an abd. So this is where we should start and always go back to if we are confused as to what the right path is. 

There was no Shia or Sunni, as sects before the death of Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h). All Muslims were Muslims, period. The reason was, and it's logical if you think about it, because they all had the same leader, Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h). That leader was there, they could talk to him, and go back to him to settle disputes if there were disputes and they all accepted his authority. There are different sects now, for one reason, and one reason only. After the death of Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h) some Muslims stayed on the path of being an 'abd', by obeying Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h) when he made Imam Ali((عليه السلام)) the leader of all Muslims at Ghadeer. Some didn't and followed their own ideas regarding leadership. If you are certain about Ghadeer, and certain that Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h) made Imam Ali((عليه السلام)) the leader of all muslims, and not Abu Bakr, then be with those who took Imam Ali((عليه السلام)) as their leader (i.e. the Shia) and not the ones who took someone else who was not given this authority by Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h). 

It all goes back to this essential point. If I know that Imam Ali((عليه السلام)) was appointed at Ghadeer, then I have to be an abd (obedient servant) by following the order of Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h) which is the order of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). If I do that, I am an abd, and thus fulfill the purpose which I was created for. If I don't, then I'm not fulfilling that purpose. It's really that simple. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...